Line #7 Literature/BoredOfTheRings


1	[[quoteright:316:https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/BotR-2_3953.jpg]]
2	[[caption-width-right:316:[-''[[{{Fanservice}} "Do you like what you doth see . . . ?"]]''-]]]
3
4	->"'''''This ring, no other, is made by the Elves\
5	Who'd pawn their own mother to get it themselves.'''\
6	Ruler of creeper, mortal and scallop,\
7	This is a sleeper that packs quite a wallop.\
8	If broken or busted it cannot be remade.\
9	If found, send to Sorhed. (The postage is prepaid.)"''
10	-->-- Inscription on The Great Ring
11
12	An, and possibly ''the'', outrageous parody of Creator/JRRTolkien's ''Literature/TheLordOfTheRings'' written by Henry Beard and Douglas Kenney and published in 1969 by the staff of the Harvard University humor magazine, ''The Harvard Lampoon''. (The members of which, not coincidentally, would go on several years later to found ''The Film/NationalLampoon'' magazine.)
13
14	Produced during the first wave of Tolkien's popularity, when ''LOTR'' fandom was a [[NewAgeRetroHippie hallmark of the counterculture]], ''Bored'' draws a deliberate parallel to the contrast between ''LOTR'''s epic, almost academic, style and the bohemians and hippies who typified its fans at the time. In part ''BOTR'' accomplishes this by slavishly mimicking the ''form'' of the book, both in content and in physical layout -- the [[https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/BotR_650.jpg original]] paperback edition [[http://lotrscrapbook.bookloaf.net/gallery/bookcovers/pages/04.htm copied the design]] of the first authorized Tolkien paperbacks published in the United States, right down to the back-cover note warning of the unauthorized editions which had been previously published. However, draped over this superficially Tolkienian framework is an over-the-top and frequently hallucinogenic tale that twists every element of ''The Lord of the Rings'' into something ridiculous yet still recognizable.
15
16	The book manages to find and skewer all the high points of Tolkien's ''magnum opus'' with considerable alacrity. In the first few chapters we meet a bevy of under-impressive characters, including:
17
18	* Dildo Bugger, finder of the Great Ring.
19	* Goodgulf Greyteeth, a self-proclaimed "wizard" whose only mastery of magic is legerdemain[[note]]skillful use of one's hands when performing conjuring tricks[[/note]].
20	* Frito Bugger, nephew of Dildo.
21	* Spam Gangree, his half-witted manservant.
22	* Moxie and Pepsi Dingleberry, twin morons.
23	* Arrowroot, the weak-chinned and bucktoothed ranger who is the heir to the throne of Twodor.
24	** But he goes by many names.
25	* Bromosel, son of Benelux, Steward of Twodor.
26	* Gimlet, son of Groin, a deformed dwarf.
27	* Legolam, an acerbic elf.
28
29	Together they make up a fellowship intended to see to the destruction of the Great Ring (of elvish design but manufactured by Sorhed under license), a fellowship which sets forth across the nations of Lower Middle Earth with the dark land of Fordor as its goal, bickering and sniping at each other all the way. Although no one in this story is anywhere close to competent, the fate of the world (or something) depends on their quest being successful.
30
31	In a sense, it is one continuous novel-length example of SophisticatedAsHell.
32
33	A VideoGame inspired by, but not based directly on the book, was released in 1985.
34	----
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39	%% Administrivia/ZeroContextExample entries are not allowed on wiki pages. All such entries have been commented out. Add context to the entries before uncommenting them.
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43	!!This book provides examples of:
44	* AbnormalAmmo: During the siege of Minas Troney, the enemy uses "flaming matzoh balls, high velocity dog yummies, and [[TakeThat the collected works of Rod [=McKuen=]]]." Horrible indeed.
45	* ActionGirl: Eorache of the Roi-Tanners sits firmly on the line dividing an example and an aversion of this trope. She's easily the most competent of the good guys, and her forces mop up Serutan's armies, but at the same time, she's a ridiculous German stereotype who wields a ''battle-mop''.
46	* AffectionateParody: In a kind of "tough love" way. The book mercilessly lampoons Tolkien's dramatic prose, great heroes, and various songs, but it's clear that the writers have done their research and read the original book closely.
47	* AllGermansAreNazis: The natives of the Plains of Roi-Tan are all German stereotypes ranging from Wagnerian opera to Nazis, sometimes mixing and matching elements.
