Line #33 Funny/KindergartenCop


1	[[quoteright:350:https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/vkx99heahkk51.jpg]]
2	[[caption-width-right:350:[[BigSHUTUP SHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUT UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUP]]!]]
3
4	* When Kimble storms the gang hideout.
5	-->'''Gang Member:''' So who are you, man?\
6	'''Kimble:''' ''[[ShotgunsAreJustBetter Cocks the shotgun]]''\
7	'''Gang Member:''' SHIT!!! ''runs off just in time before Kimble annihilates the couch he was sitting on''\
8	'''Kimble:''' I'm the party pooper.
9	** "Next time, my place!"
10	* Kimble, [[TheStoic with hardly a change in tone and expression]], getting Cindy to cave and come in to identify Crisp.
11	-->'''Kimble''': ''[sits down on the couch next to Cindy, sighs]'' Oh, it's so nice to see you again.\
12	'''Cindy''': What are you doing here, you asshole?\
13	'''Kimble''': Cindy, I don't like you using foul language, not a classy girl like you.\
14	'''Cindy''': Don't you have anything better to do?\
15	'''Kimble''': You don't understand. I have nothing else to do and I have nowhere else to go. ''[turns his head to look at Cindy]''\
16	'''Cindy''': ''[nervous]'' Why are you staring at me like that?\
17	'''Kimble''': I like you, Cindy!\
18	''[Cindy starts freaking out as Kimble inches closer to her]''\
19	'''Kimble''': I'm gonna be around you a lot. Days, nights, weekends, holidays.\
20	'''Cindy''': No... No, you can't.\
21	'''Kimble''': Yes, I can. I'm gonna hang out with you...''until the end of time''.\
22	''[GilliganCut to Cindy picking out Crisp in a police lineup]''
23	* And this one from the opening sequence (a typically badass EstablishingCharacterMoment for Arnie):
24	--> '''Kimble''': I forgot to introduce myself. My name's John Kimble. ''(pumps shotgun)'' And I love my car.\
25	'''Punk (raising hands)''': Hey, I was just looking after it for you, man...
26	* After reading him the ArsonMurderAndLifesaving speech, Miss Schlowski has one final question for Kimble:
27	-->What did it feel like to hit that son of a bitch?
28	** Even better, when she mimes doing it herself after sending Kimble back to the classroom.
29	* The VillainsOutShopping scene, in which Crisp is alarmed at all the various medications and safeguards his mother buys for Dominic. When he complains that she gave him all this stuff when he was a kid yet he hardly was sick, she points out this was WHY he was rarely sick. The pharmacist is rather amused by their conversation.
30	-->'''Cullen:''' You shoved all this crap down my throat for ''years'' and there was nothing wrong with me!\
31	'''Eleanor:''' That's ''why'' there was nothing wrong with you.\
32	'''Cullen:''' (to the pharmacist) Now how can you argue with that?
33	* Kimble threatening the kid kicking his seat on the airplane by snapping a pencil in two with just his thumb.
34	-->You don't stop screwing around back there, here's what I'm gonna do with you... ''SNAP''
35	* Possibly due to MemeticMutation, but this line is hilarious:
36	--> '''Kimble''': IT'S NOT A TUMOR!
37	* Some scenes with the kids are a riot. Kimble's face during the "Who Is Your Daddy" sequence ("Our mom says our dad is [[TooMuchInformation a real sex machine]]!") is priceless.
38	** "My dad repairs wrecked cars, [[WomenDrivers driven by women]] [[FromTheMouthsOfBabes who are pinheads!]]"
39	* Kimble having to carry a near comatose O'Hara into the motel room, all while cursing his ass off in German.
40	* Before Kimble's first day:
41	-->'''Kimble:''' How do I look?\
42	'''O'Hara (looking him over):''' Take off the gun.\
43	'''Kimble (removing handgun/holster from jacket):''' Good idea.\
44	'''O'Hara:''' Little bastards are gonna eat you alive.\
45	'''Kimble:''' Don't worry. I've been working undercover for a long time. They're six-year-olds. [[TemptingFate How much trouble could they be]]?\
46	'''O'Hara:''' ...OnSecondThought, [[BlackComedy take the gun]].
