History WebVideo / HistoryOfTheEntireWorldIGuess

* TheThemeParkVersion: Since he wants to take a large global view of history in a short time, Bill offers single thumb-tack summaries of famous events, some of which are DatedHistory (such as UsefulNotes/ImperialGermany being made to pay undue and punitive reparations) and others are overly simplified, such as his explanation of UsefulNotes/TheFrenchRevolution as merely out of non-payment of taxes for funding UsefulNotes/TheAmericanRevolution (which most see at best as a minor cause)[[note]]The then king of France is also [[ArtisticLicenseHistory mislabeled as "louis the 14th"]] (he was actually the 16th).[[/note]] and also reducing the ReignOfTerror to mere head-chops rather than EmergencyAuthority fighting a civil war.

* TheThemeParkVersion: Since he wants to take a large global view of history in a short time, Bill offers single thumb-tack summaries of famous events, some of which are DatedHistory (such as UsefulNotes/ImperialGermany being made to pay undue and punitive reparations) and others are overly simplified, such as his explanation of UsefulNotes/TheFrenchRevolution as merely out of non-payment of taxes for funding UsefulNotes/TheAmericanRevolution (which most see at best as a minor cause) and also reducing the ReignOfTerror to mere head-chops rather than EmergencyAuthority fighting a civil war.

** "Hopefully the Arabs won't mind giving part of Palestine to Israel for the Jewish people to live. And dividing up the land between Israel and Palestine will surely make everyone happy."
--->"'''SIKE!''' they both get ang-ri-eeeeeeer."

** "Don't worry about Rome, it won't fall."

* MurderIsTheBestSolution: Robespierre's answer to French wealth inequality? Cut everybody's heads off! [[note]]you could make a religion out of this.[[/note]]

* MurderIsTheBestSolution: Robespierre's answer to French wealth inequality? Cut everybody's heads off!

* NamesTheSame: [[InvokedTrope Invoked]], Chandragupta and Gupta... first name Chandra. [[note]]"ok, I get it." For those not in the know, the first one is Chandragupta Maurya, India's first emperor, and the latter is king Chandra the first of the Gupta dynasty, several centuries later. [[DontExplainTheJoke But that would ruin the joke]].[[/note]]

** "[[CrossesTheLineTwice I know! let's rape Africa!]]" said Europe, scrambling to see who could rape it the fastest."[[note]]Don't worry, they never got Ethiopia.[[/note]]

-->"A long time ago, actually never (and also now), nothing is nowhere. When? Never. Makes sense, right? Like i said, it didn't happen. Nothing was never anywhere. That's why it's been everywhere. It's been so everywhere you don't need a where. You don't even need a when. That's how every it gets."

* NamesTheSame: [[invoked]] Chandragupta and Chandra Gupta I. [[note]]"ok, i get it." For those not in the know, the first one is Chandragupta Maurya, India's first emperor, and the latter is king Chandra of the Gupta dynasty, several centuries later. [[DontExplainTheJoke But that would ruin the joke]].[[/note]]

** One of the longest jingles. "new arrivals in india! maybe it's those horse people i was talking about... or their cousins or something... and they wrote some hymns, and mantras, and stuff."

"why?"\\
'''the sun is a deadly lazer'''\\
"oh okay."
* SerialEscalation: The original took nine minutes to explain the history of Japan. This one takes twenty minutes to explain the history of the entire world. [[TitleDrop i guess]].

** "i know! let's rape africa!" said Europe, scrambling to see who could rape it the fastest."[[note]]Don't worry, they never got Ethiopia.[[/note]]

** "The Aztecs and Anca empires are off to a good start. Wonder if they know that Europe just discovered their continent..." (Grim Reaper Looms)

* CallBack: A couple jokes return from WebVideo/HistoryOfJapan:
** "Knock-knock--er, clop clop. It's the horse people."

"What should we blame on Spain? [[UsefulNotes/SpanishAmericanWar Let's blame the maine on Spain!]] So they blamed the maine on Spain."

** "i have nightmares" appears briefly during the Big Bang.

* FeelingOppressedByTheirExistence: The video saws UsefulNotes/AdolfHitler is "mad at the Jews for existing"

** The Black Death gets a comically short mention: "Whoops, half of Europe just died."

--> russia's to do list:
---> ✓ expand
---> ✓ grow in size
---> ✓ get larger
---> '''get bigger'''

** The Sultan of Oman, who lives in Zanzibar now.

-->"So you think you can conquer the Byzantine Empire? 'yep', said the Ottoman Turks. Nice job Ottoman Turks!"