48	* AlwaysChaoticEvil: The Narcs, being parodies of orcs. They love carnage and destruction, and routinely fight amongst themselves.
49	* AmazonianBeauty: Eorache. Arrowroot takes one look at her beefy charms and falls hopelessly in love with her. She finds him annoying, but eventually they get hitched, mostly because Arrowroot becomes king of Twodor.
50	* AncestralWeapon: Krona, Arrowroot's sword, is the ancestral blade of the true kings of Twodor. In practice, it's not a very impressive weapon, since the blade slides off the hilt when Arrowroot tries to wield it against the Nozdrul.
51	* ApocalypticLog: Tim Benzedrine's note to the boggies. He enters a drug flashback while writing it, and it devolves to gibberish as a result.
52	-->Mmust sine off as rush isscomcomcoming ohgodohgodohgodohgod$5~%*@ + =!
53	* ArborealAbode: The elves of Lornadoon live inside hollowed out dead trees.
54	* {{Arcadia}}: Subverted by The Stye, home of the Boggies. As the name implies, it's a disgusting, run-down shithole populated by morons and lowlives.
55	* ArsonMurderAndJaywalking: Numerous examples, such as (in the Prologue): "[Boggies] could only exist in the minds of the sort of children... who grow up to be muggers, dog thieves, and insurance salesmen."
56	* ArtifactOfDoom: The Great Ring, forged by Sorhed to conquer the world.
57	* BeneathTheEarth: The dwarven realm of Doria, the Moria spoof. Goodgulf and the others are puzzled as to how to gain entry, and try a number of magic spells and passwords, before [[spoiler:noticing the doorknob]].
58	* BigBad: Sorhed, being a Sauron parody, is this. He created the ring, and is the main force opposing the heroes throughout the story.
59	* BlackCloak: The Nozdrul, being Nazgul parodies. Hilariously, no-one in the Stye seems to notice how forboding they are. See UnusuallyUninterestingSight below.
60	* BlackSpeech: The language of Fordor and Sorhed; parodied by being essentially doggerel constructed from 1960s pop cultural references.
61	-->''[[GermanicEfficiency Grundig]] [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blaupunkt blaupunkt]] luger [[DanceSensation frug]]\
62	[[DanceSensation Watusi]] snarf[[note]]This came out roughly a quarter-century before WesternAnimation/{{Thundercats}}[[/note]] wazoo!''\
63	''[[UsefulNotes/RichardNixon Nixon]] [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dirksen_Senate_Office_Building dirksen]] [[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Antihistamine nasahist]]\
64	[[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Charles_Rebozo Rebozo]] [[DanceSensation boogaloo]].''
65	* TheBore: Goddam is prone to long, boring stories, which nearly gets him knifed by Spam (if Spam hadn't collapsed from boredom).
66	* BrawnHilda: Eorache is an absurd Valkyrie parody who wields a giant battle-mop and speaks in a ridiculous German accent.
67	* BriarPatching: Cornered by Nozdrul, Frito performs the entire Br'er Rabbit routine (and a [[MinstrelShows little extra]]), knowing it's [[TheOldestTricksInTheBook the oldest trick in the book]]. Naturally, it works.
68	* BriefAccentImitation: The smitten Arrowroot to Eorache: "Ve going mit you."
69	* CampGay: Legolam says "Dames, who needs 'em?" when Arrowroot is having troubles in his relationship with Eorache, and then puts an arm around Arrowroot's shoulder. Later at the battle of Minas Troney, he leads an army of ''Elven hairdressers''.
70	* TheCavalry: Subverted by the Riders of Roi-Tan, who ride bad-tempered sheep.
71	* {{Cloudcuckoolander}}: Tim Benzedrine, since he's constantly on drugs. His dialogue is barely comprehensible, and he has to stop writing a letter halfway through because he's tripping out.
72	* CompositeCharacter: Eorache is most obviously a spoof of Eowyn, but she also fills the roles of Theoden and Eomer by leading the Riders of Roi-Tan, and of Arwen by being Stomper's love interest.
73	* TheCoronerDothProtestTooMuch:
74	** The death of the last king of Twodor -- in which he allegedly threw himself backwards onto several dozen knives and forks -- and the series of "suicides" in "imitation" of his method amongst the other nobles of Minas Troney.
75	** Benelux, the steward, leapt into a burning pyre after "ingeniously tying himself up".
76	* CosmopolitanCouncil: Orlon's council at Riv'n'dell is made up of Boggies, humans, Elves, and Dwarves. It's not that inspiring in practice however, since all of these races are equally moronic in this setting.
