Line #70 Funny/TheBible


1	Yes, even Literature/TheBible has its share of [[SugarWiki/FunnyMoments comedy]].
2
3	!!General:
4	* In a general sense, all of the moments listed below come from a ''very'' old set of scriptures, which is typically handled delicately and has been translated into some PurpleProse-esque modern versions. So, yes, you can and will end up reading an eloquent passage that's essentially Jesus getting exasperated at how dense his disciples are, people accusing the apostles of being drunk, and Haman backing himself into a corner, among other things.
5	* A meta example, try [[https://youtu.be/Kz0TOQ1BF-M?t=2m6s searching the word "ass" in the Bible]]. Since the word "ass" can also mean "donkey", it is [[HaveAGayOldTime used in some older versions of the Bible]], but if you see it as the other kind of "[[DoubleEntendre ass]]", it's ''downright hilarious''.
6	* The Hebrew language as a whole, and ancient Aramaic in general, is very fond of wordplay. For just one example of many, albeit one of the most noticeable examples, [[MeaningfulName every single name]] has [[PunnyName a double meaning]]; Biblical names are actual words, prior to language evolution eventually turning some of them into "just" homonyms. Case in point, "Adam" is the Hebrew word for "man", "Abram" means "exalted father", and "Abraham" means "father of many nations".[[labelnote:*]]Yes, this means that Abram essentially went around introducing himself as "my dad's a great guy", before God changed his name and he had to go around introducing himself as "I'm the father of many nations" instead.[[/labelnote]] God had a habit of changing peoples names (see God naming Abram "Abraham", Jesus naming Simon "Peter", and giving ''each'' of His followers a brand new name in Revelation), and using wordplay in general. Which, if you think about it, means that God is the ''original'' PungeonMaster.
7	** On the subject of God changing peoples' names, most of the new names are ''completely'' unfitting. It's an example of [[https://biblehub.com/romans/4-17.htm God calling things that are not as though they are]] to build up peoples' faith so they're able to ''receive'' the new name, by making them to prophesy that thing over themself whenever they use their new name. But still, telling a centenarian to introduce himself as the father of ''many'' nations when he has no kids '''and''' both he and his wife are too old to have kids? Or telling [[HotBlooded Simon]] to introduce himself as "rock", being [[SarcasmMode the paragon of stability that he was]]? It's low-key kinda hilarious, right up until the name comes true.
8
9	!!Old Testament:
10	* This little snippet from [[Literature/BookOfGenesis Genesis]], as Yahweh is ''looking for'' Adam:
11	-->"And the LORD God called unto Adam, and said unto him, [[SarcasmMode Where art thou?]]"
12	* Genesis 25:29-34, where [[FoolishSiblingResponsibleSibling Esau sells his inheritance to Jacob]]... for a ''[[ComicallySmallBribe bowl of soup]]''. Presumably, Jacob was just trying to stop Esau from taking his food, but Esau insists that his birthright is useless when he's "dying" of hunger (and "gimme me some of that [[BuffySpeak red red stuff]]"). The incident gives him the EmbarrassingNickname Edom.[[note]]Meaning "red", since the soup he bought from Jacob was red lentil stew.[[/note]]
13	* There are three incidents in Genesis where a traveling patriarch claims his wife is his sister so foreigners won't be tempted to MurderTheHypotenuse, whereupon a foreign king falls for the "sister" and nearly commits accidental adultery. The first two times, the Pharaoh and Abimelech are warned off Sarah by divine intervention. The third time, though, Abimelech (the same one?) looks out a window and catches Isaac and Rebekah making out.
14	-->And, behold, Isaac was sporting with Rebekah his wife.
15	** Abimelech's response boils down to "Would you guys '''stop doing that!?'''" He then lets it be known that "anyone who harms this man or his '''wife''' will be put to death."
16	* Joseph tells the two men in prison with him what is possibly the oldest recorded pun in history while explaining their dream interpretations: One gets his head lifted up, the other gets his head lifted ''off''! Even better is that both interpretations start with the same seven words in Hebrew[[note]]B'od sh'loshet yamim Far'oh et ro'sheka...[[/note]]. You can just see the baker smiling as he hears the same words that began the cupbearer's dream... then it falls as he realizes it's taken a much darker turn.
17	** The English Standard Version maintains this. Joseph says to the cupbearer: "In three days Pharaoh will lift up your head and restore you to your office, and you shall place Pharaoh's cup in his hand as formerly, when you were his cupbearer." And says to the baker "In three days Pharaoh will lift up your head—from you!—and hang you on a tree.”
