History SuspectIsHatless / Film

* And in ''Film/TheEigerSanction'', Creator/ClintEastwood's character is contracted to kill an enemy agent, but all they know is that he walks with a limp. However an intercepted message also reveals that he's an accomplished mountain climber due to go on an expedition to the Eiger. Clint snarks, "Well that's fine. Now all I have to do is kill every mountain climber with a sore foot!" To make things even more complicated, [[spoiler:the limp only appears when the killer is in a cold place.]] When Clint's character figures out that the man he seeks is [[spoiler:an old friend of his, he decides to exploit that the description is too vague and all other potential assassins were accidentally slain by [[ClimbingTheCliffsOfMadness the utter disaster of climbing the Eiger]] to let him go.]]

* And in ''Film/TheEigerSanction'', Creator/ClintEastwood's character is contracted to kill an enemy agent, but all they know is that he walks with a limp. However an intercepted message also reveals that he's an accomplished mountain climber due to go on an expedition to the Eiger. Clint snarks, "Well that's fine. Now all I have to do is kill every mountain climber with a sore foot!"

* In ''Film/NoCountryForOldMen'', Sheriff Bell and his deputies arrive to the Moss' trailer [[MissedHimByThatMuch very shortly after Anton Chigurh looked around the place]]. One of Bell's deputies points out that there is a half-full glass of milk in the kitchen still showing condensation so it means it was served a few minutes ago (he is right; Anton was drinking it) and Chigurh must be nearby. Bell's answer is a deadpan: "What do you suggest that we circulate, 'looking for a man who has recently drunk milk'?"

* ''Film/NoCountryForOldMen'': "What do you suggest that we circulate, 'looking for a man who has recently drunk milk'?"

* In ''Film/{{Desperado}}'', the first description Bucho gets of Navajas is that he has brown hair and eyes, which Bucho points out, is not exactly distinctive in Mexico. The description then goes on to list some actually useful information.

* In the third act of ''Film/TheSantaClause,'' the police are looking for protagonist Scott. The thing is, Scott has been transforming into SantaClaus throughout the movie, and it's Christmas Eve. It seems like the cops just opted to arrest ''any'' Santa that they found on the streets, including ones who look nothing like Scott (different race, wildly different body types, etc.)

'''Bond:''' Fascinating anatomical tidbit. But probably the most useless piece of information I've ever heard. Unless, of course, the "Bottoms Up" is a strip club and Scaramanga is performing.

** In ''Film/TheManWithTheGoldenGun'', when Bond talks to Miss Anders about Scaramanga:

-->'''Cavanaugh:''' "''Small?'' [[SarcasmMode You're a regular Dick Tracy!]]"

* ''Literature/NoCountryForOldMen'': "What do you suggest that we circulate, 'looking for a man who has recently drunk milk'?"

* Parodied in ''Film/{{Paddington}}'':

* The comedy ''Film/ArmedAndDangerous'' has rent-a-cops Dooley and Kane reamed out by their boss for failing to give an adequate description of two armed and masked robbers who Dooley traded gunfire with ("Oh ''yeah'', I think it was the U.S. Olympic downhill team! I told you, they were wearing ski masks!"). Kane is even less helpful, but also raises a decent point in his defense:

* ''Film/JamesBond'':
** In ''Film/{{Octopussy}}'', as Bond speeds through the American Air Base's security checkpoint to stop a bomb from detonating, the Security Guard has only this to say:
--->'''Security Guard:''' Captain, some nut drove through here in a stolen car. Wants the base commander, and he's [[RedScare wearing a red shirt!]]
** In ''Film/TheManWithTheGoldenGun'', when Bond talks to Miss Anders about Scaramanga:
--->'''Bond:''' How will I recognize him?\\
'''Anders:''' Tall, slim and dark.\\
'''Bond:''' So's my aunt.\\
'''Anders:''' Yes, but how can I tell you? He's not like other men. ''[gestures toward her chest]'' [[TripleNipple He has three...]]\\
'''Bond:''' Fascinating anatomical tidbit. But probably the most useless piece of information I've ever heard. Unless, of course, the "Bottoms Up" is a strip club and Scaramanga is performing.
* In ''Film/{{Desperado}}'', the first description Bucho gets of Navajas is that he has brown hair and eyes, which Bucho points out, is not exactly distinctive in Mexico. The description then goes on to list some actually useful information.
** The first movie ''Film/ElMariachi'' plays this straight, which is what kicks off the plot as there's two men "dressed in black, carrying a guitar case" walking around town. Apart from that, neither of them look anything like each other.