77	* CreepyLongFingers: Boggies. What's worse, their creepy fingers are often found in [[StickyFingers other people's pockets]].
78	* CrystalBall: The ''mallomar'', which turns out to be nothing more than a Magic8Ball with a holographic display
79	* DepartmentOfRedundancyDepartment: Along with NarrationEcho, this crops up frequently, as in:
80	--> The surprise attack the next morning caught everyone in Minas Troney by surprise.
81	* DeusExMachina: Lampshaded. Gwahno the eagle, who arrives just in time to save Frito and Spam after the Ring is destroyed, is actually labeled "Deus Ex Machina Airlines".
82	* DirtyCommunists: The Narcs of Doria are partly based on North Korean soldiers. They're described as wielding hammers and sickles, while their war cries consist of geographical names relevant to UsefulNotes/TheKoreanWar -- e.g. "Pyongyang panmunjom" refers to the North Korean capital and the village where the Korean armistice was negotiated -- and "You dieth, G.I.!", which is a YeOldeButcheredEnglish equivalent of what the North Koreans yelled across the battlefields.
83	* DirtyCoward: ''Everyone'', except maybe Eorache. Goodgulf and Arrowroot even [[spoiler:hide during the massive battles of Serutanland and Minas Troney, respectively]].
84	* DiscreetDrinkDisposal: Frito tries to do this to get rid of his Orca-Cola in the inn. [[spoiler: The spy hiding in the pot plant takes it from him]].
85	* TheDitz: Moxie and Pepsi Dingleberry ("whom no one would trust with a burned-out match") are a pair of twin ditzes with no redeeming qualities whatsoever.
86	%% * DoomyDoomsOfDoom
87	* {{Doorstopper}}: Averted; for a book that manages to parody the whole of ''LOTR'', it's surprisingly slim.
88	* TheEeyore: Goddam is a weepy war veteran prone to long, boring stories. Spam nearly kills him for it.
89	* ElegantWeaponForAMoreCivilizedAge: Subverted:
90	-->In his hand he carried an ancient and trustworthy weapon, called by the elves a Browning semi-automatic.
91	* ElvesVsDwarves: And how. Gimlet and Legolam absolutely hate each other.
92	* TheEndOfTheWorldAsWeKnowIt: Threatened result of Sorhed regaining the Great Ring. Despite this, our heroes are [[DirtyCoward all too happy to surrender to him]].
93	* EvilSmellsBad: The Nozdrul smell "like a barnyard" and have [[{{Gasshole}} terrible gas.]]
94	* EvilTowerOfOminousness: The Eisentower and Chikken Noodul, being parodies of Isengard and Minas Morgul, respectively.
95	* ExtremeOmnisexual: Boggies will go for just about any living thing -- especially Moxie and Pepsi, who manage to impregnate ''vegetables''.
96	* ExtremeOmnivore: Boggies will eat just about anything if they are hungry, such as fake fruit, curtains, lampshades or dirt.
97	* FakeWizardry: Goodgulf's "magic" is all just card tricks and heavy weaponry.
98	* FantasticRacism: Starts where Tolkien left off and runs with it -- everybody seems to hate everybody else in Lower Middle Earth, especially the Elves and Dwarves.
99	* FantasyCounterpartCulture: Most obvious in the faux-German Roi-Tanners, though the elves are spoofs of the sort of people you might meet on an road trip in the USA.
100	%% * FantasyWorldMap: Wildly parodying the original map in ''LOTR''. Pop-up-ridden image [[http://boredoftherings.150m.com/bored_map.html here]].
101	* {{Fictionary}}: The samples seen of the various languages of Lower Middle Earth are generally assembled from the names of commercial products, public figures, pop-culture references and nonsense sounds.
102	* FinalBattle: Subverted; the Forces of Good are hungover and reduced to a handful by deserters, and the Forces of Evil flee and turn into pillars of garlic when the Ring is destroyed.
103	* ForbiddenZone: Fordor, being a parody of Mordor, is this.
104	* ForeignRemake: It was published in German as ''Der Herr der Augenringe'' (literally, "The Lord of the Rings Under Your Eyes," which may've been the funniest thing about it). The translation wasn't always idiomatic--for example, "A Mighty Fortress Is Our Dicky Dragon" should've come back as "Ein Feste Burg..." not "Ein Machtige Schloss..." (since the original hymn in German started the former way). The Finnish translation is ''Loru Sorbusten herrasta'' (Jingle of Lord of Sorbuses): Finnish ''sormus'' = ring; ''Sorbus'' is a brand of cheap bum wine. The translation is considered good, and Finnish Tolkien fans have adopted the parody as their own. One of the most clever translations is Saruman into ''Sivamat'' (a washing machine brand: an allusion of washing multi-coloured into white).
