History Recap / GameOfThronesS3E1ValarDohaeris

* StabTheScorpion: Almost literal example with [[spoiler: Barristan]]'s introduction, wherein [[spoiler: he]] initially appears to be an assassin trying to kill Dany, but actually is there to save her life from the real assassin, who was using a [[BuffySpeak scorpion-looking thingy]] called a manticore.

We start where the last season left off - north of the wall, Sam and a ton load of zombies. Or at least one zombie, who does its best to finish off Sam before a now ''huge'' Ghost steps into to savage it. And then Jeor Mormont sets it on fire. Yes, Mormont's still alive, and so are at least a few of the Nightwatch. And they're all very disappointed in Sam, since he failed to send the ravens for help.

Still, Tyrion plays dumb and - after a light interlude with Bronn in which the subject of pay is much discussed - we find out that he wasn't planning to blab to their father about the utter failures that Cersei and Joffrey are. Although the Lannister patriarch might have refused to believe him anyway; as you'll see, Tywin - rather frustratingly - has something of a blind spot when it comes to his children. Tyrion wants Casterly Rock, which should be his by rights as the only child that can inherit it, Jaime being a member of the Kingsguard and unable to claim property or titles (as well as currently being captive/missing/who knows where) and Cersei, having a vagina as she does, is automatically disqualified from the running. (Bet she just ''loves'' that.)

* TheBusCameBack: [[spoiler:For Barristan Semly. So that's where he was the entire time..]]

* PetTheDog: Margaery seems a professional at this. Daenarys attempts to enact this trope in Astapor, but it turns out the "child" she was trying to be friendly to was a tiny assassin specifically designed to attract her attention.

* PragmaticAdaptation: [[spoiler:In the books, Barristan Selmy goes by the alias Arstan Whitebeard, and the reader doesn't learn his identity for quite a while. Here he makes no attempt to hide it, since we'd recognize the actor anyway.]]

* TactfulTranslation: Missandei supplies these for her master, Kraznys, in his dealings with Dany, wherein she translates around his constant crude insults of Dany. Though Missandei is clearly an unnecessary translator, since Daenarys visibly reacts to some of the insults Kraznys speaks.

We start where the last season left off - north of the wall, Sam and a ton load of zombies. Or at least one zombie, who does its best to finish off Sam before a now ''huge'' Ghost steps into to savage it. And the Jeor Mormont sets it on fire. Yes, Mormont's still alive, and so are at least a few of the Nightwatch. And they're all very disappointed in Sam, since he failed to send the ravens for help.

We start where the last season left off - north of the wall, Sam and a ton load of zombies. Or at least one zombie, who does its best to finish off Sam before a now ''huge'' Ghost steps into to savage it. And the Jorah Mormont sets it on fire. Yes, Mormont's still alive, and so are at least a few of the Nightwatch. And they're all very disappointed in Sam, since he failed to send the ravens for help.

Still, Tyrion plays dumb and - after a light interlude with Bronn in which the subject of pay is much discussed - we find out that he wasn't planning to blab to her father about the utter failures that Cersei and Joffrey are. Although he might have refused to believe him anyway; as you'll see, Tywin - rather frustratingly - has something of a blind spot when it comes to his children. Tyrion wants Casterly Rock, which should be his by rights as the only child that can inherit it, Jaime being a member of the Kingsguard and unable to claim property or titles (as well as currently being captive/missing/who knows where) and Cersei, having a vagina as she does, is automatically disqualified from the running. (Bet she just ''loves'' that.)

* TactfulTranslation: Missandei supplies these for her master, Kraznys, in his dealings with Dany, wherein she translates around his constant crude insults of Dany.
* VisualEffectsOfAwesome: You will believe giants exist.

We start where the last season left off - north of the wall, Sam and a ton load of zombies. Or at least one zombie, who does its best to finish off Sam before a now ''huge'' Ghost steps into to savage it, before Jorah Mormont sets it on fire. Yes, Mormont's still alive, and so are at least a few of the Nightwatch. And they're all very disappointed in Sam, since he failed to send the ravens for help.

* AdaptationDistillation: In the book, Barristan Selmy's identity isn't revealed until much later. Justified, since ''unlike'' the book the medium of televison means the audience would have recognised him almost at once, so there was little point in keeping his identity a secret.

We start where the last season left off - north of the wall, Sam and a ton load of zombies. Or at least one zombie, who does its best to finish off Sam before a now ''huge'' Ghost steps into to savage it, before Jorah Mormont sets it on fire. Yes, Mormont's still alive, and so are at least a few of the Nightwatch.

