Line #4 Quotes/SpoofAesop


1	->'''James''': Why don't you tell the ladies and gentlemen what happened after the cameras had turned off?
2	->'''Richard''': Yeah.
3	->'''Jeremy''': Well, a lady came and she said that she was a lawyer representing the Christian mission and she said that one of our researchers promised them a 1991 Camaro and it was an ''89'', [[FelonyMisdemeanor and that was misrepresentation and that she was going to sue me]]. ''[loud laughter]''
4	->'''Richard''': [[NotMakingThisUpDisclaimer It really did happen! It really did happen!]]
5	->'''Jeremy''' And then she said that if I gave her twenty thousand dollars ''in cash'', [[AmoralAttorney she might be able to make the case go away]]. ''[angry punching gestures]''
6	->'''Richard''' And you won't believe what happened to us next!
7	->'''James''': No, what happened was a very large pickup full of heavily-armed and burly men turned up, and told us to ''get off their street''!
8	->'''Jeremy''': So really we have ''two'' Top Gear top-tips for you tonight: One, yes you ''can'' buy rather than rent; and two, ''[[{{Eagleland}} don't go to America!]]''
9	-->-- ''Series/TopGear'', Series 9: USA Special
10
11	->''"Hey, that last skit was written for a reason. If any of your buddies had fooled around with a sixty year old man, don't throw them out of your car, or you will die. Now, enjoy the rest of the album!"''
12	-->-- '''Creator/AdamSandler''', ''Memory Lane''
13
14	->''"And the Real Lesson? Don't leave things in the Fridge."''
15	-->-- '''Spike Spiegel''', ''Anime/CowboyBebop''
16
17	->''"You shouldn't drink and bake."''
18	-->--'''Mark''', ''Film/RawDeal1986''
19
20	->''“This is exactly why babies should not be allowed to [[GunsAkimbo dual-wield flintlock pistols]].”''
21	-->--'''Creator/AndrewHussie''', ''Webcomic/{{Homestuck}}''
22
23	->''"The moral of UsefulNotes/WorldWarI is 'Never assassinate Archduke Ferdinand'."''
24	-->-- '''Lemony Snicket''', ''Literature/ASeriesOfUnfortunateEvents''
25
26	->''"It's not the beard on the outside that counts, it's the beard on the inside."''
27	-->-- '''Action Hank''', ''WesternAnimation/DextersLaboratory''
28
29	->''"Givin' kids charity just makes 'em weak, man. Teach a kid to fish, he can eat fish his whole life. Teach a kid NOT to fish, he starves to death. Where I come from that's murder, Homes."''
30	-->-- '''Dusty''', ''in a custom campaign for VideoGame/Left4Dead2''
31
32	->'''Jake:''' Let's never be stupid again.\
33	'''Finn:''' No! Let's ALWAYS be stupid! FOREVER!
34	-->-- ''WesternAnimation/AdventureTime'', "My Two Favorite People"
35
36	->''"Never forget the teachings of those you shoot in the head after they become zombies."''
37	-->-- AltText of ''Webcomic/TheAdventuresOfDrMcNinja''
38
39	->'''Vicken:''' Well I think we learned an important lesson today about online safety.\
40	'''Stef:''' Yeah, if you want to meet up with a random stranger, make sure your friends're there with loads of weapons to beat him up.\
41	'''Vicken:''' Ahhh ... right.
42	-->-- ''Mighty Moshin' Emo Rangers, Episode 6:'' "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F8EBvJWKHtM Uncle Cuddles and Fiddles The Kid]]"
43
44	->'''Chan:''' You suppose there's a moral in all of this?\
45	'''Hsu:''' Oh... probably.
46	-->-- ''ComicStrip/HsuAndChan'', "Evening of Destruction"
47
48	-> '''Officer Barbrady''': ...[[ReadingIsCoolAesop At first I was happy to be learning how to read]]. It seemed exciting and magical, but then I read this: ''Literature/AtlasShrugged'' by Creator/AynRand. I read every last word of this garbage, and [[TakeThat because of this piece of shit, I'm never reading again]].