105	* FourthWallObserver: Bromosel, who has been told in a prophetic dream that he will "cash in [his] chips around page eighty-eight," will periodically check the page number — or look across the page to the half of the book still remaining in the reader's right hand — just to see how much longer he has to stay in this stupid story. (In the original paperback edition, he doesn't actually buy the farm until p. 96.)
106	* FunctionalMagic: Thoroughly and enthusiastically averted. Anything presented as magic is usually just a lame trick or worse.
107	-->'''Goodgulf''': Insult not the White Wizard, for I have many powers. [[PickACard Here, pick a card. Any card.]]
108	* GiantFlyer: Gwahno the Giant Eagle, the Gwaihir parody. He talks like a New York cabbie to the people he ferries around.
109	* GondorCallsForAid: Twodor called for aid, but no one wanted to give it.
110	* GotVolunteered: No-one actually wanted to be in the Fellowship. Everyone attending the Council of Orlon tries to get out of the quest by nominating someone else, and usually gets named in turn as revenge: Legolam picks Gimlet, who then drags the elf in.
111	* GoYeHeroesGoAndDie: When Arrowroot is marching against Sorhed and sees that his army is losing its nerve, he gives a speech and ends it with: "Those who still ride with the King of Twodor will live forever in song and legend! The rest may go." The entire army instantly deserts.
112	* GreekChorus: Lavalier (parodying a similar scene with Galadriel in Lorien) recites an ancient Elvish lament, which is followed in the text by a translation. The lament, which starts out in gibberish Elvish modeled closely on Tolkien's original ("Dago, Dago, Lassi Lima rintintin / Yanqui unicycle ramar rotoroot...") ends with the repeated line "Honi soit la vache qui rit, / Honi soit la vache qui rit", which the subsequent text translates as "We are the chorus, and we agree. We agree, we agree, we agree."
113	* GroupReactsIndividually: PlayedForLaughs: As the Fellowship is passing through Andrea Doria, they come to a point where the passage splits in two.
114	-->"Let's split up," said Bromosel.
115	-->"I've twisted my ankle," said Pepsi.
116	-->"Whatever you do, don't make a sound," said Arrowroot.
117	-->"Wa-zoo," screamed Moxie, sneezing violently.
118	-->"Now here's my plan," said Goodgulf.
119	-->"Bullets won't stop them," said Bromosel.
120	-->"Whatever happens," said Arrowroot, "we must keep a close watch."
121	-->The company, as a man, fell asleep.
122	* HalfHumanHybrid:
123	** The prologue mentions a "halfling", which is defined as "half Boggie, half opossum".
124	** Moxie and Pepsi somehow manage to get two of the Vee-Ates -- who are ''plants'' -- pregnant.
125	* HandSignals: Stomper uses them to ask Frito to meet him in the inn's bathroom. This results in half of the patrons watching him and trying to figure out the signals.
126	* HaveAGayOldTime:
127	** Played with when the party are attacked by a group of narcs, the leader of which is wielding a large faggot. You'd think it'd mean a bundle of wood, until the "faggot" cries out "You dieth, G.I!"
128	** Straight example when the party is crossing a stream so shallow it's barely ankle-high on the boggies:
129	--->"This is indeed a queer river," said Bromosel, as the water lapped at his thighs.
130	* HealingHands: Subverted by Arrowroot, who during the siege of Minas Troney shows up in blood-spattered surgical garb, and who appears to have killed Faraslax while "treating" him in order to get him out of the way.
131	* HeroicFantasy: Averted by possibly the first parody of the genre. The fantastic world of Lower Middle Earth is an absolute craphole, and our "heroes" are all [[DirtyCoward cowardly]] [[JerkAss jackasses]] who'd happily sell each other out to save their own hides.
132	* HiddenElfVillage: Riv'n'dell; Lornadoon is literally hidden inside trees. Neither one is nearly as fantastic as their LOTR counterparts, with the former being a trailer park and the latter being a tourist stop.
133	* {{Hobbits}}: Viciously satirized by the lazy, slovenly, gluttonous and generally disgusting Boggies.
