History Quotes / LoopholeAbuse

Applejack: If y'all reckon back, I told you that I would tell you everything ''at breakfast!'' But I didn't come for breakfast! I ''couldn't'' come to that breakfast - not if it meant telling you all what happened. (...) I'm sorry, Pinkie, but I can't tell y'all the truth. I just can't!\\

-->''WesternAnimation/MaxAndRuby'', "Ruby's Jewlery Box"

'''Max:''' ''[{Beat}]'' You!

'''Yuya:''' Huh?! (''begins checking his arm and leg'')\\

'''Yuya:''' (''after a moment, [[OhCrap the realization hits]]'')\\
'''Josuke:''' ''[[RapidFireFisticuffs DORARARARARARARA!!]]''

->'''Buzz''': I just want you to know that even though you tried to terminate me, revenge is not an idea we promote on my planet.\\
'''Woody''': Oh. Good.\\
'''Buzz''': [[TranquilFury But we're not]] ''[[TranquilFury on]]'' [[TranquilFury my planet... are we]]?\\
'''Woody''': Uh... no? ''(fight ensues)''

'''Genie:''' There is a ''lot'' of gray area in "make me a prince". I could just (''poofs an actual prince in the distance'') [[LiteralGenie make you a prince.]]\\

'''Caine:''' ''(Sighs as he lowers his gun)'' Yeah, you're right.\\

'''Caine:''' But I can hit you, motherfucker. ''[[SpitefulSpit (Spits on Chidi)]]''

->'''Ahmed ibn Fahdlan:''' No, thank you. I am not permitted [to drink alcohol]. "Consume not the fermentation of grape, nor of wheat."\\
'''Herger the Joyous:''' ''[laughs and hands him a mead horn]'' It's made from honey.\\
''[Ahmed hesitates for a moment, then [[INeedAFreakingDrink downs it]]]''
-->-- ''Film/TheThirteenthWarrior''

'''Recording:''' [[EngineeredPublicConfession "I had to kill Bob Morton because he made a mistake! Now, it's time to erase that mistake!"]]\\

'''Dick Jones''': [[VillainousBreakdown I want a chopper, NOW! We will walk to the roof very calmly! I will board the chopper with my hostage! Anybody tries to stop me, and the old geezer gets it!]]\\

'''Guard:''' Visiting hours, Monday to Friday--\\

'''Guard:''' ''[reaches for gun]'' [[OhCrap Shit!]]\\

->''"You're right... I'm not yet a knight. You, Uryenes, will make me a knight. Then as knight to knight... I can offer you mercy."''
-->--'''Arthur Pendragon''', ''Film/{{Excalibur}}''

->'''Gabriel van Helsing''': Carl, you just cursed! Not well, mind you, but you're a monk. You shouldn't curse at all.\\
'''Carl''': Actually I'm just a friar so I can curse all I want... dammit!

->''"I remember when legal meant lawful. Now it means loophole."''
-->--'''Leo Kessler''', ''Film/TenToMidnight''

->''Sam raised his eyebrows and said what he was now starting to realise were the magic words.''
->''"But, sir: it's my ''birthday''."''

'''[[TheGrimReaper Death]]:''' (''[[SubbingForSanta subbing for the Hogfather]]'') [[AC: The Hogfather can. The Hogfather gives presents. There's no better present than a future.]]

->'''Juliet''': Friar, I want to kill a man.\\
'''Friar Lawrence''': Juliet! You shouldn't kill anyone! Murder is a mortal sin! As you know, Juliet, I am a Franciscan friar: a member of one of the three major orders living according to the Rule of St. Francis.\\
'''Juliet''': I do know this.\\
'''Friar Lawrence''': And that means that we're not allowed to wear shoes or ride horses OR MURDER OTHER PEOPLE.\\
'''Juliet''': Fine, I want to kill myself then.\\
'''Friar Lawrence''': Oh in that case no problem. Make tea from this, and drink it. You'll be dead within forty-six minutes.\\
'''Juliet''': Thanks, Friar!\\
'''Friar Lawrence''': Ta! I believe in a radical form of self-realization and think no one should have dominion over your body, whether it's other people or even the state!\\
'''Juliet''': I know, that's really convenient!
-->--''Literature/RomeoAndOrJuliet''

->''I may cheat, but I cheat fairly.''

