Garfield: Quickie
Garfield is sitting on the bed, watching Jon in red-and-white striped boxers pose in from of a mirror. Jon tells Garfield that muscles earn respect. He says that women go crazy over a guy with big muscles. He considers himself to be in primo shape. Garfield makes his own torso look like it's in even more primo shape, and poses, leaving Jon to slouch and Aside Glance. Garfield bets Jon didn't know you could flex fat.
("Friends Are There")
"I suppose you're all wondering why I asked you here today."
(Already contradicting what he said before Episode 12: "You notice how every week I say something different here?")
Garfield: Rip Van Kitty
Ah, nature. We hear Odie barking. We pan over to see Nermal romping in flowers, Jon cooking, and Odie chasing a butterfly. Jon calls them both cute. Nermal says "Naturally!" for his part. Garfield yawns, and says that Jon is taking forever to finish preparing lunch. He thinks Jon should've allowed him to bring the microwave, and lies down. Nermal walks up behind Garfield, and says, "Hey, Garfield!" Garfield jumps up to a tree branch. Garfield asks how many times he has to tell him that, when he's asleep, he doesn't want him in the same time zone. Nermal wants to play a game. Garfield suggests... Go Fish. Nermal's never played Go Fish, and seems excited to give it a try, so he asks how to play...
Garfield's version of Go Fish seems to involve Nermal being tied to a string on a pole and suspended over the lake as fish jump out of the water to try to bite him. Nermal understandably doesn't like Go Fish. Jon rescues him, calling his game cruel. Garfield agrees, as it would probably make the fish sick. Jon warns Garfield that if he keeps doing things like that, Nermal will stop visiting. "Promises, promises," Garfield thinks. Yeah, if things like that could deter him, he would have stopped visiting long ago. Garfield figures he can get back to his nap, at any rate.
Riiiiight. Odie comes up and slurps him. Garfield panics, thinking he's drowning. Much like Jon in Episode 1! Soon enough, though, Garfield realizes what happened, and drags Odie off. He stuffs Odie into the far end of a hollow log which is supported by a rock. He blows air into a small branch which has an airhole in it. Apparently, the near end of the log is sealed, as the air pressure forces Odie out and sends him flying. Jon has a paddle in his hand; was he planning on canoing while the food cooks on the grill? Odie falls into the lake, and Jon wastes no time in going out there in the canoe. He reaches in and pulls Odie out. There's a fish in Odie's mouth.
Back near the table, Jon is scolding Garfield, saying that yeah, they disrupted his nap, but he sleeps too much, anyway. Garfield doesn't think that's possible. Jon tells him to just keep sleeping, and to forget about life passing him by. Garfield scoffs at the idea, comparing it to eating too much. He goes to sleep, and the screen waves. We hear Odie barking, and Nermal's voice calling. Jon tells him not to wake Garfield up, as he's having a dream sequence.
Now we see that amidst all the nature is a mix of The Jetsons and Seussesque rampways. Jon comes up to him and tells him to wake up, as he's been asleep for 20 years. Garfield asks for five minutes more. He has a long white beard. Jon does, too. Speaking of Jon, he's wearing Zeerustic fashion. Garfield gets up and follows him to a flying car. It floats even when it's just parked. Jon says a lot has changed in twenty years. Garfield repeats the duration, and says that when he naps, he doesn't kid around. Jon tells him to get real comfy, as it's a long drive. Jon pushes a button, which straps them in and raises the windshield. They fly past various... etchings, maybe? of: The Sphinx; RMS Titanic (...I'd ask how, but this is a dream); not sure what; Tower Bridge (sometimes mistakenly referred to as London Bridge); the Statue of Liberty; the Great Wall of China; a zeppelin, possibly the Hindenburg; some pillars which are probably significant; the Colosseum in Rome; a launching space shuttle; the Arc d'Triomphe; the Gateway Arch; the Mount Rushmore National Memorial; ...uhhh, someplace that has to do with Hollywood...?; a picture of some people I don't recognize; a building I don't recognize... and finally land on the landing pad of their home. Jon apologizes for the traffic jam.
