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Live Blogs Modelland: A Blind Sporking
LadyMomus2011-09-30 03:35:28

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Welcome to the Sporking

Ah, fantasy. It contains everything from the expansive world-building of Tolkien, to the pun-filled fluff of Xanth, to the formulaic but awesome Belgariad, to the gritty world of the Dresden Files. I've been reading books of fantasy and mythology as long as I can remember, and I still love finding a new fantasy world to explore.

But for every fantasy epic, there are a hundred mediocre tomes. For every thrilling adventure, there is a snooze fest. For every gem, a piece of compost cleverly masquerading as a book.

Which will it be? You never know until you read them.

Or - in the case of Modelland by Tyra Banks - until you look at the title and cover.

An Introduction to the Author

I will now share everything I know about Tyra Banks.

Tyra Banks is a model. She's been on at least one TV show about modeling. She was in the Hannah Montana Movie. She recently wrote and published a book titled Modelland.

. . .

Oh, and her name is derived from the Old Norse word for "Thor."

Demographics and Me

I saw Modelland described as both teen and young adult fiction, so the target demographic is presumably 13-25 year old girls. In theory, I should be in the target demographic. In reality, I'm so far out of the target demographic, I need the Hubble to catch a glimpse of them.

What I know about fashion could fit on an index card. I wear Christmas socks year round, have no qualms about wearing purple sweatpants with an orange t-shirt, and would rather go to the dentist than go shopping for clothes.

I didn't want to be a princess or a model when I was a kid. I wanted to be a Power Ranger or a Saiyan or a member of the U.S.S. Enterprise.

I spent years rejecting all things girly while embracing media aimed at boys and men. Since then, I've learned that my knee jerk reaction to media aimed at girls and women was incredibly unfair. Recently, I've learned to enjoy media aimed at girls. I've learned that just because something is feminine, cutesy or girly doesn't mean it's bad. In light of that, I am willing to give Modelland a chance.

A snowball's chance, but a chance nonetheless.

Liveblog Rules

This is a blind liveblog. I will be liveblogging each chapter as I read it, while doing my best to avoid spoilers. I am not allowed to start a chapter until I finished the one before it. I may continue on to the next chapter before posting, but I'll at least have a draft of that chapter's post done before continuing on.

Next time, we'll start at the very beginning.

Before the Beginning

I steal furtive glances around the room. The lunch room is empty. Too early for any witnesses. Even so, I hold one arm in place to shield my Kindle from anyone who might enter and see what I am about to do.

I type the word slowly. Modelland.

My breakfast threatens to crawl up my throat. My finger strays to the "back" button. It would be so easy to turn back now. To pretend I never considered it.

But try as I must, I cannot turn away. It beckons me like a flame beckons a moth. I try to banish my desires to eviscerate it. To ignore the desire to quench the lust of my spork. But I am no longer in control. IT has me, and there is no escape.

With a trembling hand, I hit the enter key.

BUY

I pray that my family never learns of my shame.

Comments

FreezairForALimitedTime Since: Dec, 1969
Jan 27th 2012 at 11:04:46 AM
I've been wondering about this for a while, and now that he's reappeared in the story, I feel like bringing it up—anyone else wonder if Guru Gunnero is meant to be a potshot at Tim Gunn? ...Just thinkin'.
DrDahm Since: Dec, 1969
Jan 27th 2012 at 11:13:33 PM
If Persimmon is facing the door shouldn't she be able to see Tookie?
LadyMomus Since: Dec, 1969
Jan 28th 2012 at 7:47:30 AM
^ Tookie is in the hallway, and Ci~L and the BellaDonna are in the room behind the door.

If Persimmon turned around, she would notice Tookie. Lucky for Tookie, Persimmon isn't very observant.
BlackElephant Since: Dec, 1969
Jan 30th 2012 at 7:15:58 PM
I bet Tookie turns out to have the power of "Telaportaling." I would not be surprised. I really wouldn't be surprised if she ended up being a 7Seven, or something like that, in the second or third book (that is, if they actually get released).
FreezairForALimitedTime Since: Dec, 1969
Jan 30th 2012 at 7:33:36 PM
You know, that's a good point. Will the publisher actually decide to release further books in this series, given how badly this one seems to be doing and how ill-recieved it's been? Quite possibly Tyra's already bought herself a contract, or the pubs decided to give her one that they're now wishing they could back out of. But we shall see.
gekkolexicon Since: Dec, 1969
Jan 31st 2012 at 8:25:26 AM
I think I feel sad for the publishers who had to publish this. Hell, I'd be ashamed of myself if I were the president and I allowed this to get published within my own company.
psycher7 Since: Dec, 1969
Jan 31st 2012 at 11:41:14 AM
Celebrity vanity projects are almost always a bad idea, but since they've got the money they usually get what they want. Now, getting a SEQUEL is a bit of a harder sell, particularly when, like this book, it fails to find its audience - browsing the Amazon reviews, even people who like her show are calling this terrible. That just leaves people reading it for snark/Bile Fascination.
RemusDDuck Since: Dec, 1969
Jan 31st 2012 at 1:23:18 PM
Tyra practically bought a publisher to put out Modelland. Odds are, no matter what the masses say, she's going to bring out a sequel.

I pray to goodness that it gets sporked relentlessly. >:3
gekkolexicon Since: Dec, 1969
Feb 1st 2012 at 10:32:49 AM
o.0 Tyra actually bought a publisher? The sequels Inevitably-

-quivers in fear- This has to be a sign of the apocalypse!

Anyway, did you guys notice that piper's "sad" excuse a few entries back was beyond any good reason for wangsting. at least other wangsters have reasons, albeit incredibly stupid ones. She's angsting over literally nothing.

Also, I though of something: we found out that there was "predetermined admissions list" to every T-DOD. other than propaganda, What's the point in having T-DOD and the smizes? And yes, I think what Ci-L did on that that made it kinda suspicious. But that has the benefit of being interpreted as some master control that somehow figures out who's getting chosen during when everyone is walking.
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