-->"you could make a reli- ''no, don't.''"\\

** [[UsefulNotes/DynastiesFromShangToQing The many states of China]]; "china is whole again... then it broke again."

** The narrator ponders on whether Buddhism would reach China by the time it breaks up again. As soon as he finishes his sentence, China breaks up into three kingdoms.

* VerbalBackspace: When Chandragupta starts to conquer all of India--or most of India! (Because no one conquers the Tamil kings.)

"What should we blame on Spain? [[UsefulNotes/SpanishAmericanWar Let's blame the maine on Spain!]] So they blame the maine on Spain."

-->"you could make a religion out o- ''no, don't.''"\\

** "Please remain Chistian. We will check in later to see if you're still Christian when you [[Series/MontyPythonsFlyingCircus least expect.]]"

** It's subtle, but during the scene where the nomads are ransacking China, if sped up, the rhythm of the horse nomad smacking China for coins resembles the rhythm of the intro music of [[VideoGame/SuperMarioBros a familiar game's first level.]]

** The Norse find a land of green and a land of ice. Bill says "they named them accordingly." [[BaitAndSwitch prankd]]

* AdaptedOut: Several modern-day countries make no appearances in the video. The largest of these is UsefulNotes/{{Canada}}. Other notable omissions include UsefulNotes/{{Romania}} and UsefulNotes/{{Finland}}, in addition to any state once associated with Yugoslavia.

** "(PERMIAN EXTINCTION) aw, fuck, now everything's dead."
** "japan is conquering the east, and they're so excited about it they [[UsefulNotes/SecondSinoJapaneseWar rape nanking]] way too hard. [[CrossesTheLineTwice they should probably just deny it.]]"
** The Black Death gets a comically short mention: "whoops, half of europe just died."

** "i know! Let's rape africa!" said europe, scrambling to see who could rape it the fastest."[[note]]Don't worry, they never got Ethiopia.[[/note]]
** "britain and france are still hungry."[[note]]Don't worry, they never got Thailand.[[/note]]
** [=9/11=]: "whoops, someone just attacked america."
** "we got to start pillaging some stuff."
** "germany's back, featuring hitler the angry moustache model! and he's mad at the jews for existing!"
** "The aztecs and anca empires are off to a good start. wonder if they know that europe just discovered their continent..." (Grim Reaper Looms)

** "knock-knock--er, clop clop. it's the horse people."

-->"use a stronger egg. and put water in it. have a baby, on land, in an egg. water is in the egg. baby in the egg, in the water, in the egg."\\
"guess who's in Rome? barbarians! what's a barbarian? non-romans, said the romans, being invaded by non-romans."\\
"let's bring stuff to the coast and sell it, and become the swahili on the swahili coast, said the swahili on the swahili coast."\\
"what should we blame on Spain? [[UsefulNotes/SpanishAmericanWar let's blame the maine on spain!]] so they blame the maine on spain."

--> "don't worry about rome, [[ForegoneConclusion it won't fall]]."\\
"nice going genghis! i bet that [the Mongol Empire] will last a long time." ''[[InstantlyProvenWrong (Mongol Empire falls apart before he completes the sentence)]]''\\
"don't worry, the big banks won't fail, because ''they're not supposed to''."

-->"wait!" said christopher columbus, probably smoking crack. "if the world is round, let's go this way [west] to india."

-->"a long time ago, actually never (and also now), nothing is nowhere. when? never. makes sense, right? like i said, it didn't happen. nothing was never anywhere. that's why it's been everywhere. it's been so everywhere you don't need a where. you don't even need a when. that's how every it gets."

--->guess who's here?\\
khmer!\\

hey, khmer, time to share\\
new kingdoms here[[note]][[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ayutthaya_Kingdom Ayutthaya]][[/note]] and there[[note]][[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lan_Xang Lan Xang]][[/note]]

--->"what should we blame on spain?"\\
"let's blame the maine on spain!"

-->"so you think you can conquer the byzantine empire? 'yep', said the ottoman turks. nice job ottoman turks!"

