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Let's Play Kingdom Hearts: 9 Years Too Late
Mousa The 14

[table of contents]
Mundane Things and Being Raped by Children
I just got a job, I'm training now, same hours as actual work. And with work, I just want to come home at the end of the day and enjoy the comforts of living. Dinner, my bed, listening to the Geek Nights podcast, play video game or two. And for that last one I sit down and look forward to losing to Riku again.

......

SCREW THIS NOISE, I'M GOING TO EMULATE CHRONO TRIGGER!

I don't know why I'm so hung up on beating Riku. I'm normally not this enraged over a part of a game. I think it's becuase I dislike his character type so much that it almost feels personal. I don't know, it's stupid. But I find that jumping around a lot really evens things out significantly.

2 to 19 is not very encouraging as a win to loss record.

Say, did you know that there is no "block" function? What the hell is up with that? Riku can block, so can the others. Why can't I? It seems really unfair. Also, there's this really annoying noise when your health is too low that doesn't stop.

So it turns out talking to Tidus means I can fight all three at once. It seems a little weird to be nigh gang raped by three child expies who are using a stick, a jump rope, and a volleyball. I have to wonder what they'd be using those for exactly. Jumprope for bondage, the stick for beatings and dominance or generally used to insert into parts. But... What's the ball for...?

Also is cow lick boy Wakka coming on to me? "Show me your stuff!"

Sheesh, and I thought Captain Falcon wanting me to "show him my moves" was bad.

They beat me the first time but I wasn't ready. After that it was bumpy victories. We're basically even. The key is to take Selphie out first since she's the weakest hp-wise and and the bigger nuisance. after that you take down Tidus and then Wakka. It's almost like beating them by ascending competence or something.

You know what sucks? Despite hating The Spoony Douche after seeing his Final Fantasy * review I can't stop instinctively calling Tidus "Future Waste of Lederhosen". I mean what's a lederhosen anyway? I'm not even from Deustchland! Oh whatever...

Anyhow I'm just going to stick around grinding until a I feel as though I'm ready to go on, basically a mundane day in the life of Sora and the weirdest group of friends.

Wait...

The hell?

There are only like two chicks on that island.

And like four guys?

....

Seriously, what's with the cliche character dynamic? It's always Lead guy with his best male friend and his female love interest and this island has like two! I mean obviously Tidus is the main guy of his trio (He has a sword/stick/melee weapon) making Wakka the best friend of contrasting personality and Selphie the love interest.

Weird.

Or this is the strangest orgy ever. I mean look at it, four dudes, two chicks, It's like "Oh yeah, all we do is fight all day and build ships, we're totally not having two threesomes all day". But then they're brats.

Or at least tweens.

I don't know. I need to stop overthinking this stupid dynamic and enjoy the mundanity of the grind.

Grind...

GUH!

5th Jun '11 4:57:04 PM flag for mods
comments
You and your threesome logic.

Also, Riku had a win-lose ratio of 3:56 when I first played Kingdom Hearts. *cries*
Hobgoblin 5th Jun 11
Get used to that Two Guys And A Girl dynamic, you'll be seeing it a lot throughout the series.
BetaRay 5th Jun 11
Riku had a win-loss ratio of 2:10 when I played -_-

A block function is available later in the game. You don't want it to be too easy, do you?
CyganAngel 5th Jun 11
Also, I've never had trouble beating Riku, what's with you guys?
BetaRay 5th Jun 11
BEAT RIKU! BEAT HIM NOOOOOWWW!!! D:<
.. Sorry. But yeah, you should be warned... KH has a bit of a thing for trios. Hopefully, you'll endure...
angelistoftenshi 5th Jun 11
A block function is available later in the game. You don't want it to be too easy, do you?
Don't you dare use Signed logic on me, his perception of difficulty is wrong and you should know it. Having a block function has nothing to do with difficulty, especially for broken beginning game dynamics. Heck, it should be basic along with attacking and game wise it doesn't make sense. You have a sword you can swing but you can't hold it up in front of you? Is Sora stupid or something?
MousaThe14 5th Jun 11
It's a wooden sword. It would probably break if you tried to use it for blocking (and Sora's reflexes aren't all that great anyway).

There's nothing in the beginning of the game that requires blocking. At all. Seriously. It would be a gameplay element that basically removes any semblance of difficulty from this first section.

CyganAngel 5th Jun 11
"Is Sora stupid or something?" You have no idea.
BetaRay 5th Jun 11
I'm not fond of Spoony either, but why hate him after the FFX review if you haven't even played the game yourself?
ManwiththePlan 6th Jun 11
I don't see what not playing Final Fantasy Ten has to do with me disliking the Spoony One. It implies I dislike him due to the fact he insulted something I have fond memories of. I do not. I dislike him for many reasons.

And if it's a dislike for Tidus or Wakka, keep in mind I don't explicitly state I hate Wakka and Tidus. technically I'm entirely neutral on them, I'm just making jokes at their expense.

MousaThe14 6th Jun 11
Well, the triangle IS the strongest structure in nature. :D
twilightgamer92 8th Jun 11

twilightgamer92 22nd Jun 14
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