History Quotes / GodisEvil

-> '''Ansel''': Do you believe in God Sergeant?
-> '''Steiner''': I believe that God is a sadist, but probably doesn't even know it.
-->-- ''Cross of Iron''

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->Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able?
->Then he is not omnipotent.
->Is he able, but not willing?
->Then he is malevolent.
->Is he both able and willing?
->Then whence cometh evil?
->Is he neither able nor willing?
->Then why call him God?
-->-- '''The riddle of Epicurus''', also known as '''The Problem of Evil'''

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-> There ain't no devil, there's just God when he's drunk.

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-->-- '''Father Maxi''', ''SouthPark''

-> If God exists, I hope he has a good excuse.

-> The God of the Old Testament is arguably the most unpleasant character in all fiction: jealous and proud of it; a petty, unjust, unforgiving control-freak; a vindictive, bloodthirsty ethnic cleanser; a misogynistic, homophobic, racist, infanticidal, genocidal, filicidal, pestilential, megalomaniacal, sadomasochistic, [[OverlyLongGag capriciously malevolent bully]].

-->-- '''The riddle of Epicurus'''

-> The root problem with Christianity is that their God is supposed to be all-powerful and benevolent. It sounds like an easy sell, but when life turns completely to shit you have to come up with all kinds of whacked-out reasons for why kindly old Jehovah saw fit to run over little Timmy with a combine harvester and [[AndIMustScream leave him in a state of vegetative, limbless agony for eighteen years]].

! Non Fiction

-> After an aeon, I shall reincarnate thee, and thy lives shall be those of endless torment, thy bodies tortured in life -> and thy souls in death!

-->-- '''Richard Dawkins''', ''The God Delusion''

-> ''[[PrecisionFStrike Fuck]] your God, your Lord, your Christ''

Think someone could spend half their life in a slam with a horse bit in their mouth and not believe? Think he could start out in some liquor store trash bin with an umbilical cord wrapped around his neck and not believe? Got it all wrong, holy man. I absolutely believe in God... And I absolutely hate the fucker.
-->-- '''Richard B. Riddick''', ''PitchBlack''

-'''A Perfect Circle''', "Judith"

-->-- '''MarkTwain'''

-->-- '''Jesse Custer''', ''Preacher''

-->-- ''LooneyToons'', after '''Albert Einstein'''

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--->-- '''WoodyAllen'''

-> A God who could make good children as easily as bad, yet preferred to make bad ones; who could have made every one of them happy, yet never made a single happy one; who made them prize their bitter life, yet stingily cut it short; who gave his angels eternal happiness unearned, yet required his other children to earn it; who gave his angels painless lives, yet cursed his other children with biting miseries and maladies of mind and body; who mouths justice, and invented hell—mouths mercy, and invented hell—mouths Golden Rules and forgiveness multiplied by seventy times seven, and invented hell; who mouths morals to other people, and has none himself; who frowns upon crimes, yet commits them all; who created man without invitation, then tries to shuffle the responsibility for man's acts upon man, instead of honorably placing it where it belongs, upon himself; and finally, with altogether divine obtuseness, invites his poor abused slave to worship him!

--->-- '''TheAngryVideoGameNerd'''

--->-- ''' Tyler Durden''', ''FightClub''

->There is a garden in the east, serene and perfect, But a Seraph guards it with a flaming sword. For God has seven thousand names, and one of them is ''Bastard''.
--->-- '''{{Lucifer}}'''

->A God who could make good children as easily as bad, yet preferred to make bad ones; who could have made every one of them happy, yet never made a single happy one; who made them prize their bitter life, yet stingily cut it short; who gave his angels eternal happiness unearned, yet required his other children to earn it; who gave his angels painless lives, yet cursed his other children with biting miseries and maladies of mind and body; who mouths justice, and invented hell—mouths mercy, and invented hell—mouths Golden Rules and forgiveness multiplied by seventy times seven, and invented hell; who mouths morals to other people, and has none himself; who frowns upon crimes, yet commits them all; who created man without invitation, then tries to shuffle the responsibility for man's acts upon man, instead of honorably placing it where it belongs, upon himself; and finally, with altogether divine obtuseness, invites his poor abused slave to worship him!
--->-- '''MarkTwain'''