134	* HollywoodTactics: Subtly lampshaded when Arrowroot stupidly (and drunkenly) suggests marching on Sorhed's overwhelmingly larger army after the siege of Twodor is over. Goodgulf can't believe anyone could be so cataclysmically stupid and tries to throttle him.
135	* HoistByHisOwnPetard: Bromosel dies when he trips and impales himself on his absurdly pointed shoes.
136	* HookedUpAfterwards:
137	-->Of the ballhog and Schlob, little was heard either, but local gossips reported that wedding bells were only centuries away.
138	* HorseOfADifferentColour:
139	** The Nozdrul ride first pigs, then giant pelicans.
140	** The Roi-tanners ride sheep.
141	* HotPotato: Starting with Frito, everyone at the Council of Orlon tries to pass the Ring to a more suitable owner: Frito to Arrowroot, rightful king of Twodor and heir of Barbisol; then Goodgulf the wizard as one familiar with magic; Orlon the elf whose people were the original ring makers; Dildo as the Ring Finder; and back to Frito again.
142	* HurricaneOfPuns: The endless plant/vegetable puns that lace every sentence uttered by Birdseye, Lord of the Vee-Ates.
143	* IHaveManyNames: Stomper -- AKA "Arrowroot son of Arrowshirt, True Son of Arrowhead of Araplane" -- actually uses this phrase word-for-word; other characters also have many names, few of them complimentary.
144	* InsultToRocks:
145	-->Heavily ridged over the eyes and prone to rather poor posture, [the men of Whee] were often mistaken for Neanderthals, a common confusion that the latter deeply resented.
146	* IntellectualAnimal:
147	** The evil "black beaver" is able to deceive our moronic heroes as to his identity, despite being covered with fur and having massive buck teeth.
148	** Gwahno the Eagle is also fairly intellectual, being capable of speech, even if he acts like a New York Cabbie.
149	* ISOStandardFantasySetting: Subverted, in the first parody thereof, by all manner of "foreign" elements and intrusions. There are Elves and dragons and magic swords, but there are also frag grenades, Nehru jackets, snub-nosed .38s, and Browning semi-automatics.
150	* ItsALongStory: When Eorache asks Goodgulf how he escaped:
151	-->'"It is a long tale," said Goodgulf, taking a deep breath. "Then save it," interrupted Eorache.'
152	* {{Jerkass}}: Pretty much everyone. They all volunteer each other for the dangerous mission, fight in the most [[DirtyCoward cowardly ways]] possible, and Goodgulf and Arrowroot even [[spoiler:murder Benelux and Farahslax, respectively]]. It's all PlayedForLaughs, of course.
153	* LadyOfWar: Eorache. In fact, she's the only remotely competent fighter in the cast.
154	* LeftJustifiedFantasyMap: Parodied. The map ''appears'' to focus on the western coast, but on closer examination, the compass directions are labelled only as "up", "down", "left", and "right".
155	* LineInTheSand: As the Army of the West approaches the Gates of Fordor, many start to desert. Finally Arrowroot decides to shame them into being courageous.
156	-->'''Arrowroot''': "Peoples of the West! The battle before the Black Gate of Sorhed will be one of few against many; but the few are of pure heart and the many are of the filthy. Nevertheless, those of you who wish to cringe and run from the fight may do so to quicken our pace. Those who still ride with the King of Twodor will live forever in song and legend! The rest may go."
157	-->It is said that [[DirtyCoward the dustcloud did not settle for many days after]].
158	* LiquidCourage: The only reason Arrowroot's army follows him to the Black Gate is because they're still drunk after their celebration of their victory at Minas Troney. But they sober up very quickly once Sorhed's armies appear (see LineInTheSand, above).
159	* TheLoad: Moxie and Pepsi do nothing useful and only steal their companions' food. This does change after they are captured: they ingeniously escape the Narcs and get the Vee-Ates to march on Serutanland. Afterwards, they return to being useless, and even get some Vee-Ates (who are vegetables) pregnant!
160	* LookBehindYou: When Frito wants to distract Goddam, he points at the sky and says: "Look! The Winged Victory of Samothrace!"
161	* Magic8Ball: The Mallomar, a featureless black ball with a window in it. Goodgulf claimed the Old Ones used them to probe the secrets of the future and look deep into the minds of men. When he asks about the outcome of the conflict with Sorhed, its answer is written in the air with fiery letters: "Reply Hazy, Ask Again Later."
162	* MagicFromTechnology: Three Rings of Power had to be recalled because they "tended to short out in the rain and fry one's fingers off".
