Follow TV Tropes

Live Blogs Modelland: A Blind Sporking
LadyMomus2011-09-30 03:35:28

Go To


Welcome to the Sporking

Ah, fantasy. It contains everything from the expansive world-building of Tolkien, to the pun-filled fluff of Xanth, to the formulaic but awesome Belgariad, to the gritty world of the Dresden Files. I've been reading books of fantasy and mythology as long as I can remember, and I still love finding a new fantasy world to explore.

But for every fantasy epic, there are a hundred mediocre tomes. For every thrilling adventure, there is a snooze fest. For every gem, a piece of compost cleverly masquerading as a book.

Which will it be? You never know until you read them.

Or - in the case of Modelland by Tyra Banks - until you look at the title and cover.

An Introduction to the Author

I will now share everything I know about Tyra Banks.

Tyra Banks is a model. She's been on at least one TV show about modeling. She was in the Hannah Montana Movie. She recently wrote and published a book titled Modelland.

. . .

Oh, and her name is derived from the Old Norse word for "Thor."

Demographics and Me

I saw Modelland described as both teen and young adult fiction, so the target demographic is presumably 13-25 year old girls. In theory, I should be in the target demographic. In reality, I'm so far out of the target demographic, I need the Hubble to catch a glimpse of them.

What I know about fashion could fit on an index card. I wear Christmas socks year round, have no qualms about wearing purple sweatpants with an orange t-shirt, and would rather go to the dentist than go shopping for clothes.

I didn't want to be a princess or a model when I was a kid. I wanted to be a Power Ranger or a Saiyan or a member of the U.S.S. Enterprise.

I spent years rejecting all things girly while embracing media aimed at boys and men. Since then, I've learned that my knee jerk reaction to media aimed at girls and women was incredibly unfair. Recently, I've learned to enjoy media aimed at girls. I've learned that just because something is feminine, cutesy or girly doesn't mean it's bad. In light of that, I am willing to give Modelland a chance.

A snowball's chance, but a chance nonetheless.

Liveblog Rules

This is a blind liveblog. I will be liveblogging each chapter as I read it, while doing my best to avoid spoilers. I am not allowed to start a chapter until I finished the one before it. I may continue on to the next chapter before posting, but I'll at least have a draft of that chapter's post done before continuing on.

Next time, we'll start at the very beginning.

Before the Beginning

I steal furtive glances around the room. The lunch room is empty. Too early for any witnesses. Even so, I hold one arm in place to shield my Kindle from anyone who might enter and see what I am about to do.

I type the word slowly. Modelland.

My breakfast threatens to crawl up my throat. My finger strays to the "back" button. It would be so easy to turn back now. To pretend I never considered it.

But try as I must, I cannot turn away. It beckons me like a flame beckons a moth. I try to banish my desires to eviscerate it. To ignore the desire to quench the lust of my spork. But I am no longer in control. IT has me, and there is no escape.

With a trembling hand, I hit the enter key.

BUY

I pray that my family never learns of my shame.

Comments

FreezairForALimitedTime Since: Dec, 1969
Feb 26th 2012 at 11:06:50 PM
HOW ARE YOU GOING SO FAST GIRL. I appreciate the speedy updates, but this much Modelland all at once can't be good for a person.

Also... the Zipzap is zipper-shaped, yes? And it's got teeth. And it's full of red liquid. Hmmm...
DrDahm Since: Dec, 1969
Feb 27th 2012 at 3:50:02 AM
How can she mention Bravo in that list of people she cares about after what she did to him in Manattack? You don't treat the people you care about like that! Then again, with the way she treats Lizzie maybe this IS how Tookie shows affection. I'd call her a heroic sociopath but she has yet to do anything heroic.
209.250.213.195 Since: Dec, 1969
Feb 27th 2012 at 9:47:38 AM
When I read this chapter, I became convinced Lizzie died. Lizzie, the one girl i actually cared about. Lizzie, the one girl who's "tragic back story" actually had some weight for me. Lizzie, the one character who actually seemed to be facing a real threat. And she kills herself in the most comical and confusing chase scene ever. This is the point where i wanted to throw this book across my room. Tookie's reaction to it in the next chapter only make it worse. I'm sorry, but this is not how you handle self harm, especially in a book that's supposed to be talking about these issues seriously. Lizzie's cutting and, in my opinion, her death are just used for cheap drama. And I understand that when the second book comes out (God forbid) Lizzie will probably come back, but that doesn't excuse how this whole bit was handled. Seriously, Tyra, you could at least read a freaking pamphlet about suicidal thoughts and cutting before you made them character traits.
psycher7 Since: Dec, 1969
Feb 27th 2012 at 11:17:23 AM
^ Surely you're not suggesting that the flawless genius of Ms Banks would ever have to do something as pedestrian as research? Next you'll be saying that she should familiarize herself with YA Fantasy before writing a 600+ page tome as the first in a trilogy! And that would just be silly...
LadyMomus Since: Dec, 1969
Feb 27th 2012 at 12:16:36 PM
^ Now, now. Be fair. Modelland is only 576 pages. :P
gekkolexicon Since: Dec, 1969
Feb 27th 2012 at 8:55:05 PM
and now for my mandatory comment.

Tyra has been failing one of the most highly important rules in storytelling. always do some research! And unless unwanted otherwise, apply some form of fluid logic!
108.26.89.34 Since: Dec, 1969
Feb 27th 2012 at 9:28:21 PM
There's still 10 chapters left? The suffering hasn't ended yet?
gekkolexicon Since: Dec, 1969
Feb 28th 2012 at 8:13:44 AM
nope, and the ending's probably gonaa get worse. -evily luaghs-
71.202.88.54 Since: Dec, 1969
Feb 29th 2012 at 6:09:56 PM
This chapter was terrible - they all are - but one thing got me thinking: "[Shiraz] shrugged and shot the driver her best Cara Cara Cara expression, which made him break into a googly I'll do anything you want smile." Maybe this is foreshadowing to Shiraz gaining the power of - God forbid - Seduksheeon?
gekkolexicon Since: Dec, 1969
Mar 2nd 2012 at 7:27:21 AM
That be kinda scary, considering she's small and underaged. Do you realise how creepy it is when a writer gives the loli implication. -shudders- GOD, TYRA! WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING!!!!!!! WOULDN'T IT BE MORE REASONABLE TO TELL HIM THE TRUTH OR TRY TO CONVINCE HIM!!!!!???????????????

how moronic.
209.250.213.203 Since: Dec, 1969
Mar 2nd 2012 at 9:09:07 AM
"Maybe this is foreshadowing to Shiraz gaining the power of - God forbid - Seduksheeon?" You misspelled seduction. Oh, wait, that's how Tyra spells it...*sobs uncontrollably*
Top