Garfield asks where everyone is. Jon tells him Odie is chasing cars. Garfield is amazed that he is. Jon says it's not quite the same. A hovercar flies by, and Odie goes after it... in a thruster-propelled wheelchair. He holds up a sheet of paper that says "Bark! Bark!", and barks. Suddenly, the chair comes to a stop. Garfield doesn't think it could be Odie. The chair lands on the pad. Odie gets out of it and licks Garfield, covering Garfield's face with his beard. This convinces him. Jon tells them to come on, as it's lunchtime, and walks into a constantly-running elevator beam, which lifts him up. Garfield is as excited as he can muster, considering that he's apparently quite old and hasn't eaten for 20 years. (I suppose 20 years by itself is pretty long-lived for a cat.) They step in, and are lifted up, as well.
At the table, Jon offers Garfield some lasagna, which Garfield is excited for... until he's served it, and learns that it's a "dehydrated, ionized protein tablet" that's configured for lasagna flavor. All food is done this way for maximum nutritional value. Yeah, and I just bet they didn't think the consequences through; they think they got everything, but they miss something... or a few things. Jon's is a BLT on whole-wheat toast. He takes it, notes that it could've used a little mayo, but calls it good, anyway. Garfield looks at his, shrugs, and takes it. He doesn't consider it filling. He walks into another room, saying he hopes he didn't get any on himself.
Now he wants to see what's on TV. The extra-extra-widescreen TV lowers from the ceiling. An aged Binky says his Catchphrase weakly, and introduces himself, briefly forgetting what he is. Garfield changes the channel to see a news bulletin announcing the invasion of Earth by creatures from the planet Zizzabottawaddawaddaboinkboinkfreeb. (Thank you, subtitles!) Garfield asks him to say it again, and he does. Garfield asks him to say it again, and he starts to before fwapping Garfield with the bulletin. He says the creatures are short and lazy, sleeping 23 hours a day, and during their one hour awake, devour the entire food supply of a planet. A spaceship, shaped like the top half or so of Garfield's head, flies to a landing and lets out a gangway into their home. Garfield looks at it, and repeats the description. He wonders what they look like. Predictably, they closely resemble a young version of Garfield himself, with fishbowl-style helmets on their heads. They begin to fill the room, and the house.
Jon pokes his head in and says they've been invaded. Odie looks in. The three run into another room. Jon says the world is coming to an end. They're trapped in there, just the three of them and Nermal. Garfield seems to be scared about that. Jon beckons him in. Garfield considers, thinking maybe 20 years later isn't so bad after all. He thinks that Nermal will no longer be young and cute. He flutters his eyelashes mockingly. He can hardly wait. Nermal greets him and enters the room... but he doesn't seem to have changed at all! He calls himself the galaxy's cutest kitty cat. This freaks Garfield out even more than the impending food shortage. He bangs on the door, wanting the "men from that planet I can't pronounce" to take him. He wants the dream sequence to end, so Jon snaps his fingers and it does.
Garfield is holding on to present-day Jon's legs, saying that Nermal is 20 years cuter and more annoying. Jon wakes Garfield up, saying lunch is ready. Garfield is excited that not only is it today, it's lunchtime, as well. He dashes over to the picnic table, pushes Nermal and Odie off the seat, and says everything's back to normal. Odie's still Odie (well, he was still Odie in the dream, so this wouldn't be too surprising), Nermal's still disgusting, and it's time for lunch. He's ready for it... until he's served a pill on a plate. He runs off, thinking he has to find a cheeseburger before they're only served in tablet form. Jon wonders what's wrong with taking your daily vitamin tablet.
Orson's Farm: Quickie
Booker and Sheldon are sitting on opposite ends of a board which is resting on a log. Booker looks displeased. Orson comes by and asks what the matter is. They want to play teeter-totter, but they weigh the same. Orson suggests that they both get on one side while Orson gets on the other. They try it, but the chicks go sliding to Orson's end. This isn't working; they want to go up. Roy suddenly jumps on the empty end, sending all three flying. He says he loves to make children happy, and winks.