163	* MockyMouse: Serutanland has a mascot named Dicky Dragon, who is implied to be based on WesternAnimation/MickeyMouse due to his alliterative name and being created by a MrAltDisney wizard named Serutan.
164	* {{Mooks}}: The Narcs, which are parodies of Sauron's orcs.
165	* {{Mordor}}: Fordor is a parody of this, with the Black Tower of Barad-dûr being replaced by the sinister high-rise of Bardahl.
166	* MrAltDisney: Serutan, with his Dicky Dragon amusement park and merchandise. At one point in the past, Goodgulf was his business partner, but their relationship soured due to Serutan becoming more greedy (at least, [[UnreliableExpositor according to Goodgulf]]).
167	* MurderTheHypotenuse: [[spoiler:Arrowroot murders Farahslax so as to have Eorache to himself]].
168	* MushroomSamba: During the boggies' visit with Tim Benzedrine and Hashberry. They eat a few shrooms and have a ridiculous hallucination.
169	* NarrationEcho: Oh boy, they LOVE this one:
170	** Lampshaded near the beginning of the book:
171	--->They were among the most dubious-looking mushrooms Spam had ever seen, and, rather rudely, he said so.\
172	"These are among the most dubious-lookin' mushrooms I'm ever a-seeing," he stated.
173	** Another early example:
174	-->Goodgulf fell silent, and a shadow seemed to pass over his face. "I would say more, but a shadow seems to have passed over my face."
175	** Much later:
176	-->Arrowroot looked with darkened face at these ruins of a once fair land. "Look at those ruins of a once fair land," he cried.
177	* NarrativePoem: Numerous, often very witty, parodies of the original songs and poems. Perhaps the most memorable is the story of the elf-maiden Nesselrode, who is supposedly betrayed and turned into a river by her lover Menthol. After hearing the story from Legolam, Frito inquires further:
178	-->"A sad story," said Frito. "Is it true?"
179	-->"No," said Legolam.
180	* NoFourthWall: Not only are the characters aware they're in a book, they wish the reader would just hurry up and finish so they can get on with something -- ''anything'' -- else. [[spoiler: Even dying.]]
181	* NoMoreForMe: The party is camped at a crossroads and manages to avoid a bunch of dangerous encounters by sheer fools' luck, resulting in this:
182	-->Circling far overhead, unseen by the company, the leader of a band of black spy-crows peered through a pair of binoculars, cursed in the harsh tongue of his kind, and swore off grapes for the rest of his life.
183	* NonverbalMiscommunication: When the "tall, dark Ranger" tries to use HandSignals to tell Frito to meet him in the men's room in five minutes, several onlookers think he's trying to play a game of Charades and start calling out "Famous saying?" and "Sounds like!"
184	* ObviouslyFakeSignature: The boggies sign the inn's register "Alias Undercover", "Ivan Gottasecret", "John Doe-Smith", and "Ima Pseudonym".
185	* OhAndXDies: Bromosel arrives at the Council of Orlon with a prophecy that states "You cash in your chips around page eighty-eight." [[spoiler:Depending on the print, it is sometimes off by a few pages.]]
186	* OnlySaneMan: Frito. Not that that's saying much, but he at least wants to destroy the ring and is generally kind to everyone.
187	* OriginalFlavour: Rich Drushel's parodies of [[https://web.archive.org/web/20140212072353/http://users.stargate.net/~drushel/b_scour.html The Scouring of the Shire]] and [[https://web.archive.org/web/20140212010830/http://users.stargate.net/~drushel/b_app_a.html Appendix A]], done explicitly to extend ''BOTR''. They are strikingly similar to the flavor of the original work.
188	* OurElvesAreDifferent: Parodied -- wood elves are tacky low-lives who run tourist traps, and high elves are effectively white trash with delusions of grandeur.
189	* {{Parody}}: Utterly lampoons LOTR and everything about it, right down to the songs.
190	* ParodyMagicSpell: As evidenced by the page quote, there's quite a few of these.
191	-->"Hocus pocus, in loco parentis, Jackie Onassis, Dino Di Laurentis..."
192	* ParodyNames: Pick a character, nation or city from Tolkien's work, and one will find a parodic counterpart, such as Minas Troney for Minas Tirith.
193	* ThePasswordIsAlwaysSwordfish: Parodied by the lengths Goodgulf goes to while trying to open the gates to Doria, before [[spoiler:noticing the doorknob]].