49	-> '''Stan and Kyle''': Hooray for Barbrady!
50	-->-- ''WesternAnimation/SouthPark'', "Chickenlover"
51
52	->''"[[OnceAnEpisode Dear Princess Celestia]], [[AndKnowingIsHalfTheBattle I wanted to share my thoughts with you]]. Ahem.... I didn't learn anything! I was right all along!"'' happily trots across the screen
53	-->-- '''Applejack''', ''WesternAnimation/MyLittlePonyFriendshipIsMagic''
54
55	->''"Stay away from good-looking women when you're fighting. Otherwise you'll get hit with [[ToiletHumor diarrhea]].' One of the few things I learned from Shadow Moses."''
56	-->-- '''[[ButtMonkey Johnny Sasaki]]''' on what he learned from [[VideoGame/MetalGearSolid the prequel]], ''VideoGame/MetalGearSolid2SonsOfLiberty''
57
58	->''"I guess we've learned it doesn't really matter where you're from, as long as we're all the same religion"''
59	-->-- '''Peter Griffin''', ''WesternAnimation/FamilyGuy''
60
61	->'''ComicBook/SpiderMan''': The moral of the story is: trust no one.\
62	'''ComicBook/{{Storm\|MarvelComics}}''': That is NOT what we learned from all this!
63	-->-- ''ComicBook/MarvelAdventures: The Avengers''
64
65	->''"It just goes to show you: Always be wary of people who are way into putting jewels on their sweaters. [[ItMakesSenseInContext They may transform into hideous freaks and rampage at summer camps.]]"''
66	-->-- '''MC Bat Commander''', ''Series/TheAquabatsSuperShow''
67
68	->'''Calvin:''' Well, Hobbes, I guess we learned a valuable lesson from this duplicating mess.\
69	'''Hobbes:''' And that is?\
70	'''Calvin:''' And that is, um... it's that, well... Ok, so we didn't learn any big lesson. Sue me.\
71	'''Hobbes:''' Live and don't learn, that's us.
72	-->-- ''ComicStrip/CalvinAndHobbes''
73
74	-> ''"You smoke, [[PlayerCharacter Shepard]]? Don't. That stuff'll kill you. Knew a kid once, half your age. Smoked too close to a cache of explosives. Tossed a butt, blew himself sky high."''
75	--> -- '''Zaeed Massani''', ''VideoGame/MassEffect2''
76
77	->'''Tom Servo:''' What do you think the lesson of the movie was?\
78	'''Crow:''' Don't watch it.
79	-->-- ''Series/MysteryScienceTheater3000''
80
81	->''"Boy, never put your dick in anything that lights up!"''
82	-->--'''{{Website/SFDebris}}''' quotes his grandfather's sage advice
83
84	->''"It just goes to show: never stick your dick in a pudding. It might still be ''good'' pudding, and you can spend all afternoon explaining that, but no one's gonna eat it because '''you stuck your dick in it'''!"''
85	-->--'''''WebAnimation/ZeroPunctuation''''', ''Franchise/PrinceOfPersia Retrospective''
86
87	->''"Remember, kids, exercise is hard, but shoving a spoon down your throat is easy! And don't forget to do it after every meal, just like me!"''
88	-->-- ''WebVideo/SailorMoonAbridged, Episode 1''
89
90	->When Molly told Nephrite how she felt, she was being true to herself! See where that got her? Stupid bitch should have kept her mouth shut.
91	-->-- '''Sailor Moon''', giving a "Sailor Says" for episode 16 of ''WebVideo/SailorMoonAbridged''
92
93	->So... this episode was about cheating. I don't know how, exactly. I mean, it seemed pretty kosher to me. The pencil was hers, after all. Just, uh, don't cut corners, kids!