18	** That isn't even the first pun that story. When it says that Joseph's brothers hated him even more[[note]]Genesis 37:5 & 8[[/note]], it uses a word of the same root as his name.
19	* Moses, having been given his "Let my people go" speech by God complains he's a ''terrible'' public speaker. In modern parlance:
20	-->'''God:''' You do remember I'm the reason you can talk in the first place?
21	-->'''Moses:''' ''Please'', someone else!
22	-->'''God:''' ''Fine!'' Here comes your brother Aaron. Tell ''him'' what to say..
23	* [[HilariousInHindsight Otaku might call Moses' first confrontation with Pharaoh]] "the world's first {{Franchise/Pokemon}} battle".
24	** There's also the possibility the original Hebrew word for what Aaron's staff [[note]](as Aaron was helping his brother and was a better public speaker)[[/note]] turned into, "Tannin" actually meant not snake but ''crocodile'' as the word can mean either. One can imagine the instant OhCrap the priests had when their attempts to confront the 6 meter reptile in the room resulted in two little snakes.
25	** From that same book in the Old Testament, Creator/RobinWilliams suggested that the rain of frogs may have been Hebrews with catapults flinging them. And thank goodness it wasn't the French or else they'd be trapped.
26	--->'''France''': Lunch! Okay, why should we let you go? You're great caterers, I can't let you go, you crazy people!
27	** Speaking of the plagues, those magicians were kind of idiots, weren't they? "Great. Just what we needed. ''More'' blood in place of water." "And frogs." They even tried with the lice/gnats/ticks/whatever, but couldn't. They do get the point and stop trying, though, and after boils stop them from standing before Moses, we just don't hear from them again.
28	* The actual wording when the Pharaoh deploys his soldiers to capture the escaping Israelites in [[Literature/BookOfExodus Exodus]]. He's mentioned as sending six hundred of the best chariots in Egypt, [[MyFriendsAndZoidberg along with all the]] [[DepartmentOfRedundancyDepartment rest of the chariots in Egypt.]]
29	** Well, duh! Everyone knows you're supposed to [[TooDumbToLive send the pawns last!]]
30	** One can imagine this as the exact way Pharoh said it:
31	--->'''Pharaoh:''' Send six hundred of my [[EliteMooks best chariots]] after them!\
32	'''Scribe:''' ''[scribbles furiously]''\
33	'''Pharaoh:''' Actually... No. Send AllOfThem.\
34	'''Scribe:''' AllOfThem?\
35	'''Pharaoh:''' AllOfThem.\
36	'''Scribe:''' ...Crud. I've already written down six hundred...\
37	'''[[BadBoss Pharaoh:]]''' Are you falsifying my orders?\
38	'''Scribe:''' ...Aaaand the rest.
39	* Numbers 22. Balaam's donkey starts talking to him. [[UnusuallyUninterestingSight Balaam answers back like it's nothing out of the ordinary]].
40	* Deuteronomy 25:7-10 tells of the punitive ceremony for a man who refuses to marry (and thereby support) his brother's widow. It involves her taking off his shoe and spitting in his face. [[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Halizah This is still performed]] in Orthodox Jewish communities (non-punitively, as marrying your brother's widow is generally discouraged); there are regulations addressing what qualifies as a shoe for ritual purposes.
41	* Deuteronomy also has one about how a woman who has grabbed a man's junk out of anger should have the hand cut off.
42	-->''Show her no pity''.
43	* [[Literature/BookOfJudges Judges]] 15:4-5 -- "So Samson caught 300 foxes. He tied them together in pairs by their tails. Then he fastened a torch between their tails. He set the torches on fire and released the foxes in the Philistines' grain fields. So he set fire to all their grain, whether it was stacked or in the fields. Their olive orchards also caught on fire."
44	** Not as funny if you remembered why he did it and what happened afterward.
45	* Judges 15:16 (NIV)--"Then Samson said, 'With a donkey's jawbone I have made donkeys of them. With a donkey's jawbone I have killed a thousand men.'" Now go to the King James version and HaveAGayOldTime.
46	* Book of Judges 6:12 has an angel appear to call Gideon "a mighty warrior and man of valour". Gideon, at this point, is hiding in a wine-press in the hope that the enemies invading Israel don't notice him. This is sometimes interpreted as a YouAreBetterThanYouThinkYouAre moment from the angel -- but the other, more hilarious, interpretation is that the angel is being [[SarcasmMode witheringly sarcastic]].