** "you could make a religion out of this!" is repeated several times throughout the video. Eventually, when the people of France cut the heads off of the royalty, he [[RunningGagged interrupts it.]][[note]]The attempts at establishing the Cult of Reason and later the Cult of the Supreme Being as national religions during the UsefulNotes/FrenchRevolution didn't really go anywhere.[[/note]]

** [[UsefulNotes/DynastiesFromShangToQing The many states of China]]; "china is whole again... then they broke again."
* SarcasmMode: "'thanks for invading our homeland,' said the jews, who were starting to get tired of people invading their homeland."

** [[Webcomic/HyperboleAndAHalf christianize all the kingdoms!]]

** "please remain chistian. we will check in later to see if you're still christian when you [[Series/MontyPythonsFlyingCircus least expect.]]"
** [[Franchise/MortalKombat finish him]]!!

---> finish him!!

** "the mongols just invaded most of the universe. nice going, [[UsefulNotes/GenghisKhan genghis]]! i bet that will last a long time." Mongolia then immediately breaks into several large kingdoms.
** "hopefully the arabs won't mind giving part of palestine to israel for the jewish people to live. and dividing up the land between israel and palestine will surely make everyone happy."

** "don't worry about rome, it won't fall."

--->the economy's great and it'll probably be great forever. ''[BOOM]'' just kidding.

-->"oh, look who controls all the islands. It's the mahajapit (wrong), majahapit (wrong), mapajahit (wrong), mahapajit (wrong), mapajahit (wrong)... ma-ja, pa-hit? (correct!)"

* WhosOnFirst: "hey, guess who's here? khmer!" "where?" "here!"

** "(PERMIAN EXTINCTION) Aw, fuck, now everything's dead."
** "Japan is conquering the east, and they're so excited about it they [[UsefulNotes/SecondSinoJapaneseWar rape Nanking]] way too hard. [[CrossesTheLineTwice They should probably just deny it.]]"
** The Black Death gets a comically short mention: "whoops, half of Europe just died."

** "I know! Let's rape Africa!" said Europe, scrambling to see who could rape it the fastest."[[note]]Don't worry, they never got Ethiopia.[[/note]]
** "Britain and France are still hungry."[[note]]Don't worry, they never got Thailand.[[/note]]
** [=9/11=]: "whoops, someone just attacked America."
** "We got to start pillaging some stuff."
** "Germany's back, featuring Hitler the angry moustache model! And he's mad at the Jews for existing!"
** "The Aztecs and Inca empires are off to a good start. Wonder if they know that Europe just discovered their continent..." (Grim Reaper Looms)

* BlatantLies: [[UsefulNotes/WorldWarI The Great War]] is so great, they won't need a second one!
* BookEnds: The video ends with "By the way where the hell are we?" and starts with "Hi, you're on a rock floating in space, pretty cool huh?".

** "Knock-knock--er, clop clop. It's the horse people."

* DarkReprise: "''Now you can eat sunlight!''" is reflected around 2.5 billion years later when "''The sun is a deadly lazer''[[note]][sic][[/note]]"

-->"Use a stronger egg. And put water in it. Have a baby, on land, in an egg. Water is in the egg. Baby in the egg, in the water, in the egg."\\
"Guess who's in Rome? Barbarians! What's a barbarian? Non-Romans, said the Romans, being invaded by non-Romans."\\
"Let's bring stuff to the coast and sell it, and become the Swahili on the Swahili Coast, said the Swahili on the Swahili Coast."\\
"What should we blame on Spain? [[UsefulNotes/SpanishAmericanWar Let's blame the Maine on Spain!]] So they blame the Maine on Spain."

--> "Don't worry about Rome, [[ForegoneConclusion it won't fall]]."\\
"Nice going Genghis! I bet that [the Mongol Empire] will last a long time." ''[[InstantlyProvenWrong (Mongol Empire falls apart before he completes the sentence)]]''\\
"Don't worry, the big banks won't fail, because ''they're not supposed to''."

* GreenAesop: Downplayed. Bill says that global temperature is rising and the ocean is full of plastic. Everybody comes together and says, "Let's save the planet!" (not really knowing how).

-->"Wait!" said Christopher Columbus, probably smoking crack. "If the world is round, let's go this way [west] to India."

