Created By: LeighSabioSeptember 6, 2012 Last Edited By: LeighSabioSeptember 8, 2012

Abuse Is Okay If Its In Private

People only object to abuse that goes on in public.

Name Space:
Main
Page Type:
Trope
People have been raised with the belief that they should act with tact and decorum in public. This is, of course, all fine and true. However, some people assume that the censures surrounding rude behavior or even all-out abuse only exist in the public sphere. That's not fine, and that's this trope.

Suppose a Domestic Abuser is out and about with their Love Martyr boyfriend or girlfriend. They start behaving abusively, only for a bystander to express, to the abuser or someone else, some variety of these sentiments:

"It's not the time or place for that"

"They are really embarrassing themselves as a couple"

"If you're going to beat your spouse, do it at home."

The problem, of course, is the implication that there is a time and a place when abuse is acceptable. This trope could apply to bystander characters expressing such a sentiment, or, less frequently, a work that seems to believe the sentiment itself.

Compare and contrast Wife Basher Basher, who is usually not motivated by this trope.

Examples

Community Feedback Replies: 10
  • September 6, 2012
    Rognik
    This trope makes me uncomfortable, not only in the nature of what it says but also what it implies about our society. I'm not saying this isn't a trope, or a valid one at that, but I don't want to start promoting it, lest Life Imitates Art.
  • September 7, 2012
    LeighSabio
    This trope wasn't meant to condone the view, just to show that some people think that way. Like the trope Abuse Is Okay When Its Female On Male
  • September 8, 2012
    DragonQuestZ
    ^^ It is already Truth In Television. I've seen loads of people online talk about how some people act abusive (physically or verbally, the latter including extreme racism) when they think they are among people who also think it's okay.
  • September 8, 2012
    NimmerStill
    Real Life: I believe it was in response to this attitude that the "the personal is political" slogan and movement was formed.
  • September 8, 2012
    DragonQuestZ
    ^ Although this looks like a No Real Life Examples Please trope.
  • September 8, 2012
    Routerie
    We shouldn't title this after the other abuse double standard tropes, because this is not one of them. Those tropes are about abusebeing portrayed on screen and accepted by the writers and audience. This is about abuse being accepted by specific characters but criticized by the writers and audience.
  • September 8, 2012
    NimmerStill
    ^^Maybe, but some real life issues could be mentioned in the description.
  • September 8, 2012
    DragonQuestZ
    ^ Issues are not examples though. So while no specific cases should be listed, it's okay to list a couple studies about how these happen or why.
  • September 8, 2012
    NimmerStill
    ^That's why I said it could be in the description; that's not where examples go.
  • September 8, 2012
    DragonQuestZ
    ^ Okay, I thought you were asking if that was okay to do. It turns out we were just thinking the same thing.

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