Orson's Farm: Grabbity
The scene: some sort of non-Earth planet. A pig-shaped craft descends and screws into the ground. Orson narrates about the landing on the planet Zordnik. An "intrepid space pig" hops out, bearing a yellow "U.S. Acres" banner with red lettering. Due to the decreased gravity, each step sends him bounding higher, and soon, his bounces achieve escape velocity.
Back in reality, Booker asks why he's floating. Orson explains that on some planets, you weigh less; he starts to say why, but Roy interrupts to explain "grabbity". Orson corrects his nomenclature, but Roy insists otherwise. He gives a musical lesson on the subject. After the chorus, Roy uses the term "law", which Wade picks up on, wondering what would happen if they repealed it, as if it were a law governing the behavior of intelligent beings rather than a physical law. Roy sings another stanza in which he puts a friend to the test: the immediate consequence if the friend fails is that Roy gets hurt from falling. Orson runs underneath, and is landed upon. Roy explains that "grabbity" made him fall down, not up. Wade wonders what if there were no grabbity. Orson tries correcting again, but Roy just sings another chorus. Orson has had enough, and leaves Wade frets about the potential repealing of the law of "grabbity", giving Roy an idea for a not-nice thing to do. He attempts to gauge if it's too rotten. He decides it is, so he's gonna do it.
Wade is seen anchoring rope every few feet, like mountain climbers do. Only, he's doing it parallel to the ground in case there's no "grabbity". Booker doesn't understand something about it: what makes a kite go up? Sheldon points out that it eventually comes down: the wind lifts it up, and when the wind goes away, it comes down. While Sheldon is explaining this, a worm ties the kite's ribbon to Booker's leg. Booker claims the kite is never coming down. Sheldon says to have fun, and with a "bye", leaves. As Booker runs (why doesn't he trip?), the worm laughs. The kite flies, soon picking Booker up in the process.
Meanwhile, Roy removes the innards from an old television. Wade is still staking rope to the ground, hoping they don't repeal the law. As he nears the television, Roy, in disguise, gets into the TV cabinet and reports that the law of "grabbity" has just been repealed by a bunch of people who can do anything they want to. In addition, they repealed the law of the jungle, the law of diminishing returns, the law of supply and demand, and several rules of thumb. Wade runs off, completely forgetting his countermeasure. Of course, he also doesn't notice that he's not floating away. Roy has a good laugh at Wade's expense, until he notices Orson glaring down at him. He makes a new report, that a kind, forgiving pig has forgiven a local rooster for his little jests. Orson pulls him out and asks if he's not ashamed of himself. He isn't any more than usual.
Orson says gravity is important, and tells him to think what the world would be like without it. Roy tells us "grabbity" again, and leans on the TV... until it floats away. In fact, other things are floating around, as well. Orson tells him to imagine doing simple things. Bo, for example, is milking a cow. The cow, the pail, Bo, and the stool float away. Lanolin pins up spare wool outerwear, but they then hang upwards. Oddly, the water continues to drip downwards; indeed, when Lanolin looks up the neckhole, water gushes out. A bird flies upside down, presumably using lift to stay close to the ground. What the lack of gravity has to do with the wild coloration of the world, I don't know, nor why Roy can walk normally. Also, it's a little-known fact that horses are neutrally buoyant in air, as are tractors (with treads?).
Roy sees Bo, and asks what's up. Bo corrects him to "what's down", as down and up are swapped. (And yet, both of their sets of feet are on the ground.) Bo turns on the spigot attached to pipes coming from the sky. The water coming from it takes a wavy path in the air... okay, doesn't seem like how it would be affected. Bo asks what time he got down this morning, but Rpy says he got up. Now Bo has to go down to the attic, and bring down some things from up in the cellar. He ascends invisible stairs. Roy scratches his comb.
