| 1 | %%This page is organized according to both chronological order and the composition of each Defunctland season playlist on the [=YouTube=] channel. The videos that are not placed in any specific playlist are placed in their own folder, also in chronological order.%% |
| 2 | |
| 3 | [[foldercontrol]] |
| 4 | |
| 5 | !Defunctland |
| 6 | [[folder:Defunctland Season 1]] |
| 7 | |
| 8 | * "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q2L-bZiqckM The History of Disney's Worst Attraction Ever, Superstar Limo]]" |
| 9 | ** The cold opening consists of promotional footage for Disney's California Adventure that ends with Michael Eisner saying that he thinks "this is the beginning of a beautiful theme park." Kevin then [[BluntNo bluntly says that it wasn't.]] |
| 10 | ** According to Kevin, Eisner used a simple technique to decide on new projects: |
| 11 | ---> '''Kevin:''' [[GreenEyedMonster The technique is known as "jealousy".]] |
| 12 | ** California Adventure is referred to as [[DepartmentOfRedundancyDepartment "a California-themed theme park located in the already California-themed California."]] |
| 13 | ** Kevin comments that the creepy agent puppet that provided exposition was "the most realistic part of the ride." |
| 14 | * In "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q8NMCyvaimY The History of Son of Beast]]," we're first introduced to the one of the earliest looping rollercoasters, [[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flip_Flap_Railway Flip Flap Railway]], which eventually paved the way for The Beast and its infamous titular son. The ride was first tested [[SillySimian using monkeys in place of human riders]], Kevin says as we're shown a picture of a sad monkey with the caption "Photo disappointingly not available". |
| 15 | ** Furthermore, as we see footage of the vintage coaster in operation: |
| 16 | --->'''Kevin's Subtitles:''' "I can't believe there is film of this but no pictures of the monkeys." |
| 17 | ** Kevin noting that, for some strange reason, inspecting roller coasters in Ohio falls under the state's Department of Agriculture, who freely admited they couldn't really say if the Son of Beast was safe or not because their inspectors weren't roller coaster engineers. Also, they apparently promote National Donut Day. |
| 18 | --->'''Kevin's Subtitles:''' "[[StealthPun They have a lot on their plate]]." |
| 19 | * "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qKBHxP3Nl5c The History of Epcot's Body Wars]]": |
| 20 | ** The episode's framing device consists of Jake from Park Ride History objecting to Kevin's choice of topic because he already made a video about the same ride three months prior. Kevin responds that Jake's video covered the Wonders of Life Pavilion in general and that ''his'' video is more specific. Jake also complains about the two of them making videos about ''Ride/ExtraTERRORestrialAlienEncounter''; Kevin retorts that that was a coincidence because their videos came out two days apart. |
| 21 | ** The segment where Kevin talks about the t-shirts he has for sale is accompanied by a caption stating "If you thought I was selling out with the Patreon, you just wait." |
| 22 | ** The captions dub the CallBack to the ''Ride/AmericaSings'' video a "Patriotic Shameless Plug". |
| 23 | ** When Kevin says EPCOT's initial lack of a biology-themed pavilion was due to lacking a sponsor, the captions propose that Disney "really just needed a better agent" and are accompanied by a picture of Swifty La Rue from ''Ride/SuperstarLimo''. |
| 24 | ** The captions that show up under the [=MetLife=] logo near the end state that their mascot [[ComicStrip/{{Peanuts}} Snoopy]] is a spy for [[Ride/CedarFairEntertainment Cedar Fair]]. |
| 25 | ** At the end, Kevin asks Jack how he did with the video. When Jack says he did a good job, Kevin is relieved because lots of people have suggested he make a video about ''Ride/{{Horizons}}'' [[note]]''Horizons'' is [[HereWeGoAgain the subject of the first video Jake ever made]][[/note]]. |
| 26 | --->'''Jake:''' Wait, wha- |
| 27 | * "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cWEdlLwvKOM The History of Cedar Point's Diaster Transport]]": The captions take a potshot at the titular bobsled-style coaster by referring to it as a 3 million-dollar "water slide without the water". [[BrickJoke Much later]], when Kevin is discussing how the ride's show building was leaky, the captions simply state [[CoughSnarkCough "*cough* water slide *cough*"]]. |
| 28 | * While the coverage for Ride/ActionPark is generally fairly grim (since six people actually ''died'' at the park and numerous other people suffered serious injuries while there), Kevin tries to add a bit of levity via some written text on the BRoll. When he gets to a water slide that's rather... uniquely designed that's been conceptualized for the new Action Park: |
| 29 | -->'''Kevin:''' The Sky Caliber was another attempt at a 360-degree, vertically-looping waterslide, although it used technology to enhance safety.\ |
| 30 | '''Kevin's Subtitles:''' "[[BlackComedy They also cut out the middleman by placing you directly in a coffin]]!" |
| 31 | * "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1L1uo2jjiqQ The History of Beetlejuice's Graveyard Revue]]": |
| 32 | ** The video begins with Kevin trying to watch his favorite Halloween film, ''Film/TowerOfTerror'', only to find ''Film/{{Beetlejuice}}'' in his movie folder instead. Upon realizing he's said the protagonist's name twice in prior videos and has fallen into the reference, he resignedly utters [[RuleOfThree the last "Beetlejuice"]] to start the opening credits. |
| 33 | ** Kevin's attempt to quickly summarize the important information about the film slows to a halt once he realizes Creator/JeffreyJones had a starring role. In a panicked tone, he tells Jones to "go back to the ''[[Ride/ExtraTERRORestrialAlienEncounter Alien Encounter]]'' video" where he belongs. |
| 34 | ** The list of ''Beetlejuice'' merchandise [[DepartmentOfRedundancyDepartment lists "mugs" thrice]] and has "Halloween costumes" and "[[SexyWhateverOutfit sexy Halloween costumes]]" as separate entries. |
| 35 | ** Beetlejuice is mentioned to not actually be a Universal property and has been licensed out to various amusement parks, such as [[https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Walibi_Holland Walibi Holland]]. This leads to a clip of Beetlejuice singing/speaking in Dutch and the captions expressing confusion about everything that's happening: |
| 36 | --->Although that doesn't explain how they got the license to [[WesternAnimation/{{Aladdin}} "Friend Like Me"]] from Disney\ |
| 37 | [[BlatantLies I know you all speak Dutch]], what did he just say? |
| 38 | ** One of the changes to the final iteration of the revue was the addition of "Watch Me (Whip/Nae Nae)". The captions state that there's nothing they could say that would do the sight justice. |
| 39 | * The ending of "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uKz3FWWBGfg Top 5 Extinct Disney Walk-Around Characters]]". Disney Dan catches onto one of Kevin's seeming obsessions with talking about a court case involving a Tigger actor that was accused of harassing a teenager and says he is not going to make a video detailing the various Tigger costumes ''just'' so Kevin can cover it. [[GilliganCut Of course,]] that ended up being [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VW6wufL51BI exactly what Disney Dan did.]] |
| 40 | -->'''Kevin:''' '''I WILL FIND A PLATFORM TO TALK ABOUT THAT COURT CASE SO HELP ME GO-''' ''[SmashCut to credits]'' |
| 41 | ** In Dan's video, Kevin's so eager to finally talk about the lawsuit that he can barely finish his channel plug. |
| 42 | --->'''Kevin:''' Hi, I'm Kevin Perjurer, go to Youtube.com/Defunctland, whatever. Ok I'm here to talk about the Tigger court case! |
| 43 | ** The opening as well, where the pair argue whether or not doing a crossover ''and'' a top 5 list is clickbaity, with Kevin telling [[BlatantLies Dan that they're fine]]. Cue the intro, which dubs the video ''Kevin And Disney Dan's Selling Out, Clickbait-palooza 2017''. |
| 44 | ** Then for their "Top 10 Forgotten Disneyland Attractions" crossover, they heavily lampshade the fact that the episode is sponsored by [=SwagIQ=], and have an intro depicting them in suits, with money everywhere, a rap song for the theme, and the title of ''Kevin And Disney Dan's Selling Out Clickbait Patwooza 2018''. |
| 45 | ** Then there's the number one Forgotten Attraction: The Wizard of Bras. No, ''really.'' Kevin's narration does not help. |
| 46 | --->'''Kevin:''' Disney, being such a family-oriented brand, rarely tries to appeal to a strictly older audience. Rarely. That said, when Disneyland first opened Main Street, U.S.A. featured a small little shop with the sign:\ |
| 47 | ''[seductive jazz music begins to play]''\ |
| 48 | '''Kevin:''' ''(in seductive voice)'' "Intimate Apparel, Brassieres, Torsolettes". ''(Oh yeahhhhh.)'' Walk inside and it is in fact a lingerie shop, presented by Hollywood Maxwell Brassiere Company of Los Angeles. ''(City of Angels, baby.)'' Inside you will meet the Wonderful Wizard of Bras, speaking from a smooth 8-track and turning round and round on a rotating stage, the Wizard takes you through the history of [[{{Pun}} the land down undies]]. See the unmentionables of recent history in 3D illusion boxes, and watch those undies appear, or... ''(You get the idea.)'' |
| 49 | * "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kKfSC3_LUtA The History of Drachen Fire at Busch Gardens Williamsburg]]": |
| 50 | ** Kevin mentioning that Creator/{{Intamin}} designed ''Ride/BackToTheFutureTheRide'', ''Ride/{{JAWS}}: The Ride'', and ''Disaster Transport'' is accompanied by the captions calling the reference a "Triple Shameless Plug". |
| 51 | ** Drachen Fire is postulated to have been "destructive to everything equally", thus making it difficult to pinpoint any given party being heavily affected by its failure. This statement is paired with a picture of Michael Eisner and the caption "Sound familiar?" |
| 52 | * "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=peiKsXWmiUg The History of the Funtastic World of Hanna-Barbera]]": |
| 53 | ** The opening credits has a sequence of storyboards where [[WesternAnimation/YogiBear Yogi and Boo-Boo Bear]] fly past the Franchise/ScoobyDoo gang in a rocket ship, only to crash; the resulting explosion sends the Mystery Machine flying backwards. |
| 54 | ** Micheal Eisner is described as being more interested in Universal's plans to build a Florida theme park than the rival company itself. |
| 55 | ** The RunningGag of the captions referring to Kevin mentioning defunct attractions that previously received their own videos as being "shameless plugs" reaches its peak with a piece of Universal Studios Florida concept art consisting ''almost entirely'' of defunct attractions. |
| 56 | --->'''Caption:''' This is basically a Defunctland shameless plug mural at this point. |
| 57 | [[/folder]] |
| 58 | |
| 59 | [[folder:Defunctland Season 2]] |
| 60 | * "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SFE8RlKlLCE The Failure of Euro Disneyland]]" |
| 61 | ** Unlike Kevin's other videos, the sole set of manually transcribed subtitles are not in English, but in French. |
| 62 | ** The CEO of Euro Disneyland attempted to address the French backlash against the park by saying Disney was trying to be culturally sensitive and wouldn't do something offensive like "put a beret and a baguette on Mickey Mouse." [[GilliganCut The video proceeds to silently cut to a photo of Mickey wearing a stereotypical French costume.]] |
| 63 | * "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-oqDqnQR5Aw The War for Disney's America]]" |
| 64 | ** The intro features "The Battle Hymn of the Republic" [[SoundtrackDissonance played over]] photoshopped photos of UsefulNotes/TheAmericanCivilWar, with Disney characters posing with Civil War soldiers. |
| 65 | ** Kevin compares the idea of building a history-centered theme park near an actual historical site to [[CallBack building a California themed theme park in California.]] |
| 66 | * "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6CN9HpYrjeM The History of the Nickelodeon Hotel]]" |
| 67 | ** The entirety of the Nick@Nite honeymoon suite portion of the video, considering [[WhatDoYouMeanItsForKids it's in a hotel meant for kids and families]] and Kevin plays generic romantic-sounding music and speaks in a breathy tone of voice. [[MoodWhiplash The video cuts back to its usual background music and Kevin's normal narration style]] as he mentions that for some reason, the honeymoon suite was discontinued after only a few years. |
| 68 | --->'''Kevin:''' The fourth and final layout was Nick Hotel's honeymoon suite, called the Nick@Nite Suite. ''(Ohhhh yeah.)''\ |
