History WarpThatAesop / FairyTalesAndNurseryRhymes

5th Feb '18 7:46:58 AM CorahsUncle
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* ''Literature/JackAndTheBeanstalk'': In ''Discworld/TheHogfather'', Susan tells the children this: "And then Jack chopped down what was the world's last beanstalk, adding murder and ecological terrorism to the theft, enticement, and trespass charges already mentioned, and all the giant's children didn't have a daddy anymore. But he [Jack] got away with it and lived happily ever after, without so much as a guilty twinge about what he had done...which proves that you can be excused for just about anything if you are a hero, because no one asks inconvenient questions."

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* ''Literature/JackAndTheBeanstalk'': In ''Discworld/TheHogfather'', ''Discworld/{{Hogfather}}'', Susan tells the children this: "And then Jack chopped down what was the world's last beanstalk, adding murder and ecological terrorism to the theft, enticement, and trespass charges already mentioned, and all the giant's children didn't have a daddy anymore. But he [Jack] got away with it and lived happily ever after, without so much as a guilty twinge about what he had done...which proves that you can be excused for just about anything if you are a hero, because no one asks inconvenient questions."
5th Feb '18 7:46:17 AM CorahsUncle
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** Find a beautiful, but dead girl? Go ahead, kiss them. They'll come back to life and instantly fall in love with you. Even if they are at most nine years old.
*** Conversely, it's okay to want to kiss dead girls, as long as they come back to life, no one will question your motives and bend over backwards to retroactively justify your deed.

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** Find a beautiful, but dead girl? Go ahead, kiss them. They'll her. She'll come back to life and instantly fall in love with you. Even if they are she is at most nine 9 years old.
*** Conversely, it's okay to want to kiss dead girls, as long as they come back to life, no life. No one will question your motives and bend over backwards to retroactively justify your deed.



* ''Literature/JackAndTheBeanstalk'': In the Hogfather Susan tells the children this ĎAnd then Jack chopped down what was the world's last beanstalk, adding murder and ecological terrorism to the theft, enticement, and trespass charges already mentioned, and all the giant's children didn't have a daddy anymore. But he got away with it and lived happily ever after, without so much as a guilty twinge about what he had done...which proves that you can be excused for just about anything if you are a hero, because no one asks inconvenient questions.í

to:

* ''Literature/JackAndTheBeanstalk'': In the Hogfather ''Discworld/TheHogfather'', Susan tells the children this ĎAnd this: "And then Jack chopped down what was the world's last beanstalk, adding murder and ecological terrorism to the theft, enticement, and trespass charges already mentioned, and all the giant's children didn't have a daddy anymore. But he [Jack] got away with it and lived happily ever after, without so much as a guilty twinge about what he had done...which proves that you can be excused for just about anything if you are a hero, because no one asks inconvenient questions.í"



* ''Literature/TheEmperorsNewClothes'': [[HumansAreMorons Everyone is stupid]]. If you are clever enough to see whatís really going on then all youíll get is DopeSlap. [[{{Hypocrisy}} When they're the real dopes]].

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* ''Literature/TheEmperorsNewClothes'': [[HumansAreMorons Everyone is stupid]]. stupid.]] If you are clever enough to see whatís really going on on, then all youíll get is DopeSlap. [[{{Hypocrisy}} When they're the real dopes]].dopes.]]



* ''Literature/TheGingerbreadMan'': If you're sentient and edible, you shouldn't try to avoid being eaten, because it's going to happen anyways.

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* ''Literature/TheGingerbreadMan'': If you're sentient and edible, you shouldn't try to avoid being eaten, because it's going to happen anyways.anyway.



** Persistance is key to winning the ladies.

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** Persistance Persistence is key to winning the ladies.



* ''The Tortoise and the Hare'' (at least the version where the turtle's family pitch in and the rabbit doesn't take a nap): It's A-Ok to cheat during a race if your opponent is a JerkAss.
* ''Literature/LittleRedRidingHood'': Don't talk to strangers. Otherwise a stranger will skip ahead to your grandmother's house, eat her up, and impersonate her in hopes of eating you up as well.
* ''Literature/{{Pinocchio}}'':
** Being a bad boy will turn you into a donkey to serve your leaders for [[DisproportionateRetribution the rest of your life.]] And you totally deserve it, you little brat.

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* ''The Tortoise and the Hare'' (at least the version where the turtle's family pitch in and the rabbit doesn't take a nap): It's A-Ok A-OK to cheat during a race if your opponent is a JerkAss.
* ''Literature/LittleRedRidingHood'': Don't talk to strangers. Otherwise a stranger will skip ahead to your grandmother's house, eat her up, and impersonate her in hopes hope of eating you up as well.
* ''Literature/{{Pinocchio}}'':
''Literature/{{Pinocchio}}'':
** Being a bad boy will turn you into a donkey to serve your leaders for [[DisproportionateRetribution the rest of your life.]] life]]. And you totally deserve it, you little brat.



