Line #43 Funny/NormMacdonald


1	* "There are now plans in Minnesota to build a floating nuclear power plant. Just like a regular nuclear power plant, but it floats on water. It's all part of a plan by city officials to have a ''huge'' disaster."
2	* His routine about death in his 2011 comedy special.
3	* This NonSequitur [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QX1SojKfgNI video.]]
4	* Any time he got to play Creator/BurtReynolds on ''Series/SaturdayNightLive'', especially when coupled with a ''Celebrity Jeopardy!'' sketch.
5	* "Well, another New Year's Eve is fast approaching, and tourists visiting Times Square to watch the ball drop will be in for quite a surprise: ''Crazy people will be shooting at them!''"
6	* One of the best examples of Norm turning a badly-received joke around was when he put up a graph supporting the thesis that women, overall, are safer drivers than men, but pointed out that the figures in the chart didn't add up to 100% because "the math was done by a woman", prompting scattered laughter amongst loud booing and cries of "Woah!" from the audience. How did Norm handle it?
7	--> '''Norm:''' "For those of you hissing at that joke, you should know it was ''written'' by a woman, so... Now you don't know ''what'' the hell to do, do ya?"
8	--> ''audience begins laughing again''
9	--> '''Norm:''' "[[RefugeInAudacity Nah, I'm just kidding; we don't hire women.]]"
10	--> ''[[CrossesTheLineTwice audience laughs harder]]''
11	* "My dad caught me smoking a cigarette behind the house, so he pulled me into the house by my arm, stuck a gigantic cigar in my mouth and forced me to smoke that entire cigar! ({{Beat}}) So that's how I got started on cigars..."
12	* His ''Weekend Update'' punchline to a human-interest piece about a man giving one of his kidneys to his wife for Valentine's Day:
13	--> [[BlackComedy "Terrified, she dropped the kidney and ran out of the restaurant screaming."]]
14	* "I wanted to buy a new dog, and the guy was trying to sell me on a pit bull. I didn't want something that might rip my throat out, but the guy was like "You don't understand, this guy'll protect your valuables!" I said "If I were to buy this pit bull, it would ''be'' the most valuable thing I owned. I would have to buy something to protect ''it''! Show me something in a wolverine, my good man!"
15	* The [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jJN9mBRX3uo Moth Joke]]. Proof, in case anyone needed it, that he can structure and tell a classic joke. Honorable mention to the Tolstoy-esque Slavic names he's obviously making up on the spot ("And my other boy... ''Gregaro''... Ivanalininovich.") for the moth's rambling tale of woe.
16	* On that note, his [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DIsgBAXQxR4 Turtle Joke]], perfectly showcases that when he told a classic style of joke, the journey was even more fun than the destination. Only Norm could've made the scenario of a drunk eating a turtle alive into one of the funniest anecdotes you'll ever hear.
17	* Norm almost never played "characters" that deviated much from his normal voice, which is why his impersonation of Slim Pickens is pure gold:
18	-->"Well now, if I ain't-a ''Sliiiiim'' Pickens, then my mama told a ''hwopper'' of a lie!"
19	* On the subject of impressions, though, his take on [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JxKiXDRruXI&t=25s "Super Dave" Osborne]] was ''jarringly'' accurate.
20	* One of Norm's most famous moments happened during a May 1997 appearance on ''Series/LateNightWithConanOBrien.'' Creator/CourtneyThorneSmith was being interviewed about her new film, ''Film/ChairmanOfTheBoard'', in which she was co-starring with noted prop comic Carrot Top. Courtney put on a brave face and tried to look enthusiastic about the movie, but unfortunately for her, Norm sensed that she was less than proud of working/starring in the film, causing him to...well, intervene. For what it's worth, Norm was right on the nose with some of the jokes: ''COTB'' would turn out to be a '''major''' BoxOfficeBomb, effectively ending Courtney's movie career.
21	-->'''Conan''': You have a scene where you and him embrace?
22	-->'''Courtney''': Yeah, lots of making out.
23	-->'''Conan''': Oh, for god's sake...
24	-->'''Courtney''': Nothing but making out. It's like ''9½ Weeks'', but Carrot Top.
25	-->'''Conan''': [''laughs''] Wow! I gotta check out that movie.
26	-->'''Norm''': Is it called ''9½ Seconds''? [''Audience laughs; Courtney cracks up''] Like he's a premature ejaculator.
27	-->'''Courtney''': [''smiling''] I got it.
28	-->'''Conan''': You know what happens? This is what happens. You know what happens, he says "''9½ Seconds''", and I'm looking at him, 'cause...I know there's more. And I wait, and I wait, and I see the glimmer in the eye, and then, bang! I thought you were going to "crack whore", but no. [''to Courtney''] What's the movie gonna be called?
29	-->'''Norm''': I know what it's gonna be called.
30	-->'''Conan''': Yeah? What's that?
31	-->'''Norm''': If it's got Carrot Top in it, you know what a good name for it'd be?
32	-->'''Conan''': What's that, Norm?
33	-->'''Norm''': ''[[TakeThat Box Office Poison]]''!
34	-->'''Courtney''': It isn't true! Come on. What about my career?
35	-->'''Conan''': Courtney Thorne-Smith, the girl sitting to your left, ''is in the movie''!
36	-->'''Norm''': I'm gonna go see it, for her! [''pointing at her'']
37	-->'''Courtney''': [''laughing''] After you scare everybody else away?
38	-->'''Norm''': No, I love this girl. I'd go and see any movie with this girl in it. She's a beautiful lady and a talented, nice...talk show guest. [''Courtney is cracking up'']
39	-->'''Conan''': [...] There's this movie coming out, title undetermined at this point.
40	-->'''Courtney''': ''Chairman Of The Board''.
41	-->'''Conan''': Oh? All right. [''Beat, to Norm''] [[TemptingFate Do something with that, ya freak]].
42	-->'''Norm''': [''Beat''] I-I bet the "Board" is spelled B-O-R-E-D. [''Conan immediately explodes in laughter'']
43	* Think about it. A man surnamed ''[=MacDonald=]'' in the disguise of ''Colonel Sanders'' of ''Kentucky Fried Chicken''.
44	* Creator/ChrisFarley was noticeably out of control on his final ''SNL'' appearance, and Norm called up Creator/ArtieLange to keep an eye on him during ''SNL'''s weekly after party. Farley disappears into a bathroom with Creator/AndyDick, and they come out five minutes later giggling. Artie related the news to Norm...
45	-->'''Artie''': Chris just walked into a bathroom with Andy Dick. There's only [[IntoxicationEnsues two]] reasons you walk into a bathroom with Andy Dick, and neither one of them's good.
46	-->'''Norm''': [[PrecisionFStrike Holy fuck]], [[EveryoneHasStandards I hope he's HIGH!]]
47	** Also, the fact that Chris Farley was apparently ''so deep into drugs'' that Norm had to call in ''Creator/ArtieLange'' [[GodzillaThreshold to keep an eye on him]].
48	* "You know, with Hitler, more I learn about that guy [[{{Understatement}} the more I don't care for him.]]"
49	** He then goes on to point out some FridgeLogic regarding Hitler's supposed charisma:
50	---> I asked people, I go "How on Earth could these Germans follow this lunatic?" And they said "Oh, he was a incredible public speaker. He could, oh, he could hypnotize you with his public speaking." And then I see him and he's like: ''shakes fist'' "[[{{Angrish}} Schlankly, klankly! SCHNARRGARAHRR!!]]" And I go "'''What?'''" That's not ''my'' idea of a silver-tongued devil, ya know?

Context Funny / NormMacdonald