| 69 | '''Kevin:''' ''(in seductive voice)'' This included a heart-shaped whirlpool, mood lighting, scented bath lotion, an extra-large shower... ''(Shower for two, baby.)'' ...and only one private bedroom. ''(Leave those kids at home.)''\ |
| 70 | '''Kevin:''' ''(in normal voice)'' For some reason, these rooms didn't last very long, and it seems that they were discontinued within a few years of the hotel's opening. |
| 71 | ** When Kevin is explaining how Disney's walkaround characters rarely come off as creepy nowadays, the picture that pops up when he mentions "years and years of trial and error" is of Walt Disney and the various unsettling mascot costumes used for their '50s Ice-Capades shows. |
| 72 | ** Nate Begle has a guest role as the French narrator from ''WesternAnimation/SpongeBobSquarePants''. |
| 73 | ** While listing characters who acted as meet-n-greets, Kevin noticeably slows down when he reaches more obscure, less beloved characters or just ones he flat out doesn't know, like ''WesternAnimation/TeamUmizoomi'', [[WesternAnimation/WonderPets Ming-Ming Duckling]], ''WesternAnimation/FanboyAndChumChum'', [[WesternAnimation/PAWPatrol Chase and Marshall]], [[WesternAnimation/TheBackyardigans Pablo]], and the ''WesternAnimation/BubbleGuppies'', whose sheer obscurity confuses Kevin so much he almost completely derails his train of thought right there. [[CrossesTheLineTwice What's probably the funniest is that he calmly finishes it by naming]] ''[[WesternAnimation/LittleBill Little]] [[OvershadowedByControversy Bill]]''. |
| 74 | *** The picture he uses of Mr. Krabs, which makes him look a disgruntled guest himself, yelling at the family he's presumably supposed to be entertaining. |
| 75 | * "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=msbBGwXb9Zs The Failure of Disney's Chuck E. Cheese Ripoff, Club Disney]]": |
| 76 | ** Kevin compares Blockbuster Video investing in Discovery Zone to Radio Shack investing in Toys "R" Us, [[DudeNotFunny which makes the audience boo]]. |
| 77 | --->What, too soon? |
| 78 | ** The introduction sequence for the episode is a hokey 1980s-style sitcom intro whose lyrics consist of [[TakeThat a scathing commentary on Michael Eisner's business decisions]], particularly his answer to Euro Disneyland sucking up so many resources being to dump even ''more'' resources into a side venture meant to compete with Chuck E. Cheese and Discovery Zone. |
| 79 | --->''"Cash in all your stock, as quick as you can! Close some more rides, it's Defunctland!"'' |
| 80 | ** When discussing the rise of Discovery Zone and other indoor playgrounds, he lists various aspects to them, including some less then memorable ones including socks with holes in them, net bridges you get your foot stuck in, [[{{Squick}} vomit, disinfectant]], [[DepartmentOfRedundancyDepartment vomit, disinfectant]], unnecessary open slides when the tube slides are right there, and rug burns, so many rug burns. |
| 81 | ** [[invoked]] [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lxKtZI-4WJ4 This]] [[MemeticMutation brilliant moment]] when he's discussing how Discovery Zone was eventually bought out by their primary competitor... who actually ''wasn't'' Disney, surprisingly enough: |
| 82 | --->"...13 Fun Centers, along with the Discovery Zone name and logo, were purchased by the company's main competitor: A ''powerful'' rat named Charles Entertainment Cheese." |
| 83 | * "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UZQGtnEL2xs The Failure of Disney's Arcade Chain, DisneyQuest]]": The discussion of Creator/{{Sega}} creating live amusement centers in the 90s eventually leads into their choice of partner... who, again, wasn't Disney. |
| 84 | -->"They would find a partner in [[BaitAndSwitch a familiar entertainment company that starts with a D]]: that's right, Creator/{{DreamWorks|SKG}}." |
| 85 | * "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H6rnPqSrE40 The History of Disney's Scariest Attraction, Cinderella's Castle Mystery Tour]]": |
| 86 | ** Kevin shows a clip of a commercial for Tokyo Disneyland from the 1980s in which [[ValuesDissonance the narrator says such delightful quips as]] "The Japanese may not be buying our cars" and "Here's American industrial robots, telling the history of Japan, [[DudeNotFunny programmed not to mention World War II]]". Kevin deadpans, "That casual racism is scarier than any jump scare I could come up with." |
| 87 | ** As Kevin explains the tour itself, he mentions how the tour guide would, at one point, summarize the plot of ''WesternAnimation/TheBlackCauldron''. Kevin cites this as being an important part of the experience, [[TakeThat as no one had seen the film.]] |
| 88 | * "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WH58Fo00SXA The History of Worlds of Fun's Destroyed Classic, The Orient Express]]": |
| 89 | ** Kevin's description of his hometown in Kansas is in equal parts nostalgic and exasperated. |
| 90 | --->There's corn fields windmills and weather vanes, and an occasional tornado... You've seen the first twenty minutes of ''Film/TheWizardOfOz''. It's basically that. |
| 91 | ** He gets into Kansas' only theme park, Worlds of Fun... which isn't in Kansas. |
| 92 | --->'''Kevin:''' It's on the Missouri side of Kansas City. Not the Kansas side. ''Nothing is in Kansas''. |
| 93 | * "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EZK7bZBtJ_Y The Demise of Australia's Biggest Theme Park, Wonderland Sydney]]" is mostly a nostalgic, bittersweet episode, but Kevin manages to inject levity in Wonderland Sydney's tale by [[FramingDevice framing it around the ongoing status of Maniac]], [[BlackComedy a homicidal crocodile]]. |
| 94 | * "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rghHLkqVE0A The History of the Terrifying Splash Mountain Predecessor, Tales of the Okefenokee]]": |
| 95 | ** As the titular attraction was a boat-based dark ride, Kevin briefly notes that it was occasionally treated as a TunnelOfLove: |
| 96 | --->'''Kevin:''' The ride was also a favorite among teenagers looking for a dark secluded place to... [[UnusualEuphemism revisit the classic tales of Joel Chandler Harris.]] |
| 97 | [[/folder]] |
| 98 | |
| 99 | [[folder:Defunctland Season 3]] |
| 100 | * "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OsJu0XA429A A Roundabout History of the Ferris Wheel]]": |
| 101 | ** After spending over 20 minutes discussing the history of the very first Ferris Wheel and how it came to be, Kevin comes to how it eventually came to an end in the most tactful way he can: |
| 102 | --->'''Kevin:''' [On] May 11th 1906, after stripping it of its valuable parts, Ferris' creation was destroyed [[BlatantLies in the most graceful, respectful, and safe way that a wheel of its size could be]]. [[ThereIsNoKillLikeOverkill It was blown to bits]] [[StuffBlowingUp by 300 pounds of dynamite]]. |
| 103 | ** Several comments on other World Fairs: |
| 104 | --->After the 1853 Fair, World Fairs were a dime-a-dozen, or around three dollars a dozen when adjusted for inflation.\ |
| 105 | [...]\ |
| 106 | The Centennial Exposition drew in over ten million visitors, [[BlatantLies which makes sense,]] because the fair [[IncrediblyLameFun had the largest fork and knife in the world]], but it was not enough to make a profit, [[InsaneTrollLogic which means that someone wasn't charging enough to see the largest fork and knife in the world]]. |
| 107 | ** He introduces the inventor of the Ferris Wheel as "George Washington [''picture of UsefulNotes/GeorgeWashington''] ...Gale [''picture of [[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/George_Washington_Gale George Washington Gale]]''] ...Ferris [''[[OverlyLongGag picture of]] [[RuleOfThree George Washington Gale Ferris, Sr.]]''] ...[[OverlyLongName Junior]] [''correct picture'']." |
| 108 | * [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8SDSYoEgkN0 Walt Disney's Childhood Amusement Park, Electric Park]]: |
| 109 | ** Kevin mentions a swimming pool was added to the titular park... after a massive flood. |
| 110 | ** He mentions how animal wrestler Alligator Joe died in 1915 after losing a battle - [[BaitAndSwitch with pneumonia]]. |
| 111 | * In "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JwGpR1kkpfY The Fair that Changed America]]," while talking about one of the key figures behind the 1893 Chicago World's Fair, he drifts briefly into speculation before jutting back into reality: |
| 112 | -->The cause of his death was unclear, as it could have either been from his colitis, his diabetes, his infected foot, or a recent food poisoning. It is possible that the loss of one of his best friends, and one of his final connections to his fair, caused him to die from pure grief. [[CaptainObvious But it was probably either the colitis, the diabetes, the foot infection, or the food poisoning, or speculatively, a combination of any of those four things.]] |
| 113 | * "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HsP71i7O49U The Craziest Party Walt Disney Ever Threw]]": |
| 114 | ** A segment is dedicated to discussing that inter-office relationships, particularly between the men doing the animation and the women working in the ink and paint department, were discouraged at Disney Studios because Walt Disney believed they'd only be a distraction. Despite this edict, many of the studio employees found love in the workplace, [[{{Hypocrite}} including Walt himself]]. |
| 115 | ** The description of the animators' retreat is highly comedic, in part because Uncle Walt didn't ''want'' to throw a crazy party -- he intended the workers' retreat as a quiet, wholesome affair, free of the rampant womanizing that occurred at the studio -- but combine the animators' pent-up stress with an open bar and stables on the property, and, well... |
| 116 | --->'''Bob Givens:''' Everybody's drunk... Riley Thompson's riding a horse into a pool...\ |
| 117 | ''(Hoofbeats, a whoop and a splash, as everyone cheers and the horse neighs)'' |
| 118 | ** The second half, despite being much more somber in subject matter -- the workplace culture breaks down permanently, and Disney's own over-ambition and perfectionism alienates him forever from the workers he thought betrayed his fatherly generosity -- definitely has its moments, like the disastrous attempt to quell a strike in the making right after announcing layoffs (read by [[WebVideo/Mega64 Rocco Botte]] in a dead-on impression of Walt): |
| 119 | --->'''Disney:''' My first recommendation to the lot of you that want to join a union, is this -- put your own house in order. You can't accomplish a damn thing by sitting around and waiting to be told everything. If you're not progressing, instead of grumbling and growling, [[TemptingFate do something about it!]]\ |
| 120 | '''Kevin:''' Walt ended the speech in one of his less construction-wall-quotable moments.\ |
| 121 | '''Disney:''' [[TheSocialDarwinist Don't forget this -- it's the law of the universe that the strong shall survive, and the weak must fall by the way.]] [[CorruptCorporateExecutive And I don't give a damn what idealistic plan is cooked up, nothing can change that]].\ |
| 122 | ''[[RefugeInAudacity (Cut to a Dream Builders plaque featuring the quote in full)]]'' |
| 123 | ** As the picket heats up, Walt runs afoul of Art Babbitt, who's been a thorn in his side for the entire video, and ''completely loses it'': |
| 124 | --->'''Art Babbitt:''' Walt Disney! You oughta be ashamed of yourself. There he is -- the man who believes in brotherhood for everybody but himself!\ |
| 125 | '''Disney:''' Oh, you commie sons of b---es! |
| 126 | * In the "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UTCFhKqjZms Beverly Park Kiddieland]]" episode, Kevin notes in [[DeadpanSnarker typically dry fashion]] that after graduating college in 1934, Los Angeles native David Bradley "was expected to go straight into investments, as his father had. But as previously mentioned, it was ''[[TheGreatDepression 1934]]'', so Bradley was [[BlackComedy keeping his options open.]]" |
| 127 | * "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Reao_AA3Bb0 The History of Mickey Mouse Park]]": |
| 128 | ** The ColdOpening states that the given story for how Disneyland came to be[[note]]that Walt Disney was sitting in a bench and watching his daughters playing in an amusement park when he realized the value of a park where kids ''and'' parents could play[[/note]] [[LighterAndSofter is a highly simplified story]] [[CreatorBreakdown compared to what really transpired.]] [[RefugeInAudacity Then this happens]]: |
| 129 | --->'''Kevin:''' He was broken and depressed. And he had no idea what to do.\ |
| 130 | [[MoodWhiplash ("Dixie" starts playing over the episode's cartoony opening credits)]] |
