History Quotes / NoodleImplements

->Izuku asked, “Wait, Aizawa, you’re licensed to perform marriages?”\\
Aizawa replied, “Of course I am, kid.”\\
“How did that happen?” Izuku wondered aloud.\\
His teacher answered, “Now that is a very long story, involving a deep undercover mission, an abandoned Denny’s, and no less than three assassination attempts against the Prime Minister of Australia. In other words...don’t ask.”
-->--''[[https://archiveofourown.org/works/23143426/chapters/56886973 These Hands Will Lift You Up]'', a ''Manga/MyHeroAcademia'' fanfiction

His teacher answered, “Now that is a very long story, involving a deep undercover mission, an abandoned Denny’s, and no less than three assassination attempts against the Prime Minister of Australia. In other words...{{don’t ask}}.”
-->--''[[https://archiveofourown.org/works/23143426/chapters/56886973#workskin These Hands Will Lift You Up]'', a ''Manga/MyHeroAcademia'' fanfiction

->"Wow, with a '''goose'''? I didn't even know that was possible..."
-->-- ''[[Literature/LambTheGospelAccordingToBiff Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal]]''

->''And I thank you for those items that you sent me\\
The monkey and the plywood violin\\
I practiced every night, now I'm ready\\
First we take Manhattan, then we take Berlin''
-->--'''Music/LeonardCohen''', "First We Take Manhattan"

-><[=TheDarkOfKnight=]> When I was a senior in high school we had to make a video and had to have blood packs. The best blood packs are made from condoms.
-><[=TheDarkOfKnight=]> We had the following on the checkout counter: 1 Box of Trojan Magnum condoms, 2 Bottles of Corn oil, 4 Bottles of red food color, two Super 8 video cassettes and one roll of duct tape.
-><[=TheDarkOfKnight=]> I have never before gotten weirder looks.

->"I should warn you before you begin that you will need a tire pump equipped with a basketball pumping needle, as well as an electric fan and a piece of old bed sheet. Now, if you are still with me we can begin."
-->--Recipe for Peking Duck from ''The Frugal Gourmet'' by Jeff Smith

->"647. Any answer to a question involving the words 'wizard', 'station wagon' and 'wood paneling' is no."
-->-- ''Blog/ThingsMrWelchIsNoLongerAllowedToDoInAnRPG''

-> Teen boy to group of friends: So okay, all we need to take with us is some glue, feathers, some petrol, and a lighter.
-> Friend: Cool.
-->-- ''[[http://www.overheardeverywhere.com/archives/places/australia Overheard Everywhere]]''

->'''Homer:''' We need to get the plant running, using only this. ''(dumps out the lost and found bin)''
->''([[TimeSkip The next morning]], Homer is shouting orders to delivery trucks...)''
->'''Lard Lad Branch Manager:''' ''How did you ''do'' that?''
->'''Homer:''' [[LampshadeHanging It doesn't matter, only that it worked.]]
-->--ComicBook/TheSimpsons comic book, ''Dollars to Donuts.''

->''"Have killed many people, many ways, guns, knives, drugs, tech attacks, once with farming equipment but [[DeadlyDoctor never with medicine!]]"''
-->--'''Mordin Solus''', ''VideoGame/MassEffect2''

-> '''Kenan''': "Kel, grab a clown, a flagpole, and a submarine, and meet me in my room! Come on, Buffalo Bottoms!"
-> '''Kel''': "Kenan, how am I gonna carry all of that stuff? Well, I guess I could put the clown and the flagpole inside the submarine, but it still SEEMS RATHER DIFFICULT! Aww, here it goes!"
-->-- '''Series/KenanAndKel'''

->''I'm going to need a SWAT team ready to mobilise, street-level maps covering all of Florida, a pot of coffee, twelve Jammie Dodgers and a fez.''
-->--'''The Doctor''', ''Series/DoctorWho'', [[Recap/DoctorWhoS32E1TheImpossibleAstronaut "The Impossible Astronaut"]] [[note]]Of course, when you think about it, only the coffee is strange, since the Doctor is [[BritsLoveTea a tea person]].[[/note]]