194	* PerformerGuise: After Sorhed was defeated at the Battle of Brylopad, he and the Nine Nozdrul slipped out of the mopping-up cleverly disguised as a troupe of gypsy acrobatic dancers.
195	* PlantPerson: Lord Birdseye and the Vee-Ates, being parodies of the Ents, are this. Lord Birdseye naturally makes several annoying vegetable puns, and is described as looking like the Jolly Green Giant.
196	* PopulationXAndCounting: The village of Whee has a welcoming sign announcing its population as "96 and still growing!" with 1004 and 328 each crossed out before it.
197	* PungeonMaster: [[PlantPerson Lord Birdseye]] makes several annoying vegetable puns that drive Moxie and Pepsi insane.
198	* PutOnABus: Birdseye and the Vee-Ates are conveniently disposed of off-screen.
199	* RedEyesTakeWarning: The Black Riders have "perfectly normal red glowing fires" where their eyes should be.
200	* RedundantParody: The Gimli parody here is "Gimlet, son of Groin", but Tolkien-original Gimli's actual grandfather is named Gróin.
201	* RhymingWizardry: Goodgulf has quite a lot of these, e.g.: "Hocus-pocus / Loco Parentis! / Jackie Onassis / Creator/DinoDeLaurentiis!" His magic is completely based on parlor tricks and funny incantations.
202	-->''Presto change-o, Toil and trouble, Rollo chunky, Double-Bubble!''
203	* RobeAndWizardHat: Both embodied and averted by Goodgulf, who frequently changes into radically different outfits -- like a Nehru jacket and bellbottoms.
204	* RunningGag: Surprisingly, there are very few.
205	** Legolam and Gimlet's spats, which also mimic Legolas and Gimli's own rivalry.
206	** An extremely localized one is found on a page which lists other volumes in the Harvard Lampoon's Classic and Not-So-Classic Book series -- part of every title in the lists is replaced by "Matzoh".
207	* SaidBookism: PlayedForLaughs, like pretty much everything else.
208	-->Spam gagged, and his arm went limp. "Die," he suggested.
209	-->"Floop," suggested the tar pit.
210	* SdrawkcabName: Numerous examples, although some -- like "Serutan" -- were simply lifted from other sources. In this case, a laxative.
211	* SecondHandStorytelling: Subverted by Goodgulf, who deliberately skips the stuff his listeners really want to hear -- like how he survived plunging into a chasm with a Ballhog.
212	* SiblingTeam: Both subverted and strangely embodied by Moxie and Pepsi. At first, they don't so much kick asses as act like them, but later on they cleverly escape from the Narcs and call down the wrath of the Vee-Ates on Serutan's forces.
213	* SickbedSlaying: ''Strongly'' implied when a blood-spattered Stomper appears and explains that Farahslax died of his wounds despite his best efforts -- and despite being almost unwounded. Stomper says that it was "water-on-the-Brain" and that he "was forced to amputate".
214	* SimultaneousArcs: Much like in the original, Frito and Spam separate from the Fellowship and have their own simultaneous quest.
215	* SophisticatedAsHell: Numerous examples, most notably the overarching contrast between mimicking Tolkien's ''form'' while writing deliberately outrageous material.
216	* SpannerInTheWorks: Subverted by Goddam, who turns out to be precisely what Spam and Frito are looking for at the end.
217	* SpeakFriendAndEnter: Parodies the TropeNamer by having Goodgulf only consider using the doorknob on the gates to Doria after hours of futile guessing and spellcraft.
218	* SouvenirLand: Lornadoon, the parody of Lothlorien. There's a gift shop, and the Lady Lavalier hands out such wonderous enchanted gifts as a snow globe and a Mah-Jongg Set.
219	%% * SpoiledByTheFormat: Lampshaded repeatedly. [[invoked]]
220	* SupportingLeader: Parodied by Arrowroot. He obviously thinks he's a great hero, but he's actually a cowardly buffoon.
221	* TaxonomicTermConfusion: There is an appearance by "six different phyla of giant insects". Insects, whatever their size, are a single ''class'' of phylum Arthropoda -- and you would think Harvard students would know that. On the other hand, these are [[HardOnSoftScience Harvard writing students.]]
222	* ThemeNaming: Some of the ParodyNames run along brief themes, such as Twodor and Fordor, and Moxie and Pepsi.
223	* ThisIsGonnaSuck: The general reaction of everybody in the book to most everything they encounter. The Thesaurus, the Ballhog, and the varous battles leave the characters groaning and whimpering, if not outright running away.
