Because I'm just that bad at coming up with original names for things.
This is one of my favorite covers for any of the Noir books so far. It's one of fairly few that actually has anything to do with the story inside (rather than simply depicting the hero/es and/or villain/s posing for the camera, if you will). The Punisher is chained to a chair, his mask peeling off his expressionless face. A man in the foreground holds a bloody knife, which he apparently used to carve a skull shape onto the Punisher's shirtless chest.
The alternate cover sees the Punisher and Jigsaw both doing the John Woo slide jump with Guns Akimbo. I sort of like the normal one better. I'm excited about this issue, as it happens. There's no way we won't actually get to see the Punisher in action for this one.
Okay, as we begin, it's 1935 and we're at a children's hospital in upstate New York. Evidently it's near Christmas time, because "Santa"'s come to visit. "Have ya been naughty or nice this year?" "I've been whatever gets me a Lone Ranger BB gun." "Santa" has a good laugh and starts handing him the toy... when he's interrupted by Detective Soap. Our Santa is none other than Dutch Schultz. Soap grabs the BB gun out of his hand and gives it to the kid himself. He asks Schultz how long before he'll be calling on this kid for a job — ten years? Hell, why wait? Give him a real piece and recruit him as a button right now. Get 'em while they're young, right?
Soap stops being cute and gets down to brass tacks. Schultz is a Bronx boy, born and raised. Why's he upstate in the sticks? Schultz claims he's trying to get away from prosecutor Thomas E. Dewey, but Soap doesn't buy it. No, he's afraid. Afraid of the masked vigilante who's been putting his men in the ground by the dozens. Schultz says Soap's been listening to too many radio plays. One of his men suggests that this masked man is working with "that sea monster people've been seein' in Scotland lately." He and Schultz laugh hysterically. Soap tosses Schultz a ragdoll, saying since he's clearly lost whatever stone he had, that's the kind of thing he should be playing with. Just when he's about to head off, he tells Schultz he makes a lousy Santa Claus — and it has nothing to do with him being Jewish. After Soap's gone, Schultz fumes at being called a coward, and says it's about time he called... her.
That night, Barracuda's got a hot date with a little white woman. He takes her to Coney Island, and with him having bought off the staff they've got the place all to themselves. They hop aboard the Cyclone, the "biggest fuckin' coaster in the world." Just as Barracuda turns to his lady and starts putting the moves on her, the ride's operator thinks about how 'Cuda's bribery made him easy to find, and how him being distracted by his girlie makes him an easy mark. The operator pulls on a mask — it's the Punisher. He lines up a shot from behind... but Barracuda sees his reflection in one of the light-up signs by the track.
In a split second, Barracuda pulls his moll out in front of him, causing her to catch the Punisher's bullet right in her head. The Punisher is aghast at Barracuda's brutality. Soon, he's also surprised when the woman's body and the first coaster car are hurled on top of him. Barracuda's furious — the Punisher made him waste his best girl! As he hefts the coaster car over his head, he wonders what the deal with that mask is. What, is this clown KKK or something? Maybe when they're done with this, he'll hang him from a tree, see how he likes it. Turns out the Punisher had been playing possum to lull Barracuda into a false sense of security. As soon as he gets the chance, he hurls a knife right into the big guy's neck.
Barracuda stumbles off the coaster platform, but not before grabbing the Punisher. Thankfully, a big top is immediately underneath, breaking their fall - somewhat. The Punisher thinks his leg is broken, and maybe his ribs, too. His mask is a little busted, as well, one of the "eyes" hanging down. Whatever, he thinks. He has to block out the pain for now. That's about when Barracuda comes up behind him with a "test your strength" carnival hammer. He says the Punisher's harder to kill than a Harlem cockroach... so he's gonna squash him like one. On the ground, the Punisher dodges his first swing and takes out one of his pistols, but Barracuda smashes it right out of his hand. This isn't good, he thinks. Another like that and he's finished. Unfortunately, Barracuda's got another one like that coming right up.
So it's pretty cool how he managed to get Barracuda right where he wanted, he thinks, pulling a radio thing from his shirt and pressing the button. The famous Wonder Wheel's axle explodes, causing the attraction to lurch forward and crush Barracuda under its weight. The Punisher manages to get to cover in time. Later it turns out Barracuda's still alive. The Punisher's got him suspended by his wrists from the top of the now-defunct and infamously dangerous Parachute Jump. He says he knows there were three killers who took out Frank Castelione. Him, Jigsaw, and somebody else. All he wants is that name. Barracuda laughs in his face, vowing to not tell him anything. Alright then. The Punisher presses a button, causing the "parachute" he tied Barracuda's feet to to descend rapidly — tearing the man in half. "One down, pop."
