Line #14 Fanfic/IfBellaWereSane


1	''If Bella Were Sane'' is a hilarious parody fanfiction of ''Literature/TheTwilightSaga'', written by a DeadpanSnarker. Read it [[http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5187507/1/ here.]]
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3	What if Bella were, well, [[ExactlyWhatItSaysOnTheTin sane]]? What if she had an ounce of rationality in her body? What if she kept a diary? This is what would happen. After a couple of years of being a DeadFic, the author has put up coverage of ''Eclipse'' and ''Breaking Dawn''...
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5	!!Tropes found in this fic include...
6	* AdaptationalIntelligence: Needless to say, Bella is a lot smarter (and [[AdaptationPersonalityChange more sarcastic]]) than she was in the original books.
7	* AndNowYouMustMarryMe: The plot of Chapter 4, wherein [[spoiler:Edward drugs Bella, drives her to Vegas, and gets them hitched while she's too out of it to fight back]].
8	%%* BettyAndVeronica: Jacob is Betty, Edward is Veronica, and Bella is Archie. However, she isn't even remotely interested in Edward.
9	* BishieSparkle: Edward, but Bella takes it as a sign that he's gay. Much to her dismay, she's wrong.
10	* CassandraTruth: Charlie doesn't believe Bella when she tells him that Alice kidnapped her, dragged her off to Volterra, and "rescued" Edward.
11	* CloudCuckoolander: Bella's rather loony "Aunt Stephenie", who thinks her niece getting kidnapped by some creep is somewhat "romantic".
12	* ClusterFBomb: Bella's reaction to her car breaking down ''just'' when she's trying to get away from Edward.
13	-->Oh, fucking ''fuck''. Just fan-fucking-tastic.
14	* EveryoneHasStandards: In Chapter 4, Edward gets Bella drunk, drives her all the way to Nevada, marries her and puts a ring on her finger, but thankfully he doesn't go as far as to [[MaritalRapeLicense rape her]].
15	-->Luckily Edward is disturbing enough to marry a drunk girl several states away, but not wildly disturbing enough to have sex with her passed-out body.\
16	\
17	Yaaaaaaay.
18	* DamselInDistress: Bella in the second chapter. Justified as she'd been dragged to Italy against her will and really had no control over the situation or any way to get home.
19	* DeadpanSnarker: Bella becomes one.
20	-->He [Edward] also says that we shouldn't be friends. O-kay, mister bipolar weirdo, fine with me. In fact, I'll help you with that venture by staying the hell away from you as much as possible.
21	* FurAgainstFang: Averted; though Edward claims to be a vampire and Jacob claims to be a werewolf, no mention is ever made of the antagonism between them that was so prevalent in the ''Twilight'' canon.
22	* GoshDangItToHeck: Averted -- Bella never once says, "Holy crow".
23	* HopelessSuitor: Edward to Bella. Bella finds him creepy as all hell, but he's convinced that she loves him.
24	* IRejectYourReality: Edward doesn't seem to listen when Bella says she doesn't love him back, and no matter how many times she tries to tell him she doesn't, he continues to believe she does.
25	-->'''Bella:''' ''(after Edward "sparkles" for her)'' But I don't love you! I don't even like you! In fact, after all this, I hate you! Are you deaf or something?\
26	'''Edward:''' I know, my dearest snowflake, but I am too dangerous for our love to flourish!
27	* InSpiteOfANail: Even though Bella makes it very, very clear that she sees Edward as a creepy stalker and wants nothing to do with him, he still acts like they're in love and behaves exactly as he did in the series.
28	* KaleidoscopeEyes: Edward. In Bella's words:
29	-->The hell? Does he have colored contacts? How many pairs do you need?
30	* KissingCousins: Bella suspects that the Cullens are this, due to the fact that they all look alike. BrotherSisterIncest can also apply.
31	* LeaningOnTheFourthWall: Bella's bizarre Aunt Stephenie thinks that Edward spiriting her away and marrying her while she's drunk is "almost sort of romantic".
32	* LoveTriangle: Once again, the classic Bella/Edward/Jacob, but in this case, Edward's not really even in the equation at all.
33	* MistakenForGay: When Edward drags Bella to the meadow to show her that he sparkles in the sunlight, she thinks he's wearing body glitter and asks him why he's going to such elaborate measures to tell her that he's gay.
34	* NiceGirl: Despite her snarkiness, Bella is a lot nicer and less self-centered than she was in ''Twilight''. She even expresses sympathy for Tyler when he gets hurt after almost hitting her with his van.
35	* NotSoAboveItAll: Bella absolutely freaks out when she discovers [[spoiler:she may have married Edward.]]
36	* OneParagraphChapter: The chapter corresponding to ''Eclipse'' is exactly two sentences long.
37	-->''Eclipse'' doesn't get a parody chapter because nothing happened in ''Eclipse''.\
38	\
39	Please enjoy the next chapter instead.
40	* OnlySaneMan: Bella; while every other character in the books acts much their canon counterparts, Bella has much, ''much'' more common sense than ''hers'' and for the most part reacts as such. As the title itself establishes, the fanfic takes place in an alternate continuity where Bella is "sane", in contrast to her canon counterpart who, among other things, thinks StalkingIsLove.
41	* PapaWolf: Charlie Swan in the end of Chapter 1. Bella relates the story of how he pulled a shotgun on Edward (not [[ShotgunWedding like that]]) and got him arrested for his creepy behavior. This gets dialed down in later chapters, though, to Bella's frustration.
42	* SanitySlippage: Bella in Chapter 4, dating her journal entries as "Day Who Gives a Shit" and "Day Fuck Everything." [[spoiler:This only gets worse when she finds out that she may have married Edward. After the marriage is annulled, she calms down.]]
43	* StalkingIsLove: Averted; Bella, unlike her canon counterpart, finds it creepy.
44	* StalkerWithACrush: Edward, of course.
45	* StationsOfTheCanon: Edward (in fact, all of the Cullens) is oblivious to Bella's protests, so he keeps following the plot of the books even when it shouldn't logically happen.
46	* TakeThat:
47	** Bella happens to have a very Mormon and ''very'' loopy aunt named [[Creator/StephenieMeyer Stephenie]] who finds Edward forcefully marrying Bella "romantic".
48	** The Author's reason for skipping ''Eclipse''? Nothing happened in it.
49	* TheyJustDontGetIt: Edward just will not accept that Bella is not in love with him, absolutely despises him, and considers him a creepy stalker who she wants out of her life. To the point that when she's drunk, he puts her in his car and drives her to Las Vegas so they can get married.
50	* {{Understatement}}: Bella's thoughts on Edward possibly being insane.
51	-->'''Bella:''' It'd totally ruin my day to be raped, killed and dumped in a trash can behind a UsefulNotes/McDonalds somewhere.
52	* WaterSourceTampering: In Chapter 4, Bella speculates that "the water in Oregon is just spiked with crazysauce" as an explanation for everyone's deranged behavior.
53	* WhatDidIDoLastNight: After getting drunk because Jacob dumped her, Bella wakes up in a hotel room with Edward, wearing a cheap white dress and a ring on her finger.
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Context Fanfic / IfBellaWereSane