224	** The Battle of the Black Gate, in particular, is this. Goodgulf is left shrieking in disbelief when Arrowroot suggests they challenge Sorhed directly, and when the heroes arrive at the Black Gate, [[spoiler:their entire army flees, leaving only Eorache and the Fellowship to face Sorhed's armies]].
225	* ThouShaltNotKill: Spoofed in the prologue where, after the answer to "What have I got in my pocket?" is demonstrated to be a .38 pistol, the thought behind "pity stayed his hand" is revealed as "It's a pity I've run out of bullets."
226	* TheTimeOfMyths: All but explicitly called that in the prologue, but judging from the pop culture references, not so much. The setting is a strange mixture of medieval elements, such as mounted warriors with swords, and modern technology, such as frag grenades and Dildo's snub-nosed .38.
227	* TollBoothAntics: The Riv'n'Dell Elves stop the Black Riders chasing Frito by means of a toll booth that charges an exorbitant toll from anyone who fits the "black rider" description.
228	* TrailersAlwaysLie: On the flyleaf of the paperback is a passage allegedly from later in the book in which a [[LadyNotAppearingInThisGame beautiful, lusty elf maiden]] is about to seduce Frito. Naturally, it appears nowhere else.
229	* TrueCompanions: Subverted; nobody actually wanted to join, but were volunteered by other people who hated them.
230	* TruthSerum: Goodgulf resorted to "one of his secret potions (probably sodium pentothal)" to get Dildo to reveal how he acquired the Ring.
231	* UnusuallyUninterestingSight: One of the Nozdrul in the first chapter is described thus:
232	-->...a stranger to the boggies of the Bag Eye, a stranger they had understandably overlooked because of his rather ordinary black cape, black chain mail, black mace, black dirk, and perfectly ordinary glowing red fires where his eyes should have been.
233	* UrbanSegregation: Minas Troney has nine city levels, each with better life quality than the previous ones. The people of the higher levels keep throwing their garbage to the lower ones, and on the lowest level people are so poor they have to eat it to survive.
234	* VaguenessIsComing: Goodgulf tries to warn Dildo with a series of portentous statements, going from "Evil Ones are afoot in the lands" to "There is a dog in the manger." It takes several rounds of these, until Goodgulf is practically screaming "Doom is here!", before Dildo catches on.
235	* VolleyingInsults: Gimlet and Legolam frequently trade lame epithets.
236	-->"Elf-dog," hissed Gimlet, retrieving his beard.\
237	"Pig of a dwarf," suggested Legolam.\
238	"Toymaker."\
239	"Gold-digger."\
240	"Poop."\
241	"Creep."\
242	"Flit."\
243	"Wart."
244	* WeaponsGradeVocabulary: Goddam's long, boring war story. Spam is visibly pained by it, and tries to kill Goddam.
245	* WeAreNotGoingThroughThatAgain: Frito, having returned to his digs at the end of the story, is visited by a mysterious stranger who thinks he's the kind of person that takes quests. He slams the door, locks it and swallows the key.
246	* WhatHappenedToTheMouse: A number of plot threads are deliberately left hanging for comedic effect, such as Spam and Frito's escape from the lair of Schlob.
247	* WhenTreesAttack: Subverted by Lord Birdseye and the Vee-Ates, who are not trees but giant vegetables.
248	* WhoWritesThisCrap:
249	-->Observing this near impossible escape from certain death, Frito wondered how much longer the authors were going to get away with such tripe. He wasn't the only one.
250	* WithFriendsLikeThese: Pretty much everyone. They all attempt to weasel out of the quest, Gimlet and Legolam hate each other, and Arrowroot and Goodgulf are full-on murderers.
251	* YeGoodeOldeDays: Subverted by a world where pretty much everybody is some variety of scum and most of the animals are rabid. The Shire, for example, becomes "The Stye", which is described as full of lazy ne'er-do-wells and morons.
252	* YeOldeButcheredeEnglishe: Deliberately done for the sake of humor, and to skewer Tolkien's various archaic dialects.
253	--> '''Dildo''': Ring? Ring? What ring?
254	--> '''Goodgulf''': Thee knoweth only too well what ring.
255	* YouShallNotPass: Parodied; Goodgulf tries to hold a rope bridge, but the Fellowship, [[spoiler:knowing he's completely incompetent, chops it down while he's on it]].
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Context Literature / BoredOfTheRings