1 | * Many exchanges between David and Montana. |
2 | ** This one: |
3 | --->'''David:''' Why aren't we having sex yet?\ |
4 | '''Montana:''' You know the rules. Get rid of her, Mr. Fuzzy is yours.[[note]] The fact that her UnusualEuphemism of choice is ''Mr.'' Fuzzy is a clue to her true identity.[[/note]] |
5 | ** This exchange: |
6 | --->'''Montana:''' YOU - promised me you would get rid of Celeste. '''WE WERE BOTH NAKED AND YOU PROMISED! NAKED!'''\ |
7 | '''David:''' Hey! We were never naked.\ |
8 | '''Montana:''' Well, we ''could'' have been! |
9 | ** Another exchange: |
10 | --->'''David:''' Find Jeffrey Anderson... ''({{beat}})'' Can I touch your breasts?\ |
11 | '''Montana:''' '''FIND HIM!''' |
12 | * The scene of Jeffrey's disastrous DinnerTheatre performance of ''Theatre/DeathOfASalesman''. It's a wonder he's even able to get through the play each night. |
13 | -->''[exterior shot of the dinner theatre marquee, which now reads "JEFF Y NDERSON IS WILLY LOMAN IN ''DEATH OF A SALESMAN''"; inside, Jeffrey and two younger actors playing Biff and Happy Loman are performing the play's first flashback scene]''\ |
14 | '''Actor Playing Biff:''' Where'd you go this time, Pop?\ |
15 | '''Jeffrey:''' ''[as Willy]'' Well, I went on the road and went north to Providence. Met the mayor!\ |
16 | '''Actor Playing Biff:''' The mayor of Providence?\ |
17 | '''Hard of Hearing Man:''' ''[loudly, to his wife]'' What'd he say?\ |
18 | '''Hard of Hearing Man's Wife:''' The mayor.\ |
19 | '''Hard of Hearing Man:''' Who?\ |
20 | '''Hard of Hearing Man's Wife:''' The mayor of Providence!\ |
21 | '''Hard of Hearing Man:''' WHO?\ |
22 | '''Actor Playing Biff:''' ''[raising his voice]'' You said the mayor of Providence, Pop?\ |
23 | '''Jeffrey:''' ''[yelling]'' YEAH! THE MAYOR OF PROVIDENCE! ''[walks to the front of the stage and yells toward the hard of hearing man]'' RHODE ISLAND!\ |
24 | '''Female Patron:''' ''[accidentally upends her cup of coffee]'' Oh! ''[loudly]'' Waiter! Waiter! ''[she begins clinking her fork against her glass as David watches the play thoughtfully]''\ |
25 | '''Jeffrey:''' He was sitting in the hotel lobby!\ |
26 | '''Female Patron:''' Waiter! Waiter! ''[she continues clanking her fork against her glass as the waiters ignore her]''\ |
27 | '''Actor Playing Biff:''' What'd he say?\ |
28 | '''Jeffrey:''' ''[marches toward the female patron's table while trying not to break character]'' He said, "Morning!" I said, "You got a fine city here, mayor!" ''[he wipes up the spilled coffee]'' And then-\ |
29 | '''Female Patron:''' You're doing so well up there!\ |
30 | '''Jeffrey:''' ''[clearly not encouraged by the compliment]'' And then, I had a cup of coffee with him- ''[two busboys bump into each other, dropping their trays with a loud crash; they begin arguing]'' I WENT TO BOSTON! ''[puts his arms around the actors playing Biff and Happy, who look almost as put upon as Jeffrey]'' FINE CITY, BOSTON! GOT A COUPLE OF OTHER TOWNS IN MASS, PORTLAND, BANGOR, AND '''STRAIGHT HOOOME!!''' ''[by this point, he almost has Biff and Happy in a headlock]''\ |
31 | '''Hard of Hearing Man:''' What is he yelling? |
32 | * Celeste accuses Jeffrey of being an egomaniac because he thinks she's jealous of Lori dating him. |
33 | -->'''Jeffrey:''' ''(practically giggling)'' Of course I'm an egomaniac! I have America's Sweetheart '''CLIMBING UP MY DRAINPIPE!''' |
34 | * Jeffrey and Celeste's kissing scene which he can't get right until [[GroinAttack she kicks him in the nuts]]. The joke is that while she's getting more and more turned on, he's acting like he feels nothing for her. |
35 | * Rose asking, "Why can't I write shit like this?" when Celeste has her big breakdown and confesses her dark secret to Jeffrey and Lori. |