* In ''Film/{{Fargo}}'', none of the witnesses can describe Carl Showalter (played by Creator/SteveBuscemi) as anything more than "kinda funny looking" ("in a general way"). Well, except the one hooker who says he was uncircumcised. Meanwhile, his partner-in-crime Gaear Grimsrud (played by Creator/PeterStormare) is only described as "Swedish".
* In ''Film/{{Se7en}}'', Detective Mills interviews John Doe's neighbors, and gets descriptions of a man between ages 30 and 40, between 150 and 160 pounds, and between and in height.
* ''Literature/NoCountryForOldMen'': "What do you suggest that we circulate, 'looking for a man who has recently drunk milk'?"

--->'''Cop:''' At least tell me what it ''looks'' like. ''[[[DynamicEntry The Tumbler zooms past his car with a roar]]]'' ...Never mind.
* In ''Film/{{Cornered}}'', when a man goes running out of the store, the best description a bystander can give is "he was wearing a hat".
* In ''Film/{{Airheads}}'', Officer Wilson is told to look for Kayla, Chazz's girlfriend, on the Sunset Strip in LA. He's told she's a "blonde wearing something tight and black", unfortunately, nearly every female looks like that, making him mutter "[[SarcasmMode Great, grand, wonderful...]]". Although he does find her eventually.
* Reversed and PlayedForLaughs in ''Film/LoadedWeapon1'', when in the background of one scene. A man is seen being asked by cops to describe a suspect. He gives an outrageous description, claiming the suspect had big red lips, eyes as big as plates, and so on. In a later scene, a person looking like Mr. Potatohead actually having these features is arrested by the police.

* Played with in ''Film/{{Taken}}''. When the daughter is being kidnapped, her father tells her specifically to scream identifying characteristics into her cell phone, so he can have something to work with when rescuing her. That doesn't really add much evidence to his searching though, and the real lead comes from when the kidnapper talks into the cell phone after kidnapping the daughter. She does manage to describe a tattoo the man has, which lets Brian identify the gang.
* Parodied in TheFilmOfTheSeries of ''Series/ISpy'', Creator/EddieMurphy's character is kidnapped and forced to reveal the identity of a spy he is working with. He desperately blurts out every bit of information he has on the spy. It turns out that the kidnapping and interrogation are staged and Murphy's character is praised for giving “vague” information.

* After one of the murders committed by the OutlawCouple in ''Film/{{Sightseers}}'', we hear on the car radio that the police are looking for "a ginger-faced man and an angry woman."
* Special Agent [[Characters/TwinPeaks Dale Cooper]] predicts in ''Film/TwinPeaksFireWalkWithMe'' that the next victim would be a blonde female highschooler who "is sexually active" and "is using drugs; she's crying out for help." [[TheSnarkKnight Albert snarks]]: "Well damn, Cooper, that really narrows it down. You're talking about half the high school girls in America!"
* The kid witness Gillie in ''Film/TigerBay'' describes the murderer to the police as a "tall-ish, fair-ish, fat-ish man... with a hat". Although she's doing it [[BeAsUnhelpfulAsPossible on purpose]] to help the real murderer escape.
* The Creator/ClintEastwood movie ''{{Film/Tightrope}}'':
-->'''Max:''' The killer's a Caucasian, blood type O... about in his mid-40s. We found traces of a red fiber on all the victims.\\
'''Woman:''' From what?\\
'''Max:''' We don't know.\\
'''Woman:''' Any suspects?\\
'''Max:''' About 120,000 of them.\\
'''Woman:''' Anything you'd like me to tell the mayor?\\
'''Max:''' Yeah. He's one of them.

