Okay, I should probably get off my ass and do something. I've been sitting at this bench for at least a day.
It is to my understanding that we have an arena in the Imperial City. Why no one told me about this is beyond my grasp, but I'll let it slide. I guess I should go...
Person 1: Hello.
Person 2: By the Nine, did you hear? The chapel in Anvil has been attacked!
Person 1: Goodbye.
Wow. That just happened. Someone got blown the hell off. I'm going to take conversational lessons from that guy, because he looks for results.
Anyway, back to Legion Land, I guess.
Upon fast traveling back to the Imperial City, I get a quest updateQuest: A Door in Niben Bay
I've heard a rumor that a strange door has opened on a small island in Niben Bay. I must investigate.I don't remember hearing about that. Maybe my time in prison made me crazy. I'm not sure if that would be totally awesome or not. I mean, on one hand, I'm able to get off scot-free on pretty much any crime I commit because I can plead insanity, and then escape again. On the other hand, I'm not sure if being crazy sits well with my whole "I'm doing it because I feel like it" thing. I also hear there's a special Daedric plane specifically for crazy people. Man, Sheogorath rules that place, I don't want to be crazy unless I can be the KING of crazy. Oh well, let's go in and get myself some free armor.
So, get this, I waltz up to the guy who's supposedly in charge, leisurely drop the line that I want to be a combatant, and he insults me to my face.
◊ Man, I am the lord of this land, when you least expect it I'm going to get you. Slowly. Probably with a fork, just because I can.
Except I really can't. Not unless I get the fork of horripilation
, and that thing sucks. Oh well, I guess I'll just wear this... I feel so... dirty.
◊ And coming from me, of all people, that's saying something. Whatever, I'll just tell Mr. Hates-Everybody here that I'm ready for a ma...
Oh come ON! Really? I was filled with murderous intent and you tell me that the arena's closed until tomorrow morning? This whole place is fucked. Whatever, I'm going to bed.
Sleep: 6 hours[Yawn] Okay, let's start our morning off right with a healthy helping of whole grain WHOOP-ASS Let's go talk to what's-his-face and get this murder-train going.
I'm going to keep the arena as laconic as possible. Most of the matches boil down to "run around in circles and shoot people with your bow until they die" anyway.Okay, let's get goiAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWW. There's an announcer? Man, that's going to burn precious seconds off my well-defined schedule of slaughter. I guess I'll wait for him to finish. I won't be happy about it though.
Good people of the Imperial City, welcome to the Arena! For this match we've got some fresh meat, two brand new Pit Dogs! So let's not waste any time, lower the gates!
Good thing there isn't any rule against nocking arrows before the gates lower. That was easy, three shots to the chest and bitchtits is down for the count. Time to loot the... WHAT. I can't take any of this perfectly good stuff with me? This is lame. I mean, a full half of enjoying a murder is taking all of the victim's stuff afterwards. It's not like they need it. I'm going to be very upset throughout this entire thing because some goody two shoes made it where the spoils DON'T go to the victor.
Several matches laterMan, I'm already a Gladiator. I can get a lot done in a day if I just put my mind to it. This place is almost perfect. Or at least it would be totally perfect if I could take the crap that those jerks on the yellow team are dropping when I kill them with my claymore. Man, this thing and I are going to go far. I can see it now. Oh well, I should probably take a nap and think about what I've done. Fondly.
Comments