94	-->-- '''Sailor Moon''', giving a "Sailor Says" for episode 17 of ''WebVideo/SailorMoonAbridged''
95
96	->''"When I look good, I feel good, too! And the only way I feel good is by vomiting. The only drawback is the stomach acid making my breath smell rank as hell. So I always brush my teeth after every throw up session. Take it from me, kids! A skinny bod means nothing if your breath smells like a dead horse and hot garbage! Sailor Moon says!"'' (giggle)
97	-->-- ''WebVideo/SailorMoonAbridged, Episode 32''
98
99	->'''Yugi:''' Don't you get it, Tristan? This is Joey's coming-of-age episode, where he proves he's a real man by winning a children's card game all by himself.\
100	'''Tristan:''' Well, he's got a hot sister, so I guess I can forgive him for assaulting me.\
101	'''Yugi:''' And that's what friendship is all about!
102	-->-- ''WebVideo/YuGiOhTheAbridgedSeries''
103
104	->'''Yugi:''' We've learned that [[SeriousBusiness card games]] are the answer to all life's problems. And the only thing I know for certain in this world is that [[SplitPersonality there's a strange man living inside my head]] who tells me to do things.\
105	'''[[SuperpoweredEvilSide Yami]]''': You said it Yugi! Now burn everything, burn it to the ground!
106	-->-- ''WebVideo/YuGiOhTheAbridgedSeries''
107
108	->'''The Chazz:''' You know, I used to be just like you. An elitist snob who looked down on everyone around me. But I've changed. Know how? Now I'm a snob who only looks down on some people. Anyway, there's a lesson in there. I'm just not sure where.
109	-->-- ''Anime/YuGiOhGX'' ([[GagDub not Abridged]])
110
111	->'''Ghanny:''' Of course! If he has no knowledge of existence outside of 1/0, Marcus can have no concept of femininity!\
112	'''Zadok:''' Wow. Atheism leads naturally into homosexuality.
113	-->-- ''Webcomic/OneOverZero'' in [[http://www.undefined.net/1/0/?strip=210 this]] strip
114
115	->''"If a character [[TheLoad only causes a problem]], [[{{Jerkass}} feels no remorse about it]], [[UnwantedAssistance and contributes nothing to the solution]], he should invariably [[LaserGuidedKarma get eaten by a dinosaur.]]"''
116	-->-- ''WebVideo/TheMysteriousMrEnter'' review of [[Recap/GravityFallsS1E18TheLandBeforeSwine "The Land Before Swine"]]
117
118	->''"[[ItMakesSenseInContext If you want a man to work with you, don't show him a video of a bull fucking his wife]]."''
119	-->-- '''The Owl''', ''ComicBook/TheSuperiorFoesOfSpiderMan''
120
121	->''"Moral: [[BeeAfraid BEES]] DON'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT YOUR MANNERS! [[VideoGame/MetalGearRisingRevengeance RULES OF NATUUUUUUUUUUUUURE!]]"''
122	-->-- '''[[WebVideo/TheAnnotatedSeries The Annotators]]''', on ''WesternAnimation/YoYogi''
123
124	->''"You know, kids? I've been thinkin'. At the end of the day, Summerween isn't about candy or costumes. Or even scaring people. It's a day when the whole family can get together and celebrate what really matters: '''PURE EVIL'''!"'' EvilLaugh ensues
125	-->-- '''Grunkle Stan''', ''WesternAnimation/GravityFalls''
126
127	->''"I guess crying does solve your problems after all!"''
128	-->-- '''WesternAnimation/SpongeBobSquarePants''', [[Recap/SpongeBobSquarePantsS7E2GrowthSpoutStuckInTheWringer ''Stuck in the Wringer'']]
129
130	->'''Black Willy Wonka:''' You see, people need to learn the power of their choices, Critic. So by turning them into whiny little babies, maybe they'll learn.
131	->'''Critic:''' [{{Beat}}] No they won't!
132	->'''Black Willy Wonka:''' Well, every once in a while, a symbol comes along to remind everyone of how awful they can be. ''[[Film/Ghostbusters2016 Ghostbusters]]'' is that symbol.
133	->'''Critic:''' No it isn't.
