So I hear Disgaea's good.

Five X

This Better Not Be a Dan Brown Novel

We're off to the Sea of Gehenna, where apparently it's pretty nice. So nice that the first level is "Fervent Melody".

fervent (comparative more fervent, superlative most fervent)

1. Exhibiting particular enthusiasm, zeal, conviction, persistence, or belief.  [quotations ▼]
  • 1819, Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley, Mathilda, ch. 3:

As I returned my fervent hopes were dashed by so many fears.

2. Having or showing emotional warmth, fervor, or passion.  [quotations ▼]
  • 1876, Wilkie Collins, "Mr. Captain and the Nymph," in Little Novels,

Never again would those fresh lips touch his lips with their fervent kiss!

3. Glowing, burning, very hot.

Thanks, Wiktionary! It seems that this is a pun.

There's some still shots of Earth. It looks very sci-fi. The General guy makes the astounding verbal note that Gordon isn't back yet, and a "Sharp-Eyed Man", with equally sharp hair, nose and coat, says that Gordon isn't the real Defender of Earth. GASP! Oh, never mind, this Sharp Eyed Man is just being self-inflated, like an evil carnival balloon. This man's name is apparently Kurtis, with a K, to be different. These two are kind of dicks. Jeez.

Back to the la la la. Gordon's plan is going as planned. Now another cut, to Celestia! The Seraph is talking to the crazy spriteless character again.

And another cut, back to the Netherworld! Is there an end to these!? For whatever reason, I'm fighting monsters now. Seriously, there was no cutscene explanation or anything. They're just... here. Whatever, I'm here to whack things with pointy objects, not contemplate stuff.

I guess this burning river of lava is kinda pretty. All across the board are Geo-Panels stopping me from killing and lifting these enemies, except for on the middle panels, inside the river. This seems really, really dangerous.

As expected, I send Socrates out tof gith them. Wow, that cam out wrong. I meant to type, "I send Socrates out to fight them." Damn keyboard.

She fights pretty well, 'cause these guys are level 34 and she's level 59. I'm not going to meet many challenges for a while. Finishing with a new Calamity Drive attack, I win.

Now for the "Wasteland of Woe"! Yeah, I want to vacation there! Woo!

Gordon's here, continuing his absurdly affected tone. He's really terrible at playing dumb.

The subject of age is brought up when Laharl gets called a kid (again). Laharl's 1313 years old, and Etna's 1470. Of course, Flonne is a wet-behind-the-ears 1509. Laharl calls her an "old hag", and she's not particularly happy about that. Oh noes, yet another touchy subject!

And they sit down to eat- AHMAHGAWD it's Mid-Boss again! Finally he's back. Love that guy. He's dropped down to... stealing picnic baskets. Man, is he stooping to Yogi Bear levels? Really? now we have a level based around retrieving a picnic basket. Netherworld Slice of Life at its finest, folks.

I'm kind of using nobody but Socrates now. There's no real point in leveling anyone else up when Socrates is so powerful already.

There are DRAGONS on this level! But even they aren't really that tough.

The one thing on the enemies' side, though, is numbers. There are seriously a lot of dudes here attempting to fight me.

Socrates, since she can't be harmed all that much, instead is put to sleep, a tactic that works until I bring out the rest of my characters. I proceed to perform household cleaning duties with the whole mob.

There's no cutscene explaining the aftermath. Something's wrong here...

But screw that, I have 300000 HL and I'm going to spend it! On Socrates, of course. Now I've got the best equipment available. Now I'm gonna be raftin' "Rivers of Lava"!

No cutscene...

The main problem in this level is an enemy on a panel with extra attacks, no lifting, recovery, and the dreaded "Enemy x3". Luckily for me, the Extra Attacks and Enemy x3 are very nearby and are soon gone. However, one attack almost kills Socrates, though Plato, being a badass Ninja, dodges every single attack. This is definitely one of the most interesting levels lately.

Now I'm off to "Searing Tyranny", which sounds very pleasant.

Cutscene! Finally!

Gordon convinces everyone to keep on looking around for the lunchbasket, and it just so happens to be in the area up ahead. Socrates, I choose you! The enemies are all a bunch of trees. Trees that are resistant to fire, for some reason. Stupid demon trees. These trees also like to stomp on everything around them. How appropriate, then, that Socrates uses an axe. I'll beat them so hard, they'll be begging for a peace treety!

"Inferno" is the next level, and probably the last.

This ridiculous quest is reaching its peak, and Mid-Boss is cornered. He shines a really bright, discouraging light, but Gordon, Jennifer and Thursday team up, Super Sentai style. Flonne worries about them stealing the show, so she has Etna and Laharl join her in making her Sailor Moon style pre-battle speech. Mid-Boss puts it pretty well: they're a terrible team compared tot he other group. Only Flonne really has the enthusiasm. Laharl just doesn't care, and so the battle commences!

Mid-Boss and his dragons are actually pretty tough this time around. He kills off Plato, and then the impossible happens: he defeats Socrates. Wow. I honestly didn't see that coming. I should have packed another chocolate bar. Before she died, though, I managed to kill of all the dragons and get Mid-Boss to a reasonable health level. I eventually win, and get a nice 30000 HL for my losses.

Mid-Boss, sadly, has already eaten everything that was in the pic-a-nic basket. Gordon sees the moment to take his leave, and knows that none can deny him his Teriyaki Pizza. A proper ideal, indeed. Of course, leave it to Etna to remind him that he has no way of getting home.

One Big "NO!" later, Flonne suggest that instead of constantly trying to get back to Earth, Gordon should become the Defender of the Netherworld. He's not too keen on that, but he is finally forced into it, as usual.

On the next episode...

Back on Earth, General Carter announces that he's going to be launching an assault on the Netherworld. He's seeming more and more like the Burger King every cutscene. Oh, and look who shows up! It's becoming more and more apparent that there is a secret Coalition of People with Large Moustaches.

Back in the Netherworld, Gordon is still trying to find a way back to Earth. He's hoping that the EDF (or in this case, the Co PLM) will save him. Of course, being the Large Ham he is, he fails miserably at talking quietly to himself. Laharl, though, is distracted by a challenge written by the "defender of Earth", probably that Sharp Guy from earlier. In any case, I must head tot he Forest of the Dead posthaste!!

Until then, this is Five_X, signing off!


I have the feeling this entire chapter was just an excuse for letting Mid-Boss do his thing. Oh well, all the better. Love his complaint that they're not doing the teamwork thing properly.
Fluid 20th Feb 11