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Spelling/grammar fix(es), Misuse
Changed line(s) 3 (click to see context) from:
** Blake and Shale, a three-year-old and four-year-old, give surprisingly mature advice to Koreesh and manage to get him out of h is suicidal depression. The advice they give can be borderline therapeutic, which is jarring coming from teh mouths of two toddlers.
to:
** Blake and Shale, a three-year-old and four-year-old, give surprisingly mature advice to Koreesh and manage to get him out of h is suicidal depression. The advice they give can be borderline therapeutic, which is jarring coming from teh the mouths of two toddlers.
Changed line(s) 6,7 (click to see context) from:
* ValuesDissonance: One of the biggest criticisms of this story. A strange case where the work is pretty recent as of this writing.
** Spyro's mother dropped her eldest son Cyrus out of the sky at a young age when he could not fly over and over in order to teach him how to. Cyrus does so with his little brother Blake when he is still learning to fly; dropping him from a very high altitude without warning, scarring Blake. Although Cyrus does promise he will always catch him, this could be fatal if Cyrus fails to catch his brother even once and Blake hits the ground. On top of that, an experience like this could prove traumatizing to a child as young as Blake, who is three. This is all framed as being in the right by the story.
** Spyro's mother dropped her eldest son Cyrus out of the sky at a young age when he could not fly over and over in order to teach him how to. Cyrus does so with his little brother Blake when he is still learning to fly; dropping him from a very high altitude without warning, scarring Blake. Although Cyrus does promise he will always catch him, this could be fatal if Cyrus fails to catch his brother even once and Blake hits the ground. On top of that, an experience like this could prove traumatizing to a child as young as Blake, who is three. This is all framed as being in the right by the story.
to:
* ValuesDissonance: One of the biggest criticisms of this story. A strange case where the work is pretty recent as of this writing.
UnintentionallyUnsympathetic:
** Spyro's mother dropped her eldest son Cyrus out of the sky at a young age when he could not fly over and over in order to teach him how to. Cyrus does so with his little brother Blake when he is still learning to fly; dropping him from a very high altitude without warning, scarring Blake. Although Cyrus does promise he will always catch him, this could be fatal if Cyrus fails to catch his brother even once and Blake hits the ground. On top of that, an experience like this could prove traumatizing to a child as young as Blake, who is three. This is all framed as being in the right by the story.
** Spyro's mother dropped her eldest son Cyrus out of the sky at a young age when he could not fly over and over in order to teach him how to. Cyrus does so with his little brother Blake when he is still learning to fly; dropping him from a very high altitude without warning, scarring Blake. Although Cyrus does promise he will always catch him, this could be fatal if Cyrus fails to catch his brother even once and Blake hits the ground. On top of that, an experience like this could prove traumatizing to a child as young as Blake, who is three. This is all framed as being in the right by the story.
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Fixing indentation
Changed line(s) 1,4 (click to see context) from:
!!''The Fanfic''
* Narm: Plenty.
* Narm: Plenty.
to:
*
Changed line(s) 10 (click to see context) from:
** Brazin hits Cynder repeatedly out of revenge for what she did back when she was Terror of the Skies at first, but he later does so again after coming around and trying to slap sense into her and get her to realize it was not her fault. When Spyro moves to stop him, Cyrus intervenes and tells his brother to let Cynder, stating she is not responding to the Braizin's accusations correctly and deserves to be hit. The story insists that it's okay for others to beat each other up like this, despite the fact Cynder is also still going through trauma from her past and physical violence is borderline abusive. Characters regularly default to trying to hit each other during arguments, with Cynder even trying to hit Cyrus, a twelve-year-old, because of an argument in chapter 21.
to:
** Brazin hits Cynder repeatedly out of revenge for what she did back when she was Terror of the Skies at first, but he later does so again after coming around and trying to slap sense into her and get her to realize it was not her fault. When Spyro moves to stop him, Cyrus intervenes and tells his brother to let Cynder, stating she is not responding to the Braizin's accusations correctly and deserves to be hit. The story insists that it's okay for others to beat each other up like this, despite the fact Cynder is also still going through trauma from her past and physical violence is borderline abusive. Characters regularly default to trying to hit each other during arguments, with Cynder even trying to hit Cyrus, a twelve-year-old, because of an argument in chapter 21.21.
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Changed line(s) 3 (click to see context) from:
* Narm: Plenty.
to:
* Narm: Plenty.
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None
Changed line(s) 3,4 (click to see context) from:
* Narm: Plenty.