->'''Nicholas "Know-All Nick" Payne''': "We had a bet! You cheated! You had to come to school in your pants!"
->'''Bertie Burns''': "I have. I'm wearing them. Under my trousers."
-->-- ''Literature/DirtyBertie'', "Pants"

-->-- '''Odium''', ''Literature/TheStormlightArchive'': ''Literature/RhythmOfWar''

->''"Obviously you can't kill me now: your enmity is with the Dread Emperor of Praes, and I've already abdicated. I am now but a humble shoemaker, and what kind of hero slays a shoemaker?"''
-->--'''Dread Emperor Irritant''', ''Literature/APracticalGuideToEvil''

->'''IG-11''': I must be firm. I need to remove your helmet if I am to save you. (reaches)\\
'''The Mandalorian:''' (pointing his blaster) Try it, and I'll kill you. It is forbidden. [[HonorBeforeReason No living thing has seen me without my helmet since I swore the Creed]].\\
'''IG-11''': I am not a living thing.\\
'''The Mandalorian:''' (lowers his blaster and lets himself be treated)
-->-- ''Series/TheMandalorian''

->For every rule, there is a loophole.
-->-- An actual, literal law of The Other Realm, ''Series/SabrinaTheTeenageWitch''

->''Saying something is "FDA cleared" is in no way proof that the device actually works. [[AsbestosFreeCereal It's a phrase that can promise way more than it delivers.]] Like when a cereal describes itself as "[[Main/AdjacentToThisCompleteBreakfast Part of a complete breakfast]]." That doesn't really mean anything. ANYTHING can technically be part of a complete breakfast. If you adjust it alongside oatmeal, yogurt, granola, fruit salad, and a glass of orange juice, HEROIN is part of a complete breakfast.''

->'''Zoe:''' Preacher, don't The Bible have some pretty specific things to say about killin'?
->'''Book:''' Quite specific. It is, however, somewhat fuzzier on the subject of kneecaps.
-->--''Series/{{Firefly}}''

'''Judge:''' That's ''months.''\\

->'''The Judge:''' You fool. "No weapon forged" can kill me.\\
'''Buffy:''' That was then. (''aims a grenade launcher at him'') This is now. (''fires the launcher, blowing the Judge into tiny pieces'')
-->-- ''Series/BuffyTheVampireSlayer'', "[[Recap/BuffyTheVampireSlayerS2E14Innocence Innocence]]"

'''Calvin:''' (''writing'') Yakka foob mog. Grug pubbawup zink wattoom gazork. Chumble spuzz. (''aside'') I love loopholes.

->''Hmph. You and your loopholes. Well, I suppose [[HeroicSuicide dead is dead]]. You technically fulfilled [[AssassinationAttempt King Garon's order]]. You sneaky little rat...''

->''I said my sword was a tool of justice... Not used in anger. Not used for vengeance. But now... [[HeroicHeelizationSpeech now I'm not so sure]]. And besides... ''[[PreAssKickingOneLiner This isn't my sword.]]

->'''Hiroki "Leader" Sugimoto:''' (''panting'') That's right, dammit! [[ClapYourHandsIfYouBelieve The Leader is stronger than the Boss, you hear!?]]\\

'''Eikichi:''' (''punches him stupid'') [[ExactWords The Leader might be stronger than the Boss, but there's no way Hiroki Sugimoto is ever stronger than Eikichi Mishina!]]

->''Creative interpretation of the rules is what my kind calls Free Will, Ma'am.''

'''Genie:''' [[PrecisionFStrike Fuck.]]

->''Three weeks traveling with that sneaky [[StarfishAlien sqid]] and I still haven't learned that you never give wiggle room to anyone [[{{Cthulhumanoid}} who's boneless]].''

->'''Roy''': Wrecan. Am I correct in thinking that the gods must have a physical representative in the room in order for their vote to count?\\
'''Wrecan''': Yes. I guess that's why [[DemonicPossession your "friend"]] went through so much trouble to get--\\
'''Roy''': So if one god suddenly no longer had a cleric present before the tiebreaker finished, would their vote be nullified?\\
'''Wrecan''': ...I suppose. But the rules of the Godsmoot are unambiguous: a bodyguard who raises arms against the priest of another god must be put to death immediately!\\
'''Roy''': (''drawing his sword'') Are there any rules about what happens if a bodyguard attacks ''their own'' priest?\\
'''Wrecan''': (''smiling'') ...No. No, there are not.

->''You can't be arrested for things that are too weird for there to be laws about!''
-->-- '''Esther de Groot''', ''Webcomic/ScaryGoRound'', on the legalities of [[http://scarygoround.com/sgr/ar.php?date=20060309 freeing the Minotaur]].