| 131 | ** While definitely not ''[[CrossesTheLineTwice intended]]'' to be funny, there's the fact that one of the major reasons why Walt lost interest in his previous hobby of polo is that [[RefugeInAudacity in two separate games, Walt's opponent]] ''[[SurprisinglySuddenDeath died mid-game]]''. |
| 132 | ** It's mentioned that, despite having distanced himself from his other employees, Walt had maintained a strong relationship with Ward Kimball due to two key reasons: Ward never took part in the Disney strike, and (more importantly) [[RailEnthusiast the two loved trains]]. |
| 133 | ** Walt's obsession with trains was so great, he decided to build a train track in his own backyard, [[KickTheDog right in the same area his wife wanted to put a garden]]. |
| 134 | ** While in London, Walt bumped into [[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Harper_Goff Harper Goff]] while they were in a model train shop. After convincing Goff to come meet with him once he got back to America, [[KickTheDog Walt promptly bought the model train set Goff was interested in buying, and left.]] |
| 135 | * After the end of one segment of "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fTGa8HIsoyg Tomorrowland 1955]]," which heavily discussed former Nazi Wernher von Braun's collaborations with American space travel and later the Disney parks, footage is shown of a rather awkward German physicist attempting to make small talk: |
| 136 | -->'''Physicist:''' Oh, hello --\ |
| 137 | '''Presenter:''' How do you do, Professor Haber? Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to present to you a man of considerable renown -- this is Dr. Heinz Haber, and I'm sure you will remember him from Disney's Tomorrowland. Go ahead, Doctor.\ |
| 138 | '''Physicist:''' Well, uh, I vass just explain to these kids that I have here an atom of uranium.\ |
| 139 | '''Presenter:''' I see.\ |
| 140 | '''Physicist:''' But uff course, it's only a loaded mousetrap.\ |
| 141 | '''Presenter:''' It is.\ |
| 142 | '''Kevin:''' Your suspicions are correct; [[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Heinz_Haber#Connection_to_War_crimes that man was also a Nazi]].[[note]]Doubly funny, as Haber later became a beloved TV presenter in his homeland, famous for easily explaining complex scientific concepts to an audience.[[/note]] |
| 143 | * "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7C5kxkBPhpE The History of Coney Island]]" has a lot of naturally funny moments that the video leans into, due to [[ValuesDissonance both the absurdity and horrific nature of the time period]]. A recurring theme throughout the video is the turn-of-the-century fairgoing public absolutely ''loving'' scary or fast rides, simply because they let you embrace or hold hands without fear of scandal. |
| 144 | -->"That behavior was reserved for the privacy of the home, [[ItMakesSenseInContext or the giant elephant brothel a few yards away."]]\ |
| 145 | "The [steeplechase] ride's main appeal for guests was the seating setup, in which men and women rode on the same car, ''forcing'' them to hold on to one another, ''[[FauxHorrific IN THE LIGHT OF THE SHINING SUN]]'', otherwise known as God's Eye."\ |
| 146 | "[...]For those that had always come to Coney Island for an escape from the expectations of proper society, they were not disappointed, either, because they got to touch WOMAN SHOULDERS. Or, as it was known in 1897, third base." |
| 147 | ** Paul Boyton sneaking on board a tramp steamer to perform his first ever frogman stunt, leading to this gem of a sentence: |
| 148 | --->"However, he was stopped by the crew and taken to the ship's skipper, Captain Bragg; [[AlliterativeList Bragg wanted him in the brig, but Boyton began to brag on the suit. Bragg bought the brag and kept Boyton out of the brig]]." |
| 149 | ** A very grim one while recounting the history of Luna Park: at a certain point, it's mentioned that Topsy the elephant's public execution was halted by the ASPCA, who stepped in to protest that hanging an elephant by the neck was barbaric and inhumane. All three alternative options -- using a mechanical winch to do it, poisoning her with cyanide, and electrocuting her -- [[InsaneTrollLogic were not just endorsed but suggested by ASPCA itself]], and they also signed off on selling footage of the animal's death. [[AnimalWrongsGroup Kevin makes a point to say the association's full name each time.]] |
| 150 | --->"The more the merrier, said Thompson, Dundy, and the American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals!" |
| 151 | *** [[invoked]] After the execution was carried out [[RasputinianDeath exactly as described]], ASPCA representatives who witnessed it firsthand even went as far as to declare they had "never seen a more humane manner of causing death", something which Kevin dryly notes was "unfortunately [...] [[ValuesDissonance probably true at the time]]." |
| 152 | ** Dreamland Park's gigantic topless statue for their Story of Genesis ride, "Creation", managed to escape judgment by prudish religious groups because, as Kevin explains, "breasts are okay, if they're for Bible reasons", and that the installation struck the perfect balance "between conservative families and local perverts". |
| 153 | ** When Steeplechase Park burned to the ground due to a carelessly discarded cigarette, a solemn George Tilyou returned the next morning to put up a sign reading: |
| 154 | --->''I have troubles today that I did not have yesterday; I had troubles yesterday that I have not today. On this site will be erected shortly a bigger, better, greater Steeplechase Park.'' ''[[MoodWhiplash Admission to the burning ruins: 10 cents.]]'' |
| 155 | ** The fire (quite possibly arson) that destroyed Dreamland got so out of hand that the situation demanded the work crews abandon the park itself and focus on what most needed to be saved -- "namely, the caged animals, and the babies". [[BlackComedy Smash cut to a silhouette of the premature infant exhibit, with the babies in incubators wailing as the roof catches on fire.]][[note]]The babies made it out okay; the big cats weren't so lucky.[[/note]] |
| 156 | ** The final segment skips forward twenty years, beginning with a recitation of how all the other characters have since passed, including Dreamland’s animal trainer. |
| 157 | --->'''Kevin:''' George Tilyou, from pneumonia, in 1914; Frederick Thompson, from Bright's disease, in 1919; Captain Paul Boyton, from pneumonia, in 1924; William Reynolds, from heart disease, in 1931...\ |
| 158 | ''(One by one, the shadow puppets go down and out of sight)''\ |
| 159 | '''Kevin:''' Captain Jack Bonavita, from a polar bear, in 1917.\ |
| 160 | ''(With a growl, a bear shadow puppet leaps at Captain Jack and drags him off-screen)'' |
| 161 | ** "[Robert] Moses had a complicated relationship with the lower class, in that he did not seem to like them very much but definitely could not say that out loud." |
| 162 | ** After decades of avoiding catching ablaze like its competitors, Luna Park (in what was also quite possibly arson) was destroyed in 1944 by a fire that started in the Dragon's Gorge attraction, [[WhatDidYouExpectWhenYouNamedIt "because of course it did"]]. |
| 163 | * [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZSMVeypDWog The History of Freedomland U.S.A.]]": |
| 164 | ** C.V. "Woody" Wood, Disneyland's first vice president and general manager, often brought Walt to loggerheads throughout the park's construction and initial year of operation, due in part to their own incompatible personalities [[note]]Woody was a less-than-scrupulous born salesman who put profit above all else, while Walt was a grandiose perfectionist who obsessed over and micromanaged the smallest creative details[[/note]], as well as Woody's increasing efforts to make himself the face of the park, which chafed Walt's ego. Finally, when Woody visited the newly built Mickey Mouse Club Circus and saw it wasn't attracting very big crowds, he suggested cutting the show's runtime in half to make it a less involving and more palatable attraction; Walt promptly exploded and ordered Woody to get back to the parking lot, yelling, "God damn you, this is ''my circus!"'' [[CallBack Cue Dream Builders plaque.]] |
| 165 | ** "[Marco Engineering's] first major project came in 1957, with a park to-be-named Magic Mountain in Golden, Colorado. Magic Mountain was planned to be an educational theme park based on Colorado history, with an Indian village and Western town; there was also to be [[FollowTheLeader a futuristic city of Mars and a fairytale castle, likely drawing inspiration from a source unrelated to Colorado history]]." |
| 166 | ** Like the later Disney World, Freedomland was built on privately owned marshland. ''Unlike'' Disney World, the area was a grown-over former landfill situated in the Bronx, and paving it over was done as an afterthought right before Opening Day, meaning that -- in a disastrous similarity to Disneyland's "Black Sunday" -- guests reportedly tripped on bedsprings that poked out from the asphalt when buried trash began to bubble up in the June heat. |
| 167 | ** While recounting the hoax of Mrs. O'Leary's Cow, which was the basis for a huge daily exhibition at Freedomland: |
| 168 | --->'''Kevin:''' It's up for debate which is more embarrassing -- that these people would ruin the reputation and life of an innocent woman to sell a few papers, or that it took three people to fabricate [[CreativeSterility a story in which a cow kicks over a lantern]]. No matter, O'Leary, who reportedly, quote, "died heartbroken" in 1895, and the cow, who died likely oblivious at an unreported date, were cleared of all guilt. |
| 169 | ** "[[{{Eagleland}} Freedomland]] was the bedroom where Uncle Sam and Art/LadyLiberty [[UnusualEuphemism made Yankee Doodle Dandy]]." |
| 170 | ** During the park's operation, Freedomland's cash center was held up and robbed of $28,000 by three gunmen, who were then promptly captured when one of the robbers confessed everything to the police. The reason? [[NoHonorAmongThieves He'd only received]] ''[[NoHonorAmongThieves five]]'' [[NoHonorAmongThieves thousand,]] [[MistreatmentInducedBetrayal and learned from the newspaper coverage of the hold-up that he'd been screwed by his accomplices.]] |
| 171 | * "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FTRKG_ovjsA&t=1140s The History of the 1964 New York World's Fair]]": |
| 172 | ** Kevin gets a chuckle out of the remark that [[ViewerPronunciationConfusion "people didn't even know how to pronounce Seattle"]]: |
| 173 | --->"Moses flew back to New York, having lost the fight, and worse, to the people of Seat-le."[[note]]Kevin uses the correct pronunciation of "Sea-ah-tul" every time he says the city's name ''except'' for this line.[[/note]] |
| 174 | ** UsefulNotes/AdlaiStevensonII had a vested interest in the fair due to Disney's Lincoln exhibit. Thus, he responded to civil rights groups planning a stall-in protest at the fair by claiming Lincoln would be ashamed by their actions, as he had a "vigorous insistence on obedience to the law". |
| 175 | --->'''Kevin:''' Lincoln, [[{{Irony}} the first president to suspend]] ''habeus corpus'', was not available for comment, mostly due to the fact that [[FromBadToWorse he still wasn't working]]. |
| 176 | ** The Lincoln animatronic is mentioned at one point to only be able to deliver his speech seven times before breaking down, which Kevin points out is still "six more times than the real Lincoln had." |
| 177 | ** The reasoning for making Lincoln an animatronic instead of having a live actor play him: |
| 178 | --->'''Kevin:''' Walt explained, "You can't have human beings working three or four hour shifts" - [[PetTheDog an uncharacteristically thoughtful sentiment]], ''before'' he added, "[[PragmaticVillainy We can't afford to pay 'em, or they'll make mistakes, or somebody won't show up]]", [[CorruptCorporateExecutive which was much more characteristic of Walt.]] |
| 179 | * In the episode about the Tomorrowland ride "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fq706Hn2Hpc&ab_channel=Defunctland Adventure Thru Inner Space]]," Kevin mentions that teenagers often took advantage of the attraction's low lighting and relatively private seating to fool around. In order to combat this, the ride was sped up so anyone who had any funny ideas would have less time to do them in. Kevin snarks that randy teenagers are more likely to [[SpeedSex take this as a challenge]] than a deterrent. |
| 180 | * [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LTBB_QeKhcM Journey to EPCOT Center: A Symphonic History]] has a few. |
| 181 | ** Two men tell famed Disney designer John Hench that if he wants them to have the monorail run through the Contemporary Resort, they're prepared to resign. Hench doesn't respond, he simply scribbles something quickly onto a piece of paper and slides it over. It says, "We Resign", with two spaces beneath it, and the two men look at it and then at each other. |
