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Live Blogs Modelland: A Blind Sporking
LadyMomus2011-09-30 03:35:28

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Welcome to the Sporking

Ah, fantasy. It contains everything from the expansive world-building of Tolkien, to the pun-filled fluff of Xanth, to the formulaic but awesome Belgariad, to the gritty world of the Dresden Files. I've been reading books of fantasy and mythology as long as I can remember, and I still love finding a new fantasy world to explore.

But for every fantasy epic, there are a hundred mediocre tomes. For every thrilling adventure, there is a snooze fest. For every gem, a piece of compost cleverly masquerading as a book.

Which will it be? You never know until you read them.

Or - in the case of Modelland by Tyra Banks - until you look at the title and cover.

An Introduction to the Author

I will now share everything I know about Tyra Banks.

Tyra Banks is a model. She's been on at least one TV show about modeling. She was in the Hannah Montana Movie. She recently wrote and published a book titled Modelland.

. . .

Oh, and her name is derived from the Old Norse word for "Thor."

Demographics and Me

I saw Modelland described as both teen and young adult fiction, so the target demographic is presumably 13-25 year old girls. In theory, I should be in the target demographic. In reality, I'm so far out of the target demographic, I need the Hubble to catch a glimpse of them.

What I know about fashion could fit on an index card. I wear Christmas socks year round, have no qualms about wearing purple sweatpants with an orange t-shirt, and would rather go to the dentist than go shopping for clothes.

I didn't want to be a princess or a model when I was a kid. I wanted to be a Power Ranger or a Saiyan or a member of the U.S.S. Enterprise.

I spent years rejecting all things girly while embracing media aimed at boys and men. Since then, I've learned that my knee jerk reaction to media aimed at girls and women was incredibly unfair. Recently, I've learned to enjoy media aimed at girls. I've learned that just because something is feminine, cutesy or girly doesn't mean it's bad. In light of that, I am willing to give Modelland a chance.

A snowball's chance, but a chance nonetheless.

Liveblog Rules

This is a blind liveblog. I will be liveblogging each chapter as I read it, while doing my best to avoid spoilers. I am not allowed to start a chapter until I finished the one before it. I may continue on to the next chapter before posting, but I'll at least have a draft of that chapter's post done before continuing on.

Next time, we'll start at the very beginning.

Before the Beginning

I steal furtive glances around the room. The lunch room is empty. Too early for any witnesses. Even so, I hold one arm in place to shield my Kindle from anyone who might enter and see what I am about to do.

I type the word slowly. Modelland.

My breakfast threatens to crawl up my throat. My finger strays to the "back" button. It would be so easy to turn back now. To pretend I never considered it.

But try as I must, I cannot turn away. It beckons me like a flame beckons a moth. I try to banish my desires to eviscerate it. To ignore the desire to quench the lust of my spork. But I am no longer in control. IT has me, and there is no escape.

With a trembling hand, I hit the enter key.

BUY

I pray that my family never learns of my shame.

Comments

gekkolexicon Since: Dec, 1969
Feb 18th 2012 at 2:39:13 PM
so proactivity is a sin now? huh. who would've guessed. I guess in Tyra's mind the most slothful are going to heaven. either that, or Tyra doesn't know how to write a protagonist.

and the subdueing Ci~L thing. I think I'm going to have to disagree with you there Lady Momus, unfortunately. Since modelland trains magical models, it would make sense for the security team to be capable of fighting off high powered models. But recruiting bestosterone boys is just stupid on several levels (I don't know why, but it just doesn't sound like a good idea.) unless they have a class specifically dealing with defeating magical models. lol

also, I'm sure no producer would want to make this. Even if this come in a movie form, I'm going to expect the nostagia chick to review this with backup.

also, finally you came out with a new entry. THANK YOU! what took so long Lady Momus?

and yay! first comment! XP
LadyMomus Since: Dec, 1969
Feb 18th 2012 at 4:33:39 PM
But recruiting bestosterone boys is just stupid on several levels (I don't know why, but it just doesn't sound like a good idea.) unless they have a class specifically dealing with defeating magical models.

The Bestosterone boys don't have any magic, so you'd think they'd get their butts kicked. It makes me wonder how they managed to win. Too bad we don't get a description of what happened.

what took so long Lady Momus?

I haven't had much free time. (Because of school mostly. I had two big projects due within a day of each other.) I should be able to post more frequently from now on.

At least until finals roll around, but this liveblog should be complete by then.
gekkolexicon Since: Dec, 1969
Feb 18th 2012 at 7:01:44 PM
hope school's going ok for you. But anyway, a description is necassary for explaining how the guards stopped Ci~L. It would've stopped the plothole/wallbanger.
DrDahm Since: Dec, 1969
Feb 18th 2012 at 9:50:08 PM
Ahh, but that would be an action scene and it's pretty clear that only the Pilgrims are allowed to have those.
gekkolexicon Since: Dec, 1969
Feb 19th 2012 at 9:49:13 AM
lol True. Just goes to show how much of a bad writer Tyra is. Either that, or she's somehow batshit insane. I would call her stupid, but that may be insulting.
FreezairForALimitedTime Since: Dec, 1969
Feb 19th 2012 at 12:23:28 PM
At least somebody's aware in this story of how much Ci-L's poetry sucks!
MisterTambourineMan Since: Dec, 1969
Mar 26th 2020 at 6:49:20 AM
> Oktooberfestian

Mit Verlaub, Frau Banks, du bist eine FURCHTBARE Verfasserin.
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