1 | * "There are now plans in Minnesota to build a floating nuclear power plant. Just like a regular nuclear power plant, but it floats on water. It's all part of a plan by city officials to have a ''huge'' disaster." |
2 | * His routine about death in his 2011 comedy special. |
3 | * This NonSequitur [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QX1SojKfgNI video.]] |
4 | * Any time he got to play Creator/BurtReynolds on ''Series/SaturdayNightLive'', especially when coupled with a ''Celebrity Jeopardy!'' sketch. |
5 | * "Well, another New Year's Eve is fast approaching, and tourists visiting Times Square to watch the ball drop will be in for quite a surprise: ''Crazy people will be shooting at them!''" |
6 | * One of the best examples of Norm turning a badly-received joke around was when he put up a graph supporting the thesis that women, overall, are safer drivers than men, but pointed out that the figures in the chart didn't add up to 100% because "the math was done by a woman", prompting scattered laughter amongst loud booing and cries of "Woah!" from the audience. How did Norm handle it? |
7 | --> '''Norm:''' "For those of you hissing at that joke, you should know it was ''written'' by a woman, so... Now you don't know ''what'' the hell to do, do ya?" |
8 | --> ''*audience begins laughing again*'' |
9 | --> '''Norm:''' "[[RefugeInAudacity Nah, I'm just kidding; we don't hire women.]]" |
10 | --> ''*[[CrossesTheLineTwice audience laughs harder]]*'' |
11 | * "My dad caught me smoking a cigarette behind the house, so he pulled me into the house by my arm, stuck a gigantic cigar in my mouth and forced me to smoke that entire cigar! ({{Beat}}) So that's how I got started on cigars..." |
12 | * His ''Weekend Update'' punchline to a human-interest piece about a man giving one of his kidneys to his wife for Valentine's Day: |
13 | --> [[BlackComedy "Terrified, she dropped the kidney and ran out of the restaurant screaming."]] |
14 | * "I wanted to buy a new dog, and the guy was trying to sell me on a pit bull. I didn't want something that might rip my throat out, but the guy was like "You don't understand, this guy'll protect your valuables!" I said "If I were to buy this pit bull, it would ''be'' the most valuable thing I owned. I would have to buy something to protect ''it''! Show me something in a wolverine, my good man!" |
15 | * The [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jJN9mBRX3uo Moth Joke]]. Proof, in case anyone needed it, that he can structure and tell a classic joke. Honorable mention to the Tolstoy-esque Slavic names he's obviously making up on the spot ("And my other boy... ''Gregaro''... Ivanalininovich.") for the moth's rambling tale of woe. |
16 | * On that note, his [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DIsgBAXQxR4 Turtle Joke]], perfectly showcases that when he told a classic style of joke, the journey was even more fun than the destination. Only Norm could've made the scenario of a drunk eating a turtle alive into one of the funniest anecdotes you'll ever hear. |
17 | * Norm almost never played "characters" that deviated much from his normal voice, which is why his impersonation of Slim Pickens is pure gold: |
18 | -->"Well now, if I ain't-a ''Sliiiiim'' Pickens, then my mama told a ''hwopper'' of a lie!" |
19 | * On the subject of impressions, though, his take on [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JxKiXDRruXI&t=25s "Super Dave" Osborne]] was ''jarringly'' accurate. |
20 | * One of Norm's most famous moments happened during a May 1997 appearance on ''Series/LateNightWithConanOBrien.'' Creator/CourtneyThorneSmith was being interviewed about her new film, ''Film/ChairmanOfTheBoard'', in which she was co-starring with noted prop comic Carrot Top. Courtney put on a brave face and tried to look enthusiastic about the movie, but unfortunately for her, Norm sensed that she was less than proud of working/starring in the film, causing him to...well, intervene. For what it's worth, Norm was right on the nose with some of the jokes: ''COTB'' would turn out to be a '''major''' BoxOfficeBomb, effectively ending Courtney's movie career. |