134	->'''Black Willy Wonka:''' Sometimes the universe just needs to hate itself.
135	->'''Critic:''' You have no reason for doing any of this do you?
136	->'''Black Willy Wonka:''' Nope! Sometimes it's fun to be an asshole for no reason.
137	-->-- Black Willy Wonka and The Nostalgia Critic on the former's motivations for causing the ''Film/Ghostbusters2016'' controversy, WebVideo/TheNostalgiaCritic
138
139	->'''Formula 1 Racer:''' ''(sees Sonic standing on top of his car)'' Huh? Hey, you! This is dangerous! It's ''irresponsible!'' [[ThinkOfTheChildren What happens if kids start trying this]]?!\
140	'''Sonic:''' ''([[BreakingTheFourthWall looks at the camera]])'' Kids, don't use Formula 1 racecars to chase hedgehogs![[note]]The original line in Japanese is "Good kids don't stand on moving cars!"[[/note]]
141	-->-- ''Anime/SonicX'' ([[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=67dMHa4PyBA English dub]])
142
143	->''"Nobody wants their pants to fall down-You could wear a dress and then... you'd have no need (The alligators had it right) (Wearing pants it sure does bite)"''
144	-->--Music/SteamPoweredGiraffe, '''The Suspender Man.'''
145
146	->''Growing up, my dad never let me beat him at chess. Taught me some important lessons, like "hate chess" and "quit chess forever."''
147	-->--Twitter user @[=TheThomason=]
148
149	->'''Sonic:''' I think we all learned a valuable lesson today.
150	->'''Amy:''' And what lesson was that?
151	->'''Sonic:''' I dunno, "Don't turn into a bee," or something? ''[Team Sonic begins muttering among themselves, either in confusion or agreement]''
152	->'''Knuckles:''' They say that all the time.
153	-->-- ''WesternAnimation/SonicBoom'', "You And I Bee-come One"
154
155	->''"If there's anything you take away today - other than you need to Google "What the fuck is {{Dubstep}}?" - it's that we all need to belong to someone."''
156	-->-- '''Deadpool''', ''Film/{{Deadpool 2}}''
157
158	->'''Inner Frat Boy:''' Just because someone looks different than you or thinks differently than you, doesn't mean you should be afraid of them. It means you should be ''angry'' at them. How dare they be different?! What, my way of life ain't good enough for 'em?!
159	->'''Billy:''' So, you're saying I should [[ViolenceReallyIsTheAnswer beat them up]]?
160	->'''Inner Frat Boy:''' Billy, fighting outside of a hockey rink is wrong, but, uh, I'm imaginary, so do what you gotta do.
161	-->-- ''WesternAnimation/TheGrimAdventuresOfBillyAndMandy''
162
163	->''"Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is "never try"."''
164	-->-- '''Homer Simpson''', ''WesternAnimation/TheSimpsons''
165
166	->Now let's all agree to never be creative again.
167	-->--''WebVideo/DontHugMeImScared''
168
169	->I have learned my lesson. I have no idea what it is.
170	-->-- '''Milo Murphy''', ''WesternAnimation/MiloMurphysLaw''
171
172	->And we all learned a valuable lesson today... but we all know what it is so why bother restating it.
173	-->--'''Phineas Flynn''', ''WesternAnimation/PhineasAndFerb''
174
175	-> '''Salvation Red:''' Do your best to drink water and eat your veggies!\
176	'''Salvation Blue:''' Keep your chin down, and eyes up around bullies!\
177	'''Salvation Yellow:''' Always listen to Dad, even when he's been drinking!\
178	'''Salvation Green:''' [[{{Foreshadowing}} Don't pay for drugs, let your friends do that!]]\
179	'''Salvation Black:''' No race jokes, please!
180	-->-- ''VideoGame/{{LISA}}''
181
182	-> Moral lesson of the year: pay attention in class or else you'll [[DraggedOffToHell go to hell]].