| 182 | *** Even better: as the historical companion notes, ''[[NotMakingThisUpDisclaimer this actually happened.]]'' |
| 183 | ** From the historical companion book with regards to the vignette in which two Imagineers discuss a meeting as they work on a scale model: |
| 184 | --->'''''Kevin's Note:''' While the tools displayed in this scene are vintage craft tools of the era, pretty much everything else about how the Imagineers are working on the model is very wrong. This includes the use of the word "hook" (which I made up), a tool that has no sharp edge being used to trim a miniature tree, and the fact that [[OffTheShelfFX all of the foam is very clearly from JOANN Fabric in the year 2023.]] My apologies for these errors.'' |
| 185 | ** In the segment near the end about the park's construction, there's a sequence of status reports on several pavillions: |
| 186 | --->'''American Adventure:''' $500,000 under budget! (10 weeks behind schedule)\ |
| 187 | '''Japan:''' Right on budget! (8 weeks behind schedule)\ |
| 188 | '''The Land:''' Growing has begun! [[FromBadToWorse (8 weeks behind schedule) ($3 million over budget)]]\ |
| 189 | '''Germany:''' Right on schedule! ([[WhatCouldHaveBeen boat ride delayed indefinitely]])\ |
| 190 | '''Mexico:''' [[HopeSpot Boat ride will open with park!]] ([[RunningGag 10 weeks behind schedule]]) |
| 191 | *** This is followed by graphs of steel work in tons, film production budget, and [[TheTriple dinosaur expenses]]. |
| 192 | *** The segment then moves on to other subjects, and finally ends on one last status report, noting the status of the park 300 days until opening: [[BrickJoke 7 weeks behind schedule]]. |
| 193 | [[/folder]] |
| 194 | |
| 195 | [[folder:Defunctland Minisodes]] |
| 196 | * "Green Lantern: First Flight": |
| 197 | ** Kevin mentions that the poor whiplash compensation and ride-car design meant the ride was occasionally [[GroinAttack murder on the groin,]] which only got even more common when a hasty redesign weighed the cars down further. This is accompanied with online comments from riders and crotch jokes of varying subtlety, as all the while Kevin insists that "the only ball-busting going on here was that of the ride." |
| 198 | -->'''Kevin:''' "It was a pelvic nightmare. This [[{{Pun}} taint]]ed the ride for many guests." |
| 199 | ** During the footage of the grand opening ceremony, Kevin comments on Green Lantern's rather... [[FormFittingWardrobe form-fitting]] costume: |
| 200 | --->'''Kevin:''' In brightest day, in blackest night, in spandex that hides nothing from sight. |
| 201 | ** Honorable mention to TheStinger's delivery of the ObligatoryJoke about the Chinese "[[InherentlyFunnyWords Dinoconda]]" roller coaster mentioned early in the episode: |
| 202 | --->'''[[Music/SirMixALot MY DINOCONDA DON'T WANT NONE]]'''\ |
| 203 | '''Kevin''' [[BluntNo That's enough.]] ''(SmashCut to black)'' |
| 204 | * "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jJfgHa49GX0 The History of the Worst SeaWorld Ride, Submarine Quest]]" |
| 205 | ** The video is a massive CringeComedy goldmine due to the ride [[EpicFail being such a resoundingly half-assed disappointment]], which happens to collide amazingly with Kevin's usual [[DeadpanSnarker deadpan snarkiness]]. |
| 206 | --->"On June 1, 2017, Ocean Explorer held its grand opening ceremony. Ride/SeaWorld pulled out all of the stops for the event: There were ribbon wavers, confetti, flares, [[PropRecycling the eel from a discontinued ice show at Busch Gardens Tampa]], and [[MundaneMadeAwesome they even got a bubble guy]]. With the land now open, [[DamnedByFaintPraise dozens of guests who had waited minutes for the land's opening casually walked inside the new world]] of exploration, discovery, and conservation, by apparently immediately trampling the plants due to lack of fencing." |
| 207 | ** One sentence summarizes the biggest problem with the ride: |
| 208 | --->"Sub Commander Sparks told riders to tap the screen in order to release the air lock, and guests began their expedition into the majesty of the deep, blue... [[DidntThinkThisThrough blinding sunlight.]]" |
| 209 | ** The first major set piece shortly after doesn't help matters: |
| 210 | --->''[with barely concealed exasperation]'' "This [coral reef] scene is supposed to be in the twilight zone, ''a zone that is so deep below the surface that sunlight cannot reach it''." |
| 211 | ** Kevin mentions [=SeaWorld=]'s assurance that Submarine Quest would not be a "shoot-'em-up dark ride" through their aquarium, even though nobody would have considered that to be a possibility. He then edits the concept art of Submarine Quest to give the kids guns and harpoons to happily shoot at the aquariums. |
| 212 | ** Kevin "enthusiastically" describing the Sunlight Zone in the most sarcastic tone possible, "where guests saw ''eeeeeeeeeeels.''" (Followed by Link saying, "Wooooooooooah! Eeeeeeeeeeeels!") |
| 213 | * From the [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KK3Yr80lPOY episode on]] ''Garfield's Nightmare'', a ''ComicStrip/{{Garfield}}'' re-theme of Kennywood's ''Old Mill'' dark ride: |
| 214 | ** As the episode is about a TunnelOfLove-style dark ride - a Tunnel of Love with a notable reputation for couples getting on the ride to engage in naughty business, no less - you can probably guess what Kevin devotes a not-insignificant portion of this episode to, including the jokes: |
| 215 | *** One of the methods Kennywood (and other parks with Old Mills or Tunnels of Love) employed to stop more explicit acts on the ride back in the day was to give employees a plastic bat and, if they saw anybody's naked butts sticking out, ''to have them smack said buttocks with said bat''. |
| 216 | *** One of ''Garfield's Nightmare'''s first dark passageways was splattered with fluorescent material, which Kevin notes was "''definitely added'' by Halloween Productions during the refurbishment and was not [[BodilyFluidBlacklightReveal the result of 103 years of bad aim]]". |
| 217 | *** Before diving deeper into the subject, Kevin discloses that, ''yes'', just about every amusement park ride ever has been the site of some kind of funny business, and that he's never really brought it up at all because it's kind of a given at this point. This time, however, is ''far different'', to the point that Kevin has to put up a ''time skip'' (or "Chicken Exit", as it's labeled) so people only interested in the historical aspect of the video can skip what Kevin labels as "Certain Doom". |
| 218 | ---->'''Kevin:''' ...in all of my research, I have never come across a ride in which major publications, ''journalists'', have reported consistently, '''constantly''', on a ride's reputation like the ''Old Mill'' at Kennywood. I found a newspaper article from ''1934'' talking about how the ride is a great spot for couples, and the 1984 article in which couples were interviewed about their romantic activity ''pushed me over the edge''. [[AccidentalInnuendo ...not what I meant.]] After hearing mention that sometimes boats would pull into the station with no one inside, I knew that I had to go deeper. ''Dang it!'' |
| 219 | *** To get to the bottom of whether the seemingly-mythical sexual acts people boasted were plausible, Kevin tweeted out an email address, asking anyone who had made out and/or did the dirty deed on the ride or knew someone who did to send him their story. He later clarified that he just wanted to know ''where'' people jumped off/"had fun", not [[TooMuchInformation the exact, graphic details of the acts themselves]]. As you can probably guess, this happened anyway, and yes, ''most of the stories were either verifiable or too specific to be made up''. |
| 220 | ---->'''Kevin:''' To borrow a bit of Pittsburgh-ese: ''Yinz are nasty.'' |
| 221 | *** Kevin blots out any specific identifiers in the emails, as well as the most explicit actions described... but the last email is a paragraph that is ''entirely'' blotted out. |
| 222 | ---->''Hi there!''\ |
| 223 | ''([[NoodleIncident seven completely censored lines]])''\ |
| 224 | ''Hope this helps!'' |
| 225 | *** Of the emails shown, only one does not involve participating in, or witnessing, a sexual act: someone recounting how their friend took an "aerial dump" by [[ExcrementStatement standing up and adding an extra log to the water]]. Even then, the sender still acknowledges that "some people [may be] into it". |
| 226 | *** "There are at least two people who claimed to know someone that was conceived on this ride. Maybe it's you!" Accompanied by a screenshot of [=YouTube=] statistics showing how many of Defunctland's viewers are Pennsylvanian. |
| 227 | *** To Kevin's surprise, not only did the Garfield re-theme ''not'' deter people from partaking in the ride's tried-and-true tradition, but ''most of the emails he received were about stuff that happened while the Garfield theme was up''. |
| 228 | ---->'''Kevin:''' As one emailer so eloquently put it, quote: ''"Garfield knows all of our sins."'' |
| 229 | *** Another of the showcased emails ends with this immortal line: |
| 230 | ---->''"...even though my ex husband was a general disappointment in life, Garfield and I were both screaming by the end of the ride."'' |
| 231 | *** One of Kevin's tweets reacting to the emails he received, which is read out loud in TheStinger: |
| 232 | ---->'''Kevin:''' [[ARareSentence Look I can't think of another way to say this, a lot of you were gay in the Garfield dark ride.]] |
| 233 | ** After the opening, which is appropriately trippy and features images of Garfield and Jon from the ride, we get... ragtime music and Kevin talking about the rise of picnicking as a pastime in late 19th-century America. This discussion ''is'' relevant, as it leads to the creation of Kennywood, but the stark, comedic MoodWhiplash cannot be ignored. |
| 234 | *** When the episode eventually gets to Garfield becoming a mascot for Kennywood, Kevin brings up a Paws, Inc. spokesperson mentioning that it was a top pick for Jim Davis in part because of its legacy as a picnic spot - and Garfield "never met a picnic he didn't like". |
| 235 | ---->'''Kevin:''' [[ChekhovsGag You didn't think that picnic stuff was gonna come back, did ya?]] |
| 236 | ** In place of seemingly-nonexistent archival photos of the "A Trip Around the World" theming Kennywood's ''Old Mill'' received in 1957, Kevin puts up relevant pictures from a [[BlatantLies "less known]] [[Ride/ItsASmallWorld Old Mill attraction"]]. Kevin also makes note of a band of animatronic monkeys that was added to the queue, which apparently ''went up for auction a month before Kevin started writing the episode''. |
| 237 | --->'''Kevin:''' Although, it sold for $2,300, which is more than ''I've'' ever spent on an animatronic monkey band. |
| 238 | ** Kevin explains that Kennywood's answer to re-theming their ''Old Mill'' ride for modern audiences would come in the form of [[CallBack "A powerful cat... named]] ComicStrip/{{Garfield}}." The framing is exactly the same as the gag from the Club Disney episode, but the BaitAndSwitch is instead the silhouette of modern Garfield being replaced by [[MemeticMutation the image of Garfield smoking Jon's pipe]]. |
| 239 | ** Kevin noted Garfield's conspicuous absence from theme parks during his prime, stating that this fact was not lost on Jim Davis, who when asked about a possible entry into the business in 1988, said "I wouldn't touch it. Never." |
| 240 | --->'''Kevin:''' [[TrollingCreator And that's the history of Garfield in theme parks.]] ''[[[CreditsGag The credits]] [[FakeOutFadeOut seemingly start]]]'' ...Wait, eight years later he changed his mind! ''[[MoneyDearBoy Wonder why]]''. |
| 241 | ** While discussing the ultimately aborted attempts to create a theme park in Indiana with a dedicated Garfield section, Kevin mentions that Jim Davis was reportedly heavily involved in its design, going so far as to design mundane aspects like trashcans and bathrooms... followed by some hand drawn official Paws Inc. concept art of a ''urinal shaped like Garfield's head''. The background music is timed so that the song ends with a dramatic sting when the urinal pops up followed by a silent lingering shot of it clearly meant to convey "Yes, Jim Davis wanted people to piss in Garfield's mouth".[[note]]...Okay, not really; this was one of [[https://twitter.com/Q_Review/status/1528026374274957324 a few pieces of gag art]] the Paws Inc. staff made and Kevin put it in because it was too funny not to include as a joke. This knowledge doesn't really make the gag any less hilarious, though.[[/note]] |
