Line #5 TearJerker/Seinfeld


1	Wait, ''this'' "no hugging, no kissing, no lessons learned" "show about nothing" has a TearJerker section? Well, given that it features four callous, [[ManChild less-than-mature]] residents of [[BigApplesauce a city with a notoriously ruthless attitude]], [[ButtMonkey one]] of [[TheWoobie whom]] is unemployed for much of the series (and keep in mind how expensive New York is), and all of whom seemingly [[StatusQuoIsGod can't keep a relationship for more than a week]], it's [[SadClown more likely than you think]].
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4	* The next-to-last episode, "The Chronicle". At the end, the montage of best moments, bloopers, and behind the scenes footage of the cast members joking and laughing together, while "Good Riddance (Time of Your Life)" by Music/GreenDay plays over it, ending with the cast taking a deep bow for the audience, hand-in-hand... The last slow pans of the quiet, deserted sets of Jerry's apartment and Monk's Cafe, both places that viewers were as familiar with as they were with their own real-life hangouts. Plus the phrases "I hope you had the time of your life" and "For what it's worth, it was worth all the while" ...there are simply no words to describe the exquisitely painful sheer excellence of it. For a sitcom that never had a truly serious emotional moment, it sure invoked a hell of a lot of emotion in its huge viewer share.
5	* George gets a brief one in the ''VideoGame/{{Frogger}}'' episode. He overtly declares that the only accomplishment in his life that he cares about is a video game high score.
6	-->'''George:''' Kramer, listen to me. I'm never gonna have a child. If I lose this Frogger high score, that's it for me.
7	** George gets a lot of these that border on FridgeHorror. Case in point, when he becomes attracted to Jerry's girlfriend--because she doesn't like him. What does it say about how bad his self-esteem is that he'd want to be with a woman who ''hates'' him?
8	*** It's a SomebodyDoesntLoveRaymond situation. When George chooses Jerry's girlfriend over his own, his own girlfriend says that she now hates him. George doesn't care, because he's used to his ''own'' girlfriends hating him, just not Jerry's.
9	* [[spoiler: Susan's death in the finale of season seven. While many deaths of Seinfeld characters are either comedic or done off screen, the death of George's beloved fiancee was very tragic and sympathetic. Especially the fact that George himself is responsible for her death because he picked out invitation envelopes for their wedding from a store that has poison glue, which killed Susan after she licked it. Susan's death is considered to be the saddest moment of the entire series. George himself was in pure shock and barely speechless to her death, regardless of his own indecision of getting married in the first place (he did, however, get over it rather quickly and resumed his bachelor life). Not to mention Susan's parents' concern.]]
10	** Though taken in context with his characterization over the rest of the series, George's shock is clearly one of simple confusion over how best socially to react at the lifting of an enormous burden; seconds later he nonchalantly asks the gang to get some coffee without an ounce of guilt or remorse.
11	** The sheer absurdity and suddenness of [[spoiler:Susan's death]] gets a lot less funny (or [[BlackComedy more, whatever]]) when you realize that it's the natural endpoint of the TraumaCongaLine that Susan's life has been ever since the show's main cast came into it, starting with Kramer throwing up on her and continuing into being fired from her job as an NBC executive due to George's amorous attentions, her family's cabin burning down, her father's affair with John Cheever being exposed, her rebound relationship cheating on her with Kramer...and she's done nothing to earn any of it except be the only person alive willing to give George that many chances. It's probably also worth recalling that much as she's treated as an albatross around George's neck throughout Season 7, he was not only the instigator (in sharp contrast to the standard "ball and chain" scenario where a woman guilts a man into commitment) but spent several ''hours'' talking her into getting engaged before she agreed. [[spoiler:The sheer senselessness makes it almost a darker scenario than if she were a LoveMartyr—she basically died because a man who had grown to genuinely dislike her, and who she herself could have lived without, [[CanNotSpitItOut didn't have the guts for the breakup conversation]].]]
12	** Jerry actually seems legitimately sad at the realization that George will be married soon and that this is probably the first step towards the gang breaking up--"They'll move out to Long Island, she'll get pregnant"--especially since Elaine herself declares that she's determined to get married soon.
13	* Sure they were horrible people, but the fact that the series ended with [[spoiler:the four characters that we've grown to love for nine years getting arrested is extremely depressing.]]
14	** It's not so bad when you think about it. [[spoiler:They only got one year sentence so they will get out quite soon.]]
15	** From the same episode, nearly dying in a plane crash wrings some genuine emotion out of the gang, with George [[spoiler:[[DeathbedConfession admitting to Jerry that]] [[ContinuityNod he cheated to win the Contest]]]] and Elaine [[spoiler:[[AbortedDeclarationOfLove stopping just short of]] a DyingDeclarationOfLove, with the implication that Jerry had one coming for her too.]]
16	* In "The Bizarro Jerry", it's actually a little sad to see Elaine's sincere efforts at improving herself by hanging out with better versions of Jerry, George, and Kramer blow up in about five minutes when she does her typical "GetOut" move and shoves the guy so hard that he falls and hurts himself.
