Is there an issue? Send a MessageReason:
I also heard somebody tell me this story and I don't know where they got it from.
Added DiffLines:
* A little girl named Sally purchases an old doll from an antique store. The store owner tells her that she must lock the doll in her attic at night. After playing with the doll, she takes it up to her attic and puts it in a wooden box but she can't find a lock for it, so she just leaves in the box unlocked and goes downstairs and gets in bed. A few hours later she wakes up and hears a voice that says, "Sally, I'm alive. Sally, I'm free. Sally, I'm in the attic. Sally, I'm on the ladder. Sally, I'm in the hallway. Sally, I'm at your door. Sally, I'm in your room. Sally, I'm on your bed. Sally, I'm going to eat you. '''KKHHHHHHK-HHHHHHHGK!'''" ... ... ... ... ... [[NecroNonSequitur Asthma Attack]]!
Is there an issue? Send a MessageReason:
None
Changed line(s) 17 (click to see context) from:
* So there's a farm. On this farm, there's a cow, a chicken, and a horse, and the three of them are best friends. They do just about everything together. And one day, they're sitting at the window of the house, and the farmer's kid is watching MTV, and they're watching it, and they hear the music, and the horse says "you know what? I'm gonna learn how to do that." So the horse calls up Guitar Center, and he says to the guy on the phone, "Hey, listen. I wanna learn to play guitar." Guy on the phone says "no problem. Come on down." "No, there might be one problem. I'm a horse." "Naw, it ain't a problem. We'll get some attachments, I can teach you to play. Promise." So horse turns out to be a natural. He gets GOOD. And he calls over Cow and Chicken and he's like "LOOK WHAT I CAN DO" and he jams out like Jimi Hendrix. And Cow says "Holy shit. That's awesome. I want to learn to do something like that too. What's like that?" And horse says "Bass. Learn to play bass." So Cow calls up Guitar Center, and she says "Hey, listen, I wanna learn to play bass guitar." Guy on the phone says "No problem, miss, come on down." "Eh, this might be a problem. I'm a cow." "Nah, no problem. I helped a horse recently, I can teach you to play too. Promise." So Cow learns to play the bass, and Cow is fucking amazing at it. So Cow and Horse are jamming, and Chicken gets a bit jealous. He says "Damn, I wanna learn something too. But not like that." Horse says "Well, I mean, we need a drummer around here." So Chicken calls up Guitar Center, and he says "Hey, listen, I wanna learn to play drums." Guy on the phone says "No problem, man. Come on down." "Eh, maybe a problem. I'm a chicken." "Naw. Ain't no thing. I taught a horse guitar and a cow bass. I can teach you drums." So chicken learns the drums, and he's fucking amazing. So Cow, Horse, and Chicken all start having jam sessions whenever the farmer's out. And one day they're playing, and a big record agent is driving down the road. And he hears them, and he’s like "What the fuck? That sounds amazing." So he stops at the farm, and he finds them all playing in the barn. And he says "Holy shit. You guys sound AWESOME. I wanna represent you, make this a real band, make some music. You're gonna be HUGE." So Cow and Chicken and Horse take this guy's deal, and they move to the city, they cut albums, and they're big. REAL big. Top 10 hits, platinum albums, the works. They get set for their first tour. But there's a problem, see. Horse gets a phone call, his mom's real sick. Cow and Chicken, though, they're cool as hell. They say "Listen. Go see your mom. We'll delay the first show a couple of days, so fly back home, spend some time with her, and then jump on a plane and come meet us." Horse says "Thanks, guys. you're the best," and he takes off. Couple of days later, Horse's mom is just fine. Turned out to be a real bad cold, she gets over it, and he spends another night there. The following morning, he gets a call. It's his agent. Cow and Chicken's plane went down, they died in the crash. The band is done. He's lost his best friends. And Horse, this breaks him, man. He's been through so much with them, and he feels real down in the dumps. So he takes a walk, and while he's on that walk, he just can't shake the blue, so he figures to himself "Alright, alright. One drink, just to get over it." So Horse walks into the local bar. Bartender looks at him and says "Hey. Why the long face?"