183	-->-- '''starfleetrambo''', creator of ''Webcomic/TheBoyWhoFell''
184
185	->Hi, I'm Brent, from TV. I know that ''Corner Gas'' is a show that's watched by the whole family, so I wanna take a moment to say something to the kids out there. In tonight's episode, the folks of Dog River got out of a jam by tellin' a lie. Now, that may be fine and funny here in the TV world, but out there in real life, tellin' a lie is never a good way to solve a problem... unless you're in a real bind, and tellin' the truth is just gonna cause a big hassle and make somebody mad at ya. Good night, everybody!
186	-->-- '''Brent Butt''', ''Series/CornerGas''
187
188	-> '''[[Characters/CodeMent Lelouch]]''': Now Suzaku, what did we learn from all this?\
189	'''Suzaku''': NOTHING!\
190	'''Lelouch''': See, he ''can'' learn!\
191	'''Death the Kid''': Whatever.
192	-->--''WebVideo/NonePiece'', "Episode 5 thru 7"
193
194	->''"I think the moral of this story is that at the end of the day, sometimes the best camouflage is not hiding directly next to a man wearing [[SuddenlyShouting A BRIGHT BLUE SONIC ONESIE!]]"''
195	-->--'''WebVideo/{{Technoblade}}''', [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=61PVs2N61H0 "I Must Win MrBeast's $10,000 Refrigerator"]]
196
197	-> '''Susie''': HAHAHA!! How's it taste, idiot?! Man, I'm gonna relish this FOREVER! How's it feel to be like the rest of us, idiot? All those times you acted so high and mighty? You're not! Face it! You're just as big a dumbass as the rest of us!
198	-> '''Berdly''': ...fine. I...I'm not that smart. I never was. THERE, are you happy?! I...I...I just...I used to be a forgettable little bluebird. Nobody even remembered my name. Then...one day came the spelling bee Noelle and I studied for. When it came down to the two of us...She got nervous and couldn't speak. She lost. And I won. That was when I tasted it. The praise. The glory. The...superiority! The addictive power of being...SMART! Since then, year after year, I've been number one in the class. ...but it's only because Noelle helps me study. She's...the real smart kid. But everyone's expectations for ME are so high now...What am I going to do once I go somewhere without her? That's...why I wanted to make a new world. For us. A world where we'll ALWAYS be number one and number two! But..I was so wrapped up in that, I got tricked by Queen. [[HeelRealization Maybe I did just like being superior.]] Maybe I am...just...an idiot.
199	-> '''Lancer''': Don't cry, chicken nugget man! All of us are idiots, too.
200	-> '''Susie''': ...I mean, I dunno about everybody else, but...Whether you're the smart kid or not. We couldn't care less. Screw up as much as you want, honestly.
201	-> '''Berdly''': Susie? You...you'd...accept me? Even if I'm...dumb?
202	-> '''Susie''': Uh...y..yeah? It's like when your sister gets cursed in [[VideoGame/DragonQuest Dragon Blazers 2.]] Even if her stats suck, she's still your party member.
203	-> '''Berdly''': ...Susie...You're not only kind, but a true gamer as well. Perhaps I...underestimated you.
204	-> '''Susie''': DON'T SAY THAT NOW!!
205	-> '''Berdly''': But worry not!! I have decided!! From now on I will turn over a new leaf! And FIGHT! For the side...OF IGNORANCE!!!
206	-> '''Susie''': ''WE'RE NOT TELLING YOU TO BE'' '''''STUPID!!'''''
207	-->-- ''VideoGame/{{Deltarune}}''
208
209	-> ''Now, the moral of our story, it's the point we hope we've made:\
210	When you go a little loopy, better keep your nurse well-paid.''
211	-->-- ''WesternAnimation/VeggieTales'', "The Yodeling Veterinarian of the Alps"
212
213	-> ''And so, the city's most cherished superhero proves that sometimes, when you try to be the best at everything, you end up fleeing an army of giant robots. At least, that was the lesson ''I'' took from this episode.''