-->--'''[[Music/SongsToWearPantsTo Andrew Huang]]'''

->[after watching a sexy movie] ''"I don't like getting you worked up like that. We can't actually do any of those things...You'd lose your soul and besides, I don't even own a kimono!"''
-->--'''Buffy''', ''Series/BuffyTheVampireSlayer'', "Enemies"

->'''Señor Fabuloso''': "Well, Hockbar, I suppose we must go with performance plan B. Here; put on this fish suit, and slather me in marmalade. We've got a show to do."
->'''Mr. Hockbar''': "[[OhNoNotAgain Uh... Not again!]]"
-->-- ''WesternAnimation/LetsGoLuna''

->"...bring beef, tequila and condoms."
-->-- From an official advisor's email to UsefulNotes/SarahPalin

->''"I will save you! More spud loaf! A square neck!"''
-->-- From a mondegreen of a reversed song from ''WesternAnimation/VeggieTales'', seen [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cI-xJq91Kgw here]].

->'''GG:''' It's a long story that involves a pinata and a gun and a very naughty doggie
->'''TG:'''I completely understand everything about that practically entirely
-->-- '''Jade Harley''' to '''John Egbert''', ''Webcomic/{{Homestuck}}''

->''"'Dirt Mall' is also the name of a ''[[EvilSoundsDeep move I like to do]] with my LIFE PARTNER. It involves a Lego village, a stopwatch and a full box of '''Cracklin' Oat Bran.'''"
-->-- ''[[WebVideo/RegularCarReviews Regular Car Reviews]]'', Suzuki Bandit 1250 review

->''"[...]then again, she does owe us because we never did tell anyone about what she had to do with that one time with the crossbow, Ma's wheelchair, 200 gallons of jet-pack fuel, a jet pack, the gas station, a radio playing "Equinox" by Skrillex, and how the remedial school got obliterated, again."''
-->-- '''Ryuuko Kiryuuin''', ''[[Webcomic/KillLaKillAU Breaking and Entering]]'', also mentioning a NoodleIncident.

->'''Day 1:''' Length of Rubber Hose
->'''Day 2:''' Ski Mask
->'''Day 3:''' Bear Trap
->'''Day 4:''' [[OhCrap Tourist Map of the Pentagon]]
->'''Day 5:''' [[HeadTiltinglyKinky Lube]].
->I'm stopping this before I end up on every FBI watchlist ever.
->'''AltText: Day 6:''' [[CallBack The hell? Who mails a bobcat?]]
-->-- ''Webcomic/{{XKCD}}'' [[https://xkcd.com/576/ #576: Packages]]

->''"My LimitBreak involves a moose, the demon Baphomet, and a Kuiper Belt object. It takes four hours, and you can't skip any of the cutscenes."''
-->-- '''Pintsize''', ''Webcomic/QuestionableContent''

-->--'''[[ThePrankster Gross Childe]],''' ''TabletopGame/VampireTheMasquerade - Clanbook: Nosferatu''

-->--''TabletopGame/VampireTheMasquerade - Clanbook: Tzimisce''

->'''Vexxarr:''' We're ''way'' past plan B. [...] That was plan Q!
->'''Carl:''' And plan A?
->'''Vexxarr:''' How much do you want to know about Aardvarks?
->'''Carl:''' B through H?
->'''Vexxarr:''' Beachballs, synthetic fur and [[ShowerOfAngst sobbing uncontrolably in a long hot shower.]]
->'''Carl:''' I through P?
->'''Vexxarr:''' Culminated in dressing Sid in a tutu.
->'''Carl:''' Alright then, plan Q it is.
-->--''Webcomic/{{Vexxarr}}''