| 242 | ** The team that designed the ''Garfield's Nightmare'' re-theme wanted to go big, but they had to scale back not only due to a limited budget, but also because they were told by park officials that "[[DoWellButNotPerfect We can't make it too great]] because [[DemandOverload too many people would want to ride it]]." This is funny not just because of the statement itself, but also due to this being a ''surprisingly realistic'' attitude compared to the other ill-fated attractions and re-themes Kevin's covered, which wound up blowing up in the owners' faces due to overambition and/or limited ride capacity. By contrast, in spite of the ride's debatable quality and eventual lack of proper upkeep, ''Garfield's Nightmare'' comfortably ran for sixteen operating seasons, which is more than most of those rides ''wish'' they could've had. |
| 243 | ** When ''Garfield's Nightmare'' opened in 2004, the Garfield and Odie mascots took a trip on the ride... but due to his size, the park's ''original'' mascot, Kenny the Kangaroo, couldn't join them. Cue the video going black-and-white, zooming in on Kenny watching as Garfield and Odie take off, as [[LonelyPianoPiece sad piano music]] plays. |
| 244 | ** Garfield was phased out as a mascot in 2008, with Kenny the Kangaroo getting a sidekick in the form of... ''the park's sign'', prompting Kevin [[NotSoStoic to break his usual deadpan demeanor]]. |
| 245 | --->'''Kevin:''' You can '''MEET''' the '''SIGN!''' |
| 246 | ** Kennywood's video announcing the return of the ''Old Mill'''s previous "haunted WildWest" theming, posted in March 2020, starts as a documentary-style video, which Kevin notes is "in a similar vein to other [=YouTube=] channels [[TrollingCreator that I'm completely blanking on]]." |
| 247 | ** Kevin noted that upon the ride's closure, Creator/{{Viacom}} not only had all Garfield props destroyed out of fear of them being sold, but ordered the employees of the park to film themselves doing so just to make sure it was done. |
| 248 | * From the aptly-named "The Awful [[Music/TheWiggles Wiggles]] Dark Ride" minisode: |
| 249 | ** John Longhurst took his children to an animal park. The monkeys urinated in front of the guests, sickening one of the children with the stench. Longhurst decided to buy them milkshakes to take their minds off it, [[FromBadToWorse only to find the server scratching herself the entire time]]. Longhurst's epiphany, as he packed it in and went, was simply "Someone's got to do something about this". This inspired him to found Dreamworld--when he was having considerable trouble finding a location for the park, he straight-up ''[[PrayerIsALastResort asked God]]'' where he would find the land, and according to him, God answered "Ten miles out, on the Gold Coast". |
| 250 | ** Kevin snarks that guests that arrived at Dreamworld on opening day "were introduced to a world of wonder unlike they had never seen... ''assuming they had not been to Ride/{{Disneyland}}''." Though, Kevin does make sure to note that [[NotSoCheapImitation the park was still fairly impressive and did a good job mixing American and Australian influences]], illustrating it with "Koala [[Ride/CountryBearJamboree Country Jamboree]]". This featured such scenes like an American bear singing a ''Confederate army folk song'', a cartoonish interpretation of [[YowiesAndBunyipsAndDropBearsOhMy bunyip]] wearing a big cowboy hat and singing a love song, and a finale where all the animal acts come together to sing what Kevin calls "the most Australian song of all time": Rolf Harris' "Tie Me Kangaroo Down, Sport". |
| 251 | ** Kevin takes every opportunity he can to either bring up the concept of "Wiggles lore" or incorporate the band's name into whatever he's talking about ("this amount of Wiggling was unsustainable", "Wiggly theming", etc.). |
| 252 | --->The Wiggles empire was an intoxicating gravy train. [[OverlyNarrowSuperlative The kind that only comes from singing about potatoes, and dancing with a giant octopus.]] ''And it was a machine that could not be stopped''.\ |
| 253 | ''(on the departure of three founding members)'' Apparently nothing makes one face their own mortality more than being a Wiggle. |
| 254 | ** Kevin introduces us to Wiggles World's recreation of the Wigglehouse, particularly its rendition of Flora Door, which the video suddenly zooms in on to emphasize its particularly dead-eyed and tired expression, with some minor screen shaking for good measure. When Kevin later talks about the Wiggles Worlds at various Ride/SixFlags parks, he specifically notes Flora's different appearance compared to the Dreamworld version, now seemingly giving a suggestive side-eye. |
| 255 | --->'''Kevin:''' ...Why is she looking at me like that? |
| 256 | ** As for the ride proper: |
| 257 | *** Kevin illustrates its shambling top speed of 2 km/h--roughly 1.25 mph--by comparing it to Ferrari World's world record-holding ''Formula Rossa''.[[note]]For a fairer comparison, Kevin notes that the Haunted Mansion was still twice as fast as the Big Red Car Ride.[[/note]] |
| 258 | *** Kevin's narration of the ride footage is spliced with the chorus of "Toot Toot Chugga Chugga Big Red Car" as the ride ambles its way through transitions, cutting off quicker and quicker each time. |
| 259 | *** There's a part of the ride where Greg has the riders sing "Wave to Wags" to get Wags the Dog to slide down his slide. ''As slowly and mechanically as possible''. Kevin [[SuddenSoundtrackStop cuts the background music]] to further emphasize how slowly Wags slides down. Cue an abrupt transition to the next show scene [[RunningGag complete with another riff from "Toot Toot Chugga Chugga Big Red Car"]]. |
| 260 | *** Kevin lets the unedited footage of the ride going back to the loading area speak for itself--it goes on for a good ''nine seconds'' after his narration is over. |
| 261 | ** One promotional photo for the ride shown in the video has an excited dad riding with his family, wiggling his arms with a big, goofy expression on his face, which Kevin makes sure to zoom in on as he's talking about the negatives of the original version of the ride. |
| 262 | ** The Six Flags incarnations of Wiggles World brought over the costumed characters, but didn't feature actors portraying the Wiggles themselves, as kids would almost certainly recognize that they weren't the real deal, meaning that the only way to have guests interact with the Wiggles at the parks would be to use mascot costumes. |
| 263 | --->'''Kevin:''' This really only works with animals and cartoon characters. [[TemptingFate A theme park would never create mascot costumes to represent four human men]].\ |
| 264 | ''(SmashCut to [[GilliganCut just]] [[UnintentionalUncannyValley that]])'' |
| 265 | ** After Greg rejoined the Wiggles, new in-ride footage for the Big Red Car Ride was filmed, which Kevin suggests was done because either the original video files with Greg were lost or the band "was so obsessed with the dark ride's continuity that the difference in their age would have kept them up at night." This version of the ride video ended up being for naught because Greg left the band again a few months later, along with Jeff and Murray... and the ride video was re-filmed ''again'' to include their replacements. |
| 266 | ** Kevin lists off the new additions to the park after Wiggles World became ABC Kids World[[note]]as in the Australian Broadcasting Company, not the Disney-owned TV channel[[/note]], ending with "and [[Series/BananasInPyjamas those Bananas that wear Pyjamas]]". |
| 267 | ** Kevin admits that it's a shame the Big Red Car Ride wasn't given a proper send-off, as "the Wiggles have four different songs about saying goodbye." |
| 268 | * "The Series/AmericanIdol Theme Park Experience": |
| 269 | ** In the intro, Kevin states that pop stars in the late 90s "had reached unprecedented levels of notoriety and denim". He then lists changes in technology, "such as portable devices, the internet, and [[ArsonMurderAndJaywalking denim]]", that made celebrities more accessible to their fanbases. |
| 270 | ** Kevin says that "The only surefire way to become absurdly famous at the turn of the millennium was to [[Music/BritneySpears have]] [[Music/ChristinaAguilera starred]] [[Music/JustinTimberlake in]] the 1989 revival of ''Series/TheMickeyMouseClub''." |
| 271 | ** Kevin's test for how successful a BoyBand or GirlGroup is: determine how many members have Website/{{Wikipedia}} articles, and whether or not these articles have photos. |
| 272 | --->'''Kevin:''' Wikipedia is not always correct when it comes to facts, but the Wikipedia Music Group Relevancy Test does not lie. |
| 273 | *** Kevin applies his relevancy test to a few groups in the first section of the video. Most of them fail spectacularly. |
| 274 | ---->'''Kevin:''' According to ''my'' relevancy test, all five members (of Hear'Say) have Wikipedia pages, but only three have photos attached. B-.\ |
| 275 | '''Kevin:''' Unfortunately, only two of (Eden's Crush's) members have Wikipedia pages, and only [[Creator/NicoleScherzinger Nicole]] has a photo. F.\ |
| 276 | '''Kevin:''' Of the five original members (of O-Town) and one replacement, two Wikipedia pages, one photo. Also F. |
| 277 | ** Kevin says that the ''American Idol'' auditions were relatable to viewers because they showcased the hopefuls' "singing abilities, confidence, [[RunningGag and denim]]." This is paired with a clip of a contestant who made a dress out of her denim pants. |
| 278 | ** Kevin addresses a scathing yet spot-on critique of American Idol that was written two weeks after the show's premiere by telling the writer to "pace herself" because [[LongRunners the show might be around for a while]]. |
| 279 | ** The immediate success of ''American Idol'' is attributed to either actual interest in singing talent or "some biological yearning for the age of public executions". |
| 280 | ** Michael Eisner's contributions to Disney are listed as energy, creativity, and a lot of information about the early development of Ride/UniversalStudios Florida, the last of which is presented with a somewhat conspiratorial tone and shows Eisner's head opening as if on a hinge to dispense knowledge. |
| 281 | --->"...knowledge from a pitch he had been given by MCA in July of 1981 detailing their plans for a Universal Studios production facility, tram tour, ''and'' theme park in Cental Florida. They had plans for a recreation of a golden age Hollywood Boulevard, a stunt show, a sound effects demonstration. They wanted him and Paramount on board. He had been ''shown'' the plans. He ''knew'' the plans. ''Allegedly.''"\ |
| 282 | ''[Michael Eisner's head closes]'' |
| 283 | ** One issue brought up with the movie studio tram tour being incorporated into an active movie studio is that the New York set was placed too close to a pyrotechnics demonstration for the tram tour, which would regularly go off and make too much noise for the set to be useful for filming during park operating hours. This led to a hit in the popularity of the tram tour, as there was a lack of active productions to see... [[Catch22Dilemma because of the tram tour]]. Later in the video, it's mentioned that Disney hoped that film productions who decided to shoot in the park "didn't mind the nearby explosions that were rigged to go off every twenty minutes." |
| 284 | ** Kevin claims that the stage show adaptation of ''WesternAnimation/{{Doug}}'' [[BlatantLies "translated perfectly to stage, with no issues at all."]] As he says this, the video zooms in on the actor portraying Porkchop, who's wearing a dog suit with some rather unsettling face paint to capture the look of Doug's pet. |
| 285 | ** Kevin spends some time talking about the youth-oriented spinoff of ''American Idol'', called ''American Juniors'', including how they "made the mistake" of forming a tween music supergroup instead of focusing on a single star. Then he mentions that the only member of the band the show formed [[BrickJoke who has their own Wikipedia page]] is Creator/LucyHale, which results in him giving the group's relevancy an F. |
| 286 | ** After the licensing agreement with MGM ended, [[ClumsyCopyrightCensorship promotional footage for the park in question had to awkwardly edit out any visual traces of the former partner]] until Disney came up with a new name. Kevin gleefully inserts captions and arrows pointing out particularly sloppy edits. |
| 287 | ** Kevin says that the newly renamed Disney's Hollywood Studios needed a really big attraction to draw in guests as stock footage from ''American Idol'' is shown... [[BaitAndSwitch before revealing that he hasn't quite gotten to the main topic of the video yet]]. |
| 288 | --->'''Kevin:''' Disney's Hollywood Studios needed a star, and it had something big in mind. An experience that would keep the park above water, based on a property that America could not get enough of: ''Franchise/ToyStory''. |