214	-->-- '''Narrator''', ''WesternAnimation/WordGirl'', "Cherish Is the Word"
215
216	->'''[[WesternAnimation/TheLoudHouse Lincoln Loud]]''': "Well, now, that's an aesop I can get behind. ''For sure you shouldn't fight and destroy all things in house - Rita Loud.''"
217
218	->'''Luna Loud''': "So what did we learn here today?"
219	->'''Lincoln''': "That if your family member resents you, you can always buy their affection back?"
220	->'''Lucy Loud''': "Or that if you act like a brat, your family will shower you with gifts."
221
222	->'''Lana Loud''': "And the moral of the story is that all but three of us suck eggs."
223	->'''Lincoln''': "Well... four, including me."
224
225	->'''Lisa Loud''': "And the moral of the story is that if you almost mortally wound your brother, a brief apology and a promise you don't intend to keep are all it takes to earn his forgiveness."
226
227	->'''Luan Loud''': "And the moral of the story is... never try to wake Lincoln up early on a Saturday?"
228
229	->'''Lincoln''': "So, what's the moral of the story here?"
230	->'''Lisa''': "Don't use your siblings as guinea pigs for life-threatening experiments. Also, Lincoln is not dispensable."
231	-->-- ''Fanfic/PeekingThroughTheFourthWall''
232
233	->''(for Snow White)'': ''Be very pretty, and everybody will take care of you, even if you're an idiot.''
234	->''(for The Sunny Adventure)'': ''Don't eat your friends? "Friends are not betrayed?" You can't eat the sun?''
235	->''(for My Great Big Mamma)'': ''Fat people love their kids more.''
236	->''(for The Gruffalo)'': ''People who try to hurt you are stupid and will fall for obvious tricks.''
237	-->-- ''[[https://www.drttmk.com/?destination=/&_exception_statuscode=404&page=8 Don't Read This to My Kids]]''
238
239	->'''Red Bear''': "Okay, so are you saying that the moral of this story...?"
240	->'''Green Bear''': "Is to buy old furniture and bring strangers home?"
241	->'''Red Bear''': "And they can play with you?"
242	-->-- ''WebVideo/KidTimeStoryTime'' on ''He Came with the Couch''
243
244	->'''Mabel:''' You know what, Dipper? I've got nothing to prove. I've learned that being silly is awesome!\
245	[{{Beat}}]\
246	'''Dipper:''' Well, I haven't learned anything! [Whistles] Hey, Pacifica!\
247	[Dipper runs to the Northwests' sedan. The car stops and Dipper hands Pacifica the documents on the Northwest cover-up through the window]\
248	'''Dipper:''' Nathaniel Northwest didn't found Gravity Falls, and your whole family is a sham. Deal with it!\
249	[Car drives away, and Pacifica looks out the back window, shocked]\
250	'''Pacifica:''' What?! Moooom!!!\
251	'''Dipper:''' Man, revenge is underrated. That felt awesome!
252	-->--''WesternAnimation/GravityFalls''
253
254	->''"''WesternAnimation/StevenUniverse'' teaches us that, even if we come to understand someone, we can still hate them."''
255	-->-- '''[=JelloApocalypse=]''', ''WebAnimation/SoThisIsBasically''
256
257	->''"Well I've always said: There's nothing an agnostic can't do if he really doesn't know whether he believes in anything or not."''
258	-->-- ''Creator/MontyPython'', "Bells"
259
260	->''"Therefore the moral of this episode is: if you validate someone enough, you can manipulate them into doing whatever you say!"''
261	-->-- '''Waylon''', ''WebAnimation/CliffSide''
262
263	->''"Well, everyone, I think we learned a very important lesson: never trust your neighbors, 'cause they'll just turn out to be a bunch of tentacles connected to some big, weird alien monster."''
264	-->-- '''Patrick Star''', ''WesternAnimation/ThePatrickStarShow'', "[[Recap/ThePatrickStarShowS2E4TheWrathOfShmandorThereGoesTheNeighborhood There Goes the Neighborhood]]"

Context Quotes / SpoofAesop