** Blake and Shale, a three-year-old and four-year-old, give surprisingly mature advice to Koreesh and manage to get him out of his suicidal depression. The advice they give can be borderline therapeutic, which is jarring coming from teh mouths of two toddlers.
** Blake and Shale, a three-year-old and four-year-old, give surprisingly mature advice to Koreesh and manage to get him out of his suicidal depression. The advice they give can be borderline therapeutic, which is jarring coming from teh mouths of two toddlers.
to:
** Blake and Shale, a three-year-old and four-year-old, give surprisingly mature advice to Koreesh and manage to get him out of
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Added line(s) 5 (click to see context) :
*Narm: Plenty.
**Blake and Shale, a three-year-old and four-year-old, give surprisingly mature advice to Koreesh and manage to get him out of his suicidal depression. The advice they give can be borderline therapeutic, which is jarring coming from teh mouths of two toddlers.
**Cynder and Spyro are worried about the kidnapped hatchlings, the any urgency in the plot is lost because, for multiple chapters as the story focuses on various random scenarios, like the guardians and such in what is basically a poker game, Koreesh doing nice things with said kidnapped hatchlings, and Cynder and Spyro dealing with the blame for this incident and arguing over going on the quest or not, as well as Cynder's other unrelated trauma.
*TrappedByMountainLions: Cynder's brother, Sycthe, shows up and attacks her for revenge for killing their parents as the Terror of The Skies does not affect the main plot at all. After a fight, he accepts it's not Cynder's fault pretty quickly and moves on from his long-seated desire for revenge. Bonus points for any scene with him and his girlfriend, which is completely unrelated to the main plot.
**Blake and Shale, a three-year-old and four-year-old, give surprisingly mature advice to Koreesh and manage to get him out of his suicidal depression. The advice they give can be borderline therapeutic, which is jarring coming from teh mouths of two toddlers.
**Cynder and Spyro are worried about the kidnapped hatchlings, the any urgency in the plot is lost because, for multiple chapters as the story focuses on various random scenarios, like the guardians and such in what is basically a poker game, Koreesh doing nice things with said kidnapped hatchlings, and Cynder and Spyro dealing with the blame for this incident and arguing over going on the quest or not, as well as Cynder's other unrelated trauma.
*TrappedByMountainLions: Cynder's brother, Sycthe, shows up and attacks her for revenge for killing their parents as the Terror of The Skies does not affect the main plot at all. After a fight, he accepts it's not Cynder's fault pretty quickly and moves on from his long-seated desire for revenge. Bonus points for any scene with him and his girlfriend, which is completely unrelated to the main plot.
Changed line(s) 5 (click to see context) from:
** Brazin hits Cynder repeatedly out of revenge for what she did back when she was Terror of the Skies at first, but he later does so again after coming around and trying to slap sense into her and get her to realize it was not her fault. When Spyro moves to stop him, Cyrus intervenes and tells his brother to let Cynder, stating she is not responding to the Braizin's accusations correctly and deserves to be hit. The story insists that it's ok for others to beat each other up like this, despite the fact Cynder is also still going through trauma from her past and physical violence is borderline abusive. Characters regularly default to trying to hit each other during arguments, with Cynder even trying to hit Cyrus, a twelve-year-old, because of an argument in chapter 21.
to:
** Brazin hits Cynder repeatedly out of revenge for what she did back when she was Terror of the Skies at first, but he later does so again after coming around and trying to slap sense into her and get her to realize it was not her fault. When Spyro moves to stop him, Cyrus intervenes and tells his brother to let Cynder, stating she is not responding to the Braizin's accusations correctly and deserves to be hit. The story insists that it's ok okay for others to beat each other up like this, despite the fact Cynder is also still going through trauma from her past and physical violence is borderline abusive. Characters regularly default to trying to hit each other during arguments, with Cynder even trying to hit Cyrus, a twelve-year-old, because of an argument in chapter 21.
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None
Changed line(s) 4,5 (click to see context) from:
** Spyro's mother dropped her eldest son Cyrus out of the sky at a young age when he could not fly over and over in order to teach him how to. Cyrus does so with his little brother Blake when he is still learning to fly; dropping him from a very high alitude without warning, scarring Blake. Although Cyrus does promise he would always catchi him, this could be fatal if Cyrus fails to catch his brother even once and Blake hits the ground. On top of that, an experience like this could prove traumatizing to a child as young as Blake, who is three. This is all framed as being in the right by the story.
