There was a note under the door from my landlady. It said that I owed her for two week's rent. It said that all the answers were in the Book of Revelations. It said that I made a lot of noise coming home in the early hours of this morning, and she'd thank me to be quieter in future. It said that when the Elder Gods rose up from the ocean, all the scum of the Earth, all the non-believers, all the human garbage and the wastrels and deadbeats would be swept away, and the world would be cleansed by ice and deep water. It said that she felt she ought to remind me that she had assigned me a shelf in the refrigerator when I arrived and she'd thank me if in the future I'd keep to it.
Sometimes you have a list of things where the last thing is unexpectedly horrifying. Sometimes the last thing is unusually boring. This is when horrible things are included with boring things as if there isn't a difference.
Up for Grabs
- From Scrubs:
JD: You've had a tough day at the office, so you come home, make yourself some dinner, smother your kids, pop in a movie, maybe have a drink. It's fun, right? Wrong. Don't smother your kids.'
- Seen on a receipt for Toys R Us: "Save all receipts. Staten Island, NY. Watch out for pedofiles (sic). A dated receipt is required for all returns and exchanges."
- In King's Quest II+, Ma Pumpkin's description of Hagatha: "You know her type... green warts, pointed ears, cannibalistic, doesn't put her trash out."
- In PPC, the Video Game Division once charged a bad Parody Stu with "deliberately poor writing, wanton cruelty to punctuation, violation of the laws of physics, violating the laws of chemistry, violating the laws of biology, being ridiculously over-powered, misusing Hammerspace, creating minis, abuse of the word ‘chopper,’ annoying PPC agents, and being an abomination against nature due to being a sandwich that walks like a man." What.
- From Futurama:
Brannigan: Perhaps I could paint a fence, or service you sexually, or mop the floor.
Leela: You don't know how to do any of those things.
- The Wikipedia article on African Currency has this line to start off the second paragraph: "In pre-colonial times African currency included shells, ingots, arrowheads, iron, human beings, salt, cattle, goats, blankets, axes, beads, and many others." What doesn't belong?
- The Other Wiki also brings yet another example on the page about Strathclyde Park in Motherwell: "Strathclyde Park contains many sports and leisure facilities and also has sites for bird-watchers, doggers and anglers." (For those who aren't unaware, "dogging" is British slang for 'having sex in public' or 'observing people having sex in public'.)
. We may have to do some 'weeding out' of Bread, Eggs, Milk, Squick
and Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking
and put the inbetweens here.