->''Who would have guessed five schlubby law nerds would be capable of such a stunning display of mental gymnastics?''
-->-- '''Jezebel''' [[https://jezebel.com/why-women-arent-people-but-corporations-are-1598061808 on the U.S. Supreme Court]]

-->-- '''Name Withheld,''' found on [[https://web.archive.org/web/20130502162240/http://funnypictures.co.uk/post/46840555015/pro-tip Facebook]] [[note]]For the record, Name Withheld made this up (this mission doesn't exist), but the thing they're describing ''would'' be an example if it existed[[/note]]

-->-- '''The Tax Collector Man''', [[https://thetaxcollectorman.medium.com/how-to-make-cool-communities-and-discord-servers-literally-just-ban-bigots-ab740cfc0e3b How to Make Cool Communities and Discord Servers: Literally Just Ban Bigots]]

->''Now, in the unified rules of boxing, there isn't anything ''exactly'' outlawing the use of magic, but at the same time I feel like that's only 'cause Evander Holyfield never tried a [[PrecisionFStrike f*cking]] cup-and-ball trick in the middle of a match!''
-->-- '''WebVideo/BumblesMcFumbles''' [[https://youtu.be/Q7aKQj3nEIw?t=643 talking about]] [[VideoGame/PunchOut Great Tiger]].

'''Eggman:''' Gah! I knew I shouldn't have used [=ChatGPT=] for the speech module! It never answers the ''good'' questions unless you trick it! [[EurekaMoment Hmm…!]] Hey, Sage!\\

->'''Voice''': ''The Broodwich cannot be taken apart or disassembled!''\\
'''Master Shake''': Obviously it can, because that's what I did.

->''FOUL! ...I think.''

->'''Scott''': Fischler, didn't the GDF tear up your Space Operations permit?\\
'''Fischler''': Well, yes, but I think you'll find that that only applies to ''me personally'' going into space; nothing there to stop me from operating something ''remotely!''
-->-- ''WesternAnimation/ThunderbirdsAreGo''

->'''Scotsman:''' Oh no, I remember [[ContinuityNod last time]], you cheated!\\
'''Jack:''' I did not cheat!\\
'''Scotsman:''' Maybe not, but ya sure don't play by the rules!
-->--''WesternAnimation/SamuraiJack''

->'''[[Literature/HarryPotter James Potter]]:''' [[BestialityIsDepraved Bestiality]] would apply if I were a Human fucking a Deer. But I'm a ''Deer'' fucking a Deer. Now if you'll excuse me...
->'''Sirius Black:''' '''[[BrainBleach STOP IT! STOP IT! THAT'S GROSS!]]'''
-->--''WesternAnimation/RobotChicken''

->''"What? My feet never touched the floor!"''
-->-- '''Princess''', who just rode in her dolls' pram after being told not to get up, ''WesternAnimation/LittlePrincess'', "I Don't Want a Cold"

->'''Francine:''' Everyone calm down! Nobody is gonna die!\\
'''Hayley:''' But Mom, there's no way out of this cave! And nothing we can eat!\\
'''Francine:''' Well... actually, there is one thing. ''(indicates Becky's corpse)''\\
'''Stan:''' No! We can't! She's a human being! She has a name! ''(gets Becky's driver's license)'' Becky Arangino! She's from Seattle! She's five-foot-four! She's... ''(thoughtful pause)'' an organ donor.
-->--''WesternAnimation/AmericanDad''

->'''Dale:''' Inspect away! You can't touch me. This tower's only 99 feet square, it's non-residential, and it doesn't even have a foundation!
->'''Inspector:''' Hold-hold on for a minute, with a base that narrow, and has no foundation: forget the ''law'' for a minute, are you a complete imbecile?
-->-- ''WesternAnimation/KingOfTheHill'', "Life: A Loser's Manual"

->'''Rumplestiltskin:''' Hello again! I've come for the child according to the contract.
->'''Narrator:''' What the little man didn't know was that in reading the fine print, Gladys had found... THE loophole.
->'''Gladys:''' I have found THE loophole!
->'''Rumplestiltskin:''' Oh no! Not THE loophole!

->'''Plankton:''' Haven't you figured it out, [=SpongeBob=]? NiceGuysFinishLast. Only aggressive people conquer the world! [[EvilLaugh HAHAHAHA!]]\\

-->-- Spanish proverb

->''"Nothing in the rule book says you can't, right?"''
-->-- UsefulNotes/{{NASCAR}} driver '''Ricky Stenhouse Jr.''' in response to Ross Chastain's (now-outlawed) wallride at the 2022 Xfinity 500 in Martinsville.

'''Moonstone''': (''smirking'') Oh, is it? What a lucky break for us they don't call you Mr Conscious! (''knocks him out'')

-->--'''Quackity''', ''Fanfic/BetweenDreamsAndMemoriesUniverse''

'''Karlach:''' I've taken more pleasant shits than you, Mizora, and at least those can be buried after.

'''Man:''' More genies!

-->-- '''Name Withheld,''' found on [[http://funnypictures.co.uk/post/46840555015/pro-tip Facebook]]