After the opening credits, we follow Jon Snow into the Wildling camp, where he gets to see his very first (and extremely well rendered) giant, before being taken to see Mance Rayder, the King beyond the Wall. After a case of mistaken identity, Mance flat out asks Jon why he wants to join the Wildlings, and scoffs when Jon claims he wants to be free. "I think you want to be a hero," he retorts, and demands the real reason. Jon reveals what he saw Craster doing to his new born son all the way back last season - and what took the baby. [[BrokenPedestal And what Mormont's reaction was.]] "Thousand's of years ago, the First Men battled the White Walkers and defeated them. I want to fight for the side that fights for the ''living''." This seems to be good enough for Mance - for now.

We move quickly to King's Landing - where Bronn is doing the nasty with a prostitute. Or trying to, anyway, since Tyrion's squire Podrick summons him to Tyrion's sick room, where Tyrion is at present entertaining Cersei reluctantly. ''Very'' reluctantly. Probably he wouldn't have let her in at all if he didn't have the axe to hand. "They said you lost your nose, but it's not as gruesome as all that," Cersei jibes, but she's not here to insult Tyrion. Much. She wants to know what he's going to say about her and Joffrey when he meets with Lord Tywin - which is actually a very sensible thing to be worried about, considering Tyrion's sitting on the knowledge of a whole lot of stupid and idiotic things that mother and son have done in the past.

Still, Tyrion plays dumb and - after a light interlude with Bronn in which the subject of pay is much discussed - we find out that he wasn't planning to blab to her father about the utter failures that Cersei and Joffrey are. (Although he might have refused to believe him anyway; as you'll see, Tywin - rather frustratingly - has something of a blind spot when it comes to his children.) Tyrion wants Casterly Rock, which should be his by rights as the only child that can inherit it, Jaime being a member of the Kingsguard and unable to inherit property or titles (as well as currently being captive/missing/who knows where) and Cersei, having a vagina as she does, is automatically disqualified from the running. (Bet she just ''loves'' that.)

Meanwhile, down at the docks, Sansa is trying to amuse herself by making romantic guesses the destinations of the ships out on the ocean. Shae isn't really interested in the game, and is saved from further imagination when along comes Petyr Baelish to talk to Sansa. While he takes her aside and assures her he's looking for a way out for her - as well as letting slip that Arya's alive, although lying that he knows where she is - Ros, his now right hand woman (and Varys's spy - remember last season's finale?) comments to Shae on how they've both come up in the world. Shae's reaction is rather 'Yeah? Your point?'ish, but she softens when Ros tells her to watch out for Sansa. "Watch out for her with ''him''," Ros adds, knowing very well by now what sort of man Littlefinger is. Brrrrr.

Robb and his forces march upon Harrenhal, which is looking even worse than when we last saw. That probably has something to do with the dead Northmen littered all over the place, courtesy of Gregor Clegane. Robb, who clearly still hasn't forgiven Catelyn for the whole 'Freeing the Kingslayer' stunt, is quick to find another cell for her. Lord Karstark is also resentful, but Roose Bolton assures him that the Kingslayer won't be free for long - he's sent someone after him. Ominous.

After an amusing discussion between Dany and the slaver with several things lost in translation...maybe, Dany and Jorah argue about the morality of owning a slave army, when a little child attempts to assassinate Dany. An attempt which is promptly foiled by a certain gentleman in a cloak, who quickly reveals himself to be...

After the opening credits, we follow Jon Snow into the Wildling camp, where he gets to see his very first (and extremely well rendered) giant, before being taken to see Mance Rayder, the King beyond the Wall. After a case of mistaken identity, Mance flat out asks Jon why he wants to join the Wildlings, and scoffs when Jon claims he wants to be free. "I think you want to be a hero," he retorts, and demands the real reason. Jon reveals what he saw Craster doing to his new born son all the way back last season - and what took the baby. [[BrokenPedastel And what Mormont's reaction was.]] "Thousand's of years ago, the First Men battled the White Walkers and defeated them. I want to fight for the side that fights for the ''living''." This seems to be good enough for Mance - for now.

* Squick: Kraznys, in order to demonstrate the Unsullied's resistance to fear and pain, orders one forward and proceeds to cut off the soldier's nipple without the latter showing any reaction.

* TactfulTranslation: Missandei supplies these for her master, Kraznys, in his dealings with Dany, wherein she translates around his constant crude insults of Dany.

* TactfulTranslation: Misandei supplies these for her master, Kraznys, in his dealings with Dany, wherein she translates around his constant crude insults of Dany.

* CliffhangerCopout: That massive army of White Walkers and wights from the end of last season apparently just wandered off by the time this one starts.

* CliffhangerCopout: That massive army of White Walkers from the end of last season apparently just wandered off by the time this one starts.