History Recap / MashS2E17ForWantOfABoot

... and, inevitably, at the birthday party that evening, everything completely collapses. Frank refuses to sign Klinger's paperwork, Klinger reclaims his hair dryer, Murphy rejects Radar when he shows up for their date, Radar confiscates the cake, Margaret vows to file her report, Henry tears up Futterman's pass, Futterman tells Zale he's back in his old place on the waiting list, and Zale tells Hawkeye ''he's'' back in ''his'' old place on the waiting list. Hawkeye is left wearing a golf club bag over his leg until he can get a new boot.

* TheTag: DownerEnding. Hawkeye still has not got a new pair of boots, and so is using a golf club bag as one until he does.

* DeterioratesIntoGibberish: After the rapid collapse of the ChainOfDeals, Hawkeye tries to re-build it starting with Zale, but his descriptions start to blend into each other until he starts literally babbling.

'''Hawkeye:''' ''[sitting down as Trapper makes an "Oh, fine, just leave" gesture toward the fleeing Zale]'' But if we got him a three-day pass, then Hot Lips won't report Henry. On the other hand, if we got Radar a date with a hair dryer- ''[makes frustrated babbling noises with his tongue]''

* DeterioratesIntoGibberish: After the rapid collapse of the ChainOfDeals, Hawkeye tells Trapper he might still be able to get a new boot if he can re-build the chain, but his descriptions start to blend into each other (such as claiming he needs to get Radar a date with a hair dryer) until he is reduced to making babbling noises with his tongue.

** Frank has hot water bottles stuffed inside his jacket to remain warm during the cold snap.

* DeterioratesIntoGibberish: After the rapid collapse of the ChainOfDeals, Hawkeye tells Trapper he might still be able to get a new boot if he can resurrect the chain of deals, but his descriptions start to blend into each other (such as claiming he needs to get Radar a date with a hair dryer) until he is reduced to making babbling noises with his tongue.

In the midst of a snap of cold and rainy weather, Hawkeye's boot has a giant hole in the sole, and the Army is predictably slow to respond to his request for a new pair of boots. He decides enough is enough and goes to the supply sergeant, Zelmo Zale, to ask why they haven't arrived yet. Zale informs that there is a [[TakeANumber long queue of requisitions]] that Hawkeye's new boots are a part of. However, he says that if Hawkeye can get Captain Futterman, the camp dentist, to perform some much-needed bridgework on his teeth, he will expedite the process of getting a boot.

The intensely Japanophilic Futterman tells Hawkeye that he'll only fix Zale's teeth if he get get Henry to give him a three-day pass to Tokyo. And Henry is in a bad mood because Margaret is filing yet another report seeking his dismissal as CO for incompetence. Hawkeye and Trapper try to reason with Margaret, but she will only agree to shelve the report if they start being nice to Frank - including throwing a SurpriseParty complete with cake, presents, and guests for his [[BirthdayEpisode upcoming birthday]]. Hawkeye refuses, then steps straight into a puddle and [[OnSecondThought changes his mind]].

** Hawkeye tries to explain to the dentist why he need to give Zale the bridgework by showing him the hole in his boot.

* SanitySlippage: After the rapid collapse of the ChainOfDeals, Hawkeye tells Trapper he might still be able to get a new boot if he can resurrect the chain of deals, but his descriptions start to blend into each other (such as claiming he needs to get Radar a date with a hair dryer) until he is reduced to making babbling noises with his tongue.

In the midst of a snap of cold and rainy weather, Hawkeye is in need of a new pair of boots due to one of them having a big hole and has been enduring the long wait it is taking the army to deliver. He decides enough is enough and goes to the supply sergeant to ask why they haven't arrived yet. Zelmo Zale informs that there is a [[TakeANumber long queue of requisitions]] that Hawkeye's new boots are a part of. However, he says that if Hawkeye can get Captain Futterman, the camp dentist, to perform some much-needed bridgework on his teeth, he will expedite the process of getting a boot.

In the midst of a snap of cold and rainy weather, Hawkeye is in need of a new pair of boots due to one of them having a big hole and has been enduring the long wait it is taking the army to deliver. He decides enough is enough and goes to the supply sergeant to ask why they haven't arrived yet. Zelmo Zale informs that there is a [[TakeANumber long queue of requisitions]] that Hawkeye's new boots are a part of. Upon learning that Zale wants some bridgework done but the camp dentist won't do it, Hawkeye strikes a bargain with him to speed up the process in exchange for persuading the dentist to give Zale a check-up. Then the dentist wants something, and somebody else who can get that something wants something that they want, and so on and so forth.

!!These tropes were not part of the deal, but here you are
* AlcoholInducedIdiocy: Henry Blake

* ChainOfDeals

* [[EveryManHasHisPrice Every Man And Woman Has Their Price]]: Every time Hawkeye and Trapper try convince someone along their ChainOfDeals, the person they're talking to turns them down once. On the second try, the people name their price.

* GoshDangItToHeck: Frank's "Go peddle your papers"

* LargeHam: Hawkeye in his desperation to get a new pair of boots.
** When everything falls apart, Hawkeye really loses control.
---> '''Hawkeye''': Do you know what I did?! How I degraded myself? How I grovelled, how I humbled, how I cheapened myself? All for a pair of miserable army boots? I swear to you, as dedicated as I am to the sanctity and preservation of the human life, if I had a gun at this moment, I would send my head across the tent.
---> '''Zale''': [[ShutUpKirk A gun takes six weeks [to be sent]. There's a terrific waiting list]].

--> '''Hawkeye''': I have just run out of hypocrisy! My dignity tank is getting dangerously low! You expect me to drag twenty screaming people to a party for Frank Burns and paint smiles on their faces? ''And'' presents? [pause] Half this camp spends its time sticking pins in little Frank Burns dolls. I will debase myself just so far for a pair of boots! HA! A party for Frank Burns?!
--> ''Hawkeye storms outside, stepping his damaged boot into a puddle, and stops''

* NoodleIncident: In their promise to Margaret that they will never torment Frank ever again, Hawkeye and Trapper mention a series of pranks they have done to him, such as stuffing meatloaf into his pyjamas, adding an extra number to his dog tags, and painting nail polish and mascara on him while he was sleeping.

---> '''Hawkeye''': Do you know what I did?! Hoe I degraded myself? How I grovelled, how I humbled, how I cheapened myself? All for a pair of miserable army boots? I swear to you, as dedicated as I am to the sanctity and preservation of the human life, if I had a gun at this moment, I would send my head across the tent.

---> Do you know what I did?! Hoe I degraded myself? How I grovelled, how I humbled, how I cheapened myself? All for a pair of miserable army boots? I swear to you, as dedicated as I am to the sanctity and preservation of the human life, if I had a gun at this moment, I would send my head across the tent.

* BerserkButton: Frank notices that the birthday card he received from his wife is missing and is furiously gobsmacked when he finds out Hawkeye stuffed it into his boot.
--> '''Hawkeye''': I don't know how to tell you this, Frank, but your wife's card is having a thing with my right foot.
--> '''Frank''': That's it! I want that card out of your boot pronto! [[CatchPhrase And that's an order!]]
--> '''Trapper''': You better do what he says. He could revoke your feet.

---> '''I'd give ten bucks for this war to be over.