1 | * At the beginning of ''Iznogoud's Birthday'', Iznogoud is looking for a mysterious individual who just screamed about his ambition to be the Caliph. Cue this dialogue with a random guard: |
2 | -->'''Iznogoud''': Was that you who were screaming? |
3 | -->'''Guard''': [[BlatantLies I can't, Great Vizir; I am deaf and mute.]] |
4 | -->'''Iznogoud''': But... you just answered me! |
5 | -->'''Guard''' (surprised): Did I? But.... then... ({{Beat}}) I AM CURED! YIPEEEEEEEEEE! |
6 | -->'''Iznogoud''': Oh, [[PrecisionFStrike damn it]], not with the crazies again! |
7 | * This exchange from ''Iznogoud Finally Caliph'': |
8 | -->'''Archivist''': Hello, Grand Vizier; my name is Vhist, and I am... |
9 | -->'''Iznogoud''': [[LampshadeHanging I bet your first name is Archie]]! |
10 | -->'''Archivist''': ... Indeed. How did you guess? |
11 | -->'''Iznogoud''': I'm used to lame puns. |
12 | -->'''Archivist''': Vhist Archie? Nah, I don't see... well anyway, I am the Archiv... ''({{beat}}. [[LateToThePunchline The Archivist suddenly bursts in laughter]])'' Ah ah ah! [[StevenUlyssesPerhero Archie Vhist!]] Hilarious! I have been Archivist for seventy years, and I never noticed! |
13 | * From ''Who Killed the Caliph'': |
14 | -->'''Iznogoud''': And do you remember what your master wants to be? |
15 | -->'''Dilat''': Caliph instead of the Caliph, yes I know... |
16 | -->'''Iznogoud''': Good! Now get out of my sight! ''({{Beat}})'' Wait! Just to make up for it, do you happen to have an idea? |
17 | -->'''Dilat''': About what, boss? |
18 | -->'''Iznogoud''': ''([[BreakingTheFourthWall to the reader]])'': Tell me he is kidding. ''(to Dilat)'' AN IDEA TO WIN THE LOTTERY, YOU DUMBASS! |
19 | -->'''Dilat''': [[SarcasmBlind Oh, then I do have an idea, boss!]] All we have to do is not play! |
20 | -->'''Iznogoud''': AN IDEA TO BE CALIPH INSTEAD OF THE CALIPH! |
21 | -->'''Dilat''': Well... we already know what we must not do: all we have to do is read all your previous books. |
22 | ** Later: |
23 | -->'''Iznogoud''': Dilat! Sooner, you said we could have an opportunity today with the day of great conquest. What were you thinking about? |
24 | -->'''Dilat''': Nothing, boss. |
25 | -->'''Iznogoud''': Nothing?! |
26 | -->'''Dilat''': I do not know what an opportunity is, I said that randomly. |
27 | -->'''Iznogoud''': ... It means a possibility. |
28 | -->'''Dilat''': Still nothing, boss. |
29 | -->'''Iznogoud''': An eventuality. |
30 | -->'''Dilat''': Nope, boss. |
31 | -->'''Iznogoud''': IT MEANS THAT WHEN YOU HAVE A COMPLETELY DUMBASS RIGHT HAND-MAN, YOU SHOULD IMMEDIATLY REPLACE HIM WITH... ''({{Beat}})'' ''replace''! Of course! Dilat, remind me to reward you for your brillant idea! |
32 | -->'''Dilat''': But... I didn't have any idea, boss! |
33 | -->'''Iznogoud''': Mhm... True. Then REMIND ME TO PUNISH YOU FOR NOT HAVING ANY IDEA! And DON'T forget to remind me! |
34 | * In "Iznogoud Rockets to Stardom", the Caliph is excited at the idea of going to the sky but refuses to go to the marketplace because he's "not going that far". |
35 | -->'''Iznogoud: YOU DON'T MIND GOING TO THE MOON, BUT YOU WON'T WALK AS FAR AS BAGHDAD MARKETPLACE??''' |
36 | -->'''Caliph''': That's right. I wouldn't be walking to the moon. |
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