Booker calls to him, and he turns around. Booker and Sheldon approach, walking on the top of the shot. He asks what Roy is doing down there. Sheldon reminds Booker that they're down, and Roy's high up on the ground. Roy suddenly decides that the ground is up there with them, and looks past his feet. OUTER SPACE! He points at the ground, saying that's where he should be. He jumps for it, but keeps bumping his head. He grabs a flower, saying he made it. Our perspective flips. Orson approaches, telling him there's no gravity. The flower starts breaking away from the ground, and when it breaks completely, he floats away.
The real Orson shakes him back awake. Wade approaches, carrying an anchor and a barbell. Roy swipes the anchor, as he doesn't want to float away. Wade snatches it back. Roy realizes and remembers that they didn't actually repeal the law of grabbity; it was just a phony newscast he made up. He confronts Orson, who's smiling in a satisfied manner, with it being a daydream; no one is floating off into space.
Just then, Booker floats over, upside-down. Roy turns around. Booker tells him there's a problem (and not, y'know, "Help! I'm caught on a kite!"). Roy comes tp the conclusion that there's no grabbity again, and runs off. Booker falls into Orson's arms, as Roy panics. Sheldon wonders what got into him, as he's doing 60 across the north 40. Orson remarks that he doesn't appreciate the grabbity of the situation. An apple hits him on the head, and as those present chuckles, a bunch more fall.
Garfield: The Big Catnap
At one end of the kitchen table is a mound of spaghetti, no sauce, and a couple of large sandwiches. Garfield approaches the other end, and sets a chocolate cake thereon. Garfield tells us he's here to discuss a balanced diet. This oughtta be amusing. He tells us, with the help of a pull-down picture, that a good lunch includes one serving from each of the four basic food groups: pasta, cheeseburger with fries, chocolate cake, and more pasta. (Is that why there were two cheeseburgers, and only one mound of pasta?) He changes to a sort-of scary version of himself before consuming the cheeseburger-heavy, pasta-light meal and turning back. So much for lunch.
He checks his schedule: Sleep, sleep, sleep, eat, sleep, and annoy mailman. He decides to give him a day off, and get an early start on his post-lunch main course pre-lunch dessert siesta. (And we humans think "second breakfast" is a little complicated. Also, I thought "sleep" was between "eat" and "annoy mailman" anyway?)
Outside, the mailman approaches, complaining. His brother got a job testing defective fighter planes, but he had to pick a dangerous line of work. He sees no sign of the cat. He wonders what the cat is planning. Suddenly, Jon pops up out of the nearby bush and grabs the package, saying "My package!" The mailman jumps backward into a birdbath, but is somewhat relieved that it's just Jon. Jon is happy to have beaten Garfield to it, as it's a batch of his favorite cookies, which his mother bakes and sends to him. The mailman thinks they must be good. Jon doesn't remember, as it's been so long since he's tasted one.
Last year, he had just gotten them, and was about to bite into one, when he noticed Garfield stagger into the kitchen, lacking stripes, acting like he's dying. Jon went for his first-aid book, which was out and open on a stand on the counter. Specifically, it was open to the entry on Bolivian cookie fever, which makes the victim's body turn yellow. How convenient! Garfield walked up behind him on the table. Pretty spry for a "dying" cat. Jon read that in advanced stages, the victim will moo like a cow. Garfield said the onomatopoeia a few times, then gasped, and flipped onto his back with his tongue hanging out. Jon made the diagnosis Garfield was angling for. Apparently, the only known cure is a massive dose of cookies. Jon complied, not suspecting a ruse. Upon tossing a couple of handfuls into his mouth, Garfield requested milk, and possibly a steak. Odie barked and ran in. We notice that he was tracking yellow paint into the kitchen. Jon scolded Odie, telling him that Garfield's ill, and that it's no time to be tracking yellow paint... Garfield hopped up, "miraculously cured". See how fast he can run? Jon chased after him, because catching him... will... do something? Personally, I'd be taking the opportunity to eat the cookies that are still there before Garfield has a chance to sneak, trick, or shamelessly take any more. I mean, Garfield has to come back sooner or later.
