Part Eleven: Do You Hear Sirens?
Alright... Let’s recap: Our villains are established. They happen to be stupid. They defiled the rules of Aladdin Genies. Now they have Pooh and his friends. Count the videos left, one two and three. Crap goes on, anything goes, COMING UP POOH!
Part 11 of 13 (This part's also blocked. Sad, isn't it?)
We resume with Crystal’s group, where Shaggy, due to Scooby dropping on his head, his head was pushed in the dirt. “Aru! Say Shaggy, what was your head doing under the dirt, dyu?” Buster asks. Take a freaking guess! So after they talk about the long drop, we focus back to Pooh and his friends. SALF-Tachi’s fourth wish was for a helicopter to make it look like an alien ship and scare everyone. Well duh. Wait, why didn’t they just wish for an actual alien ship instead? It’s totally within Jafar’s power. Instead of faking a UFO with a helicopter and a Hollywood set, why not just wish for a goddamn UFO ship? Hell, why not wish for the ability to transform into Aliens so you don’t have to use those stupid costumes? No, instead they wished for the cattle for them to steal so that they can scare the people. Let me rephrase that: They wished for cattle, so that they can steal it. The cattle is already theirs, why do they need to steal them? Okay, five wishes wasted on stupid stuff that they could find anyways (okay, four, because bringing Maleficent back was a pretty good wish).
So they decided to kill off our heroes in the clown net by dropping them in the pit. I would feel sorry for them but D.W. is with them so right now I will applaud their deaths. But no, we focus back to Crystal and the gang. The fake MPs catch up to them and Buster tells Shaggy to do something. Hey, Buster, here’s a suggestion, HOW ABOUT YOU DO SOMETHING INSTEAD OF COMMENTING ON STUPID THINGS AND SUGGESTING THE OBVIOUS? Hell, let’s check on what the comments have and compare the two.
The fight continues and Steve is about to lower the group into the pit. The Denzimen wrestle with him for the controls while Decade continues to battle Jafar and Sting confronts Max.
... WHY AM I NOT READING THIS? WE HAVE PEOPLE ACTUALLY DOING SOMETHING! Arg... So Shaggy decides to fight the MPs. And they fail. It’s pretty much the “perform kung fu moves to see if it scares them
” move. Then Crystal and Amber activate their Transformation Trinkets
, Yes, Transformation Trinkets, and become aliens. I am not making this up. This scares the MPs but not Buster, who one video ago crapped his pants over them. Besides, why didn’t the MPs freak out over a talking humanoid bunny? Buster puts it flat out to Shaggy of what happened. And Shaggy doesn’t believe him. Wunderbar. You know, why didn’t Crystal assist Buster and tell them that he speaks the truth? Crystal had just become a jerk. Okay, I guess they did not want their covers blown, but come on. So they rush off to save our heroes...
...who are being killed for knowing too much. Now, I know that Genies can’t grant wishes that kill people, but Jafar does some pretty good loopholes in the sequel. Remember the two-wishes-in-one-shot trick that I mentioned about earlier? All they can do is “I wish this net would catch on fire” and bam, roasted Pooh. Okay, maybe they do not want to waste their wishes on anything useful. Nevertheless, speaking of useful, why didn’t they just wish for Pooh and his friends not to be in Scorpion Ridge anymore, having any memory of ever going there, and having any reason to go there? Okay, that would be three wishes wasted, so I can see why killing them via the drop would be the best way to go, but as we will see, they will just waste it on something very stupid. Nevertheless, here is another thing: Why didn’t they ask Maleficent to kill them? It would be faster than slowly lowering them down into the pit. Hell, why didn’t they have Jafar use that staff of his to cut the rope ala Saba from the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers movie? Fred gets out of the clown net while SALF-Tachi are distracted by Shaggy and the others. So Crystal transforms again. (GASP! Count: 6. We should make a drinking game (maybe a smoking game as well) of this when we are done) Jafar and Maleficent both say that it was not them this time.
Steve gets the idea to use their last wish. Wait, LAST WISH? Last time I checked, they spent five. You have four more remaining! Arg, maybe Jafar counted both Laura and Steve as the same person. Okay, so they decide to use the last wish to capture the aliens (because they are worth more than gold). Now, guess how this wish is granted. Guess. They use a bulldozer. Its official: the villains are fucking idiots. Jafar has, as Genie quotes “Phenomenal Cosmic Power.” Capturing the aliens would be as easy as freezing them in place and conjuring up a cage to drop on them. This isn’t The Monkey's Paw
where it’s Maybe Magic, Maybe Mundane
. The genies prove repeatedly that they indeed do have powers. Hell, do I even need to show this?
SALF-Tachi wastes their wishes on things they can find themselves. The only wish that they couldn’t have done by themselves is that one wish to bring back Maleficent. This is by far the biggest Wall Banger
I have ever seen in Pooh’s Adventures. Even bigger than “Mewtwo forgot that he can use his psychic powers to levitate the witches.” While the previous video had people forgetting their powers or hesitating to use them in order to justify the plot, this video has people using their powers to justify the plot, only to make it stupid in the process because of how powerful they really are in Canon. Oh, and Buster pulls off the Go Through Me
thing. Uh, dude, I hate to point this out but... THAT IS A BULLDOZER AT FULL SPEED! You know what? Go be road kill. I do not care. You do not have any impact to the movie at all. In Fact, That Go Through Me thing fails when Amber is the one who defends Crystal. So Laura goes off while Steve, Maleficent, and Jafar finish things. The gang tells Shaggy to go defend Crystal, who could have just gotten up by now, as he is confused at the fact that the aliens are Crystal and Amber. Soon they find out, and they are like “Zoinks! They are the girls!” NO SHIT SHERLOCK, MAYBE IF YOU BELIEVED IN THE NON-EXISTANT BUNNY, YOU COULD HAVE NOTICED THAT BEFORE! ARG! THERE! IT TOOK THREE VIDEOS FOR MY RAGE TO RETURN! THREE! AND THIS SHITFEST ISN’T OVER YET! AHHHHHHHHH!
Will Psyga rage quit again? Find out next time!