->There was magic in the mundane. Hector had once told him that a [[EvilSorcerer practitioner]] with three yards of duct tape, a PEZ dispenser, a CD player, and a pair of oversized clown shoes was responsible for the fall of the Roman Empire. Duke never really understood how that worked, [[FridgeLogic considering the Roman Empire had already fallen long before any of those items were available]]. But magic was never bothered by paradoxes like that.
-->--''Literature/GilsAllFrightDiner''

->''2018 is gonna be my year''
-->--'''[[http://twitter.com/Quackworthy/status/946036335483244544 Omgarrett/Quackworth]]''' on Twitter, alongside a picture of a bag containing a banana costume

-->--'''Arcadia item description''', ''VideoGame/Disgaea5AllianceOfVengeance''

->Sabrina thought the hero looked a little shellshocked. His partner didn’t seem to notice as she began pointing to the akuma, a nearby fire hydrant, and of all things, a red and black inner tube.\\
Far be it from her to question a superhero.
-->-- ''[[https://archiveofourown.org/works/12949281/chapters/29621643#workskin Girls Night Out]]'', a ''WesternAnimation/MiraculousLadybug'' fanfiction

->The pool attendant, the gardener, her tennis instructor, two butlers, four chauffeurs, seven delivery boys... a seemingly endless stream had flowed through the courtroom and testified to their indiscretions with his wife. Worst of all had been the exhibits: Exhibit A - large carton of whipped cream. Exhibit B - a skin-diving suit with the bottom cut out. Exhibit C - a bucketful of soapy frogs. Soapy ''frogs?'' On and on it went, until, by Exhibit Q - an inflatable dolphin with battery-operated fins - [[{{Cuckold}} Rimmer could stand the humiliation no longer]] and he'd agreed to settle out of court.
-->--''Literature/RedDwarf: Better Than Life''

-> '''Allison''': Hrmm I can open that door but it's not going to be easy. I'll need three gears, a crowbar, some kind of counterbalance....
-> '''[[AvertedTrope Tom simply punches the door down]]'''
-> '''Allison''': Well that works too I guess.
--> --VideoGame/BendyAndTheInkMachine

-->--''WebVideo/StacheBros'', "Wario's Maypril Fools Day"

-> ''[[VideoGame/PokemonRangerGuardianSigns Summer]] also experienced an encounter with [Regigigas], but upon reading the notes of [[VideoGame/PokemonDiamondAndPearl Dawn]] and [[VideoGame/PokemonRanger Kellyn]], began a rant that was at once enraged and horrified, and somehow involved a lumberjack. When she had calmed down, I elected not to press further.''
-->-- '''Cynthia''', ''[[https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11973141/5/A-Collection-of-Notes-on-Personal-Experiences-with-Legendary-Pok%C3%A9mon A Collection of Notes on Personal Experiences with Legendary Pokémon]]''

->'''Freya:''' Bob, Clemmons, I'm gonna need a thousand throw pillows, a water slide, and as many architects you can find that can play the French Horn!
-->--''WesternAnimation/LegoCityAdventures'', "Cubs and Robbers"

->"So. Rei. How are you doing?" Maya tried to get a reading on who was technically the most stable pilot.\\
"I am trying to figure out where to get a banana cream pie and ten gallons of olive oil." Maya's head hit her desk with a reverberating thud and a pained groan. "Possibly also a panda.
-->-- ''Fanfic/RiseOfTheMinisukas''

->'''Butch:''' So, what now?
->'''Marcellus:''' What now? Let me tell you what now. Imma call a couple of hard pipe hittin' niggers to go to work on [[SerialRapist the homes here]] with a pair of pliers and a blow torch. You hear me talkin', hillbilly boy? I ain't through with you by a damn sight, Imma get medieval on your ass!
-->-- ''Film/PulpFiction''

->'''Linus:''' All right, well, let's go over the list again.\\
'''Basher:''' Swinging Priest?\\
'''Linus:''' Not enough people.\\
'''Turk:''' Crazy Larry?\\
'''Linus:''' Not enough people.\\
'''Basher:''' Soft Shoulder?\\
'''Turk:''' Not enough people.\\
'''Linus:''' Baker's Dozen?\\
'''Turk:''' No woman and not enough people.\\
'''Basher:''' Hell in a Handbasket?\\
'''Linus:''' We can't train a cat that quickly! And...\\
'''Everyone:''' Not enough people.
-->-- ''Film/OceansTwelve''

