Let's Watch BlackWolfe Watch ''Hawk the Slayer''!

Black Wolfe

What the hell spell is THAT?

Our heroes are preparing for the final conflict, which will happen at the abbey. The terrycloth nuns of the Sacred Order of the Cadbury Bunny are shocked at this statement, and one of them goes running off to Voltan.

Crow: We have sat waiting...  BW like this... many times before.  BW Sometimes I tire... of fighting and killing  BW. At night, I can hear the call of my race.

He's supposed to sound mystical instead of schizophrenic and about to commit suicide.

Balls declares that it would take a thousand men to enter the Abbey, which pretty much ruins the climax of the movie, because that means the climax is beyond the movie's budget.

Sister Towelonherhead drugs Gort's beer as part of her sinister plan to end this movie as quickly as possible. I approve.

Hawk wakes up to Voltan holding a sword at his throat, which is a wasted threat. We all know Voltan never uses his sword to kill. He demonstrates by stabbing Sister Terrycloth with a dagger for her help (still in last place, though).

He then confirms Goggle Fox's theory that Drogo was adopted. O_o I'd say "way to go Goggle Fox," but I think that's actually an insult in this case.

Ham ham ham ham ham ham ham ham hammity ham, wonderful ham! Wonderful ham, marvellous ham!

Voltan orders a man with a torch to fetch him fire. Nobody moves, presumably because the man already has fire.

Voltan gloats, monologues, and taunts the "heroes." Despite being tied up, Balls kicks him in the face.

More ham, and then the feast begins, at which I suspect no ham is served because that would be cannibalism. Meanwhile, Voltan runs off for more Crystal Lasik.

Patricia Quinn silly strings a man to death. I am not fucking kidding here, take a look:

Anyway, she sneaks in and frees Our Heroes from their captivity so we can get on to the ACTUAL climax of the story.

According to the length of the video, I've been watching for 77 minutes, not counting pauses and rewinds, which means I should stop for one more break before the final update.

I will do so right after the scene in which Balls dies, and is buried in the larval body of Hamidon "to protect the grave from wild beasts who would disturb it."

Next: The final battle. A magic missile spell that would make the FX crew of the Tom Baker run on Doctor Who cringe.