History Quotes / MeatCanyon

->'''Dylan''': Okay. So... What's up?\\
'''Greg''': ''(sighs and pinches his nose)'' Well, uh... You picked me up with your camera and all these people, so, um... I'm assuming I'm getting a car.\\
'''Dylan''': Okay, well... I got a surprise for you. ''(the camera cuts to the driveway, showing a brand new Lamborghini with a big ribbon on it)'' Guess whose it is!\\
'''Greg''': ''(exasperated sigh)'' [[DullSurprise I don't know, Dylan. Is it mine?]] ''(Dylan gives him a thumbs up and all his friends start cheering)'' Alright. Okay. Alright. Come on, guys. Guys, guy- GUYS! Jesus! ...Now Dylan? While this is a super nice thing you've done, I just- ''(Dylan gives him another thumbs up)'' Whoa, whoa. Wait, wait, wait. Don't do that, just- But... This is the ''sixth'' car you've given me. ''(Dylan's friends start cheering again)'' He's boughten us all multiple cars! How many cars is it gonna take until it's not surprising anymore!? I mean... I get you want to have a reaction for the video. ''But holy fuck!'' Let's ease up on the cackling and cheering for five fucking minutes. That's all I ask. ''That's all I ask''. Now Dylan, I appreciate it. I just can't afford the insurance and property taxes on all these Lamborghinis, man. I push carts at Target, for god's sakes. Do you know how obnoxious I look driving a neon green Lamborghini to a ''minimum wage job''? It's horrible. I can't sell them, cause you've leased all of these cars under your name. So now I have crippling debt and '''SIX''' Lamborghinis. Who would want that, Dylan? Who? Tell me.\\
'''Dylan''': What are you trying to say, Greg? Heh... What are you trying to say?\\
'''Greg''': Honestly, what I'm saying is... I don't want this car. Or ''any'' of the cars you've given me. You fucked me, Dylan. I'm totally '''''fucked'''''.\\
'''Dylan''': ...What's your name?\\
'''Greg''': What are you even talking about? My name's Greg.\\
'''Dylan''': '''''[[SuddenlyShouting WRONG! WHAT'S YOUR NAME!?]]'''''\\
'''Greg''': I don't- I-I don't know what you want me to s-!\\
'''Dylan''': YOUR NAME'S "DYLAN'S FRIEND"! ''YOUR EXISTENCE IS BEING '''MY''' FRIEND!'' WHEN PEOPLE THINK OF YOU, [[ItsAllAboutMe THEY REALLY THINK OF]] '''''[[ItsAllAboutMe ME!]]''''' AND THAT'S WHO YOU ARE NOW!\\
'''Greg''': Fuck this! I'm getting out of here, man- ''(Dylan goes [[Film/TheThing1982 The Thing]] on Greg and eats him alive)''\\
'''Dylan''': I have absorbed his nutrients. NO ONE will refuse my generosity again. ...Right!? ''(Dylan's friends give their agreements)'' Yeah, good. ''(Reveals udders on his stomach)'' Now get up here and feed.

-> '''Guy Fieri:''' Welcome, gangsta, to the Festival of Funk! You are truly blessed to be given a dynamite gift. The gift of flavor. ''(a giant sauce pan of boiling oil slowly lowers and the viewer tries to flee)'' There's no turning away now. The only way out of Flavor Town is through indulgence. Come. ''Come with me.'' ''(Guy takes off his clothes and enters the pan)'' You don't look like the kind of gangsta to pass on something that's so bomb dot com tasty and funkalicious. Something that puts the shama lama... ''(plucks off one of his toothpick-like hairs and picks off a piece of his chest)'' ...in ding dong. Once you receive this offering, your life will never be the same. To pass on this now would be to pass on the sweet bliss of ecstasy. To deny God's invitation into the Kingdom of Heaven. Take the trip. Take the trip to Flavor Town. ''It is the only way to leave this place.'' ''(the viewer eats it and experiences a [[OrgasmicallyDelicious Foodgasm]] induced hallucination of Guy Fieri winking at them only to come down from the high to find Guy Fieri screaming in agony as he's being boiled alive)'' '''''OOOOOHHHH, GOOOOOD!!!! AAAAAAUUUUUUUGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!'''''