| 289 | ** Kevin mentions that the announcement of the American Idol Experience included a staged crowd, complete with audience signs that he reads off in his signature deadpan: "Disney Rocks", "HiMom", and "Pick Me Dawg". |
| 290 | ** The winner of the seventh season of ''American Idol'', David Cook, filmed a Disney World commercial where he sung "When You Wish Upon a Star". Whether to avoid copyright claims, for the sake of comedy, or both, the clip of him singing abruptly cuts off after the word "wish". |
| 291 | ** Kevin claims the synergy between ''American Idol'' (which aired on Fox) and Disney (which owned the rival network ABC) shouldn't have been surprising because the two shared a mutual sponsor in Coca-Cola, which he refers to as "the true underlying loyalty of both corporations". |
| 292 | ** Kevin says that ''American Idol'''s Coca-Cola sponsorship is public knowledge to anyone who's watched the show "for more than two frames". This is demonstrated with a clip of a judging segment where the video zooms in on Creator/SimonCowell [[TheNoisyStraw loudly sipping from a Coca-Cola-branded cup]] as Music/PaulaAbdul complements a contestant, the act of which is subtitled as [[FunWithSubtitles "*Simon slurping that sweet Coca-Cola*"]]. |
| 293 | ** The episode has a RunningGag where previous ''Idol'' winners provide advice for contestants at the attraction, with each of them saying "Have fun" or some variant thereof. Much like with the "Toot Toot" gag in the Wiggles episode, these clips gradually get shorter as the episode continues. |
| 294 | ** The first stage of the American Idol Experience is an audition in a room that's a "1:1 recreation of the normal boring rooms that tens of thousands of people get their dreams crushed in" during the real audition experience. Thanks to some promotional footage calling attention to its presence, Kevin becomes fixated on the room's desk and keeps bringing it up for the rest of the video. |
| 295 | ** The "Red Room" where attendees could practice their song for the live show was also known as "the Coke room", which Kevin notes is either [[ProductPlacement a reference to the show's Coca-Cola sponsorship,]] or "a way to ''really'' [[SexDrugsAndRockAndRoll prepare these contestants for Hollywood.]]" |
| 296 | ** The Golden Dream Ticket to skip the line for the actual show's auditions is described as "the best [=FastPass=] ever", which prompts Kevin's voice to start echoing the word "[=FastPass=]" as clips of the [=FastPass=] system's various iterations are shown. |
| 297 | ** One Ryan Seacrest stand-in for the attraction describes the competition's age range as being "between 14 and death", which Kevin calls out because the age range of contestants on the show proper is between 16 and 28. |
| 298 | ** The theme park attraction had the option for contestants to film video introductions of themselves that showcased something compelling about them, similarly to vignettes used on the show proper. Kevin proceeds to create some MoodWhiplash by pairing an attraction video where a contestant begins explaining what brought him to American Idol by saying "First, we were here on vacation" with a show video where a contestant talks about having been homeless. |
| 299 | ** Kevin talks about how a video of Jordin Sparks led the attraction's audience in singing "I've Got the Music in Me" and proceeds to go on a tangent about ''Film/HighSchoolMusical'' that still manages to be relevant. |
| 300 | --->'''Kevin:''' For clarification, "I've Got the Music in Me" is a 1974 song by the Kiki Dee Band. It is not "''You'' Are the Music in Me" by the cast of ''Film/HighSchoolMusical2'', which ''was'' being performed just a few feet away in front of the Sorcerer's Hat. Coincidentally, this video featured Jordin Sparks and other singers performing outside the Sorcerer's Hat, along with footage of the Lights Motors Action Extreme Stunt Show. |
| 301 | ** The daily finale shows were shown on screens outside of the attraction, which allowed the people running the show to claim they were being broadcast live. Kevin comments that this was technically true, "although it was likely no one was watching." |
| 302 | ** Kevin compares the American Idol Experience to the ''Monsters Inc. Laugh Floor'' attraction, as both rely heavily on performers interacting with and commenting on guests... and shows disapproval towards the monsters on the Laugh Floor because unlike ''American Idol'''s Simon Cowell stand-ins, they barely make fun of people. |
| 303 | --->'''Kevin:''' Completely toothless. Cowardly, even. To look out on a crowd of sweaty, entitled Walt Disney World tourists and pull punches like that. |
| 304 | ** Kevin concludes that Mike Wazowski simply isn't a very good comedian, as according to him the funniest thing Mike's ever done is accidentally give himself a GroinAttack (if he even has the anatomy for that to be effective). |
| 305 | --->'''Kevin:''' I guess in-universe the funniest Mike Wazowski gets is just getting racked as if he has reproductive organs on the bottom crest of his sphere body. |
| 306 | ** An anecdote from a Dream Ticket winner includes the winner saying that getting the ticket was the best day of her life. Kevin comments that this hyperbolic statement was fine, as the winner was only fourteen at the time. Even better, the Dream Ticket winner in question would actually comment on his video, confirming that, now in her late twenties, getting the ticket was no longer the high point of her life. |
| 307 | ** Kevin shows off the attraction's web page, which had an interactive game called "Judge This!". Kevin provides a demonstration of the game, which features some [[HollywoodToneDeaf hilariously off-key singing]] and some reactions from Kevin: |
| 308 | --->'''Kevin:''' Nice, I got a "dawg" from the Randy type!\ |
| 309 | '''Kevin:''' Wow, this is an old website. Just look at that graphic [[note]] [[TakeThat The graphic reads "Affordable Disney Vacation Packages"]] [[/note]] in the corner! |
| 310 | ** When discussing the show's need to find a new judge in the wake of longtime host Paul Abdul leaving, Kevin explains that "they needed to find someone who was marketable, likable, easy-going, and all around, kind." Cut to [[Creator/EllenDeGeneres Ellen]] [[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ellen_DeGeneres#Allegations_of_on-set_bullying DeGeneres]]. |
| 311 | ** The ninth season included one General Larry Platt auditioning with a song he came up with called "Pants on the Ground", which Kevin says "is still charting #1 in the minds of American fathers." |
| 312 | ** While Kevin doesn't stop and mention Wikipedia pages this time, he places an A+ over footage of Music/OneDirection and Music/FifthHarmony performing. |
| 313 | ** Kevin gives the winner of the fifteenth [[UnCanceled and supposedly final season]] of ''American Idol'' as being either "Kris Hays, Steven Hines, or Trent Harmon", then says that if the viewer can guess [[PoesLaw which name is real without looking it up]], they can print out a certificate he puts on-screen. The text on the certificate is as follows: |
| 314 | ---> Congratulations\ |
| 315 | THIS CERTIFICATE IS TO COMMEND _________ FOR AVIDLY WATCHING '''FOX''''s AMERICAN IDOL IN 2016\ |
| 316 | Please screenshot this, print it out, and display it in your home. It is recommended that this certificate be displayed near the television on which you watched American Idol Season 15.\ |
| 317 | [-It is assumed that you have not upgraded your television set since 2016, [[TakeThatAudience as this certificate proves that you have not upgraded your taste in television shows since 2002.]]-] |
| 318 | *** It is worth pointing out that this bit was then immediately followed [[AllForNothing by Kevin immediately playing a clip where they announced the winner]]. |
| 319 | ** Kevin begins his wrap-up by attempting to wax philosophical about the show's name: |
| 320 | --->'''Kevin''': ''American Idol'' was representative of America itself. [-[[CaptainObvious Obviously, it's right there in the name.]]-] And it was a reflection of our obsession with the idolization of celebrities- ''[[LateToTheRealization dang,]]'' [[CaptainObvious also right there in the name.]] |
| 321 | [[/folder]] |
| 322 | |
| 323 | [[folder:Defunctland - Unsorted]] |
| 324 | * In "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GRNaapiBU7Q Burger Invasion: The History of McDonald's and Disney]]," Kevin makes note of the former's sponsorship of the Disney's Animal Kingdom dark ride formerly known as ''Countdown to Extinction, sponsored by [=McDonald's=]'', which he proclaims to be the greatest name for an attraction ever created. |
| 325 | -->'''Kevin:''' So much so that I'm going to repeat it. [[RepeatedForEmphasis Countdown to Extinction, Sponsored by [=McDonald's=]]]. |
| 326 | * Kevin mentions in "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XDMfmAyubD8 The History of Cedar Fair's Berenstain Bear Country]]" how one of Cedar Fair's dark rides concerned [[DarkerAndEdgier the 1906 San Francisco earthquake, which had killed thousands of people-]] |
| 327 | -->'''Kevin:''' ''([[MoodWhiplash energetically reads from a caption]])'' [[CrossesTheLineTwice Told in spectacular color and action!]] |
| 328 | ** Kevin narrates how [[Creator/DrSeuss Theodor Geisel]] told the Berenstains that their book was a success: |
| 329 | --->'''Kevin:''' Using the brilliant and whimsical vocabulary and phrasing for which he became popular, Geisel informed them that "We’re selling the ''hell'' out of the bear book." Geisel then told them to start work on more books, and without asking, shortened their names to "Stan" and "Jan" and named the series "Berenstain Bears". |
| 330 | * "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cbH8qX12Glo The History of Toys 'R' Us Times Square]]": |
| 331 | ** Kevin remarks that the inclusion of Elmo in the grand opening parade must have been confusing, as there were at least three other cheap costumed Elmos hanging around Times Square. |
| 332 | ** One of the cars on the flagship store's Ferris wheel is ''Creator/{{Nickelodeon}}''-themed, which leads to Kevin listing the characters on the car... and finishing with ''WesternAnimation/LittleBill'' [[CallBack again]]. |
| 333 | ** Kevin refers to the Grannies for Peace ambush protest as a "Grambush." |
| 334 | ** The episode ends with a video of customer service manager Johnny Tamarro on the last day the store was open, bringing some levity to an otherwise somber occasion. He then pulls out a comically long list of things he won't forget/miss about the store, mainly the inane questions customers tend to ask (such as 'how do I get out of here' and 'where's the bathroom'). It then delves into Heartwarming territory as he pulls out a comically ''small'' list of the things he ''would'' miss: his fellow employees. |
| 335 | --->'''Johnny Tamarro:''' Who else do you know in your life that either lost their job or their job finished and ''the whole freaking world'' knew about it? Not too many people... We're famous fired! |
| 336 | ** Kevin makes note of the various product launches the store hosted, specifically how the footage creates a perfect snapshot of the TurnOfTheMillennium: |
| 337 | --->''And now...''\ |
| 338 | ''Some Of The Product Launches Hosted By Toys R Us Times Square, or:''\ |
| 339 | ''One Of The First Times The Early 2000s' Unique Visual And Cultural Aesthetic Can Be Viewed In Retrospect, or:''\ |
| 340 | ''Oh My God. Am I Nostalgic For 2003?'' |
| 341 | * At the beginning of "Defunctland VR: 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea", Kevin plays the part of Defunctland's CEO, addressing his employees at the close of a hard day's work... by reminding them that [[TakeThatScrappy they REALLY need engineers to work on Superstar Limo, and they ARE willing to pay time-and-a-half to anyone willing to volunteer]]. |
| 342 | * "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CT37IyTJQy4&ab_channel=Defunctland The Handwich: Disney's Failed Sandwich of the Future]]" instead of following the traditional Defunctland formula, features Kevin making Handwiches. Some highlights: |
| 343 | ** Announcer Man identifying Kevin as a documentarian, who captures life and constructs stories about important topics such as [[ArsonMurderAndJaywalking injustice, crime, and roller coasters]]. |
| 344 | ** The Handwich is the product of Disney's attempt to make "futuristic" food. The man responsible for that push? [[TheCatCameBack Michael Eisner]], [[RunningGag of course]]! |
| 345 | ** "Wherever it was, it was billed as Disney's newest attraction, implying that you can ride the Handwich. When in reality, [[RussianReversal the Handwich rides you]]." |
| 346 | ** When making the molds for the Handwich cones, Kevin reassures us that the paper won't catch fire; in fact, a [[Literature/Fahrenheit451 great book]] was written that states that the auto-ignition point for paper is...[[BaitAndSwitch nineteen hundred]] [[Literature/NineteenEightyFour eighty-four]] degrees. |