47	* In [[Literature/BooksOfSamuel 1 Samuel 6]], the Philistines, stricken with plagues of mice and tumors, decide to return the Ark of the Covenant to Beth-Shemesh, an Israelite settlement, along with a gold offering for their trespass. The priests tell them that if the cows drawing the cart go one way, that means they did well, and God would be appeased. If it went another way, it meant they had misinterpreted the plagues, and God wasn't responsible so they could take the Ark back. Instead, the cows went neither way, plowing straight through a field with the Philistines hilariously chasing after them.
48	* Elisha's encounter with a large group of young bandits in the [[Literature/BooksOfKings Book of Kings]]. A prophet of God brutally and remorselessly murdering the bandits [[BearsAreBadNews by summoning bears to devour them?]] [[NightmareFuel Horrifying.]] [[DisproportionateRetribution Him doing all that because they mocked him for being bald?]] [[CrossesTheLineTwice Hilarious.]] Even more so in the translations where it comes off as though he's siccing the bears on ''children.''
49	* The festival of Purim and the telling of the Literature/BookOfEsther is like going to ''Film/TheRockyHorrorPictureShow''. Audiences have props, speak along with the verses, and boo the crap out of Haman whenever his name is mentioned.
50	** Haman really gets it good at one point. So, his plan to murder thousands of Jews is well underway. However, the king, while having a record read to him before bed, is told of how Mordecai, Haman's greatest enemy, saved his life from assassins once, and realises he never did anything to thank him. So, he asks Haman what should be done for a man the king wishes to honour. Haman thinks the king is going to honour him, and requests a massive parade, like, the biggest ever, with the man being honoured riding the king's own horse as another leads him, declaring, "This is the man the king wishes to honour!" And when he's finished speaking, the king agrees, and says that should be done for Mordecai. ''And Haman is the one who has to lead him about, declaring, "This is the man the king wishes to honour!"'' One can only imagine what his reaction must have been, knowing he just managed to give his greatest enemy a parade in his honour, which ''he'' must lead.
51	* Job 38:35: Can you send forth lightnings, that they may go and say to you, ‘Here we are’? Yea, we call it [[ScienceMarchesOn Telecommunication]], or [[PhoneTropes Telephone]], or perhaps [[RuleOfThree Television]]. The Internet, and Website/TVTropes itself, is also essentially this.
52	* Although the Literature/BookOfJob really belongs on another page (read TearJerker) One character just has a goofy name. Job's friend is ''Bildad the Shuhite''. That's pronounced Shoeheight. There is an old joke that he is the shortest man in the Bible next only to Nehemiah (''knee-high'' mi ha) both are examples of a CaptainObvious AccidentalPun.
53	* David's numerous [[PrayerOfMalice Prayers of Malice]] in the Literature/BookOfPsalms, where he asks God to kill ne'er-do-wells. [[{{Irony}} Who would have thought that any component of any holy book]] [[CrossesTheLineTwice could be so unabashedly malicious]]?
54	* Chapter 13 of [[Literature/BookOfJeremiah Jeremiah]] has a very interesting message from the Lord. He tells Jeremiah to go buy a linen loincloth, then put it on. Then He tells Jeremiah to take it off and leave it in water for a while, so that it won't fit. It actually includes the line "For as the loincloth clings close to the loins of a man, so I brought close to Me the whole House of Israel and the whole House of Judah that they might be My people". It's a very surreal comparison.
55	* In [[Literature/BookOfEzekiel Ezekiel 23]], God describes Israel's lack of obedience as prostitution in an extended metaphor. Things take a ''shockingly'' filthy and hilarious turn in verse 19: "Yet she became more and more promiscuous as she recalled the days of her youth, when she was a prostitute in Egypt. There she lusted after her lovers, [[BiggerIsBetterInBed whose genitals were like those of donkeys]] and [[TooMuchInformation whose emission was like that of horses.]]" [[https://www.cracked.com/article_15699_the-9-most-badass-bible-verses.html Cracked.com points out]] that it says something about the Egyptians' reputation for endowment that in the middle of a TheReasonYouSuckSpeech [[LameComeback God makes sure to stop to note that they have huge penises]].
56	* [[Literature/BookOfHosea Hosea]] 3:1 God commands Hosea to go love his unfaithful wife.