-> '''Sneako:''' [[Film/HellRaiser Andrew Tate... wept.]]
-->-- ''Sneako Meets Charlie''

->'''[[WesternAnimation/ThomasAndFriends Thomas]]:''' I have seen past the farthest star. And I have gone to the edges of the Earth. I can take you there. If you so choose. I can give you all the things you never knew you wanted. Taste from the tallest chalice. Dine at the largest halls. All I ask in return... is your soul. Your soul for a chance at a life without pain. Without heartache. All this I can give you and more. Just for your soul.
->'''[[Franchise/{{Cars}} Lightning McQueen]]:''' What of life after death? What of the paradises that await me in Heaven above?
->'''Thomas:''' Drain thee of woes... For your God has turned His back on you. That's why my tracks still push me forward.

->'''Nick CEO''': Gentlemen, thank you for coming in today. This meeting shouldn't take too long.\\
'''[[WesternAnimation/SpongebobSquarepants [=SpongeBob=]]]''': We're happy to come in.\\
''' Nick CEO''': Lose the act, [=SpongeBob=]. I don't need you in character for this.\\
'''[=SpongeBob=]''': ''(out of character)'' Well, then what's the problem?\\
'''Nick CEO''': I don't know how to beat around the bush, so I won't. We found the videos you've been making online.\\
'''[=SpongeBob=]''': I... don't... understand.\\
'''Nick CEO''': Christ, you're going to make me come out and say it. ''(sighs)'' The tentacle porn.\\
''' Squidward''': We don't know what you're talking about.\\
'''Nick CEO''': Now it's not my place to tell you what to do outside of work. But these activities... aren't on-brand. Here at Nickelodeon, we strive for the innocence of children. I mean, we're a good American company. We support the troops.\\
'''[=SpongeBob=]''': How do you even know that's us? That could be anyone.\\
'''Nick CEO''': I'm sorry, are you trying to say there's ''another'' bright yellow talking sponge with a squid neighbor?\\

'''Nick CEO''': Now [=SpongeBob=], when you looked at Squidward in your little film and said, uh... "Stuff me like a Thanksgiving turkey, you big dick gray goblin", were you thinking of the Nickelodeon brand when you were filming that or...?\\
'''[=SpongeBob=]''': Well, I-\\
'''Nick CEO''': Now Squidward, when [=SpongeBob=], um... "finished" on your face and you said "Yummy yummy, I feel like a cinnamon roll", were you taking into consideration the children that watch this program or...?\\
'''Squidward''': Uh...\\
'''Nick CEO''': Now I'm not saying to stop making these videos, but I do ask that maybe next time, blur your faces or at least talk some shit on Cartoon Network or something. But... here. Have a couple of these. ''(gives [=SpongeBob=] and Squidward condoms)'' Last thing we want is an episode about cold sores, you know what I'm saying? Alright, you all have a good day.

-> '''Buzz''': "'''You don't come back from infinity, Andy.'''"

-> '''Guy Fieri''': Welcome, gangsta, to the Festival of Funk! You are truly blessed to be given a dynamite gift. The gift of flavor. ''(a giant sauce pan of boiling oil slowly lowers and the viewer tries to flee)'' There's no turning away now. The only way out of Flavor Town is through indulgence. Come. ''Come with me.'' ''(Guy takes off his clothes and enters the pan)'' You don't look like the kind of gangsta to pass on something that's so bomb dot com tasty and funkalicious. Something that puts the shama lama... ''(plucks off one of his toothpick-like hairs and picks off a piece of his chest)'' ...in ding dong. Once you receive this offering, your life will never be the same. To pass on this now would be to pass on the sweet bliss of ecstasy. To deny God's invitation into the Kingdom of Heaven. Take the trip. Take the trip to Flavor Town. ''It is the only way to leave this place.'' ''(the viewer eats it and experiences a [[OrgasmicallyDelicious Foodgasm]] induced hallucination of Guy Fieri winking at them only to come down from the high to find Guy Fieri screaming in agony as he's being boiled alive)'' '''''OOOOOHHHH, GOOOOOD!!!! AAAAAAUUUUUUUGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!'''''

-> '''Sneako''': [[Film/HellRaiser Andrew Tate... wept.]]

-> '''Sneako''': [[Film/HellRaiser Andrew Tate wept.]]

-->-- ''Fogs of Flavor Town''

->'''[[WesternAnimation/{{Cars}} Lightning McQueen]]:''' What of life after death? What of the paradises that await me in Heaven above?

->"''[[MadnessMantra Remember when you liked]]'' WesternAnimation/FamilyGuy''?''"

