1 | ->'''Attendant:''' How do you deal with players who try to break the game?\ |
2 | '''Gabe:''' Lie to them. Rob them. Drive them mad. Concoct impossible scenarios whose only outcome is their death.\ |
3 | And then, when their eyes glisten with shame and rage, ''drink their tears.'' |
4 | -->-- ''Webcomic/PennyArcade'', [[http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2010/03/29 "DM 101"]] |
5 | |
6 | ->"Your bodies will remain undiscovered for ''(roll roll roll)'' '''82 centuries!'''" |
7 | --> -- '''Jason Fox''', ''ComicStrip/FoxTrot'' |
8 | |
9 | -> '''Dave''': Damn! I rolled a one.\ |
10 | '''B.A.''': A one? Excellent! That gives me a chance to use the new Critical Miss rolls I just picked up. |
11 | --> -- ''ComicStrip/KnightsOfTheDinnerTable'' |
12 | |
13 | ->'''Black Mage:''' You ever get the feeling that the universe is a vast, impersonal emptiness [[EverythingIsTryingToKillYou that exists only to hurt you?]]\ |
14 | '''Red Mage:''' Yes. It's how we know the DM is doing his job. |
15 | -->--'''[[WebComic/EightBitTheater 8-Bit Theater]]''', ''[[http://www.nuklearpower.com/2005/04/21/episode-543-no-loose-ends/ episode 543]]'' |
16 | |
17 | ->''"Kill the bastards."'' |
18 | -->-- '''Second rule for [=GMs=]''', ''TabletopGame/{{Paranoia}}'' |
19 | |
20 | -> ''As you can see I soon realized that Psycho Dave ran a game in roughly the same way that Warwick Davis in the film ''Film/{{Leprechaun}}'' [[JackassGenie granted wishes]]. Everything you said your character did was scrutinized for some way to screw you over and the dice ruled all. He was the only guy I know who used a random monster encounter chart for ''TabletopGame/CallOfCthulhu''. You haven't lived until you've had a character [[GoMadFromTheRevelation go mad]] because he saw a [[EldritchAbomination nightgaunt]] sitting in a restroom stall reading a copy of the [[ArtifactOfDoom Necronomicon]].'' |
21 | --> -- '''Al Bruno III''', from the RPG.Net rant [[http://forum.rpg.net/showthread.php?s=&threadid=13446 "A Night At the Inn, A Day At the Racists"]] and the Literature/BinderOfShame, describing the style of a particularly KillerGameMaster. And the D&D game being recounted would only get worse from there. |
22 | |
23 | ->''"A dragon? You only wish. I have read the entire KillerGM and RockFallsEveryoneDies pages in preparation for this moment. I have transcended the chains of pity and mercy towards other players. I am the lava flood and the T-Rex on the plains. I am the {{GMPC}} in all its horror, the GoddamnedBats in all their multitudes. [++[[LargeHam I am the spawner of overpowered monsters and the ender of life. I AM THE DESTROYER OF GAMES... AND]]++]'' '''''[+++[[EvilIsHammy I SHALL BE YOUR END!!!]]+++]'''''"'' |
24 | --> -- '''[[PsychoForHire The troper responsible for running the traps]]''', [[EvilerThanThou taking offense at the thought of]] [[HopelessBossFight his throwing mere dragons]] at a tomb-raiding party, ''[[RolePlay/WorldWarX Hunt for the Ark]]''. |
25 | |
26 | ->''"This brings up the first issue I have with [[TabletopGame/DungeonsAndDragons D&D]]: There is no hope for you if you exist in this world. [[EverythingTryingToKillYou Nothing can be trusted.]] If the game master wants to kill you, you're dead."'' |
27 | -->—-Head Injury Theater, [[http://www.headinjurytheater.com/article73.htm CELEBRATING 30 YEARS OF VERY STUPID MONSTERS.]] |
28 | |
29 | ->''[[OffTheRails Changing the engine of a campaign while the car is in motion is a tough sell]], which is why the hiatus gives us some opportunities to approach these concerns in a broad way.''\ |
30 | '''You will note that the blade of a guillotine is also broad.''' |
31 | -->-- '''Webcomic/PennyArcade''', ''[[http://penny-arcade.com/2011/11/30 The Conflux, Part Four]]'' |
32 | |
33 | ->''An evil GM gives the party fights they can't win and should run away from.''\ |
34 | ''A killer GM gives the party fights they can't win and can't run away from.'' |
35 | -->-- Source Unknown |
36 | |
37 | ->"I was nice enough to let you play in my world... and you ''ingrates'' repay me by ''rebelling'' against the master! ''Death'' to all players! I'll ''bury'' you in eternal night!" |
38 | -->--'''Yami Bakura''', ''Manga/YuGiOh'' manga |
39 | |
40 | ->"Fine, you can have your little saving throws. Roll the dice!" |
41 | ->"Forty-one!" |
42 | ->"Forty!" |
43 | ->"Forty-three!" |
44 | ->''(Dexter rolls a 2 [[TheGMIsACheatingBastard but changes it to 49]])'' |
45 | ->"Hah! Forty-nine! [[LargeHam You all FRYYYY!]]" |
46 | -->-- '''Dexter and his friends''', ''WesternAnimation/DextersLaboratory'', "D&DD" |
47 | |
48 | ->''As I was going over the notes of our campaign\ |
49 | I realized the multitudes of characters that were slain\ |
50 | In retrospect I must admit it wasn't really fair\ |
51 | To lose first level characters to a flock of owlbears\ |
52 | We've had to roll so many saving throws in vain\ |
53 | To keep mind flayers from sucking out our brains\ |
54 | It never really mattered, the odds were all the same\ |
55 | This was a character slaughterhouse, you called it a campaign'' |
56 | -->-- '''Dan Marcotte''', "Screw You, DM!" |
57 | |
58 | ->Wow. What a terrible game master. Completely arbitrary. I wish I could’ve invited marcie over with my group. We’d have had a blast, drinking mountain dew and spinning epic tales of daring and heroism one dice roll at a time. I’m almost amazed at how horribly Gina screwed up.\ |
59 | First of all, that’s a disgustingly arbitrary needle trap. Traps don’t have the ability to CHOOSE a target. The least Gina could’ve done is roll a mischance to see if it would’ve gone toward ANYBODY if not the nearest person, Mike’s character. Furthermore, rogues (theives) DO get disable device (such as traps) as a class skill and I highly doubt that Marcie would’ve had a DEX lower than 16. That’s a +3 at LEAST. Rolling a 17, plus 3 and that’s assuming she’s -untrained-, renders a 20. It’s not a ‘natural 20’ which would be an instant success, but it’s a danged effective effort. And then, failing to disarm, a character gets to roll reflex to see if they can dodge the trap, which gina NEVER gave marcie a chance to do–and failing THAT, a fortitude save to see how effectively Black Leaf would’ve soaked or mitigated the poison damage.\ |
60 | Tsk Tsk.\ |
61 | Poor form. Very poor form. |
62 | -->--'''Stone Taggart''' commenting on ''Fanfic/WhateverHappenedToElfstar'' |
63 | |
64 | ->''"Just for that, [[RocksFallEveryoneDies your entire party falls into Hell.]] Roll to see how painfully you die."'' |
65 | -->--'''Comic Book Guy''', ''[[ComicBook/TheSimpsons Comic Book Guy's Book of Pop Culture]]'' |
66 | |
67 | ->''"All you do is try to kill us."'' |
68 | -->--'''Dexter's Friend''', ''WesternAnimation/DextersLaboratory'', "D&DD" |
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