* In ''Film/{{Witness}}'', the best description that young Samuel, visiting from the nearby Amish community, can give of the murderer whose face he saw is basically that he was a black man. The detective assigned to the case gets nowhere, with either a line-up or a collection of mugshots, until Samuel wanders the police department and spots the killer in a newspaper clipping of [[DirtyCop a narcotics officer]].
* This immortal line from an RST Video customer in ''Film/{{Clerks}}'':
-->'''Customer:''' Do you have that one with that guy, who was in that movie that was out last year?
* Averted in ''Film/TheNightOfTheGenerals''. While the witness could only provide one, seemingly unimportant detail regarding the killer (he was wearing trousers with a red stripe on them), that description greatly narrows down the field of suspects, as only German generals wear trousers with a red stripe. Major Grau quickly narrows the suspect pool to the three generals in the city who do not have alibis.
* Parodied in ''Film/{{Paddington}}'':
--> '''Mrs Brown:''' He's about 3'6, wearing a blue duffel coat and a red hat. ''[thinks for a moment]'' And he's a bear.
--> '''Policeman:''' It's not much to go on...
* ''Film/CarryOnSpying'' has this description of The Fat Man from the Chief.
-->'''The Chief:''' Male.
-->'''Desmond:''' "Male."
-->'''Harold:''' ''[to Charlie]'' "Male."
-->'''Charlie:''' ''[while writing down]'' Male.
-->'''The Chief:''' Fat.
-->'''Desmond:''' "Fat."
-->'''Harold:''' ''[to Charlie]'' "Fat."
-->'''Charlie:''' ''[while writing down]'' Fat.
-->'''Desmond:''' ''[disappointed]'' Is THAT it?

* In ''Film/{{Signs}}'', Graham and Merrill are giving their cop friend a description of the trespasser they saw on their property the previous night. The suspect in question was a [[TheGreys Grey]] and the two brothers aren't quite ready to believe that there's an AlienInvasion going on yet, so the only concrete statement she gets out of them are that the suspect is well over six feet tall, presumably male judging by its athleticisim, and, repeatedly, that it was very dark.
* In ''Film/JudasKiss'', the security guard gives Detective Friedman a description of the person he saw taping over the camera lens: the only one of the kidnappers he saw before he was knocked out. He had dark hair and was in his late 20s. Or 30s. Or maybe 40s. He then admits that his eyesight isn't so good.
* Exploited as part of a brilliant RingerPloy in the climax of ''Film/TheThomasCrownAffair1999''. Crown goes into a museum and makes sure that the security cameras see him, and that they can identify him as wearing a business suit and a bowler hat, and carrying a valise. Upon donning the hat, his face can no longer be seen by the cameras, so the guards have to track him by his outfit. Within a minute, over a dozen other people of the same height and build wearing the same outfit start randomly walking around the museum, carrying identical valises that they repeatedly pass between each other. While security runs around in circles trying to detain all the men in business suits and bowlers, Crown ditches his for a tan trenchcoat and is able to complete his business and walk away completely unnoticed.
* In the third act of ''Film/TheSantaClause,'' the police are looking for protagonist Scott. The thing is, Scott has been transforming into SantaClaus throughout the movie, and it's Christmas Eve. It seems like the cops just opted to arrest ''any'' Santa that they found on the streets, including ones who look nothing like Scott (different race, wildly different body types, etc.)
* ''Film/{{Predestination}}''. While pouring out his DarkAndTroubledPast to TheBartender, John complains bitterly that the only description the nurses could give of the man who kidnapped John's baby from the hospital was having a "face-shaped face like yours and mine". [[spoiler:This foreshadows TheReveal that it was the Bartender--a future version of John--who kidnapped the baby.]]

* Played with in ''Film/TheBigClock''. Individually, the witness descriptions of the man seen with Pauline York are infuriatingly vague, with some bordering on being useless; such as the hatcheck girl giving a very detailed description of his hat, or artist Louise Patterson focusing on non-physical attributes, such as his smugness. However, by assembling all of the descriptions on TheBigBoard and focusing on the commonalities, the ''Crimeways'' staff are able to put together a fairly accurate description; although none of them immediately associate it with their editor George Stroud.

* The comedy ''Armed & Dangerous'' has rent-a-cops Dooley and Kane reamed out by their boss for failing to give an adequate description of two armed and masked robbers who Dooley traded gunfire with ("Oh ''yeah'', I think it was the U.S. Olympic downhill team! I told you, they were wearing ski masks!"). Kane is even less helpful, but also raises a decent point in his defense:

-->'''Kane:''' "Well, I'm sorry, sir; I was ''SCARED!'' When guys are chasing you with guns you don't stop and ask them how much they weigh!"

* ''Film/ArmedAndDangerous'' has rent-a-cops Dooley and Kane reamed out by their boss for failing to give an adequate description of two armed and masked robbers who Dooley traded gunfire with ("Oh ''yeah'', I think it was the U.S. Olympic downhill team! I told you, they were wearing ski masks!"). Kane is even less helpful, but also raises a decent point in his defense:

-->'''Kane:''' "Well, I'm sorry, sir; I was '''SCARED!''' When guys are chasing you with guns you don't stop and ask them how much they weigh!"