History Quotes / TestosteronePoisoning

->For those of you who don't know, ''Film/RoadHouse'' is an exceptionally homoerotic action film about a bouncer named Dalton (played by a perpetually-shirtless Creator/PatrickSwayze), a man so badass that he sews up his own knife wounds after tearing his opponent's throat out barehanded. Together with his bouncer mentor, a greasy-haired Sam Elliot, they battle the ascot-wearing villain and his flunkies who have a monster truck and far too-tight blue jeans. Dalton is a tortured hero and applies his philosophy degree to the art of ass-whoopin', spouting Zen philosophies to his disciples while teaching them how to be better bouncers. But really, the movie is about Patrick Swayze's oiled chest, because you spend 90% of the movie looking at it...
-->-- '''[[WebVideo/TheSpoonyExperiment Noah Antwiler]]''' [[http://spoonyexperiment.com/road-house-2/ on]] ''Film/RoadHouse 2''

->[[TropeNamer Worst case of testosterone poisoning I've ever seen.]]

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'''[[Franchise/DragonBall Goku]], [[VideoGame/GodOfWar Kratos]], [[Franchise/XMen Wolverine]], [[Manga/{{Bleach}} Zaraki]], and [[Manga/JoJosBizarreAdventure Dio Brando]]:''' '''''[[{{Kiai}} AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA]]'''''\\

->El Macho...He was ruthless! He was dangerous! And as the name implies...'''''very''''' macho! He had a reputation of pulling a heist using only his'' bare hands!'' Ah, but sadly, like all the greats, El Macho was gone too soon. He died in the most macho way possible: on a shark with 250,000 dynamites strapped to his chest, into the mouth of an active volcano! It was glorious!

'''[[Franchise/DragonBall Goku]], [[VideoGame/GodOfWar Kratos]], [[Franchise/XMen Wolverine]], [[Manga/{{Bleach}} Zaraki]], and [[Manga/JoJosBizarreAdventure Dio Brando]]:''' '''''AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA'''''\\

-->-- [[WebVideo/TheSpoonyExperiment Noah Antwiler]], on ''{{Colonel|Kilgore}} [[ColonelBadass Miles Quaritch]]'' of ''Film/{{Avatar}}''.

->Oh, now we're in it. This is what's putting hair on my chest. I'm about to stand up and be five inches taller just from all of the hormones pumping through me.

->BY ENTERING THIS TOURNAMENT, YOU HAVE FORFEITED YOUR RIGHT TO CRY, EAT TOFU, AND WATCH MOVIES WITH COUPLES KISSING IN THE RAIN AND SH*T!

'''[[Franchise/DragonBall Goku]], [[VideoGame/GodOfWarSeries Kratos]], [[Franchise/XMen Wolverine]], [[Manga/{{Bleach}} Zaraki]], and [[Manga/JoJosBizarreAdventure Dio Brando]]:''' '''''AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA'''''\\

-->--'''{{Creator/Seanbaby}}''', [[http://www.break.com/article/4-real-guides-for-killing-with-everyday-objects-2570123 "4 Everyday Items You Didn't Know Were Weapons"]]

->[[BeamMeUpScotty These guys eat too much red meat!]]

->I can't believe this macho bullshit! These guys eat too much red meat!

'''[[Franchise/DragonBall Goku]], [[VideoGame/GodOfWar Kratos]], [[Franchise/XMen Wolverine]], [[Manga/{{Bleach}} Zaraki]], and [[Manga/JoJosBizarreAdventure Dio Brando]]:''' '''''AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA'''''\\

->Lotta talk about [[Film/AmericanSniper that sniper picture]] in Hollywood this week, and I couldn’t be happier for my dear old friend, {{CLINT EASTWOOD}}! Dirty Harry himself! Old? YOU BET! Crazy? HOLY SHIT THE MAN SCARES EVERYONE WHO MEETS HIM. The one time I invited Clint over to Woodland, he didn’t touch any of the food or hookers or coke [[BreadEggsBreadedEggs or hookers or free bowls of cash or hookers or stacks of municipal treasury bonds or signed JFK portraits or hookers at all]]! Instead, he went right up to my fireplace and pointed up at an old Winchester rifle that had been given to me by none other than Emilio Zapata! (I saved his life once! Long story, but it ends with him getting laid!)\\\

-->-- [[WebVideo/TheSpoonyExperiment Noah Antwiler]], on ''{{Colonel|Kilgore}} [[{{Badass}} Miles Quaritch]]'' of ''Film/{{Avatar}}''.