-> '''Guy Fieri''': Welcome, gangsta, to the Festival of Funk! You are truly blessed to be given a dynamite gift. The gift of flavor. ''(a giant sauce pan of boiling oil slowly lowers and the viewer tries to flee)'' There's no turning away now. The only way out of Flavor Town is through indulgence. Come. ''Come with me.'' ''(Guy takes off his clothes and enters the pan)'' You don't look like the kind of gangsta to pass on something that's so bomb dot com tasty and funkalicious. Something that puts the shama lama... ''(plucks off one of his toothpick-like hairs and picks off a piece of his chest)'' ...in ding dong. Once you receive this offering, your life will never be the same. To pass on this now would be to pass on the sweet bliss of ecstasy. To deny God's invitation into the Kingdom of Heaven. Take the trip. Take the trip to Flavor Town. ''It is the only way to leave this place.'' ''(the viewer takes eats it and experiences a [[OrgasmicallyDelicious Foodgasm]] induced hallucination of Guy Fieri winking at them only to come down from the high to find Guy Fieri screaming in agony as he's being boiled alive)'' '''''OOOOOHHHH, GOOOOOD!!!! AAAAAAUUUUUUUGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!'''''

-> '''Guy Fieri''': Welcome, gangsta, to the Festival of Funk! You are truly blessed to be given a dynamite gift. The gift of flavor. ''(a giant sauce pan of boiling oil slowly lowers and the viewer tries to flee)'' There's no turning away now. The only way out of Flavor Town is through indulgence. Come. ''Come with me.'' ''(Guy takes off his clothes and enters the pan)'' You don't look like the kind of gangsta to pass on something that's so bomb dot com tasty and funkalicious. Something that puts the shamalama... ''(plucks off one of his toothpick-like hairs and picks off a piece of his chest)'' ...in ding dong. Once you receive this offering, your life will never be the same. To pass on this now would be to pass on the sweet bliss of ecstasy. To deny God's invitation into the Kingdom of Heaven. Take the trip. Take the trip to Flavor Town. ''It is the only way to leave this place.'' ''(the viewer takes eats it and experiences a [[OrgasmicallyDelicious Foodgasm]] induced hallucination of Guy Fieri winking at them only to come down from the high to find Guy Fieri screaming in agony as he's being boiled alive)'' '''''OOOOOHHHH, GOOOOOD!!!! AAAAAAUUUUUUUGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!'''''

-> '''Guy Fieri''': Welcome, gangsta, to the Festival of Funk! You are truly blessed to be given a dynamite gift. The gift of flavor. ''(a giant sauce pan of boiling oil slowly lowers and the viewer tries to flee)'' There's no turning away now. The only way out of Flavor Town is through indulgence. Come. ''Come with me.'' ''(Guy takes off his clothes and enters the pan)'' You don't look like the kind of gangsta to pass on something so bomb dot com tasty and funkalicious. Something that puts the shamalama... ''(plucks off one of his toothpick-like hairs and picks off a piece of his chest)'' ...in ding dong. Once you receive this offering, your life will never be the same. To pass on this now would be to pass on the sweet bliss of ecstasy. To deny God's invitation into the Kingdom of Heaven. Take the trip. Take the trip to Flavor Town. ''It is the only way to leave this place.'' ''(the viewer takes eats it and experiences a [[OrgasmicallyDelicious Foodgasm]] induced hallucination of Guy Fieri winking at them only to come down from the high to find Guy Fieri screaming in agony as he's being boiled alive)'' '''''OOOOOHHHH, GOOOOOD!!!! AAAAAAUUUUUUUGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!'''''

-> '''Guy Fieri''': Welcome, gangsta, to the Festival of Funk! You are truly blessed to be given a dynamite gift. The gift of flavor. ''(a giant sauce pan of boiling oil slowly lowers and the viewer tries to flee)'' There's no turning away now. The only way out of Flavor Town is through indulgence. Come. ''Come with me.'' ''(Guy takes off his clothes and enters the pan)'' You don't look like the kind of gangsta to pass on something so bomb dot com tasty. Of funkalicious. Something that puts the shamalama... ''(plucks off one of his toothpick-like hairs and picks off a piece of his chest)'' ...in ding dong. Once you receive this offering, your life will never be the same. To pass on this now would be to pass on the sweet bliss of ecstasy. To deny God's invitation into the Kingdom of Heaven. Take the trip. Take the trip to Flavor Town. ''It is the only way to leave this place.'' ''(the viewer takes eats it and experiences a [[OrgasmicallyDelicious Foodgasm]] induced hallucination of Guy Fieri winking at them only to come down from the high to find Guy Fieri screaming in agony as he's being boiled alive)'' '''''OOOOOHHHH, GOOOOOD!!!! AAAAAAUUUUUUUGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!'''''