17	** Compared to similar sitcoms, ''Seinfeld'' has a distinctly unsentimental take on what maintains the bond of the dysfunctional friend group. Presented with more positive alternatives to the other cast members, Elaine clearly and unambiguously goes for them instead, and ''never'' reconsiders. No CantLiveWithThemCantLiveWithoutThem moment of missing her friends' quirks; no revelation that GoodIsBoring when it comes to these boy scouts, or even that they're [[BitchInSheepsClothing not as good as they seem]]. She simply hangs out with them until they reject ''her.'' They may—if she has a choice—be ''her'' Jerry, George and Kramer, but her behavior cements the fact that [[StatusQuoIsGod she's not, and never can be, their Elaine]].
18	*** And George being rebuffed when he asks to join them--"We've already got a George", showing that he himself wants to be around better people and improve himself.
19	** This highlights the fact that nearly every time any of the gang sincerely tries to improve themselves and/or help others, it goes terribly wrong. Even the worst villains out there have usually gotten a few PetTheDog moments, but not these four.
20	*** This reading of the four main characters, especially considering David Mandel's interpretation of Elaine (see below), posits the gang as four self-absorbed jerks who bring out the worst in each other and anyone who interacts with them, and at least half of them realize this, but neither seems to be able to do something about it. And when they do try to improve themselves, things always go wrong. It would be the setup for a Creator/JohnSteinbeck-ian tragedy if it weren't a comedy at heart.
21	* The soap opera that Mickey and Kramer are stand-ins for in "The Stand-In" contains a brief tearjerker scene played straight:
22	-->'''Son''': How long are you going to be away for Daddy?\
23	'''Father''': I'm not really going away, I told you, I'll be back every other weekend.\
24	'''Son''': Don't go Daddy, don't go.\
25	'''Father''': Now Porter, you know your mother and I love you very much, but sometimes people fall ''out'' of love. Now give me a big hug.
26	** Of course, this [[MoodWhiplash swings right back into comedy]] immediately when Kramer and Mickey re-enact the scene as the stand-ins, with Kramer's wooden/hammy acting and Mickey's disinterested line reads.
27	* There's another brief one for George in "The Statue". When Kramer manages to get back the statue that George wanted to give to his parents, to replace the one he broke as a child, George is overcome with emotion. The way he stammers "I feel happy!", with such juvenile bewilderment and shock, shows just how miserable George is for most of his life. Of course, this [[MoodWhiplash all goes out the window]] as [[spoiler:George breaks the new statue just seconds later.]]
28	* In season 4's "The Pilot", NBC president Russell Dalrymple, who earlier in the season was more confident, quickly slips into a shell of his former self after being rejected by Elaine, because he was the president of a TV network, which Elaine has no respect for. The rejection left him a broken man and the vain attempts to win her over, which results with Elaine avoiding him, even going as far as wearing a wig and sunglasses to disguise herself when attending the taping of Jerry's pilot. Russel even breaks down to the point where he fires a crew member just for [[DisproportionateRetribution bumping into him]]. He leaves NBC to join Greenpeace, hoping he can win over Elaine's love. But that ended up costing him his life when the mission goes wrong and he ends up lost at sea.
29	-->'''Greenpeace member''': ''(after Russell's line breaks)'' I'll remember her name: Elaine Benes! I'll write to her! I'll tell her all about you and what you did out here! Goodbye, matey! Goodbye... ''(a page from the Jerry pilot floats on the waves)''
30	* "The Doll" has a [[ShaggyDogStory Shaggy Dog subplot]] that gives us a glimpse of Frank Costanza's humanity beyond being a shouting lunatic, as he becomes convinced that a man whose picture Elaine took in Tuscany, standing next to a sign that said "Costanza," is a cousin that he played with every day before emigrating with his parents at the age of four. He's obsessed with the idea even though, as George points out, Italy has "millions of Costanzas." In TheStinger he tracks down the guy and greets him with a joyful shout and an affectionate hug, only to be severely rebuffed when the man turns out not to be his cousin. The crack in Frank's voice when he says "I guess I was wrong" and shuffles off is heartwrenching.
31	* In "The Andrea Doria", George, whose prospective new apartment has instead been given to a survivor of the ''Andrea Doria'' shipwreck because the owners feel sorry for him, decides to play MiseryPoker for it and wins in a landslide, reducing the panel to tears. It's largely PlayedForLaughs as a ContinuityCavalcade referencing previous episodes ("...I was handcuffed to the bed in my underwear, where I remained for..."), but his conclusion kind of stings:
32	-->"In closing, these stories have not been embellished, because they need no embellishment. They are simply, horrifyingly, the story of my life as a short, stocky, slow-witted, bald man. Thank you."[[labelnote:note]]"[[AndAnotherThing Oh! Also]]. [[BreadEggsMilkSquick My fiancée died from licking toxic envelopes that I picked out]]. Thanks again."[[/labelnote]]
33	** [[spoiler: [[YankTheDogsChain Even after all that, George still doesn’t get the apartment because Elaine’s boyfriend for that episode bribed the owners.]]]]