57	-->Then the LORD said to me, "Go again, love a woman who is loved by her husband, yet an adulteress, even as the LORD loves the sons of Israel, though they turn to other gods [[ArsonMurderAndJaywalking and love raisin cakes]]."
58	** Although other, more modern, translations translate it as "getting drunk" or "worshipping other gods" (raisin cakes being a ritual offering to the goddess Asherah).
59	* The Book of Jonah, particularly the fourth chapter, where despite everything he's been through, and despite the fact that the Ninevites repented through a short, eight-word sermon, Jonah still mopes about how they should be destroyed. He is so petty about the whole ordeal, he wants God to just GetItOverWith, especially when God gives him a plant to sit under and wait for the destruction... only to send a worm to destroy the plant the next day.
60	* At the end of the Literature/BookOfJonah, the way God defends His decision to not lay waste to Nineveh is rather humorous: "Should I care not about Nineveh, which has thousands of people who do not yet know their right from their left, and also much cattle!?"
61	** Also, Jonah criticized God's mercy because he felt cheated out. Like, he endured a terrifying sojourn into a whale's belly and suddenly God wimps out?
62	* Isaiah 29:12 -- [[CaptainObvious "If you give the scroll to someone who cannot read, and say, 'Read this, please', they will answer, 'I don’t know how to read.'"]] Let it never be said the Bible doesn't provide practical advice.
63	* In [[Literature/BookOfMicah Micah]] 2:11, the exasperated prophet berates the Israelites for only listening to false prophets who just tell them what they want to hear: "If a liar and deceiver comes and says, ‘I will prophesy for you plenty of wine and beer,' that would be just the prophet for this people!"
64	* Gideon heard about a dream of a [[FoodEatsYou giant loaf of bread destroying the enemy camp]].
65	* Elijah joking to 450 prophets of Baal that their god is too busy taking a shower to help them. Funnier if you interpret "shower" as "pee".
66	** It gets even more hilarious if you put it in historical and cultural context. Elijah wasn't simply trash-talking, but actually relating to both general Godly characteristics, and more exact aspects of Baal. The "pursuing" part was about Baal's one exact aspect: Historically, Baal was associated with weather and rain and cultists prayed to him for rain, especially during drought. If you missed some of that: Elijah was saying to cultists that rain was Baal pissing on them.
67	** The word "busy" in the NIV or "pursuing" in the KJV in Elijah's taunt actually translates better into "pooping".
68	*** Another funny one from that story is that the prophets of Baal spent all day trying to burn the bull. When it finally comes time for Elijah to try and burn the sacrifice, he [[HumiliationConga soaks the bull to the bone before immediately lighting it on fire.]]
69	* If you're in the right mood, the start of Jacob's family can be seen as this. Leaving aside, for the moment that it's his cousins, Jacob meets and falls in love with Rachel. He tells her father that he wants to marry her, and yes, WHY he wants to marry her. They strike a deal that he will work for 7 years. Jacob does this, marries his bride, takes her home and starts the honeymoon. It's not until the next morning that he realizes [[BrideAndSwitch he actually married Leah, Rachel's sister]]. He works for seven more years to marry Rachel. And then the sisters start a very absurd war for his affection using pregnancy! At one point, when Rachel complains about not getting pregnant, you can see Jacob's frustration and fatigue with his answer, "What, do you think I'm God?"
70	** Cousins, ha. Remember who his ''grandfather'' married? His ''half-sister''. But recall that this is before the laws regarding who one may have sex with were codified, and when they were, cousins didn't make the "prohibited" list.
71	** Those laws also prohibit a man from marrying his wife's sister - presumably, so commentators have noted, just to avoid any more such nonsense.
72	* Tamar. Not the daughter of David, the one whom Judah's sons married. The first one, Er, died of an unspecified sin[[note]]Note also that "Er", ayin-resh, spelled backwards, is "ra", or "wicked", as in "But Er, Judah's firstborn, was wicked in the sight of the [[AC:Lord]]..."[[/note]]; his brother, who married her, died after "pulling out" before his seed could come out. Judah thought there was something wrong with ''her'', so even though he told her to wait until his third son was grown, he delayed in giving her to him, so she dressed like a harlot, and waited on the side of the road, apparently knowing enough about Judah to know he'd pay her a visit. He offers her a goat as payment, and she asks for some collateral. He hands over his seal and cord. (At that time, this would be equivalent to his passport, credit report, and power of attorney all in one.) After he leaves, she goes back to her father's house. She gets pregnant from the encounter, and someone tells Judah, who's ready to have her stoned. She sends him his stuff and asks him to identify them (perhaps a way of saying, "It takes two to tango, dude", as well as being a mirror of what he and his brothers did in asking their father to identify Joseph's robe). He backs down.