| 347 | ** There's a hilariously pervasive and easy-to-miss gag in that Kevin seems to be going out of his way throughout the entire video to use ''two'' hands to bite into a sandwich specifically designed to be eaten with ''one'' hand. |
| 348 | ** While making his second Handwich, Kevin illustrates a hypothetical scenario that would require one to make a Handwich: |
| 349 | --->'''Kevin:''' Let's say you have a daughter. She's a sweetheart, but she's a bit of an arsonist. Her principal is coming over to discuss her expulsion, and you have to cook something spectacular or he will ''expel'' your daughter, and she will never be able to achieve the dreams that you've projected onto her. With these life-altering stakes, why ''not'' make a delicious Handwich? |
| 350 | ** Going to [[https://defunctland.com/handwich/ the tutorial link shown]] during the second Handwich showcases how the domain... hasn't been prepared yet. |
| 351 | --->'''Website:''' I'll do something clever here just give me a minute. |
| 352 | ** Eventually, Kevin runs out of time to make his last Handwich, and [[MakesJustAsMuchSenseInContext gets trapped in Purgatory]]. His only way out is to make the Handwich, so he runs to the grocery store and buys some bread, buys three roast beef and cheese sandwiches from Arby's without the buns, puts the sandwich filling in his hacked apart bread, and escapes. |
| 353 | --->'''Kevin:''' Hmm, believe it or not, that was the best one. |
| 354 | ** The final scene of the Handwich episode where Kevin is stuck in Limbo is [[DarthWiki/NightmareFuel terrifying]] until [[MoodWhiplash Kevin pulls into an Arby's to casually order fillings for his third Handwich]]. |
| 355 | --->'''Arby's employee:''' Thank you for choosing Arby's. Place your order when ready.\ |
| 356 | '''Kevin:''' Could I get... three Beef 'N Cheddar sandwiches? Without the buns.\ |
| 357 | '''Arby's employee:''' So you don't want it on the side? Just put it in a bowl?\ |
| 358 | '''Kevin:''' Yeah.\ |
| 359 | '''Arby's employee:''' So I've got three Beef 'N Cheddar classics, it's all in the same bowl, with the cheese in the sauce, in the bowl as well.\ |
| 360 | '''Kevin:''' That's ri- and some mozzarella sticks, please.\ |
| 361 | '''Arby's employee:''' Sure, you want four or six?\ |
| 362 | '''Kevin:''' Six.\ |
| 363 | ''(Scene resumes Kevin's SanitySlippage as he races back to the kitchen to prepare the final Handwich)'' |
| 364 | * The [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9yjZpBq1XBE episode]] on Disney's [=FastPass=] program is as jam-packed with Kevin's signature snark as it is ''incredibly long and excruciatingly detailed''. |
| 365 | ** Kevin immediately acknowledges how detailed his dissertation is going to be, stating that "Unfortunately, there is no [=FastPass=] for this explanation." |
| 366 | ** When he notes what Walt said about the psychological benefits of the switchback queue system, he also points out how times have changed: |
| 367 | --->'''Kevin:''' Because guests were moving back and forth, they were face to face with other guests, allowing them to interact with strangers back when people were into that sort of thing. |
| 368 | ** When talking about how, to Disney's surprise, Japanese tourists visiting Tokyo Disneyland were comfortable with waiting in long lines: |
| 369 | --->'''Kevin:''' This is because different cultures have different reactions to queuing, with Americans tending to be some of the most impatient, right up there with the French, [[CallBack which Disney would learn soon enough]]. |
| 370 | ** Michael Eisner's response to the success of [=FastPass=]? |
| 371 | --->"[Guests] now have more time to spend money and to do other things! They're also a lot happier not having to wait in line." |
| 372 | ** There were not one, but ''two'' parody songs created about different iterations of the [=FastPass=] program. And while one of the songs was actually created by Disney Parks to promote [=FastPass+=], the other one is just three friends singing a [=FastPass=]-themed parody of Music/{{Beyonce}}'s "Single Ladies". After Kevin plays the Disney one... |
| 373 | --->'''Kevin:''' That is technically my second favorite [=FastPass=] parody song... but it's ''really'' not even a competition. |
| 374 | ** Kevin makes note of the recipients of the 100 millionth [=FastPass=], the Dillon family, with Mike Dillon stating that "Things like this don't happen to the Dillons." Cue Kevin talking about how a man named Jebediah Dillon stowed away on a cargo ship braving stormy Atlantic waters in the late 19th century, complete with a chapter title card... |
| 375 | --->'''[[GilliganCut PART FOUR: THE DILLONS]]''' |
| 376 | *** ...Before Kevin quickly realizes he's lost his thread and gets back on topic. |
| 377 | ** For a time, guests reserving certain Disneyland vacation packages in the mid-2000s could gain access to "Enhanced [=FastPass=]", which allowed guests to receive as many passes as possible (save for rides they'd already reserved). This meant that there was no stopping someone from snagging [=FastPasses=] for all 16 attractions across Disneyland and California Adventure right after arriving and having the best day ever... save for having to experience mid-2000s California Adventure. |
| 378 | ** "In 2002, Paul Pressler resigned to model for The Gap, where he would also serve as CEO." |
| 379 | ** Kevin remarks that the over-implementation of the [=FastPass=] system in its first few years was a clear indicator [[TemptingFate that implementing it at every possible attraction would be a bad idea.]] |
| 380 | --->'''PART FOUR: PUT FASTPASS EVERYWHERE''' |
| 381 | ** Kevin goes over the impetus for what would one day become the [=MagicBand=] and describes how, since the original designer basically came up with a ''Magic'' wrist''Band'', it was obviously destined to be known the world over as the [[NonIndicativeName Experience Band]]. Or xBand for short. |
| 382 | ** Kevin begins talking about [=MyMagic+=]... only, to his confusion, to be presented with an ad for a ''different'' service named Mobile Magic. Between its price point, the fact that downloading the app required ''sending a text message'' (this was 2009, mind), and it being an exclusive partnership with Verizon, Kevin can't help but feel a bit disgusted. |
| 383 | --->'''Kevin:''' ''[The Mobile Magic ad begins playing]'' ...Wait, what is this? ...This is not [=MyMagic+=] I don't know what this is. ...Ugh, exclusive to Verizon? ''[Mickey suddenly pops up onscreen in the ad]'' ...AAH! Oh gosh, I forgot about this. |
| 384 | ** Kevin discusses how the [=XPass=] system could radically redesign crowd control, but that there was just one problem... |
| 385 | --->'''Kevin:''' ''Actually, there were a thousand problems,'' but this was one of them. |
| 386 | ** Kevin notes how, during the initial rollout of [=FastPass+=], guests were having to line up at the dedicated kiosks for the system, or in other words, people were ''getting in line to get the pass to skip the lines''. |
| 387 | ** To highlight how bad securing [=FastPasses=] had become thanks to [=FastPass+=] Kevin plays a ''more than two minute long montage'' of various [=DisneyTubers=] explaining how best to exploit the system just to use it as you're supposed to. |
| 388 | ** After bringing up the debates had regarding whether or not [=FastPass=] increases or decreases standby waits, overall waits, and/or the overall number of attractions a guest can experience in a day, Kevin notes that answering these questions would be nearly impossible, as since Disney doesn't provide the relevant statistics, there would be only one practical method of doing so: |
| 389 | --->'''Kevin:''' [[TemptingFate Someone would need to pay an industrial engineer to create a complex computer simulation of a theme park, populated with agents, all with unique preferences, riding attractions of varying capacities and run times in order to compare and contrast wait times, number of rides ridden, and other factors with and without a virtual queue system just to get to the bottom of this ridiculously niche curiosity.]]\ |
| 390 | ''({{Beat}})''\ |
| 391 | '''PART SIX: I PAID AN INDUSTRIAL ENGINEER TO CREATE A COMPLEX COMPUTER SIMULATION OF A THEME PARK POPULATED WITH AGENTS, ALL WITH UNIQUE PREFERENCES, RIDING ATTRACTIONS OF VARYING CAPACITIES IN ORDER TO COMPARE AND CONTRAST WAIT TIMES, NUMBER OF RIDES RIDDEN, AND OTHER FACTORS WITH AND WITHOUT A VIRTUAL QUEUE SYSTEM.'''\ |
| 392 | '''Kevin:''' Hey everybody I made a theme park in the computer. |
| 393 | *** Kevin acknowledging some of the limitations of the simulation: |
| 394 | ---->'''THERE IS ONLY ONE PARK SO NO PARK HOPPING BECAUSE MY GOD I DON'T EVEN WANT TO THINK ABOUT WHAT THAT DOES TO THE DATA.''' |
| 395 | *** Kevin notes that under [=FastPass+=], some guests went on rides with shorter waits multiple times in a row while waiting to return to a more popular ride. At its most extreme, this resulted in one person who managed to get on rides '''39''' times in a day.[[note]]For reference, the average number of rides experienced with [=FastPass+=] was 4.23 rides.[[/note]] |
| 396 | *** This simulated theme park is introduced as "Shapeland", where all the people are dots and the attractions are shapes... and then, in a major moment of whiplash, Kevin later reveals that his simulation was not based on a made-up theme park with made-up rides, but ''[[WhamLine an actual day at Disney's Animal Kingdom]]''. |
| 397 | ** While discussing how virtual queue systems got increasingly out of hand during the 2010s, Kevin brings up a ''Franchise/HarryPotter'' ride that opened at Universal Studios Orlando during this time. Kevin refers to said new ride by the name of itself and the land it's in, both of which are unusually long, [[{{Tradesnark}} and pronounces the trademark symbol at the end]]. |
| 398 | --->'''Kevin:''' In the summer of 2019, Universal Orlando debuted a new ride at their Islands of Adventure theme park: ''Ride/TheWizardingWorldOfHarryPotter'''s ''Ride/HagridsMagicalCreaturesMotorbikeAdventure'', ™. |
| 399 | ** Kevin explains that Disney tried to avoid hours-long (and more publicly embarrassing than usual) lines for ''[[Ride/StarWarsGalaxysEdge Rise of the Resistance]]'' by introducing a "virtual queue" system that was inspired by a new customer service innovation ''at the [[DepartmentOfMajorVexation DMV]]''. |
| 400 | --->'''Kevin:''' So ''that's'' where we are, everybody. |
| 401 | ** The mere fact that a dissertation on a system designed to cut the lines at theme park attractions somehow naturally segues into a discussion of "what, in queuing theory, is called" |
| 402 | --->'''PART SEVEN: CLASS WARFARE'''\ |
| 403 | ''(Muzak Soviet-pastiche military march plays.)''\ |
| 404 | '''Kevin:''' [[invoked]] Within the Disney parks, there has become a class system, [[BrutalHonesty just like in the real world]], [[CrossesTheLineTwice except for this one is silly, mostly inconsequential, and you aren't forced to live in it like a nightmare you can't wake up from]]. |
| 405 | ** Though not really talked about by Kevin there is something ''very'' funny about how ''Walt Disney World's'' [=FastPass+=] was a simple idea at crowd control that turned into a nightmare for guests waiting in line at the parks, Cast Members trying to maintain the crowds that ''were not controlled'' by [=FastPass+=], and the struggling tech infrastructure that the entire park was now based on, and comparing it to ''Disneyland's'' [=MaxPass=] [[StatingTheSimpleSolution which was literally just the original [=FastPass=] but now you had to pay for it]]. |
| 406 | ** Kevin wraps up a long explanation with the conclusion that guests and operations would fare better without [=FastPass+=], and fades out its graphic... before bringing it back and forcefully saying "But what am I talking about, they spent a billion dollars on this, they're not getting rid of anything!" This leads right to the next part, HOW DO WE FIX THIS?, which starts with anthropomorphizing [=FastPass+=] into a monster whose creators refuse to kill it and who only make it larger when they attempt to accommodate it. |
| 407 | ** InUniverse, the businesspeople behind Shapeland discuss how to deal with the billion-dollar monster (read:[=FastPass+=]) they've accidentally created: by making being friends with it an additional charge and not a hotel perk like it was previously. |
| 408 | --->'''Dotson:''' There's just one problem- the friends of the monster are not gonna be happy when we charge them for this.\ |
| 409 | '''The Boss:''' You're right. That would be a PR nightmare. [[TemptingFate It would take some sort of global, cataclysmic event]] that would shut down our business long enough for us to make drastic changes to our operating procedure... While also giving us a shield from criticism of those changes.\ |