to:
* So there's a farm. On this farm, there's a cow, a chicken, and a horse, and the three of them are best friends. They do just about everything together. And one day, they're sitting at the window of the house, and the farmer's kid is watching MTV, and they're watching it, and they hear the music, and the horse says "you know what? I'm gonna learn how to do that." So the horse calls up Guitar Center, and he says to the guy on the phone, "Hey, listen. I wanna learn to play guitar." Guy on the phone says "no problem. Come on down." "No, there might be one problem. I'm a horse." "Naw, it ain't a problem. We'll get some attachments, I can teach you to play. Promise." So horse turns out to be a natural. He gets GOOD. And he calls over Cow and Chicken and he's like "LOOK WHAT I CAN DO" and he jams out like Jimi Hendrix. And Cow says "Holy shit. That's awesome. I want to learn to do something like that too. What's like that?" And horse says "Bass. Learn to play bass." So Cow calls up Guitar Center, and she says "Hey, listen, I wanna learn to play bass guitar." Guy on the phone says "No problem, miss, come on down." "Eh, this might be a problem. I'm a cow." "Nah, no problem. I helped a horse recently, I can teach you to play too. Promise." So Cow learns to play the bass, and Cow is fucking amazing at it. So Cow and Horse are jamming, and Chicken gets a bit jealous. He says "Damn, I wanna learn something too. But not like that." Horse says "Well, I mean, we need a drummer around here." So Chicken calls up Guitar Center, and he says "Hey, listen, I wanna learn to play drums." Guy on the phone says "No problem, man. Come on down." "Eh, maybe a problem. I'm a chicken." "Naw. Ain't no thing. I taught a horse guitar and a cow bass. I can teach you drums." So chicken learns the drums, and he's fucking amazing. So Cow, Horse, and Chicken all start having jam sessions whenever the farmer's out. And one day they're playing, and a big record agent is driving down the road. And he hears them, and he’s like "What the fuck? That sounds amazing." So he stops at the farm, and he finds them all playing in the barn. And he says "Holy shit. You guys sound AWESOME. I wanna represent you, make this a real band, make some music. You're gonna be HUGE." So Cow and Chicken and Horse take this guy's deal, and they move to the city, they cut albums, and they're big. REAL big. Top 10 hits, platinum albums, the works. They get set for their first tour. But there's a problem, see. Horse gets a phone call, his mom's real sick. Cow and Chicken, though, they're cool as hell. They say "Listen. Go see your mom. We'll delay the first show a couple of days, so fly back home, spend some time with her, and then jump on a plane and come meet us." Horse says "Thanks, guys. you're the best," and he takes off. Couple of days later, Horse's mom is just fine. Turned out to be a real bad cold, she gets over it, and he spends another night there. The following morning, he gets a call. It's his agent. Cow and Chicken's plane went down, they died in the crash. The band is done. He's lost his best friends. And Horse, this breaks him, man. He's been through so much with them, and he feels real down in the dumps. So he takes a walk, and while he's on that walk, he just can't shake the blue, so he figures to himself "Alright, alright. One drink, just to get over it." So Horse walks into the local bar. Bartender looks at him and says "Hey. [[{{Feghoot}} Why the long face?"face?]]"
Is there an issue? Send a MessageReason:
None
Changed line(s) 22 (click to see context) from:
** The moral of the story: Red bikes are faster than blue bikes. [[note]][[ComicallyMissingThePoint Wait... wouldn't the last monk be 126 at the end?]][[/note]]
to:
** The moral of the story: [[RedOnesGoFaster Red bikes are faster than blue bikes.bikes]]. [[note]][[ComicallyMissingThePoint Wait... wouldn't the last monk be 126 at the end?]][[/note]]
Is there an issue? Send a MessageReason:
None
Changed line(s) 57 (click to see context) from:
* A tourist is lost in the middle of a ThirstyDesert and after crawling around for several days, comes across a veiled Bedouin walking towards him. "Water, water!" the tourist asks, only for the Bedouin to respond with, "I'm terribly sorry sir, I do not have water to spare, would you like to keep this beautiful tie instead? I have a spare." Thinking the Bedouin is out of his mind, the tourist dismisses the tie and keeps on crawling until a distance ahead, he comes across another Bedouin, this time on a camel. "Water, water!" the tourist begs, but once more, the Bedouin on a camel replied, "Sorry sir, I'm afraid I don't have enough water to spare, but you can have this beautiful tie instead." So the tourist turns him down and keeps moving, and a distance ahead, comes a caravan. '''Again''', when the tourist asks, "Water, water!" the caravan's owner responds with, "I don't have extra water, but there is a surplus of extra ties in our cart, we can give you a few for free." (The joke-teller is free to drag it out as long as he desires -- say, the tourist then comes across a tour bus, a limo, etc. ALL who responds the tourist's demand for water with, "Sorry sir, we don't have extra water, but we have a free tie you can keep..." which the tourist turns down, thinking everyone's out of their ''goddamn'' minds)... and after a while, the tourist then comes across, what'dya know, a '''Five-Star Restaurant''' in the middle of the desert, with a sign proudly proclaiming, "'''FREE WATER'''". But upon making his way in, the tourist is blocked by the doorman. "Sorry sir, but according to our dress code, we reserve the rights to deny entry to customers ''without'' a tie."
