History Quotes / JokeItem

'''Press an enemy''' to [[HarmlessFreezing encase it in ice and stop it from moving]]. ([[ContractualBossImmunity Some enemies may not be affected]].)\\\

->''"I read through the whole book, and even though it tells you to collect items to use in other places, [[GuideDangIt I've never been able to figure out how or where to use any of them]]. I eventually just started experimenting with them all. I tried using a beer I found, which didn't seem to do anything except [[CantHoldHisLiquor make the controls and graphics even worse than they were before]] - hard to believe, I know. There's a mirror that kind of... shimmers.[[note]]Not actually a Joke Item, as it's required to complete Periphery[[/note]] There's a chain with a hook on the end that attaches to the ceiling and swings there for... no apparent reason or effect. There's a watch that temporarily stops time, I think[[note]]Somewhat of a Joke Item, since it freezes enemies but prevents you from shooting them, but it loses any Joke status it had in Lair due to the best strategy for that level basically amounting to "unless you're watching a movie clip, run like hell"[[/note]]. And I found a bunch of items that don't seem to do anything, like a [[Film/TheBlairWitchProject Blair Witch]] doll[[note]]Not actually a Joke Item, as it's required for Purgatory, which Spoony never reached[[/note]], a bong[[note]]Actually a vial of blood - not actually a Joke Item, as it shows hidden paths[[/note]], a flashlight[[note]]Not actually a Joke Item, as it lights up dark rooms[[/note]], a fiery thing, a guitar, a cardboard box, a stereo,[[note]]Previous two aren't Joke Items; they're even worse[[/note]] a shovel[[note]]Not actually a Joke Item, as it allows you to obtain a secondary weapon that uses Tantanik Crystals as ammo[[/note]]... I don't know. My favorite useless item is the cigarette, because when you use it, ''[[SmokingIsNotCool it kills you]]''!"''

->''"I read through the whole book, and even though it tells you to collect items to use in other places, [[GuideDangIt I've never been able to figure out how or where to use any of them]]. I eventually just started experimenting with them all. I tried using a beer I found, which didn't seem to do anything except [[CantHoldHisLiquor make the controls and graphics even worse than they were before]] - hard to believe, I know. There's a mirror that kind of... shimmers.[[note]]Not actually a JokeItem, as it's required to complete Periphery[[/note]] There's a chain with a hook on the end that attaches to the ceiling and swings there for... no apparent reason or effect. There's a watch that temporarily stops time, I think. And I found a bunch of items that don't seem to do anything, like a [[Film/TheBlairWitchProject Blair Witch]] doll[[note]]Not actually a JokeItem, as it's required for Purgatory, which Spoony never reached[[/note]], a bong[[note]]Actually a vial of blood - not actually a JokeItem, as it shows hidden paths[[/note]], a flashlight[[note]]Not actually a JokeItem, as it lights up dark rooms[[/note]], a fiery thing, a guitar, a cardboard box, a stereo,[[note]]Previous two aren't {{Joke Item}}s; they're even worse[[/note]] a shovel[[note]]Not actually a JokeItem, as it allows you to obtain a secondary weapon that uses Tantanik Crystals as ammo[[/note]]... I don't know. My favorite useless item is the cigarette, because when you use it, ''[[SmokingIsNotCool it kills you]]''!"''

-->--''VideoGame/WestOfLoathing''

-->--''Scientist'' upon using the Real Rocket, ''VideoGame/EarthBoundBeginnings''

-->--'''Gilgamesh''' upon using Excalipoor in Various ''VideoGame/FinalFantasy'' games.

-->--''VideoGame/WestOfLoathing''

->'''Mog''': (''chuckles darkly'') Truer words were never spoken, kupo. People are much more scary than monsters, kupo! We risked our lives to solve the case, kupo, and how does the government pay us? Not with gil, but bits and bobs and household goods, kupo! No one needs ten years worth of toilet paper, kupo! No one! I had no choice but to decline their offer. The government is evil, kupo! Humans are evil, kupo!
''Fragment Discovered! Kalavinka Fragment You obtain 4500 CP!''
''Item Acquired! You obtain a Toilet Paper Coupon!''

->'''Mog''': (''chuckles darkly'') Truer words were never spoken, kupo. People are much more scary than monsters, kupo! We risked our lives to solve the case, kupo, and how does the government pay us? Not with gil, but bits and bobs and household goods, kupo! No one needs ten years worth of toilet paper, kupo! No one! I had no choice but to decline their offer. The government is evil, kupo! Humans are evil, kupo! (Fragment Discovered! Kalavinka Fragment You obtain 4500 CP! ... Item Acquired! You obtain a Toilet Paper Coupon!)

-->-- '''[[WebVideo/TheSpoonyExperiment Spoony]]''', [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A6-B3Ywi6Os first "review" of]] ''VideoGame/BloodwingsPumpkinheadsRevenge''

->''"I read through the whole book, and even though it tells you to collect items to use in other places, [[GuideDangIt I've never been able to figure out how or where to use any of them]]. I eventually just started experimenting with them all. I tried using a beer I found, which didn't seem to do anything except make the controls and graphics even worse than they were before - hard to believe, I know. There's a mirror that kind of... shimmers.[[note]]Not actually a JokeItem, as it's required to complete Periphery[[/note]] There's a chain with a hook on the end that attaches to the ceiling and swings there for... no apparent reason or effect. There's a watch that temporarily stops time, I think. And I found a bunch of items that don't seem to do anything, like a [[Film/TheBlairWitchProject Blair Witch]] doll[[note]]Not actually a JokeItem, as it's required for Purgatory, which Spoony never reached[[/note]], a bong[[note]]Actually a vial of blood - not actually a JokeItem, as it shows hidden paths[[/note]], a flashlight[[note]]Not actually a JokeItem, as it lights up dark rooms[[/note]], a firey thing, a guitar, a cardboard box, a stereo,[[note]]Previous two aren't {{Joke Item}}s; they're even worse[[/note]] a shovel[[note]]Not actually a JokeItem, as it allows you to obtain a secondary weapon that uses Tantanik Crystals as ammo[[/note]]... I don't know. My favorite useless item is the cigarette, because when you use it, ''[[SmokingIsNotCool it kills you]]''!"''

-->--[[http://lparchive.org/The-World-Ends-With-You/Update%2015/ Let's Play]] ''VideoGame/TheWorldEndsWithYou''

-->Obtained '''Long Live the Ice'''!
-->'''Press an enemy''' to [[HarmlessFreezing encase it in ice and stop it from moving]]. ([[ContractualBossImmunity Some enemies may not be affected]].)
-->'''Orange Fluffy Sheep''': Look at this pin! Look how BAD it is! It's almost begging you to make fun of it because at least then you're paying attention to it!

->'''Orange Fluffy Sheep''': Look at this pin! Look how BAD it is! It's almost begging you to make fun of it because at least then you're paying attention to it!

-->'''Press an enemy''' to encase it in ice and stop it from moving. (Some enemies may not be affected.)

-->--'''Gilgamesh''' upon using Excalipoor in Various ''VideoGame/FinalFantasy'' games.

-->''[[FinalFantasyXIII2 Final Fantasy XIII-2]]''

-->--'''Gilgamesh''' upon using Excalipoor in Various ''FinalFantasy'' games.

-->--'''Gilgamesh''' upon using Excalipoor in Dissidia12Duodecium

-->''[[FinalFantasyXIII2 Final Fantasy XIII-2]]''