| 410 | '''[Lightning strikes]'''\ |
| 411 | '''Dotson:''' Oh, did you not hear?\ |
| 412 | '''[Cut to news reports on the UsefulNotes/COVID19Pandemic forcing Disney to shut the parks down]''' |
| 413 | *** The disparity between committed [=FastPass+=] users and regular park attendees is illustrated by certain people being friends with the monster, and therefore, unlike the rest, safe from harm. By the time the monster has grown too large and hungry to control, its friends have set up a ''multi-tiered grandstand'' to [[PassThePopcorn act as its cheering section while it tramples and devours everyone else]]. |
| 414 | ** Kevin explaining the "simpler" Disney Genie system by way of MotorMouth. |
| 415 | --->'''Kevin:''' See, simple. ''[A picture of the like/dislike ratio on the Genie app's Website/YouTube overview video appears; there are way more dislikes]'' [[BlatantLies AND hugely popular.]] ''[A picture of [=YouTube's=] announcement that they're hiding the number of dislikes appears]'' [[TakeThat Or is it? Who's to say?]] |
| 416 | * Kevin being interviewed by [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wWEk34VwcvU&pp=ygUMYWRhbSBjb25vdmVy Adam Conover.]] For the first hour, the interview goes pretty well, and both are very professional. However, the interview eventually goes off the rails after Kevin mentions Music/TheWiggles. |
| 417 | [[/folder]] |
| 418 | |
| 419 | ![=DefunctTV=] |
| 420 | * In the ''Series/{{Zoboomafoo}}'' video, Kevin briefly goes over ''WesternAnimation/WildKratts'' and mistakes the animated Martin Kratt for [[WesternAnimation/KimPossible Ron Stoppable]]. |
| 421 | * The Creator/JimHenson specials open with black & white comedic skits with two puppets, Boss & Codey, in homage to Henson. Their funny antics revolve around promoting the products of one of them via building a website and other means. |
| 422 | ** During the episode on ''Series/FraggleRock'', Kevin relays Jim's mission statement for the show: "I want to do a children's television show that will stop war." |
| 423 | --->'''Kevin:''' [[SarcasmMode Sounds simple enough]]. |
| 424 | * In the [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YP1fh9aLL1c episode]] about ''Series/DumbosCircus'', Kevin recaps the episode involving Dumbo losing his magic feather, and being extremely nervous about it while about to take a jump off the top of the circus platform. In his deadpan voice, he then delivers this line: |
| 425 | -->'''Kevin:''' It's revealed that Sebastian has the feather, because he is a liar. |
| 426 | * Among the games in the ''Franchise/CarmenSandiego'' series is one called ''Where in North Dakota is Carmen Sandiego''. |
| 427 | * "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b_rjBWmc1iQ Disney Channel's Theme: A History Mystery]]": |
| 428 | ** Kevin's quest to figure out who wrote the Disney Channel theme gets off to a rocky start because two of the people he interviews initially remember the contents of the bumpers better than the music playing during them. |
| 429 | ** Several fake newspapers about Kevin's previous videos appear as a FreezeFrameBonus, and the text on them is hilarious: |
| 430 | *** The topmost newspaper presumes Kevin is dead due to going months between video uploads and places the blame on [[CallBack Handwiches]]. It also has some InsaneTrollLogic regarding the mortality of [=YouTubers=]: |
| 431 | ---->When a [=YouTuber=] doesn't upload for more than three months, they're dead. No question. If they upload again, that doesn't prove they weren't dead, it just proves they aren't dead right now. |
| 432 | *** The Fastpass program history video's paper has an article complaining about how often a certain [=YouTube=] user is getting recommended the video[[note]]At the time of writing, the Fastpass video is the most-viewed video on the channel[[/note]]. The author of the article happens to be named "Tom Liar" and is claiming they made the video. |
| 433 | *** The bottommost newspaper in the stack is titled 'Fake Newspaper'. |
| 434 | ** One of the eliminated candidates for the composer of the Disney Channel theme is Music/WolfgangAmadeusMozart. |
| 435 | ** During a recap of the early TV idents, Kevin recaps the 'Disney's Our Channel' theme song, in which the phrase was sang by classic Disney characters, families, and [[BaitAndSwitch "everyone's favorite Disney character"]]: |
| 436 | --->'''Michael Eisner:''' Our channel, Disney's Our Channel. |
| 437 | ** While searching for when the new Disney Channel theme was introduced in 2002, Kevin comes across several Express Yourself ads, and is a bit taken aback when one casually talks about [[UsefulNotes/TheWarOnTerror 9/11]]. As it turns out, Disney Channel had ad breaks like these after the event, and since they later cut back on the more patriotic branding, the transition into it feels a lot more jarring. |
| 438 | *** And then he comes across another one that starts talking about "one of the ''[[CrossesTheLineTwice positive]]'' [[CrossesTheLineTwice effects of 9/11]]", and Kevin quickly pauses the video to try a different ad compilation... to for the next video to start with ''another'' Express Yourself ad talking about it. |
| 439 | *** When the compilation's uploader gives September 30, 2002 as the date of the logo change in the comments, Kevin remarks that there's no way somebody uploaded Disney Channel recordings from that specific date. [[JokeAndReceive Cue a Playhouse Disney clip compilation for that exact date]]. |
| 440 | ** A brief scene of Kevin sorting [=DVDs=] into categories, based on their relevance to his search. Most of the [=DVDs=] are sorted into "Editions of ''Film/HighSchoolMusical''", but when he pulls out a copy of the first season of ''Series/LifeWithDerek'', he sorts it into a lone category titled [[WhatDoYouMeanItsForKids "Canadian Sitcoms That Will Get You Demonetized"]]. |
| 441 | ** Kevin saying that Music/TheMightyMightyBosstones were from [[FunetikAksent "Bosstone, Maysachusetts"]] |
| 442 | ** When comparing the stars drawing the Disney Channel logo in the bumpers with what they actually draw, Kevin calls out how Creator/SpencerBreslin's wand streak doesn't line up with the logo ''even in the edited version''. Though, Kevin [[CrossesTheLineTwice states that he can't blame him, because Spencer had "other things on his mind" before cutting back to a clip of one of the 9/11 PSAs.]] Later, he brings up how the dog from ''Series/DogWithABlog'' did a better job at drawing the logo than the kid stars. |
| 443 | ** Only Kevin can make a link between a NAFTA debate, ''Monday Night Football'', and ''Film/HighSchoolMusical2'' as intricate yet hilarious as this: |
| 444 | --->'''Kevin:''' It is obvious why ''High School Musical 2'' was able to achieve [being the most watched premiere on cable]. The debate over NAFTA was an intense and important argument between two powerful political rivals, and Monday night football is consistently popular as it broadcasts the intensity and suspense of athletics. High School Musical 2 was able to combine these two ratings winners, by showcasing both the drama of sports as well as a tantalizing debate. Rather than the pros and cons to controversial trade legislation, with [[UsefulNotes/RossPerot Perot]] on the side of anti-NAFTA and [[UsefulNotes/AlGore Gore]] on the side of pro-NAFTA, ''High School Musical 2'' showcases a debate as to whether high schooler Chad Danforth can or cannot dance. With Chad strictly on the side of anti-dance, or as he says, 'I don't dance', and with theater kid Ryan Evans firmly on the side of pro-dance, or in his words, 'I know you can'. This back-and-forth captured America in a way that neither the NAFTA debate or Monday night football could do on their own. |
| 445 | ** Once Kevin runs out of options to investigate and believes that the trail has gone cold, the video segues into sad music as Kevin declares he has no choice but to release the video as is in hopes of finding anyone who knows the answer to who wrote the Disney Channel theme. He performs his own dramatic re-enactment of the intro, draws the logo like they do in the breaks... and finds out it's a lot harder to draw than he realized. |
| 446 | --->Okay, I feel bad for making fun of those kids earlier. |
| 447 | ** The fact that trying and failing to draw the Disney Channel logo in a [[ShowerOfAngst depressed shower]] ends up being the EurekaMoment of the video that finally gets Kevin on the right trail is deeply hilarious. |
| 448 | ** The excited way that Kevin shouts [[ChekhovsGag "It's one of the 9/11 PSA's!"]] when he realizes how close to the answer he is. |
| 449 | ** When Kevin finally finds someone (Andrea Taylor) who knows who wrote the jingle, he interviews her about her previous work at Disney Channel (which was pretty much ''everything'' related to marketing). One of these works was a series of bumpers that was all about fish trivia, [[SubliminalAdvertising microdosing their young viewership with a fish obsession]] in preparation for the release of ''WesternAnimation/FindingNemo'' a year and a half later. |
| 450 | --->'''Kevin:''' And these kids were like "this is perfect, because I'm already into fish, coincidentally".\ |
| 451 | '''Andrea:''' Uh-huh!\ |
| 452 | '''Kevin:''' But they weren- it was NOT a coincidence.\ |
| 453 | '''Andrea:''' No.\ |
| 454 | '''Kevin:''' Ok, ''that's'' a little sinister.\ |
| 455 | '''Andrea:''' ''(with no change in tone)'' Mhm! |
| 456 | !Where We Parked |
| 457 | * "Person of the Century": |
| 458 | ** Kevin and Jack note that the poll was for "[[ExactWords the most influential person of the century]]" and not "the ''best'' person of the century". They conclude that the poll was scrapped because too many people were voting for UsefulNotes/AdolfHitler, and Disney was too embarrassed to announce it. |
| 459 | ** The real reason the poll ended early: Cast Members organized a successful movement to write in another Cast Member's name, and Disney couldn't figure out a way to remove that result without breaking the system. |
| 460 | * "The Sea is My World": |
| 461 | ** When going through the different Shamu shows at Ride/SeaWorld, they stumble onto one named "Shamu Goes to College", and imagine a scenario where a dad takes his family to see the new Shamu show and is genuinely moved by the idea of a killer whale going to college. |
| 462 | ** The titular song is from an album named "The Fun Songs of Shamu and his Crew", but only features Shamu in two of the songs. Kevin and Jack decide that it's because Shamu was too busy to get into the studio. |
| 463 | * "50's Prime Time Café": |
| 464 | ** Kevin, Jack, and Rob decide that the 50's Prime Time Café would be the "[[Film/CaptainAmericaTheFirstAvenger Captain America holding cell]]" where they would put Walt Disney after unthawing him, with them imagining what Walt would do in this situation: |
| 465 | *** Walt breaking free from the café only to stumble into [[Ride/WaltDisneyWorld Hollywood Studios]], which he mistakes for the real Hollywood until someone tells him that he can't smoke there. |
| 466 | *** Walt running into Ride/StarWarsGalaxysEdge, thinking that Batuu's a real planet, and going on both ''Smuggler's Run'' and ''Rise of the Resistance'' trying to get off of the planet, only to end up right back where he started. |
| 467 | *** Walt trying to join the First Order and selling out the Resistance the first chance he gets (with the guys noting that he actually ''did'' go in front of the House Un-American Activities Committee and accuse all his striking animators of being Communists). |
| 468 | *** Walt going onto the ''Rock 'n' Rollercoaster'' and dying instantly, due to the sheer speed and g-forces present on the ride. |
| 469 | ** Their nightmarish concept for a dinner theatre version of the Prime Time Café where a Cast Member playing your dad "comes home", where the storyline changes based on what you order, and almost all of the storylines end poorly due to the tensions between "Dad" and the waitress playing "Mom": |
| 470 | *** The costume design for "Dad" features another woman's perfume and lipstick on his collar. |
| 471 | *** Noting that many of the menu items reference unseen family members, including "Aunt Betty's Chicken Strips" (which starts the infidelity storyline), and "Dad's Favorite Chocolate-Peanut Butter Layered Cake" (which is the only way to get the good ending). |
| 472 | *** A breakfast version, where it's implied that "Mom" is cheating on "Dad" with either the milkman, the garbageman, or both, and Dad comes home to reveal that he's been laid off from his job. |
| 473 | * "The Epcot Residency": Kevin manages to guess that Music/SmashMouth performed at Epcot before Jack even brings them up. |
| 474 |
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