34	* Elaine is kicked out of the Korean manicurist shop for bringing in Frank to translate the insults they're lobbing at her in Korean. The next scene, she's wandering the streets, crying. It takes bumping into J. Peterman, her future boss, to lift her spirits.
35	* The [[IgnoredEpiphany fleeting moment of clarity]] in Season 7 opener "The Engagement" that George interprets as a pact to get married is about as poignant as ''Seinfeld'' gets and hangs a big ol' lampshade on the fact that while StatusQuoIsGod is a great formula for a sitcom, it's not a great way to build a life.
36	-->'''George:''' [[SeinfeldianConversation D'ya ever get the feeling like you had a haircut, but you didn't have one? I'm all itchy back here!]] ...What?
37	-->'''Jerry:''' ...What is this? What—what are we doing? What in God's name are we doing?
38	-->'''George:''' What?
39	-->'''Jerry:''' Our ''lives!'' What—what kind of lives are these? [[{{Manchild}} We're like children. We're not men!]]
40	-->'''George:''' No, we're not. We're not men.
41	-->'''Jerry:''' [[MinorFlawMajorBreakup We come up with all these stupid little reasons to break up with these women]]—
42	-->'''George:''' I know, I know, that's what I do! That's what I do!
43	-->'''Jerry:''' Are we going to be sitting here when we're sixty, like two idiots?
44	-->'''George:''' We should be having dinner with our ''sons'' when we're sixty!
45	-->'''Jerry:''' We're pathetic, you know that?
46	-->'''George:''' Yeah, like I don't know that I'm pathetic!
47	-->'''Jerry:''' [[IJustWantToBeNormal Why can't I be normal?]]
48	-->'''George:''' Yes, me too! I wanna be normal! Normal!
49	-->'''Jerry:''' It would be ''nice'' to care about someone!
50	* "The Serenity Now" offers a pretty dark read on Jerry's DeadpanSnarker attitude: he's virtually incapable of feeling real emotion. Once his feelings surface, he ''grieves'' when the GirlOfTheWeek breaks up with him, [[PlatonicDeclarationOfLove expresses his love for both George and Kramer]], and finally has a LoveEpiphany about ''Elaine'' that causes him to propose marriage on the spot. Naturally, he's [[StatusQuoIsGod reverted to type]] by the time Elaine, moved by his words about how they've both been looking too far afield when they have everything they need in their relationship, has decided to accept his proposal. It makes you wonder if Jerry's emotional deficiencies are the only thing keeping them from finding genuine romantic fulfillment in the context of their unique bond.
51	* In "The Maid," Elaine takes the phone number of an old lady who died in her building so she'll have the old area code, only to receive many, many phone calls from the woman's very young grandson Bobby, whose parents apparently didn't tell him she passed away.
52	-->'''Bobby:''' Gammy Krantz, it's your grandson Bobby. Why haven't you called?
53	-->'''Elaine:''' Oh...nuts.
54	-->'''Bobby:''' Do you hate me 'cause of my lazy eye?
55	* According to "Bizarro Jerry" writer David Mandel, after Larry David's departure the writers began to write Elaine with the idea that she's starting to feel unfulfilled with the StatusQuoIsGod routine of the show and to look "beyond" her friendship with the guys. Seen in that light, Elaine's trajectory over the last two seasons is pretty dismal. "The Soul Mate" shows that most of her friends are in a completely different phase of life and patronize her because she doesn't have kids, while in "The Little Jerry" she contemplates marrying a guy she's all but lost interest in seemingly just for a change of pace (cf. her stated intention of "getting out" of singledom in "The Invitations"). In "The Puerto Rican Day," the next-to-last episode before the finale (not counting the clip show), she ditches her friends with the words, "I've been trying to leave this group for ten years."
56	** There's also her career. In "The Cartoon":
57	--->'''Elaine''': Maybe Kramer's right. Some people ''should'' just give up. I have.\
58	'''Jerry''': What did you want to be?\
59	'''Elaine''': I don't remember. But it certainly wasn't ''this''.
60	** It gets even worse if you look at Elaine and Jerry's relationship over the course of the show. Here are two people who simply didn't work out, but thought they were BetterAsFriends. In the beginning, both were pretty normal people, but over the course of the series, the two, along with Kramer and George, bring out the worst in each other, becoming caricatures of their former selves. At this point, Elaine fully realizes this but is too far gone to do anything about it.
61	* It's not enough to make you ''cry'' or anything, but you have to feel a little bad for Kramer in "The Doodle": He temporarily lost his sense of taste (due to unknowingly inhaling flea fumigation poison in Jerry's apartment) just as the Mackinaw Peaches were starting to be in season, so he couldn't enjoy them. Worse, when he finally regains his sense of taste, Newman announces he ate the last one. He's got to wait a ''whole year'' before he can eat those [[ImpossiblyDeliciousFood delicious peaches]] again.

Context TearJerker / Seinfeld