->Let me give you a little inside information about God. God likes to watch. He's a prankster. Think about it. He gives man instincts. He gives you this extraordinary gift, and then what does He do, I swear for His own amusement, his own private, cosmic gag reel, He sets the rules in opposition. It's the goof of all time. Look but don't touch. Touch, but don't taste. Taste, don't swallow. Ahaha. And while you're jumpin' from one foot to the next, what is he doing? He's laughin' His sick, fuckin' ass off! He's a tight-ass! He's a SADIST! He's an absentee landlord! Worship that? NEVER!
--->-- '''John Milton''' (aka '''[[spoiler:Satan]]'''), ''TheDevilsAdvocate''

->It is sometimes hard in times like these to understand God's way... It is then that we must understand that God's sense of humor is much more complex than ours. God does not simply laugh at the "Man Walks Into A Bar" joke. No, God needs subtle irony and farcical twists that seem macabre to you and me. All that we can do is hope is that God got his laugh and this kind of tragedy can be avoided in the future.

->Now I know that God is the scariest monster of all in Halloween.

->Since this partial answer to his prayer, Hannibal Lecter had not been bothered by any considerations of deity, other than to recognize how his own modest predations paled beside those of God, who is in irony matchless, and in wanton malice beyond measure.

->If God exists, I hope he has a good excuse.

->The God of the Old Testament is arguably the most unpleasant character in all fiction: jealous and proud of it; a petty, unjust, unforgiving control-freak; a vindictive, bloodthirsty ethnic cleanser; a misogynistic, homophobic, racist, infanticidal, genocidal, filicidal, pestilential, megalomaniacal, sadomasochistic, [[OverlyLongGag capriciously malevolent bully]].
--->-- '''Richard Dawkins''', ''The God Delusion''

->The root problem with Christianity is that their God is supposed to be all-powerful and benevolent. It sounds like an easy sell, but when life turns completely to shit you have to come up with all kinds of whacked-out reasons for why kindly old Jehovah saw fit to run over little Timmy with a combine harvester and [[AndIMustScream leave him in a state of vegetative, limbless agony for eighteen years]].
--->-- '''Ben [[ZeroPunctuation 'Yahtzee']] Croshaw'''

->Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do, every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a special list of 10 things he does not want you to do. And if you do any of these 10 things, he has a special place, full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish, where he will send you to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry forever and ever 'til the end of time! . . . But He loves you! He loves you! He loves you and he needs money.
--->-- '''GeorgeCarlin'''

->My sense of god is my sense of outrage at the universe.
--->-- ''LooneyToons'', after '''Albert Einstein'''

->God is a concept by which we measure our pain.
--->-- '''John Lennon''', 1970

->Many a sober Christian would rather admit that a wafer is God than that God is a cruel and capricious tyrant.
--->-- '''Edward Gibbon'''

->God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
--->-- '''Francois Voltaire'''

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->'''God''': The creation cannot make demands of its creator!
->'''Jesse''': Then the creator shouldn't piss on his creation.
--->-- '''{{Preacher}}'''

-->-- Altair's Codex, page 8, '''''[[{{Assassins Creed}} Assassin's Creed]] II'''''

--->-- '''John Milton''' (aka '''[[spoiler:Satan]]'''), ''The DevilsAdvocate''

->If god exists, I hope he has a good excuse.
--->-- '''Woody Allen'''

--->-- '''George Carlin'''

->God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh

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->The God of the Old Testament is arguably the most unpleasant character in all fiction: jealous and proud of it; a petty, unjust, unforgiving control-freak; a vindictive, bloodthirsty ethnic cleanser; a misogynistic, homophobic, racist, infanticidal, genocidal, filicidal, pestilential, megalomaniacal, sadomasochistic, [[OverlyLongGag capriciously malevolent bully]].
--->-- '''Richard Dawkins''', ''The God Delusion''