-> ''[[VideoGame/PokemonRangerGuardianSigns Summer]] also experienced an encounter with [Regigigas], but upon reading the notes of [[VideoGame/PokemonDiamondAndPearl Dawn]] and [[VideoGame/PokemonRangerShadowsOfAlmia Kellyn]], began a rant that was at once enraged and horrified, and somehow involved a lumberjack. When she had calmed down, I elected not to press further.''

->''Now pour the [[BloodMagic blood of the demons]] into--[[ExplainExplainOhCrap it's leaking!]'']

->''"Wow, with a '''goose'''? I didn't even know that was possible..."''

-->-- [[http://www.overheardeverywhere.com/archives/places/australia Overheard Everywhere]]

->'''Homer:''' ''We need to get the plant running, using only this.'' (dumps out the lost and found bin)
->([[TimeSkip The next morning]], Homer is shouting orders to delivery trucks...)

->'''Homer:''' ''[[LampshadeHanging It doesn't matter, only that it worked.]]''

->"Have killed many people, many ways, guns, knives, drugs, tech attacks, once with farming equipment but [[DeadlyDoctor never with medicine!]]"

->"Doll with bad haircut, bottle of wine, orange sunglasses, spray cleaner, pineapple, keyboard, balloon. I'm ready to make a music video."

->[''after watching a sexy movie''] "I don't like getting you worked up like that. We can't actually do any of those things...You'd lose your soul and besides, I don't even own a kimono!"

-->-- [[ComicallyMissingThePoint Wasn't Palin in favor of abstinence-only sex ed?]]

->"I will save you! More spud loaf! A square neck!"

->"'Dirt Mall' is also the name of a ''[[EvilSoundsDeep move I like to do]] with my LIFE PARTNER. It involves a Lego village, a stopwatch and a full box of '''Cracklin' Oat Bran.'''"''

->"[...]then again, she does owe us because we never did tell anyone about what she had to do with that one time with the crossbow, Ma's wheelchair, 200 gallons of jet-pack fuel, a jet pack, the gas station, a radio playing "Equinox" by Skrillex, and how the remedial school got obliterated, again."

->"My LimitBreak involves a moose, the demon Baphomet, and a Kuiper Belt object. It takes four hours, and you can't skip any of the cutscenes."

->2018 is gonna be my year

->Now pour the [[BloodMagic blood of the demons]] into--[[ExplainExplainOhCrap it's leaking!]]

-> [[VideoGame/PokemonRangerGuardianSigns Summer]] also experienced an encounter with [Regigigas], but upon reading the notes of [[VideoGame/PokemonDiamondAndPearl Dawn]] and [[VideoGame/PokemonRangerShadowsOfAlmia Kellyn]], began a rant that was at once enraged and horrified, and somehow involved a lumberjack. When she had calmed down, I elected not to press further.

-->-- From a {{Mondegreen}} of a reversed song from ''WesternAnimation/VeggieTales'', seen [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cI-xJq91Kgw here]].

->'''GG:''' its a long story that involves a pinata and a gun and a very naughty doggie
->'''TG:''' i completely understand everything about that practically entirely

-->--'''The Doctor''', ''Series/DoctorWho'', [[Recap/DoctorWhoS32E1TheImpossibleAstronaut "The Impossible Astronaut"]] [[note]]Of course, when you think about it, only the coffee is strange, since the Doctor is [[SpotOfTea a tea person]].[[/note]]

-->--''LegoCityAdventures'', "Cubs and Robbers"

-->--''LegoCityAdventure'', "Cubs and Robbers"

-> '''Cranky''': Viagra! That's it! Lemme think...[rummaging sounds] Recycled urine...ham in a bottle...a couple of juicy brain cells...Splenda...