-> '''Guy Fieri''': Welcome, gangsta, to the Festival of Funk! You are truly blessed to be given a dynamite gift. The gift of flavor. ''(a giant sauce pan of boiling oil slowly lowers and the viewer tries to flee)'' There's no turning away now. The only way out of Flavor Town is through indulgence. Come. ''Come with me.'' ''(Guy takes off his clothes and enters the pan)'' You don't look like the kind of gangsta to pass on something so bomb dot com tasty. Of funkalicious. Something that puts the shamalama... ''(plucks off one of his toothpick-like hairs and picks off a piece of his chest)'' ...in ding dong. Once you receive this offering, your life will never be the same. To pass on this now would be to pass on the sweet bliss of ecstasy. To deny God's invitation into the Kingdom of Heaven. Take the trip. Take the trip to Flavor Town. ''It is the only way to leave this place.'' ''(the viewer takes eats it and experiences a [[OrgasmicallyDelicious Foodgasm]] induced hallucination of Guy Fieri winking at them only to come down from the high to find Guy Fieri screaming in agony as he's being boiled alive)''

-> '''Guy Fieri''': Welcome, gangsta, to the Festival of Funk! You are truly blessed to be given a dynamite gift. The gift of flavor. ''(a giant sauce pan of boiling oil slowly lowers and the viewer tries to flee)'' There's no turning away now. The only way out of Flavor Town is through indulgence. Come. ''Come with me.'' ''(Guy takes off his clothes and enters the pan)'' You don't look like the kind of gangsta to pass on something so bomb dot com tasty. Of funkalicious. Something that puts the shamalama... ''(plucks off one of his toothpick-like hairs and picks off a piece of his chest)'' ...in ding dong. Once you receive this offering, your life will never be the same. To pass on this now would be to pass on the sweet bliss of ecstasy. To deny God's invitation into the Kingdom of Heaven. Take the trip. Take the trip to Flavor Town. ''It is the only way to leave this place.'' ''(the viewer takes eats it and experiences a [[OrgasmicallyDelicious Foodgasm]] induced hallucination only to come down from the high to find Guy Fieri screaming in agony as he's being boiled alive)''

-> '''Guy Fieri''': Welcome, gangsta, to the Festival of Funk! You are truly blessed to be given a dynamite gift. The gift of flavor. ''(a giant sauce pan of boiling oil slowly lowers and the viewer tries to flee)'' There's no turning away now. The only way out of Flavor Town is through indulgence. Come. Come with me. ''(Guy takes off his clothes and enters the pan)'' You don't look like the kind of gangsta to pass on something so bomb dot com tasty. Of funkalicious. Something that puts the shamalama... ''(plucks off one of his toothpick-like hairs and picks off a piece of his chest)'' ...in ding dong. Once you receive this offering, your life will never be the same. To pass on this now would be to pass on the sweet bliss of ecstasy. To deny God's invitation into the Kingdom of Heaven. Take the trip. Take the trip to Flavor Town. ''It is the only way to leave this place.'' ''(the viewer takes eats it and experiences a [[OrgasmicallyDelicious Foodgasm]] induced hallucination only to come down from the high to find Guy Fieri screaming in agony as he's being boiled alive)''

-->-- '''Peter Griffin''', ''Trapped In A Family Guy Cutaway''

-> '''[[LetsPlay/TommyInnit Tommyinnit]]''': I saw the face of god! And it was square... '''IT WAS SQUAREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-!'''
-->-- ''The Passion Of The Craft''

->"''[[MadnessMantra Remember when you liked]]'' [[WesternAnimation/FamilyGuy]]''?''"

-->-- ''You Got a Friend in Me''

->''There's gonna be some changes! I will no longer let the wicked run through this land without punishment! BLOOD WILL FALL FROM THE HEAVENS! ANGELS WILL PRAISE THE SWINGS OF MY BLADE! GOD WILL APPLAUD THE SCREAMS OF ALL OF MY VICTIMS!Look into my eyes. For I am the judge and the executioner''

->''There's gonna be some changes! I will no longer let the wicked run through this land without punishment! BLOOD WILL FALL FROM THE HEAVENS! ANGELS WILL PRAISE THE SWINGS OF MY BLADE! GOD WILL APPLAUD THE SCREAMS OF ALL OF MY VICTIMS!''

->-- ''You Got a Friend in Me''

->-- "You Got a Friend in Me"

-->-- ''The Passion Of The Craft''

'''Courage:''' Ah... ''(Pulls out a knife)'' ''[[PreMortemOneLiner The things I do for love.]]''