73	* You wouldn't think the laws regarding leprosy would have anything funny in it (outside of maybe the mental image of a man having to cover his upper lip and call out, "Unclean! Unclean!"), but it has this to say about baldness:
74	-->As for the man whose hair has fallen from his head, he is bald, but he is clean.
75	** There is also the bizarre rule that a person with a skin disease is unclean, but if the disease spreads to cover his entire body completely, then the person is clean again.[[labelnote:*]]This is probably supposed to be a purity law, with the intent that blotches of differently-coloured skin are what makes the person unclean; having skin that's purely a single colour is clean, regardless of colour. And it also seems to only apply if the condition isn't contagious, since spreadable diseases would still be unclean because of other laws. Still pretty funny even '''in''' context, though.[[/labelnote]]
76	** On the subject of the Law, a lot of the laws regard purity, and are symbolic of how God's people, the Jews, are supposed to be completely separate from the world, and ''not'' supposed to mingle with the world. (And by extension, are to keep away from the worship and gods of the surrounding nations, and not mix God and pagan beliefs.) ...But if you miss the symbolic meaning and only see the literal, then you find things like, say, [[https://biblehub.com/leviticus/19-19.htm a ban]] on [[https://biblehub.com/deuteronomy/22-11.htm blended fabrics]]. Better kiss that cotton-polyester shirt goodbye!
77	* Before she became the prophet Samuel's mother, Hannah angsted so much about her inability to conceive that she went to the Temple and wept and prayed for a son. When he saw her, High Priest Eli thought she was drunk and bluntly said "lady, stop making a scene! Go home and get something against the hangover!".
78	* David cutting off a piece of Saul's robes as the latter was going to, ehm, ''empty his bowels'' might be a perfect lesson of mercy... until you remember one thing: caves have no ventilation. Meaning David is having to face the full stench of his would-be murderer's poo.
79	* Rebekah's pretext for sending Jacob off to her brother (and away from ''his'' extremely angry brother) is to find a suitable wife (Esau's two wives being considered extremely unsuitable). A MalignedMixedMarriage is SeriousBusiness back in the day, to be sure, but like her son Esau complaining that if he doesn't get some food right now he could just ''die'', she complains to Isaac that if she gets one more Hittite daughter-in-law she could just ''die.''
80
81	!!New Testament:
82	* Peter is very much the comic relief of the New Testament. He's argumentative, impetuous and has the ability to drop comments not exactly in keeping with the solemnity of the occasion that wouldn't be out of place in a Marvel movie. He's also, by tradition, the first Pope.
83	* The Transfiguration - Moses and Elijah turn up out of the blue and are talking with Jesus. Peter's first response is to suggest erecting tents for them.
84	** God's "This is My Son, with whom I am well pleased" moment is explicitly noted as happening while Peter was still talking. God ''interrupted Peter!''
85	* At the Last Supper, Peter initially refuses to let Jesus wash his feet... then suggests that Jesus wash his hands and head too.
86	* Gospel of Matthew 16: 5-12: The Disciples forgot to bring any bread with them, and they take Jesus' parable about the 'yeast of the pharisees' out of context.
87	-->'''Jesus:''' "Don’t you remember the five loaves for the five thousand, and how many basketfuls you gathered? Or the seven loaves for the four thousand, and how many basketfuls you gathered? How is it you don’t understand that I was not talking to you about bread?"
88	** They ''finally'' get he meant the ''teachings'' of the Pharisees.
89	* Matthew 21:18-19-- "Early in the morning, as Jesus was on his way back to the city, he was hungry. Seeing a fig tree by the road, he went up to it but found nothing on it except leaves. Then he said to it, 'May you never bear fruit again!' Immediately the tree withered." Theological meaning aside, just imagine Jesus yelling at a tree until it dies while the apostles all stand about awkwardly.
90	* John 1:46: [[BitingTheHandHumor Does anything good come from Nazareth?]]
91	* The first time they see Jesus walking on water, the Disciples outright freak out: "IT'S A GHOST!"
92	** Peter decides to have a go... and ends up sinking.