36 | * The LiveEpisode quickly derails because Jeffrey [[BlindWithoutEm refuses to wear his glasses on camera.]] The fact that he is standing directly under a tasselled lantern and has to keep pushing the tassels off his forehead is icing on the cake. |
37 | -->'''Jeffrey:''' ''(preparing for his entrance)'' Here, hold those, I can't wear them. ''(hands his glasses to Tawny)''\ |
38 | '''Tawny:''' ''(tries to hand them back)'' I think you need them...\ |
39 | '''Jeffrey:''' ''(loud whisper)'' NO! They're ugly!\ |
40 | '''Tawny:''' But your eyes-\ |
41 | '''Technician:''' You're on! ''(hands Jeffrey an envelope)'' Go! Go, go! ''(Jeffrey leaves)''\ |
42 | '''Tawny:''' ''(tries on Jeffrey's glasses and blinks incredulously)'' Oh my god, this guy's blind as a bat!...\ |
43 | ''(on set, Jeffrey makes his entrance)''\ |
44 | '''Celeste:''' ''(as Maggie, reading teleprompter)'' Dr. Randall, what a surprise. Are you having lunch here?\ |
45 | '''Jeffrey:''' ''(as Dr. Randall, reading teleprompter)'' I will if it's that sample. ''(Burton, the director, looks confused)'' Heh... ''(peers at teleprompter)'' I wish it was that simple.\ |
46 | '''Edmund:''' ''(watching in his office)'' This guy never heard of contact lenses?\ |
47 | '''Jeffrey:''' The test results have come back.\ |
48 | '''Celeste:''' And?\ |
49 | '''Jeffrey:''' And I'm afraid the results are very disturbing. ''(reading teleprompter)'' It seems that... Angelique has a... rare case... of brake fluid. ''(squints)'' Bran fluid. Bran flavor.\ |
50 | '''Burton:''' ''(whispers)'' Brain fever.\ |
51 | '''David:''' ''(watching in Edmund's office)'' Brain fever.\ |
52 | '''Edmund:''' ''SAY IT!''\ |
53 | '''Celeste:''' ''(hisses)'' Brain fever!\ |
54 | '''Jeffrey:''' ''(nods)'' Brain fever. Or, what we call in Austria... ''(he stares at the teleprompter in disbelief; Celeste looks at the teleprompter and gets a similar look on her face)'' ...''kopfgeschlagen.''[[note]][[TapOnTheHead a knock on the head]][[/note]] ''(looks quietly pleased with himself)'' At the current rate of inflation, her brain will laterally explore the-\ |
55 | '''Celeste:''' "Literally explode".\ |
56 | '''Jeffrey:''' Exactly, within the next three houses-\ |
57 | '''Celeste:''' "Hours".\ |
58 | '''Jeffrey:''' Yes, will literally explode within the next three hours. I would suggest leaving the restraint.\ |
59 | '''Celeste:''' "The restaurant".\ |
60 | '''Jeffrey:''' Restaurant, yes.\ |
61 | '''Celeste:''' Her brain will actually explode?\ |
62 | '''Jeffrey:''' Yes, I've, uh... ''(looks over his fingers at teleprompter)'' I've seen it happen. It's a dreadful... it's a dreadful, dreadful thug... thing. |
63 | * The climax of the plot. |
64 | -->'''Edmund:''' ''(watching in his office as the LiveEpisode slides into hasty improvisation)'' There's a nurse at the restaurant... did I miss a meeting!? |
65 | * Montana's hasty justification for her insistence on a brain transplant for Maggie/Celeste: "I also took an oath. The Nurse's Oath!" |
66 | -->'''Rose:''' ''(watching in disbelief)'' A ''Nurse's'' Oath?! |
67 | * Then, Lori breaking character to urge Celeste not to leave the show [[note]]Her character has been mute up to this point[[/note]]; she and Montana get into a brief HandWave war: |
68 | -->'''Montana:''' Sudden onset speech, the final stages of brain fever! She could go at any moment!\ |
69 | '''Lori:''' I could always talk. |
70 | * Really, that whole last scene, what with everyone going completely [[OffTheRails off script]] in an attempt to engineer, each one, the outcome s/he desires, and the others [[OutGambitted trying to keep up with all the sudden changes]]. |
71 |
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