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Live Blogs Modelland: A Blind Sporking
LadyMomus2011-09-30 03:35:28

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Welcome to the Sporking

Ah, fantasy. It contains everything from the expansive world-building of Tolkien, to the pun-filled fluff of Xanth, to the formulaic but awesome Belgariad, to the gritty world of the Dresden Files. I've been reading books of fantasy and mythology as long as I can remember, and I still love finding a new fantasy world to explore.

But for every fantasy epic, there are a hundred mediocre tomes. For every thrilling adventure, there is a snooze fest. For every gem, a piece of compost cleverly masquerading as a book.

Which will it be? You never know until you read them.

Or - in the case of Modelland by Tyra Banks - until you look at the title and cover.

An Introduction to the Author

I will now share everything I know about Tyra Banks.

Tyra Banks is a model. She's been on at least one TV show about modeling. She was in the Hannah Montana Movie. She recently wrote and published a book titled Modelland.

. . .

Oh, and her name is derived from the Old Norse word for "Thor."

Demographics and Me

I saw Modelland described as both teen and young adult fiction, so the target demographic is presumably 13-25 year old girls. In theory, I should be in the target demographic. In reality, I'm so far out of the target demographic, I need the Hubble to catch a glimpse of them.

What I know about fashion could fit on an index card. I wear Christmas socks year round, have no qualms about wearing purple sweatpants with an orange t-shirt, and would rather go to the dentist than go shopping for clothes.

I didn't want to be a princess or a model when I was a kid. I wanted to be a Power Ranger or a Saiyan or a member of the U.S.S. Enterprise.

I spent years rejecting all things girly while embracing media aimed at boys and men. Since then, I've learned that my knee jerk reaction to media aimed at girls and women was incredibly unfair. Recently, I've learned to enjoy media aimed at girls. I've learned that just because something is feminine, cutesy or girly doesn't mean it's bad. In light of that, I am willing to give Modelland a chance.

A snowball's chance, but a chance nonetheless.

Liveblog Rules

This is a blind liveblog. I will be liveblogging each chapter as I read it, while doing my best to avoid spoilers. I am not allowed to start a chapter until I finished the one before it. I may continue on to the next chapter before posting, but I'll at least have a draft of that chapter's post done before continuing on.

Next time, we'll start at the very beginning.

Before the Beginning

I steal furtive glances around the room. The lunch room is empty. Too early for any witnesses. Even so, I hold one arm in place to shield my Kindle from anyone who might enter and see what I am about to do.

I type the word slowly. Modelland.

My breakfast threatens to crawl up my throat. My finger strays to the "back" button. It would be so easy to turn back now. To pretend I never considered it.

But try as I must, I cannot turn away. It beckons me like a flame beckons a moth. I try to banish my desires to eviscerate it. To ignore the desire to quench the lust of my spork. But I am no longer in control. IT has me, and there is no escape.

With a trembling hand, I hit the enter key.

BUY

I pray that my family never learns of my shame.

Comments

DrDahm Since: Dec, 1969
Mar 12th 2012 at 6:07:40 PM
Start out laughing at the predictability and then slowly break down into sobbing. It's what I do every time I get more info about this book.
gekkolexicon Since: Dec, 1969
Mar 13th 2012 at 8:40:05 AM
-hugs Lady Momus and Dr Dahm-

And yeah, the time transition screws all of this over even further. Unless Gunnero's power is to send news fast. But yeah. this just hits wallbanger territory and shows how possibly mental Tyra is.
Evergreen215 Since: Dec, 1969
Mar 13th 2012 at 4:21:05 PM
...what

This 'Forgetta-Girl' thing where Tookie doesn't get noticed reminds me of The Schwa Was Here, a YA novel by Neal Shusterman. I actually thought that was a good book, though.

At least this chapter wasn't completely horrendous. And by that I mean it only had a few plot holes, and there were only a couple things that made absolutely no sense even in context.
142.151.161.58 Since: Dec, 1969
Mar 13th 2012 at 7:52:52 PM
lol damn I can't deal with this anymore. Two chapters left, and I think I've hit my threshold for stupidity.

(I say that, but I'm hooked at this point. It's like a giant train wreck and I can't look away.)
gekkolexicon Since: Dec, 1969
Mar 14th 2012 at 11:48:11 AM
I just realised that Tyra was on drugs when she wrote this. it's the only possible explanation.
Sharysa Since: Dec, 1969
Mar 16th 2012 at 10:42:44 AM
And I've officially stopped caring about Ci~L. Thank you, Tyra, for giving me Stupidity Induced Apathy.
206.248.32.246 Since: Dec, 1969
Mar 25th 2012 at 7:13:50 PM
Well, the inspiration for this story makes sense now. Tyra said those same words ("Kiss my fat ass") when that magazine snapped a "fat" photo of her in a bikini a few years back. That can't be a coincidence.
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