21 | -->'''Conan''': You have a scene where you and him embrace? |
22 | -->'''Courtney''': Yeah, lots of making out. |
23 | -->'''Conan''': Oh, for god's sake... |
24 | -->'''Courtney''': Nothing but making out. It's like ''9½ Weeks'', but Carrot Top. |
25 | -->'''Conan''': [''laughs''] Wow! I gotta check out that movie. |
26 | -->'''Norm''': Is it called ''9½ Seconds''? [''Audience laughs; Courtney cracks up''] Like he's a premature ejaculator. |
27 | -->'''Courtney''': [''smiling''] I got it. |
28 | -->'''Conan''': You know what happens? This is what happens. You know what happens, he says "''9½ Seconds''", and I'm looking at him, 'cause...I know there's more. And I wait, and I wait, and I see the glimmer in the eye, and then, bang! I thought you were going to "crack whore", but no. [''to Courtney''] What's the movie gonna be called? |
29 | -->'''Norm''': I know what it's gonna be called. |
30 | -->'''Conan''': Yeah? What's that? |
31 | -->'''Norm''': If it's got Carrot Top in it, you know what a good name for it'd be? |
32 | -->'''Conan''': What's that, Norm? |
33 | -->'''Norm''': ''[[TakeThat Box Office Poison]]''! |
34 | -->'''Courtney''': It isn't true! Come on. What about my career? |
35 | -->'''Conan''': Courtney Thorne-Smith, the girl sitting to your left, ''is in the movie''! |
36 | -->'''Norm''': I'm gonna go see it, for her! [''pointing at her''] |
37 | -->'''Courtney''': [''laughing''] After you scare everybody else away? |
38 | -->'''Norm''': No, I love this girl. I'd go and see any movie with this girl in it. She's a beautiful lady and a talented, nice...talk show guest. [''Courtney is cracking up''] |
39 | -->'''Conan''': [...] There's this movie coming out, title undetermined at this point. |
40 | -->'''Courtney''': ''Chairman Of The Board''. |
41 | -->'''Conan''': Oh? All right. [''Beat, to Norm''] [[TemptingFate Do something with that, ya freak]]. |
42 | -->'''Norm''': [''Beat''] I-I bet the "Board" is spelled B-O-R-E-D. [''Conan immediately explodes in laughter''] |
43 | * Think about it. A man surnamed ''[=MacDonald=]'' in the disguise of ''Colonel Sanders'' of ''Kentucky Fried Chicken''. |
44 | * Creator/ChrisFarley was noticeably out of control on his final ''SNL'' appearance, and Norm called up Creator/ArtieLange to keep an eye on him during ''SNL'''s weekly after party. Farley disappears into a bathroom with Creator/AndyDick, and they come out five minutes later giggling. Artie related the news to Norm... |
45 | -->'''Artie''': Chris just walked into a bathroom with Andy Dick. There's only [[IntoxicationEnsues two]] reasons you walk into a bathroom with Andy Dick, and neither one of them's good. |
46 | -->'''Norm''': [[PrecisionFStrike Holy fuck]], [[EveryoneHasStandards I hope he's HIGH!]] |
47 | ** Also, the fact that Chris Farley was apparently ''so deep into drugs'' that Norm had to call in ''Creator/ArtieLange'' [[GodzillaThreshold to keep an eye on him]]. |
48 | * "You know, with Hitler, more I learn about that guy [[{{Understatement}} the more I don't care for him.]]" |
49 | ** He then goes on to point out some FridgeLogic regarding Hitler's supposed charisma: |
50 | ---> I asked people, I go "How on Earth could these Germans follow this lunatic?" And they said "Oh, he was a incredible public speaker. He could, oh, he could hypnotize you with his public speaking." And then I see him and he's like: ''*shakes fist*'' "[[{{Angrish}} Schlankly, klankly! SCHNARRGARAHRR!!]]" And I go "'''What?'''" That's not ''my'' idea of a silver-tongued devil, ya know? |
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