93	** It's even better than that. Peter's able to walk on water just like his rabbi at first, but when he becomes conscious of the wind and the waves, and the danger all around him, he starts to drown and Jesus has to save him. It's a classic metaphor for faith... That just so happens to resemble a classic ''WesternAnimation/LooneyTunes [[GravityIsAHarshMistress routine]]'' to modern readers.
94	* Luke 7:29 specifies that all the people accepted John was a prophet... even the ''tax collectors''! It's even better in some translations, which write it as "all the people, [[MyFriendsAndZoidberg and the tax collectors]]..."
95	* In Luke 11:37-54, a Pharisee invites Jesus over for supper, and Jesus takes the opportunity to lambast the Pharisees for their hypocrisy. One of the lawyers/legal experts/experts in the law points out that what He said was insulting them, too. And how does Jesus respond? [[https://biblehub.com/luke/11-46.htm He turns to the experts in the law and starts lambasting them, too]]. Or in other words, as one translation puts it...
96	--> “[[BluntYes Yes,” said Jesus]], “what sorrow also awaits you experts in religious law! For you crush people with unbearable religious demands, and you never lift a finger to ease the burden." -- Luke 11:46 (NLT)
97
98	* Jesus soundly sleeping on a boat is awoken by his Disciples crying out in fear, because there's an awful storm and they're currently living a real danger of sinking. Jesus yells at the storm to stop - it does - then lambasts the Disciples for disturbing his nap.
99	** In short
100	--->'''Jesus''': Everyone, just shut up! Yes, that means you, storm! I'm trying to have a nap! >:(
101	** This gets even funnier when you realize that by [[https://christianity.org.uk/article/timeline-of-jesus-life this point in the journey]], they've already seen Jesus heal the injured and resurrect the dead. [[FridgeBrilliance Of course Jesus was mad]]; the Disciples were so scared they'd convinced themselves that God would let His only son ''drown''.
102	* How Jesus's first public miracle comes about: he and his mother are guests at a wedding. Mary points out that there's no more wine. Jesus asks what she wants ''him'' to do about it. Mary just turns to the servants and tells them to follow his instructions. Water turning into wine ensues, and it's the ''good'' stuff. (Cue host complaining that everyone knows you serve the good stuff ''first''... and later serve cheap rotgut when everyone's too drunk to know the difference.)
103	* Jesus' response to a crowd attempting to stone him in John 10: "I have shown you many good works from my Father. For which of these are you trying to stone me?"
104	* John's account of the Resurrection involves himself and Peter ''racing'' to the tomb where Jesus' body was held. John makes a point to note that he got there before Peter did.
105	* Acts 2: On the Pentecost, the Disciples gain the ability to speak fluently in new languages. Unsurprisingly, this shocks many of the onlookers, some of whom conclude that they're simply drunk. However, Peter tells the crowd that it's too early for them to have been drinking, as it was only 9:00 AM.
106	* Acts 12:7: Evidently, Peter is such a deep sleep that the angel had to kick him in the ribs to wake him up, to break Peter out of prison. Peter thought [[ThatWasNotADream he was dreaming]] and [[RefugeInAudacity walked right past two sets of armed guards.]] When Peter finally realizes that he is not dreaming and is actually free, he heads back to the house with the rest of the disciples. A girl called Rhoda answers the door, and is ''so excited'' to hear that it's him that she immediately runs off to tell the other disciples. Completely forgetting to actually unlock the door and let Peter, who has just been ''miraculously rescued by an angel'', in.
107	* Acts 19:13-16 - When several amateurs try to exorcise a demon by saying, "We adjure you by Jesus whom Paul preaches," the demon-possessed man says, "Jesus I know, and Paul I know about, but who are you?" and then proceeds to [[NoHoldsBarredBeatDown beat the crap out of them]] so that they fled naked and wounded.
108	** Though another interpretation, which probably shouldn't be on this page, is that the demon-possessed guy raped them.
109	* Paul holds a sermon in a tower. It continues long into the night. A guy sitting in the window falls asleep and falls to his death. Paul casually strolls down and hurls himself at the guy, says "This man is not dead", revives him... and goes up to continue his speech until dawn.
110	* Paul derailing his own trial by inciting a theological argument amongst his Sadducee and Pharisee judges. One half, the Sadducees, don't believe in anything supernatural, whereas the Pharisees, which include Paul, do, so when Paul says he believes in the resurrection of the dead, the court is split into two camps and things get so bad that the Roman soldiers have to transfer him to Rome to hear his case.
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Context Funny / TheBible