47	** Followed by Kimble coming back at the end of the day, utterly broken, and collapsing onto his bed with a devastated look on his face. "They're HORRIBLE!"
48	--->'''O'Hara:''' That well, huh?
49	* Kimble tries to arrest Crisp at a mall salon, but the mall security attempt to stop ''Kimble'', even with his badge plainly visible in his hand.
50	-->'''Kimble:''' I'm a cop, you idiot! I'm Detective John Kimble. This man is under arrest!
51	* When Kimble first enters the classroom, Kimble goes crazy while taking care of the children. As his anger slowly builds up, the camera revolves around him, and then, when the camera revolves around him for the last time, he finally screams:
52	-->'''Kimble:''' [[BigSHUTUP SHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUT UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUP]]! [[NoisyShutUp SHUT UP! SHUT UP!]] [[RapidFireShutUp Shut up]].
53	** Followed by Kimble storming outside and delivering an epic SkywardScream when the kids cry. Then Kimble proceeds to run down to his car and brings back a ferret for the kids to pet.
54	** After Kimble introduces the ferret, this exchange occurs:
55	--->'''Child:''' If he bites you, you get rabies and you die.\
56	'''Kimble:''' No. That's not true. He never bites.
57	* Upon hearing "Boys have a penis, girls have a vagina," Kimble reacts by saying, "[[SarcasmMode Thanks for the tip]]."
58	** Even better is the callback later in the film, when O'Hara visits the classroom, and is told the same thing. She looks at Kimble with a slight grin on her face, Kimble, for his part, has a large grin on his.
59	--->'''O'Hara:''' Well, Kimble, I see you covered the basics. That's important.
60	* O'Hara introducing herself to Joyce and Dominic by posing as Kimble's Austrian sister, complete with accent.
61	* Kimble singing "Old [=McDonald=] Had a Farm" to the children while dressed up as a cowboy.
62	* '''Kimble:''' "Are these all your lunches? You mean you eat ''other people's lunches''? '''STOP IT!!'''"
63	** The delivery really sells this one. He delivers the line while holding the kid (who has a mouthful of food) off the ground. Then the kid starts spitting out the food and Kimble drops him in disgust.
64	* Kimble's speech to the kids when talking about "Police School."
65	-->Well, I got news for you: You are mine now! You belong to ME! You're not gonna have your mommies run behind you anymore to wipe your little tushies! Oh no... It's time now to turn this mush into muscles! No more complaining! No more "Mr. Kimble, I have to go to the bathroom!" Nothing! ''There is no bathroom''!
66	* Kimble complaining to O'Hara:
67	-->The only problem I've got is that I'm doing ''your'' job. You should be cleaning up the paint. You should be reading stories about bears that go shopping.
68	* "I'm not a policeman, I'm a princess!"
69	** "TAKE IT BACK!!!"
70	** "Alright..."
71	* On Kimble’s second day undercover:
72	-->'''Joshua:''' Mr. Kimble, are you married?\
73	'''Kimble:''' No, I’m not.\
74	''(Joshua sticks his head into the corridor)''\
75	'''Joshua (shouting):''' He’s not married, Mom!
76	** Earlier, that same kid's mom and two other moms were gossiping about the new kindergarten teacher being a man, assuming he was gay. When they see Arnold strolling by after Joshua points him out as his new teacher, Joshua's mom turns around to hide herself from him. When asked why:
77	-->'''Joshua's mom:''' I don't want him to see me without my makeup!
78	-->'''Other mom:''' None of us are wearing makeup!
79	-->'''Joshua's mom:''' You're married, you're allowed to look like slobs!
80	* During the final confrontation, before Kimble collapses after getting shot by Crisp's mom, he bounces against the locker room's wall letting out a [[Main/{{Narm}} pained but hilarious]] noise: "''GHACK!''"
81	* O'Hara's line after hitting Eleanor Crisp with [[BatterUp a baseball bat]] after the woman hit her with a car.
82	--> '''O'Hara''': Not so tough without your car, are you?
83	* On the Meta side of things, read the entry for HostilityOnTheSet under the trivia tab. Now picture how that scenario must have played out.

Context Funny / KindergartenCop