-->"A long time ago, actually never (and also now), nothing is nowhere. When? Never. Makes sense, right? Like I said, it didn't happen. Nothing was never anywhere. That's why it's been everywhere. It's been so everywhere you don't need a where. You don't even need a when. That's how every it gets."

** One of the longest jingles. "New arrivals in India! Maybe it's those horse people I was talking about... or their cousins or something... and they wrote some hymns, and mantras, and stuff."

--->Guess who's here?\\
Khmer!\\

Hey, Khmer, time to share\\
New kingdoms here[[note]][[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ayutthaya_Kingdom Ayutthaya]][[/note]] and there[[note]][[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lan_Xang Lan Xang]][[/note]]

--->"What should we blame on Spain?"\\
"Let's blame the Maine on Spain!"

-->"So you think you can conquer the Byzantine Empire? 'Yep', said the Ottoman Turks. Nice job Ottoman Turks!"

** "You could make a religion out of this!" is repeated several times throughout the video. Eventually, when the people of France cut the heads off of the royalty, he [[RunningGagged interrupts it.]][[note]]The attempts at establishing the Cult of Reason and later the Cult of the Supreme Being as national religions during the UsefulNotes/FrenchRevolution didn't really go anywhere.[[/note]]
-->"You could make a religion out o- ''no, don't.''"\\

** [[UsefulNotes/DynastiesFromShangToQing The many states of China]]; "China is whole again... then they broke again."
* SarcasmMode: "'Thanks for invading our homeland,' said the Jews, who were starting to get tired of people invading their homeland."

-->"Hey, can we go on land?"\\

"Why not?"\\

"Oh okay."

** "[[Franchise/{{Superman}} It's a bird! It's a plane!]] ''It's the Seljuk Turks!''"[[note]]aah![[/note]]
** "Please remain Christian. We will check in later to see if you're still Christian when you [[Series/MontyPythonsFlyingCircus least expect.]]"

* TalkingToThemself: Wanna see a map of the world? Sure!

** "The Mongols just invaded most of the universe. Nice going, [[UsefulNotes/GenghisKhan Genghis]]! I bet that will last a long time." Mongolia then immediately breaks into several large kingdoms.
** "Hopefully the Arabs won't mind giving part of Palestine to Israel for the Jewish people to live. And dividing up the land between Israel and Palestine will surely make everyone happy."

** "Don't worry about Rome, it won't fall."

--->The economy's great and it'll probably be great forever. ''[BOOM]'' Just kidding.

-->"Oh, look who controls all the islands. It's the mahajapit (wrong), majahapit (wrong), mapajahit (wrong), mahapajit (wrong), mapajahit (wrong)... ma-ja, pa-hit? (correct!)"

* WhosOnFirst: "Hey, guess who's here? Khmer!" "Where?" "Here!"

* TheWarOnTerror: Touched upon, ''very'' briefly.
-->Whoops, someone just attacked America. I bet they'll remember that.

* AlwaysABiggerFish: The Persian Empire is introduced this way, being the last of a rapid-fire food chain of empires starting with the Assyrian Empire being consumed by Neo-Babylonian Empire, which is in turn succeeded by the Median Empire, which is gobbled up at last by the Persian Empire, which becomes bigger than all of those.

** We got to start pillaging some stuff.

** "The Aztecs and Inca empires are off to a good start. Wonder if they know that Europe just discovered their continent... (Grim Reaper Looms)

* {{Bowdlerise}}: Some smaller Website/{{YouTube}}rs have made edited versions of the video that omit the swearing from the original, so it could be used by schools and teachers. Watch one of these [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xzAOhyOtfqc here]]

* DarkReprise: "''Now you can eat sunlight!''" is reflected around 2.5 billions years later when "''The sun is a deadly lazer''[[note]][sic][[/note]]"

* DemotedToExtra: [[WebVideo/HistoryOfJapan Japan]] is only mentioned a handful of times

* NamesTheSame: [[invoked]] Chandragupta and Chandra Gupta I. [[note]]"ok, i get it." For those not in the know, the first one is Chandragupta Maurya, India's first emperor and the latter is king Chandra of the Gupta dynasty, several centuries later. [[DontExplainTheJoke But that would ruin the joke]].[[/note]]

* DeadArtistsAreBetter: Bill describes the effects of Jesus's death as making him more popular, thus brithing Christianity.