to:
* A tourist is lost in the middle of a ThirstyDesert and after crawling around for several days, comes across a veiled Bedouin walking towards him. "Water, water!" the tourist asks, only for the Bedouin to respond with, "I'm terribly sorry sir, I do not have water to spare, would you like to keep this beautiful tie instead? I have a spare." Thinking the Bedouin is out of his mind, the tourist dismisses the tie and keeps on crawling until a distance ahead, he comes across another Bedouin, this time on a camel. "Water, water!" the tourist begs, but once more, the Bedouin on a camel replied, "Sorry sir, I'm afraid I don't have enough water to spare, but you can have this beautiful tie instead." So the tourist turns him down and keeps moving, and a distance ahead, comes a caravan. '''Again''', when the tourist asks, "Water, water!" the caravan's owner responds with, "I don't have extra water, but there is a surplus of extra ties in our cart, we can give you a few for free." (The joke-teller is free to drag it out as long as he desires -- say, the tourist then comes across a tour bus, a limo, etc. ALL who responds the tourist's demand for water with, "Sorry sir, we don't have extra water, but we have a free tie you can keep..." which the tourist turns down, thinking everyone's out of their ''goddamn'' minds)... and after a while, the tourist then comes across, what'dya know, a '''Five-Star Restaurant''' '''[[RatherInnAccessible Five-Star Hotel / Restaurant]]''' in the middle of the desert, with a sign proudly proclaiming, "'''FREE WATER'''". But upon making his way in, the tourist is blocked by the doorman. "Sorry sir, but according to our dress code, we reserve the rights to deny entry to customers ''without'' a tie."
Is there an issue? Send a MessageReason:
None
Added DiffLines:
* A man was lost in a ThirstyDesert, and [many torturous details of dying of thirst later] he was at his last extremity. Just then, he found an oasis. He waded in, drank hugely, and was finally revived -- and then he looked over and saw an enormous snake! To his horror, the snake began to speak. "My name is Nate," it said, "and I guard this oasis and I kill anyone who finds it. Because over there is a lever which, if pulled, will end the world." As the man is coming to terms with this, the snake adds, "But I am getting old, and soon my nephew will take over my duty as guardian of the lever. So I will spare your life if you do me a favor. Take my nephew out and let him see the world before he spends the rest of his life confined to this oasis." So the man agrees, and he and the young snake go out and [description of many, many cities and adventures], until at last the snake says he is satisfied. But as their Jeep is topping the last sand dune before the oasis, the traction slips, and the Jeep goes into a skid. The man realizes they are on a collision course with the lever. He also realizes that he might be able to countersteer and skid to the left, but Nate is there and the old snake will have no time to move before he is crushed under the tires. But if he does nothing, he will end the world! With a heavy heart, he jerks on the wheel and sets them on the fatal course, shouting [[spoiler:"Better Nate than lever!"]]
Is there an issue? Send a MessageReason:
None
Added DiffLines:
*** This joke is made worse (or better) if every leg of the journey takes 'days and days, weeks and weeks, months and months, years and years' to complete.
Is there an issue? Send a MessageReason:
None
Added DiffLines:
** [[https://medium.com/@ln_ib/the-clown-joke-765fd01ee404 Another variant on the joke is even longer]] and is instead about a kid who aspires to be a clown, becomes depressed after being told the joke, and finally resumes his dream of becoming a clown just to get back at him, with the same LameComeback.
Is there an issue? Send a MessageReason:
A family member told me this joke. I do not know where they got it from.
Changed line(s) 57 (click to see context) from:
to:
* There was a dark, dark town, and in that dark, dark town, was a dark, dark house, and in that dark, dark house, was a dark, dark room, and in that dark, dark room, was a dark, dark closet, and in that dark, dark closet, was a dark, dark chest, and in that dark, dark chest, was a dark, dark box, and in that dark, dark box, was a dark, dark bag, and in that dark, dark bag, was a [[spoiler:pink jellybean]].
