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You Won't Feel A Thing


(permanent link) added: 2011-01-14 19:37:26 sponsor: PapercutChainsaw (last reply: 2011-01-26 12:26:39)

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Stock Phrase uttered by a character who is about to do something potentially nasty to someone. They tell their victim that what they are about to do won't hurt at all. This often turns out to be a blatant lie.

This is often done by doctors or friends of the victim who genuinely mean well, and are just trying to help them. However, it can also be used as a sarcastic PreMortem/Pre Ass Kicking One Liner by someone who is about to inflict a lot of deliberate pain on their victim.

Another common variant is "This may hurt a little." This variation tends to be popular with Mad Scientists .

Often used to set up False Reassurance.

Rolling Updates.

Examples

Anime and Manga

Film
  • The Remake of The Day the Earth Stood Still: Klaatu says "the pain will only be momentary."
  • The 2010 A Nightmare on Elm Street reboot: "This won't hurt one... little... bit..."
  • Robots. After Rodney is assembled, an extra piece is found.
    Mr. Copperbottom: [chuckles] We did want a boy, right? [He takes the piece and a hammer] This won't hurt a bit, son. [He hammers the piece in, Rodney cries]
  • Casper
    Carrigan Crittenden: [stalking after Dibs, carrying a huge battle axe] Damn it, Dibs! This won't hurt a bit!
  • Being There
    Doctor Allenby: This won't hurt a bit. [Sticks Chance with a needle]
    Chance the Gardener: It did hurt.
  • Chill Factor: An assassin tells one of the protagonists, as she is about to execute him: "Don't worry, I'm a professional, this won't hurt a bit.
    • Given an Ironic Echo a short while later after he ends up gaining the upper hand: "I'm an amateur, this is going to hurt like hell."
  • Variation in Monsters vs. Aliens:
    Dr. Cockroach: Now, you might feel a slight pinch in the brain. Mwahaha... Sorry.

Literature
  • In Ender's Game, Ender is told "it won't hurt a bit" to have his monitor taken out, but Ender knows that adults say that when it is going to hurt.
  • Discworld has the troll retrophrenologist truthfully informing his client "This won't hurt a bit" as he readies the mallet. (Phrenology being the pseudo-science based on determining a person's mental state and personality by measuring the skull and variations thereof. Retrophrenology "works" by introducing new variations to the skull to modify said mental state and personality...)

Live-Action TV
  • House episode "The Itch".
    Dr. Gregory House: You won't feel a thing... Except this excruciating pain.
  • One Tree Hill episode "I Just Died in Your Arms Tonight"
    Doctor: Don't worry, you won't feel a thing.
    Dan Scott: So tell me Doc, how many heart transplants have you done?
    Doctor: [Takes electric saw from nurse and turns it on]
    • Luckily for Dan, it turns out to be a nightmare.
  • Star Trek: Enterprise episode "Similitude"
    Captain Archer: Dr. Phlox is going to have to perform an operation.
    Sim Trip at 8: Will it hurt?
    Dr. Phlox: Not at all. You won't feel a thing.
    Sim Trip at 8: Doctors always say that.
  • Law & Order: Criminal Intent episode "Death Roe"
    Beatrice Mailer: This won't hurt a bit. [Holding her father's bleeding hand, she squeezes lemon juice onto an open knife cut as he silently flinches] Remember the first time you told me that?
  • Mystery Science Theater 3000 episode "Attack of the Giant Leeches"
    Dr. Forrester: Now this leech [snip] when applied to the neck or head area, will suck any desire to smoke out of Frank.
    Frank: [loudly protests]
    Dr. Forrester: But this won't hurt a bit.
  • Seinfeld, "The Glasses", has a subversion:
    Elaine: It's not going to hurt a lot, is it?
    Doctor: Yes, very much.

Toys

Western Animation
  • The Batman Beyond episode "Meltdown":
  • The Simpsons "The Springfield Files"
    Dr. Nick Riviera: Don't worry. You won't feel a thing [exhibits a swirling mechanical device]...till I jam this down your throat!
  • The Penguins of Madagascar:, "Roger Dodger":
    Roger: A mind-switching machine. Is this gonna hurt?
    Kowalski: Just a slight pinch, followed by the brief sensation of a thousand suns exploding in your skull.
  • Star Trek: The Animated Series episode "The Pirates of Orion"
    Dr. McCoy: [about to give an injection] This won't hurt a bit, Spock.
    Mr. Spock: An unnecessary assurance, doctor, in addition to being untrue.
    Dr. McCoy: That's the last time I waste my bedside manner on a Vulcan.
  • Subversion in The Sponge Bob Square Pants Movie:
    Dennis: Don't worry, this'll only hurt a lot!

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