-->-- ''[[http://www.fimfiction.net/story/153317/the-manliest-story-ever-conceived The Manliest Story Ever Conceived,]]'' ''[[EstablishingCharacterMoment Paragraph One.]]'' ''Yes, it is a MyLittlePonyFriendshipIsMagic fanfic.''

-->--The verses to VillainousCrossdresser Wrestling/ExoticAdrianStreet's theme music.

->''Halo'' is the premature ejaculation of video games, and I’m not just saying that because ''Halo 5'' feels shorter than [[MsFanservice Cortana’s laundry list]]. It took till ''Super Mario Galaxy'' for Mario to splooge his last, and that was Halo’s starting point: kick off with huge galaxies-spanning threats and giant fat-arsed space prostitutes with fanny cankers the size of small moons, and where the fuck are you supposed to go from there? Maybe you could breathe some life in with by switching to a more-focused ''character'' narrative? But the prerequisite for that is actually having characters beyond titty holograms and [[SpaceMarine giant dustbins on legs.]]

'''[[Franchise/DragonBall Goku]], [[VideoGame/GodOfWar Kratos]], [[Franchise/{{XMen}} Wolverine]], [[Manga/{{Bleach}} Zaraki]], and [[Manga/JoJosBizarreAdventure Dio Brando]]:''' '''''AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA'''''\\

“'That your rifle?’ Clint asks. Well, of course it was! Shiny? YOU BET. Loaded? [[JugglingLoadedGuns OH I ALWAYS KEEP GUNS LOADED.]] More fun that way. So Clint grabs the rifle and starts talking to it. ‘[[ICallItVera Well, Louise, what do we think?]]’ he asked it, aiming the gun at every person in the house, ‘Can we trust them?’ Everyone got real quiet. HE LOOKED LIKE HE WAS GONNA KILL US ALL! ‘Yeah, they’re okay, Louise. But there’s one bad one, yeah… And I think it’s right over… HERE.’ BOOM! He fired the rifle right at a banana! Everyone screamed! [[Creator/JackNicholson Nicholson]] dropped his coke mirror! It was chaos! Then he walked over and picked up the smoking banana and handed it to me, and I saw the banana was brown and rotten.\\\

->''True Lies'' is James Cameron throwing his hands and credibility into the air and going, 'FUCK YOU, [[{{Qurac}} brown people]], FUCK YOU [[ChildHater annoying children]], FUCK YOU [[HeManWomanHater annoying women]], [[MoreDakka SHOOTING SOLVES EVERYTHIIIIING!]]'

-->-- [[WebVideo/TheSpoonyExperiment Noah Antwiler]], on ''[[ColonelKilgore Colonel]] [[{{Badass}} Miles Quaritch]]'' of ''Film/{{Avatar}}''.

-->-- ''[[{{Imageboards}} /b/]]'', "Post #117133822" et al.

->'''Davis Aurini''': We're in good company with this; look up the production of the first ''[[Film/TheGodfather Godfather]]'' movies. So, we're not alone.
->'''[=HBomb=]''': I think I'm having a heart attack, seriously. My heart hurts. I can't take this.