** The fact that your wife is that delicate that a flipping pea is painful to them is a-ok and will in no way bode poorly for your sex life.

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** The fact that your wife is that so delicate that a flipping pea is painful to them her is a-ok A-OK and will in no way bode poorly for your sex life.



** If someone comes to you needing help donít give it to them. Instead, you should manipulate them and run experiments on them without their knowledge. If they pass your test; Congratulations! Youíve just met the person youíre going to marry. If they fail your test then they didnít deserve your help in the first place.
* ''Literature/{{The Steadfast Tin Soldier}}'': If you are disabled, you will end up being burnt alive with your partner.

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** If someone comes to you needing help help, donít give it to them. Instead, you should manipulate them and run experiments on them without their knowledge. If they pass your test; test: Congratulations! Youíve just met the person youíre going to marry. If they fail your test test, then they didnít deserve your help in the first place.
* ''Literature/{{The Steadfast Tin Soldier}}'': ''Literature/TheSteadfastTinSoldier'': If you are disabled, you will end up being burnt alive with your partner.






* Hush, Little Baby: If you cry long enough, as a child, your Mum will buy you anything from a mirror to a diamond ring to make you be quiet.
* "Rock A Bye Baby": [[AbusiveParents Your parents]] [[TakeThat hate you]].

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* Hush, "Hush, Little Baby: Baby": If you cry long enough, as a child, your Mum will buy you anything from a mirror to a diamond ring to make you be quiet.
* "Rock A Bye "Rock-a-Bye Baby": [[AbusiveParents Your parents]] [[TakeThat hate you]].
5th Feb '18 7:35:29 AM WildKatGirl
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** Every shoe is bespoke and will only fit one specific person.
5th Feb '18 7:31:41 AM WildKatGirl
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* "Humpty-Dumpty": Counting to five can resurrect the dead. (In the version which ends "Everybody count to five, Humpty-Dumpty's back alive".)

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* "Humpty-Dumpty": Counting to five can resurrect the dead. (In (At least in the version which ends "Everybody count to five, Humpty-Dumpty's back alive".)
5th Feb '18 7:31:08 AM WildKatGirl
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* "Humpty-Dumpty": Counting to five can resurrect the dead.

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* "Humpty-Dumpty": Counting to five can resurrect the dead. (In the version which ends "Everybody count to five, Humpty-Dumpty's back alive".)
5th Feb '18 7:30:01 AM WildKatGirl
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** Break an egg? Quick, call the monarch immediately!
4th Feb '18 4:04:28 PM WildKatGirl
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* "Humpty-Dumpty": Counting to five can resurrect the dead.
8th Aug '17 10:30:54 AM AndIntroducingALeg
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* ''Literature/TheUglyDuckling'': Ugly children should take comfort in the thought that they might simply be mistaken about their species.
10th Jun '17 5:21:28 AM WildKatGirl
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* ''Literature/{{The Steadfast Tin Soldier}}'': If you're disabled, you will be burnt alive with your partner.

to:

* ''Literature/{{The Steadfast Tin Soldier}}'': If you're you are disabled, you will be end up being burnt alive with your partner.
9th Apr '17 8:27:36 AM flamemario12
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* ''Literature/SnowWhiteAndTheSevenDwarfs'': If you are the Ďfairest of them allí everything will turn out alright in the end with no work on your part. That woodcutter who was ordered to kill you? Donít worry, youíre pretty so heíll let you go (this will probably lead to his death but who cares about him?). Break into the house belonging to seven total strangers? Donít worry; they think youíre beautiful so you can live with them. Refuse to learn from youíre mistakes by letting the evil Queen trick you three times? Donít worry, the first two times the Dwarfs will save you and the third time a rich, handsome prince youíve never met will save you because he fell instantly in love with you (despite the fact he thought you were dead when he first meets you).

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* ''Literature/SnowWhiteAndTheSevenDwarfs'': If you are the Ďfairest of them allí everything will turn out alright in the end with no work on your part. That woodcutter who was ordered to kill you? Donít worry, youíre pretty so heíll let you go (this will probably lead to his death but who cares about him?). Break into the house belonging to seven total strangers? Donít worry; they think youíre beautiful so you can live with them. Refuse to learn from youíre your mistakes by letting the evil Queen trick you three times? Donít worry, the first two times the Dwarfs will save you and the third time a rich, handsome prince youíve never met will save you because he fell instantly in love with you (despite the fact he thought you were dead when he first meets you).
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