The year before, Garfield was watching television, when Jon walked by with the box. He had the smarts to refer to the cookies within out loud. Garfield ran out the door and called home on a pay phone (though he didn't pay). Jon was about to enjoy one, when he got a call. He left the cookies to answer the phone. At least he wondered who would call then. While he was gone, Garfield came in through the window and started eating handfuls. After determining that no one was there, Jon hung up and returned to find Garfield finishing off his cookies. Garfield asks if there are any calls for him. Jon informed him, as last time, that they were his cookies. Garfield tossed the empty box and ran out the door, Jon in pursuit.
Jon starts to tell the mailman about the year before that; first, the mailman interrupts and asks if it's the last flashback, as he has mail to deliver. (And, presumably, to dry out. He's still sitting in the birdbath, after all.) Jon Says it is the last one, and goes into telling about it.
Again, Jon made the mistake of divulging its contents in front of Garfield. Garfield pointed to the inside of his mouth, but Jon refused him even a crumb. Garfield was indignant about Jon's greed in not letting Garfield have all of them. He left, hoping the old safe was still in the abandoned lot. He removed the door and took it home, attaching it to a window.
If Jon was smart, he'd already have had some while Garfield was doing that. Did he? Let's see.
Nope, he was just about to have them, when he saw Garfield perched on top of his chair menacingly. Jon got up, saying, "Oh no, not this time." He tried to think of a place where he could hide the cookies. Aha! A convenient safe! He opened the door and threw them through. He started to gloat, but then realized that he didn't have a safe. He opened the door again and looked through the window to find Garfield on the trash can lid, finishing off the cookies and commenting on the quality of safes nowadays.
This year, Jon is determined that he's going to eat his mom's cookies. The mailman doubts it, but wishes him good luck anyway as he leaves.
Jon opens the door and looks. Garfield appears to be asleep. He sneaks by in just his socks, figuring himself safe as long as Garfield doesn't awaken. Just then, Jon hears a parade. He closes the windows and muffs Garfield's ears. Then he hears Odie watching auto racing on TV. He turns the TV off and throws it and Odie out. He says he has to get out of there with his mom's cookies. (Y'know, if I lived with Garfield, I wouldn't mention cookies around him unless I intended him to eat them. Even if he were asleep.) Jon runs out of the house, knocking Odie aside. He boards a bus bound for Cahuenga, California. Later, it stops at a bus stop and lets him out. He runs into the city park, sits on a bench, and relaxes, secure in the knowledge that he's miles from Garfield. He unwraps the box and opens it, then removes a cookie. He licks his lips and bites it. This wakes Garfield up. He runs from bed, the earmuffs falling off, and moves like a blur to where Jon is. He asks if he heard a pistachio and almon nut-filled cookie with chocolate sprinkles, about 87 chocolate sprinkles. Jon relinquishes the cookies. Garfield starts eating them, wondering who can sleep with a racket like that. Jon figures he can live with being beaten this year. He decides he'll have his mom send the cookies to Alaska. He guesses Garfield will expect that, so he'll wear a penguin suit. Jon is starting to go a little... ...nuts. He changes his plan and says he'll go to Egypt, and wear a camel suit instead, which he doesn't think Garfield will figure out. (Well, whatever you end up planning, maybe don't say it in front of Garfield?) Garfield watched him walk off, shrugs, and goes from putting pawfuls into his mouth to just dumping them in.
Garfield: Quickie
It's storming outside. Jon is reading the paper. He hears knocking, and opens the door. To his dismay, wet pets come in and got on his chair. He chases them off the chair and yells at them to dry off, then sits back down. They jump back up on the arms of the chair and shake. He runs away, slips on a puddle, and flies out the door, which shuts behind him. He finds himself on the stoop, his chin to the ground and his feet resting against the door. He calls for help and pounds the cement. (It's a call that sounds like the one in Episode 4: Fraidy Cat.) Garfield tells Odie that Jon's a proud man, and won't let them see him cry.
Next time: Episode 16!