-->--'''Alan King''', ''Name Dropping''

-->-- '''[[WebVideo/TheSpoonyExperiment Noah Antwiler]]''' [[http://spoonyexperiment.com/road-house-2/ on]] ''Film/RoadHouse2''

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->''Well you can beat on your chest\\
Hell any monkey can''
-->--'''Music/BruceSpringsteen''', "Real Man"

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->I'm an alpha-male on beta-blockers.
-->--'''Creator/GeorgeCarlin''', "Modern Man"

->If you're working out in front of a mirror and watching your muscles grow, your ego has reached a point where [[{{Ouroboros}} it is now eating itself]]. That's why I believe there should be a psychiatrist at every health club, so that when they see you doing this, they will take you away [[FreudianCouch for a little chat.]]
-->--'''Creator/LewisBlack'''

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->''Halo'' is the premature ejaculation of video games and I’m not just saying that because ''Halo 5'' feels shorter than [[MsFanservice Cortana’s laundry list]]. It took till ''Super Mario Galaxy'' for Mario to splooge his last, and that was Halo’s starting point: kick off with huge galaxies-spanning threats and giant fat-arsed space prostitutes with fanny cankers the size of small moons, and where the fuck are you supposed to go from there? Maybe you could breathe some life in with by switching to a more focused character narrative? But the prerequisite for that is actually having characters beyond titty holograms and [[SpaceMarine giant dustbins on legs.]]

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->The nurse says she’ll need a urine sample, and asks him to ''“fill this beaker for me.”'' And we learn that despite his age, Bond still has a way with the ladies when he replies, ''“[[GagPenis From here?]]”'' Oh, James, you charmer, you. Of course, this being James Bond, the nurse has to act like the idea of a man [[FanDisservice whipping it out and long-distance peeing]] right in front of her is somehow a turn-on. Hey, maybe if you’re ''really'' special, he’ll take a dump on your head!
-->--'''''Website/TheAgonyBooth''''' on ''Film/NeverSayNeverAgain''

->Dildos, incidentally, are used for comic effect throughout this permanently flexing, closeted fratboy, macho romp. There’s also [[LittlePeopleAreSurreal a little person]] in a fight scene, for literally no other reason than to have him hauled into the air by Wrestling/DwayneJohnson while his tiny legs kick against the wall, as Creator/MichaelBay guffaws offscreen [[HookersAndBlow into a giant mountain of coke]].
-->--'''[[http://franticplanet.wordpress.com/2013/12/13/my-top-20-movies-of-2013-the-preamble/ Stuart Millard]]''' on ''Film/PainAndGain''

->He currently runs a clothing shop called Alpha Male Shit, where you can buy T-shirts with inspirational messages on them, such as [[ExactlyWhatItSaysOnTheTin I DO ALPHA MALE SHIT]]. You can also buy a shirt with "Don't Be a Pussy" written backward on it. Why is it backward? Because I'm tailgating you with my motorcycle--NOW OUTTA MY WAY, PUSSY!
-->--'''[[http://www.gq.com/entertainment/sports/201409/25-biggest-sleazebags-in-sports Drew Magary]]''' on Jonathan Koppenhaver, "The 25 Biggest Sleazebags in Sports!"

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->''(John)'' Kerry's theatrics did not improve as the primary campaign wore on. The Massachusetts senator all but asked Republicans to ridicule him, with ad-libs such as, 'Who among us does not love UsefulNotes/{{NASCAR}}?' In an interview in the men's magazine ''GQ'', he joined he reporter for a beer (alcoholic--no teetotaler he!) while confessing to a modicum of lust for Creator/CharlizeTheron and Catherine Zeta-Jones. One day during the campaign he invited reporters to follow him around on a 'day off,' when his errands included [[HaveIMentionedIAmHeterosexualToday buying a jockstrap.]]
-->--'''Frank Rich''', ''The Greatest Story Ever Sold''

->The internal qualities once said to embody manhood -- surefootedness, inner strength, confidence of purpose -- are [[BreadAndCircuses merchandised back to men]] to enhance their manliness. The more productive aspects of manhood, such as building or cultivating or contributing to a society, couldn't establish a foothold on the shiny flat surface of a commercial culture, a looking-glass before which men could only act out [[ManChild a crude semblance of masculinity.]]
-->--'''Katherine Viner''', ''Stiffed''

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