Okay, this games' controls are unbearable. I mean why doesn't thee right stick move the camera? I have to use L2 and R 2? What is this the 90s? Is This the N64?
Oh whatever, this has been a drag so far. And nonsensical. I mean how does opening a chest CREATE a Box? Why does lifting a barrel open doors? Why does my shadow have to be a big evil MONSTER thing? I mean really? What the hell? I mean the entire disembodied speech isn't exactly comforting. Oh wait, before that I had to talk to three creepy and pretentious kids. My friend informed me they're Slephie (Who?), Tidus (Before he became annoying) and Wakka (Who never stops being annoying.). I only know about Tidus and Wakka from Final Fantasy 8 courtesy of the eternal d-bag The Spoony One. Anyhow, I lost to the giant evil shadow me but I massed anyway. But it's apparently becuase I made the wrong choices and now apparently it's harder for me to gain exp now. My friend I'm borrowing this from told me this but I didn't listen. My play through, I'll play how I please. So I answered Selphie, Wakka, and Tidus questions as follows:
I value friendship, I want to be strong, and I'm afraid of being indecisive, all based on my real life issues. So apparently my day starts at night and apparently that's hard mode. That's a little weird, isn't it? Why should those have to affect how hard the game is? I thought deciding "Normal" or "Expert" at the beginning was to make that decision. This game shouldn't be throwing secret stuff like that in there it makes no sense, those questions should be there to help your characterization in the game.
Oh right, JRPG, Square Enix, linear, NOTHING I do would've affected the personality of the protagonist. My job is simply to get him from cutscene A to cutscene B....
So yeah, welcome to the island of people with shoes too large. Or at least Kairi and Sora do. I mean seriously what's with the clown shoes? Actually, I have a few issues in general with Sora. First of all, the clown shoes. They look stupid. And they don't go with that outfit. But according to my research he gets clown shoes that match a new outfit so I don't need to complain for now. But yeah, the way he jumps is weird, the whole crouching thing, like he's constipated in mid air.
Back to this train wreck of a too popular game, Everyone's eyes are blue. Sorry, I mean that after everything I go through everyone's eyes are blue. I'm sorry, I can't get over the fact that Sora, Kairi, and Riku are like one hair pigmentation away from Hitler's master race. And it looks like I couldn't go two entries without invoking Godwin's Law. It's all downhill from here, isn't it?
Where was I? Ah yes, Riku is annoying, I hate him already. Why? I don't know I think it's because he's so obviously the bishie douchebag that gets away with it becuase he's good looking that's painful. You know, [1] Sasuke. I know he's not evil yet, and I don't even know if he will be evil, but just like at him: He's the male best friend of the protagonist and they have one woman between them. He also has an abnormal hair color and he's a better fighter than our hero. He's also arrogant, I hate that. But yeah, totally going to go bad later. I'm calling it right now.
So yeah, Kairi is generic Japanese female character number 1: Mystery girl with no memory that is most likely the love interest of the protagonist. The "No memory" thing though, is not a necessary part of the character but it falls under the "Mysterious" package.
Was this really interesting 9 years ago?
But yeah, I decide to fight Selphie, Wakka, and Tidus.... With my wooden stick.
....
WHAT THE HELL?
Where the heck is my Mickey Mouse Dildo Magic wand? Better question: WHY WAS THE ENTIRE BEGINNING SEQUENCE ALL JUST A DREAM? My God, I'm barely an hour into this game and I've already lost my mind.
Okay, whatever, So I gather ship supplies per request of Kairi and I fight the Final Fantasy trio Selphie, Tidus, and Wakka. Frankly I've only been convinced to never play an FF game ever.
I fought with them, they were okay, I can't beleive I lost my first fight to Tidus. When I thought about how that brat would amount to this
I knew I had to beat him And I haven't lost yet. Wakka was an interesting challenge though.
Riku who I can also fight....
Ugh.....
I hate that smug SOB so much more now. I lost twice by a fluke (I accidentally fell out of the ring. What a cheap position. Stupid game designers...). My friend took over a few times and only won once. 1 to 12, Riku on the higher end. I need to even up the score with running and stratagem. My friend said it's not normally not hard but becuase my decision made the "Hard game" It's difficult to win against him now.
I call bad game design, that should not be how difficulty works.
Also, I hate Riku.
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