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Chuck Austen Meets Chick Tracts: The Fanfic--Rika Liveblogs The Prayer Warriors: The Evil Gods
Part 1: The Genesis of the Shitty Fanfic
"Out load and save?" They're not praying, their making a save state for the next level of Kaizo Prayer World.

Although, you probably could make a semi-compelling case for Zeus being a god of whores... or maybe just a god who is a whore; I don't know.

And anyone who knows anything about Greek mythology should be LMA Oing at "Daughters of Artemis."
FreezairForALimitedTime
That should be Celibate Hero. Whoops.
FreezairForALimitedTime
...Arg... And sorry to triple post, but I just noticed this—thanks to a lovely bit f Ye Olde-Style grammar fail, Jesus just called Believer one of the "unholy ones." Insult Backfire?
FreezairForALimitedTime
Holy shit! Has anyone create a trope page for this yet?
TaylorAshmere
I know this is one of the less crazy things about this fic, but did they seriously sacrifice a sheep?
yonderfork
Part 2: Killing, Plotting, and More Hypocritical Passages
If anyone deserves a good afterlife (Heaven, Nirvana, the Elysian Fields, whathaveyou), it's you for willing putting yourself through this crud. YOU CAN DO EET, Rika! For the good of mankind!
FreezairForALimitedTime
What bugs me is that they're celebrating the death of some guy who was killing people... in God's name.

Hypocrites much?
Psyga315
Wow...fanfiction so bad it can change your gender? Then again, I'm currently liveblogging a work that briefly turned me British. Good luck.

@Psyga: BiC I suspect would argue that Osama's "God" is different from his own "God", despite noticeable similarities (same prophets, same angels, etc.). I don't know about you, but I've never seen Allah and Yahweh at the same time. Hmm...
Morgikit
also Rika this guy should read the inferno the deepest circle is not hot but the opposite its frozen river where all of the traitors are forever frozen with the devil in the middle stuck forever with all of the other traitors
ycesario
...I'm thinking this guy's a troll.
yonderfork
@yonderfork I hope that that is the case myself, though a part of me doubts that this fic was written by a troll. Poe's Law and all that jazz.
DreamerCynist
Part 3: Preparation of the Battle Without Logic or Humanity
Back when I was a wee one, I used to write stories with characters getting married and having sexytimes at ridiculously young ages (like, 13), but that's because I was a 7-year-old with only the vaguest idea of what actual sex was and I was pretty innocent about it. Part of me suspects this is partially for getting "organisms", at least on the part of the author, who is upset he doesn't have a "wife" of his own yet.
FreezairForALimitedTime
A minor nitpick: The Golden Compass and the rest of its series were written by an atheist and do have anti-religious themes. So he got one point right.
Mezzopiano
@ Mezzo: Ah. Thanks for the correction. I admit, I should have done better research on that.

@ Freezair: So did I. That's why I consider all of my older works Old Shames. (That, and ripping off plots from other stuff, even fanfiction wholesale, and rewriting it to fit the characters.)
arcadiarika
He's citing Conservapedia seriously?

TROOOOOOOOOOOL.
arbane
Some Christians seem to have an issue with Narnia because C.S. Lewis included elements from Greek and Norse mythology. Nevermind one of the main characters throughout the series is heavily implied to be Jesus. I wonder how they would react to finding out later books in the series featured villains loosely based on psychology and evolution (or at least the author's understanding of them). As well as an evil empire resembling Muslim Turks who worship a god that's implied to be Satan, and who demands human sacrifices. It's really no surprise only 3 books have been made into movies.
Morgikit
I thhh-ii-ii-nk Thalia MIGHT be Thalia Grace, daughter of Zeus, but that makes no sense.
azu
Part 4: Fun With More Padding--OH SNAP!
OK, now I'm actually kinda mad. This dude has gone from amusingly insane douchery to just... douchey.

Is it wrong, though, that I picture male!you speaking in a total raep-voice? Preferably while stroking your chin?
FreezairForALimitedTime
I'm really suspecting this Believer in christ to be a poe. He just keep pushing my borders of disbelief.
LostInNumbers
Mel Gibson...Chris Brown...I'm disappointed Ike Turner didn't make the list. Kids these days. No respect for the classics.

