NOTE: The below text is meant to be purely humorous in nature. In no way does it endorse hacking or corporate corruption or any other crap that can leave people open to hackers.
So you're a big business entity looking for new and inventive ways to screw over the public. There's a bunch of big gangs out there who are looking for a fight, and you can't seem to reach them in order to give them a fight. So how do you get their attention?
Easy: bring them to you!
This list is designed for dumbass corporate jackasses who are addicted to getting their asses hacked by Anonymous, Lulzsec, and the like, as well as other SOBs who enjoy the company of black hats.
What to do if you like being hacked
- Behave like a terrorist towards anyone with enough brains to reverse-engineer your electronic device.
- Extort one million dollars from them and threaten to have them locked up unless they pay up.
- Burglarize every last electronic device from their homes.
- Claim that Anonymous can't hack your stuff.
- Taunt Anonymous by claiming you've got the identities of their head honchos.
- Write an open letter that calls the people that complain about the glaring problems in your product ungrateful/cheaters/morons/other insult.
- Make bogus claims about contacting the authorities. The easier it is to call the bluff, the better.
- Pretend to be an innocent 3rd party and defend yourself using such detailed knowledge that it is obvious that it's actually yourself.
- Threaten people with obviously unjustified legal action.
- Don't just threaten, actually unleash a Frivolous Lawsuit on them! You can then win and bankrupt them by:
- Claiming slander/libel if what they're saying is false;
- Claiming copyright infringement if they happen to be true; or
- Claiming anything else you can possibly find instead of or in addition to any of the above.
- Hold a public contest, ensure that they win and then refuse to give out the promised prize.
- Make up facts to support your claims. The easier to prove false, the better.
- Arrest people for feeding the homeless.
- Pressure an Internet crusader to the point of killing himself.
- Make homosexuality a criminal offense, thereby enforcing homophobia in your country.
- Focus your corporate evil against politically incorrect targets such as minorities (any kind), poor people, and children.
- Support censorship that will put everyone in your country in prison on criminal charges (SOPA, ACTA, etc.).
- When someone has genuinely done something wrong to you, pursue "justice" to the ends of the earth and ruin their lives, even if they have clearly learned their lesson.
- Avoid kind deeds such as charitable giving even if it is obvious you can spare some resources.
- Fund and bribe terrorist groups and militias to commit acts in your favor.