** Brazin hits Cynder repeatedly out of revenge for what she did back when she was Terror of the Skies. When Spyro moves to stop him, Cyrus intervenes and tells his brother to let Cynder, stating she is not responding the Braizin's accusations correctly and deserves to be hit. The story insists that it's ok for others to beat each other up like this, given Cynder's past misdeeds despite the fact she was brainwashed back then. Characters regularly default to trying to hit each other during arguments, with Cynder even trying to hi Cyrus, a twelve-year-old, because of an argument in chapter 21.
** Brazin hits Cynder repeatedly out of revenge for what she did back when she was Terror of the Skies. When Spyro moves to stop him, Cyrus intervenes and tells his brother to let Cynder, stating she is not responding the Braizin's accusations correctly and deserves to be hit. The story insists that it's ok for others to beat each other up like this, given Cynder's past misdeeds despite the fact she was brainwashed back then. Characters regularly default to trying to hit each other during arguments, with Cynder even trying to hi Cyrus, a twelve-year-old, because of an argument in chapter 21.
to:
** Spyro's mother dropped her eldest son Cyrus out of the sky at a young age when he could not fly over and over in order to teach him how to. Cyrus does so with his little brother Blake when he is still learning to fly; dropping him from a very high alitude altitude without warning, scarring Blake. Although Cyrus does promise he would will always catchi catch him, this could be fatal if Cyrus fails to catch his brother even once and Blake hits the ground. On top of that, an experience like this could prove traumatizing to a child as young as Blake, who is three. This is all framed as being in the right by the story.
** Brazin hits Cynder repeatedly out of revenge for what she did back when she was Terror of theSkies. Skies at first, but he later does so again after coming around and trying to slap sense into her and get her to realize it was not her fault. When Spyro moves to stop him, Cyrus intervenes and tells his brother to let Cynder, stating she is not responding to the Braizin's accusations correctly and deserves to be hit. The story insists that it's ok for others to beat each other up like this, given Cynder's past misdeeds despite the fact she was brainwashed back then. Cynder is also still going through trauma from her past and physical violence is borderline abusive. Characters regularly default to trying to hit each other during arguments, with Cynder even trying to hi hit Cyrus, a twelve-year-old, because of an argument in chapter 21.
** Brazin hits Cynder repeatedly out of revenge for what she did back when she was Terror of the
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Added DiffLines:
!!''The Fanfic''
*ValuesDissonance: One of the biggest criticisms of this story. A strange case where the work is pretty recent as of this writing.
**Spyro's mother dropped her eldest son Cyrus out of the sky at a young age when he could not fly over and over in order to teach him how to. Cyrus does so with his little brother Blake when he is still learning to fly; dropping him from a very high alitude without warning, scarring Blake. Although Cyrus does promise he would always catchi him, this could be fatal if Cyrus fails to catch his brother even once and Blake hits the ground. On top of that, an experience like this could prove traumatizing to a child as young as Blake, who is three. This is all framed as being in the right by the story.
**Brazin hits Cynder repeatedly out of revenge for what she did back when she was Terror of the Skies. When Spyro moves to stop him, Cyrus intervenes and tells his brother to let Cynder, stating she is not responding the Braizin's accusations correctly and deserves to be hit. The story insists that it's ok for others to beat each other up like this, given Cynder's past misdeeds despite the fact she was brainwashed back then. Characters regularly default to trying to hit each other during arguments, with Cynder even trying to hi Cyrus, a twelve-year-old, because of an argument in chapter 21.
*ValuesDissonance: One of the biggest criticisms of this story. A strange case where the work is pretty recent as of this writing.
**Spyro's mother dropped her eldest son Cyrus out of the sky at a young age when he could not fly over and over in order to teach him how to. Cyrus does so with his little brother Blake when he is still learning to fly; dropping him from a very high alitude without warning, scarring Blake. Although Cyrus does promise he would always catchi him, this could be fatal if Cyrus fails to catch his brother even once and Blake hits the ground. On top of that, an experience like this could prove traumatizing to a child as young as Blake, who is three. This is all framed as being in the right by the story.
**Brazin hits Cynder repeatedly out of revenge for what she did back when she was Terror of the Skies. When Spyro moves to stop him, Cyrus intervenes and tells his brother to let Cynder, stating she is not responding the Braizin's accusations correctly and deserves to be hit. The story insists that it's ok for others to beat each other up like this, given Cynder's past misdeeds despite the fact she was brainwashed back then. Characters regularly default to trying to hit each other during arguments, with Cynder even trying to hi Cyrus, a twelve-year-old, because of an argument in chapter 21.
