This video is entitled "..." and it's two minutes and 3 seconds long. That cannot be a good sign.
0:00 - As you can see, this does not look like any official Everyman HYBRID episode we've seen so far. We see footage of a car driving up to a bend in a road. The rear view mirror shows the reflection of someone (I can't make out who) filming with a camera phone. There is also some talking, but it is heavily distorted enough to make the speaker sound like the Swedish Chef's schizophrenic uncle. (Some of it sort of sounds like "What do you mean I don't know?" something something "right here.") Also, there's more than one person in the car.
0:03 - Cut to a kitchen. Evan is getting something from the fridge (it's a bottle of something, probably some sort of condiment), and of course I can't make out what he's saying. (Curse my premature deafness.) Jeff(?) is partially in the foreground, looks like he set the camera down on the table where he's sitting. He's getting keys from his bag, or something like that.
0:06 - Holy cow, abrupt cut to black. Sounds like somebody sat on the series synthesizer.
0:08 - Cut back to the kitchen. Evan just shut the fridge and set the bottle on a nearby table. (Not the one Jeff's sitting at.) There is a snippet of dialogue: "I mean I want to, but we need to figure out who broke into Evan's house." Uh oh. (It looks like someone talking to Jeff. Maybe Vincent, who's not visible in this shot.)
0:13 - Shaky-cam shot of someone going down some stairs. We only see their feet. We hear Vincent(?) talking: "Right, so Evan, there is kind of a plus side to all this (pause) Slender Man breaking into your house business" (YOU ARE SHITTING ME.)
0:18 - indistinct murmuring
0:21 - The camera turns to Evan at the bottom of the stairs, Vince resumes talking, "I mean think about it. Nick had a pretty good suit on. You gotta admit that." We see Evan give sort of a weird you-gotta-be-kidding-me sort of grin.
So at least now we have confirmation that some of the sightings in the past episodes were appearances by a friend of the guys (Nick) wearing a surprisingly convincing Slender Man get-up. We might get confirmation of this in Episode 6. Of course that explains a lot. But how much does it explain?
0:24 - I am having trouble making out this next part. "I mean, sure" something something "your house" something something "far, but we could- we could use that"
0:27 - Abrupt cut (some weird trace of crossfading?) to someone filming out of a car at the passing woods. (Trees. Oh joy.) A rock song I do not recognize is playing in the background.
0:29 - Cut to the kitchen again. Evan is in the background to the right, coughing. (Not a good sign, especially if you follow Marble Hornets.) Jeff and Vincent are still talking. Again I cannot make it out, but they seem to mention something about a prank or someone going out of line or something like that. (I am definitely going to need to consult the EH wiki at some point on all these conversation bits I'm having trouble with.)
0:38 - Cut to what appears to be the guys walking up stairs out of a dark place. (Evan's basement?) One of them is in the back filming. That rock song is playing again. Correction: they are running up the stairs.
0:42 - Back to the kitchen. Evan is washing something at the sink, then moving a bag of something (chips? vegetables?) to the table. "(indistinct chatter) but it didn't (indistinct)—ound like someone was 'Oh, we got you'" something something "that's what irritates me." Evan is still coughing.
(This is one frustrating 2 minutes and 3 seconds. Did I mention I'm still doing this mostly blind?)
0:48 - Back to the car, driving past what looks like a park. The song is now going "Yeeeaaaah" (It's not the Who.)
0:50 - Kitchen again. "—okay, yeah, you're in my house." Evan's not coughing for a change. "Or at least own up to it, yeah. I think Nick... maybe..." "I don't know" something something "he likes to joke" "But he's not that bright, so he wouldn't know to be like 'Oh, here I am', you know?"
1:05 - Back to the car's view, now mostly of trees. (Somewhere at around this point the series has officially just hit Cerebus Syndrome. Maybe.)
1:06 - Back to kitchen, and the sound of Evan handling some cutlery. (This is starting to make my head hurt for real.) "The only thing that gets me is, where did he go?"
1:13 - Back to Vincent and Evan talking on the stairs. Jeff actually appears to be the one holding the camera in this scene. Evan's speaking in a sarcastic tone, "Yeah, golly, good for him, thanks, yeah, let's write him a little note, uh, that says 'Hey bro, thanks for being Slender Man, thanks for giving us this awesome footage' but, um, I would just like to add a P.S. that says—"
1:24 - Back to kitchen. "Wait, but how did he get out of the room? It's a second story window." Jeff says something indistinct, while Evan's doing something rhythmic and menacing with the metal cutlery. (We later learn they are kitchen knives.)
I'm guessing either the last episode didn't happen in a basement at all, or they're talking about a video we haven't seen yet.
1:29 - Jeff glances back at Evan acting weird, says something like "—can you really blame him?" The metallic clanging speeds up. (At this point I'm getting the feeling that maybe Evan's angry or upset about Vincent and Jeff talking behind his back.)
1:35 - Vincent speaks. "I mean— I'd understand—" Evan's clanging turns downright musical. Almost like he was throwing a tantrum.
1:46 - More dialogue I can't make out, Jeff turns back to Evan for real, then a very loud and angry sigh. Jeff calls out "You ready yet?" Vince finally picks up the camera and says "You ready yet? (Evan seems to reply "Let's do this") Let's get to filming."
1:50 - Back to Evan finishing what he was saying at the stairs. "—if he ever breaks into my house again I'll cut off his legs and shove them down his throat." Vince breaks the tension and says "Yeah, I know, I know" in a far less serious tone. Evan then breaks into a goofy grin and says "We should really use that though, it was pretty s-" Vince and Jeff then laugh in agreement.
2:01 - Shot of a door to a dark room upstairs shutting on its own, a strange high-pitched tone playing. Right before the door closes we catch a glimpse of Slender Man. End of video.
I now see why people don't attempt this sort of thing that often. Again, diabolical genre-savvy geniuses. (It is now also one in the morning. Must continue.)