On the South Side of Chigaco, Jigsaw has just enjoyed the company of a prostitute - and punched her square in the nose. She says she didn't do anything, but he certainly thinks she did. See, she flinched. She tried to hide it, tried to not look him in the eye... tried to not let him see the disgust on her face. But he saw it - plain as day. We didn't get a good look at Jigsaw's face last issue, but it's a goddamn mess. His mouth looks like it opens weird, one eye seems to be permanently half-shut, the other lidless, and in general it's covered in stitches.
The Punisher starts tailing him as he heads home, stalking him silently until he's got a sure shot. He takes out one of his pistols when Jigsaw looks right at him and shoots him in the shoulder. "Gotta get up pretty early in the morning if you're gonna get the drop on me, pal." He sees the Punisher's mask, and is amused. A man so ashamed of his own face that he hides it behind a mask? Ain't that a laugh and a half? When the Punisher hits the ground, Jigsaw tears his mask off - if he doesn't get to wear one, nobody does. "We got us a pretty boy here. Heh heh. Well... not for much longer."
Around sunrise, Jigsaw's got the Punisher tied to a chair, naked, in an empty warehouse, where he cuts him across the cheek with a large knife. Now they've got something in common! The Punisher says he's wasting his time, because he won't get anything out of him. Jigsaw figured that to be the case. He's honestly doing this for fun, he doesn't really care about who he is or what he knows. He just likes torturing people. To reinforce this claim, he starts cutting up the Punisher's torso. when he's finished, we see a rough, angular skull symbol carved into the Punisher's flesh. "Now ya ain't gonna have to wear that mask no more."
"Hope that was as good for you as it was for me, kid, 'cause we're just gettin' warmed up." Jigsaw reaches for one of his special tools, which looks like it's used to crack walnuts. Well, he certainly uses it on nuts if you get what I'm saying, because it's time for the Punisher to lose one of his jewels.
The Punisher just wants to talk to him for a second first. Jigsaw proves a little Genre Savvy by figuring this for a stall job right away, but the Punisher isn't going anywhere so whatever. Jigsaw really doesn't recognize him, does he? Nope. He's Frank Castelione, Jr. He starts to describe his father, but Jigsaw interrupts him. He remembers now. Man, Frank, Sr. was a tough one. Took everything he, Barracuda, and her could muster to put him down. The Punisher just wants to know who the third assassin was. Jigsaw smiles. "Hey, let it never be said I won't grant a man his dying wish." He leans in close and whispers the name into the Punisher's ear.
Anyway, where were they? Oh, right, incredible pain. The Punisher asks if he made those tools himself. Jigsaw looks back at his workbench, saying a few of them are indeed of his own design. When he turns around, the Punisher's standing up, free from his bonds. He untied himself an hour ago; he was just waiting to get that name. Now that he has it, he strangles Jigsaw with his ropes. "Two down, pops... two to go."
Back in New York, Dutch Schultz is having dinner with her. Barracuda and Jigsaw dead in the span of a few weeks... it's not exactly rocket science to see who's next. And since he's never believed in coincidences, he imagines it's the same guy who's been clipping his goons left and right. The guy they've been calling the Punisher. Dutch thinks it's about time the Punisher gets taken out permanently. His dinner guest agrees. She plucks a flower from the vase on the table and puts it in her hair. On the final page, we finally see her. She's a big, big woman, with a scar on the right side of her face, who speaks Russian... "Flower brings out my eyes, nyet?"
End of issue 3.
I was worried about that twist at the end, because I felt like I didn't have the chops to make it suspenseful despite how silly it is. I mentioned in the first installment that this series draws more from the Punisher's recent history, and it really does. The Russian and Barracuda are both products of the 00s, though they actually occupy separate continuities (616 and MAX, respectively). Detective Soap was also a recurring character in the Punisher revamp post ''Welcome Back, Frank."
If you're curious about the Russian being a woman, well, that's from mainstream Marvel, too. After Frank finally killed the guy, scientists brought him back to life — but the hormonal treatment they used to keep him stable caused him to develop large breasts and take to wearing women's clothing. Seriously.