This thing is so misogynist I feel [[GIRL myself]] becoming more feminine. Guess I'd better learn how to sew.
Morgikit
Part 5: The Most Anticlimatic Battle Ever
This guy really fails at Christianity if he thinks crippled people are Satanic. Isn't one of Jesus' schticks being merciful toward people who are hurt, and, y'know, trying to heal them and stuff? And in a time where such people would've been abandoned and forgotten by society, taking them in and, like, looking after them and stuff? Seriously, I'm not religious in the slightest and even I know all that "Bring me your tired" stuff.
FreezairForALimitedTime
Wait a minute. He uses terms like "crippled in the minds". He can't spell check. He's fine with murder, but thinks gay sex is evil. He claims to be a Christian but fails to understand the basics. This is starting to sound like a certain infamous Sonic fan comic "creator". Or maybe it's not only great minds that think alike.
Morgikit
@Morgikit If that is the case, then I weep for my species.
DreamerCynist
Part 6: The Same Author Tracts But More
I'm totally convinced this author's a troll. There are some very elaborate trolls and intentional badfic authors, like the author of "Half Life: Full Life Consequences", who was told that he'd misspelled "humans" and certain other mistakes, only to go on to have worse spelling and grammar in his next story - giving the audience what they wanted.

I think this story is meant to be a satire (in the traditional sense of that commonly misused/misunderstood word) on religious extremism. If the author is outed as a troll, the "is this guy for real?" aspect goes away.
BonsaiForest
Wait, why did he TRY to convert Tyson? Don't like, fundies, like hate Cyclopses, or something?
azu
Even the worst of the Narnia books were more subtle than this.

@azu: I'm not sure what supernatural elements fundie Christians do or do not recognize. Though if they did believe in Cyclopes, they'd probably write them off as satanic due to their connection to the Greek gods.
Morgikit
Part 7: Fateful Decisions and the Point of No Return
Methinks that this guy just really hated Grover, for some reason.

Also, I'm pretty sure the version of the Gospels you're preachin' doesn't allow for more freedom, considering that you advocate firing people who refuse to pray at their boss' command. Especially since you're not giving people the freedom to, you know, disagree with you.

So much for the righteous of all nations, even if that is a Jewish phrase.
FreezairForALimitedTime
Part 8: The Beginning of the Anticlimatic Final Battle
Minor correction: Artemis herself is chaste, and her being all virginal is one of her schticks. So she shouldn't have any daughters at all, unless she adopted them.
FreezairForALimitedTime
In the Percy books at least (Not sure about in the original mythology) Daughters of Artemis are a group of warrior-women who serve Artemis, gaining immense skill and near immortality in exchange for never being with a man or falling in love. So yeah, chaste.

Also I'm surprised you missed that they are "Virgin Whores." ... I'm not even sure how that's supposed to work.

MasamiPhoenix
So all it takes to hurt a god is stabbing them? That's lame.
Morgikit
Part 9: Countdown to Destruction
"Jessie Christ" is pretty hilarious, and "the gamest thing to ever exist" sounds, like, Totally Radical, dude!
FreezairForALimitedTime
Actually, Ares was indeed very different from Mars.
Peryton
One's a bloodthirsty Complete Monster, the other a god of both war and vegetation.
Peryton
Finale: The Exodus of the Shitty Fanfic
Brava, madam, for you are a braver soul than I. Hurrah.
FreezairForALimitedTime
Battle Against the Witches? Naa, it's basically the same as this. Just as bad, of course.
desdendelle
I assume the next one involves Harry Potter? I predict the final battle will go something like this.

Harry Potter: "I am a wizard and pure evil. Oh blimey! I've suddenly forgotten every spell I've ever learned. Ouch, sharp swords hurt! *dies* Thomas: "Blah blah, Jesus. Blah blah, America. Blah blah, mainstream media homosexuals in the Boy Scouts colleges promote atheism. Blah."

Morgikit
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