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** [[https://notalwaysright.com/us-aaaaaay-out-there/329508/ This guy]] thinks the fact that "this is America" means he can send a package faster than is physically possible (and for bonus points, the submitter was Canadian).
--->'''Customer:'' "But... This is America!"\\
'''Submitter:''' "Sir, what exactly are you expecting to happen when you say that?"\\
'''Customer:''' "To get my own way, d*** it!"\\
'''Submitter:''' "Does it usually work?"\\
'''Customer:''' "Yes! Because this is America!"
--->'''Customer:'' "But... This is America!"\\
'''Submitter:''' "Sir, what exactly are you expecting to happen when you say that?"\\
'''Customer:''' "To get my own way, d*** it!"\\
'''Submitter:''' "Does it usually work?"\\
'''Customer:''' "Yes! Because this is America!"
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* GoodIsNotNice: [[https://notalwaysright.com/sometimes-kindness-comes-in-the-roughest-packaging/321340/ This customer]] is always grumpy, often downright rude ... and is a KindheartedCatLover who donates generously to charity and looks out for the submitter. But she's not ''happy'' about it.
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* HatesSmallTalk: [[https://notalwaysright.com/deafly-afraid-of-talking/318147/ This guy]] hates small talk so much he uses nonverbal communication to try and communicate with the submitter, causing the submitter to think he was deaf.
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** Among other entitled entitled demands, [[https://notalwaysright.com/some-people-take-sports-way-too-seriously/267689/ this angry caller]] demands that the cable company refund him his ~$100 bar bill because he had to catch the baseball game there instead of at home.
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* LiteralMinded: That's ''not'' what the computer manual meant when it told you to [[http://notalwaysright.com/attempting-mouse-to-mouse-resuscitation/ plug in your mouse]]. For the sake of poor "Mickey," let's hope this was just a crank call.
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* LiteralMinded: LiteralMinded:
** That's ''not'' what the computer manual meant when it told you to [[http://notalwaysright.com/attempting-mouse-to-mouse-resuscitation/ plug in your mouse]]. For the sake of poor "Mickey," let's hope this was just a crank call.
** That's ''not'' what the computer manual meant when it told you to [[http://notalwaysright.com/attempting-mouse-to-mouse-resuscitation/ plug in your mouse]]. For the sake of poor "Mickey," let's hope this was just a crank call.
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** [[https://notalwaysright.com/sale-kicked-bucket/92930/ This woman]]'s sister told her that if she "kicked up a fuss," she'd get a discount. She took that to mean that she could get a discount by ''literally kicking everything in the restaurant''.
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* LackOfEmpathy: [[https://notalwaysright.com/adam-and-leave/77304/ A young couple putting items on their wedding registry]], when a Code Adam is announced, don't care that a child is missing and are only concerned that it's interrupting their shopping. The woman declares that it's the parents' fault for "not paying attention to their little brats" and the man threatens to take their business elsewhere. For those who don't know why it's called a Code Adam: [[spoiler:it was named after an American child named Adam Walsh who went missing from a Sears department store in 1981, and the only part of him ever found was his decapitated head]].
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* LackOfEmpathy: [[https://notalwaysright.com/adam-and-leave/77304/ A young couple putting items on their wedding registry]], when a Code Adam is announced, don't care that a child is missing and are only concerned that it's interrupting their shopping. The woman declares that it's the parents' fault for "not paying attention to their little brats" and the man threatens to take their business elsewhere.elsewhere if the worker helping them goes to look for the child. For those who don't know why it's called a Code Adam: [[spoiler:it was named after an American child named Adam Walsh who went missing from a Sears department store in 1981, and the only part of him ever found was his decapitated head]].
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* LackOfEmpathy: [[https://notalwaysright.com/adam-and-leave/77304/ A young couple putting items on their wedding registry]], when a Code Adam is announced, don't care that a child is missing and are only concerned that the worker helping them needs to join the search. The woman declares that it's the parents' fault for "not paying attention to their little brats" and the man threatens to take their business elsewhere. For those who don't know why it's called a Code Adam: [[spoiler:it was named after an American child named Adam Walsh who went missing from a Sears department store in 1981, and the only part of him ever found was his decapitated head]].
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* LackOfEmpathy: [[https://notalwaysright.com/adam-and-leave/77304/ A young couple putting items on their wedding registry]], when a Code Adam is announced, don't care that a child is missing and are only concerned that the worker helping them needs to join the search.it's interrupting their shopping. The woman declares that it's the parents' fault for "not paying attention to their little brats" and the man threatens to take their business elsewhere. For those who don't know why it's called a Code Adam: [[spoiler:it was named after an American child named Adam Walsh who went missing from a Sears department store in 1981, and the only part of him ever found was his decapitated head]].
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* LackOfEmpathy: [[https://notalwaysright.com/adam-and-leave/77304/ A young couple putting items on their wedding registry]], when a Code Adam is announced, don't care that a child is missing and are only concerned that the worker helping them needs to join the search. The woman declares that it's the parents' fault for "not paying attention to their little brats" and the man threatens to take their business elsewhere. For those who don't know why it's called a Code Adam: [[spoiler:it was named after an American child named Adam Walsh who went missing from a Sears department store in 1981, and the only part of him ever found was his decapitated head]].
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** Hoo boy... [[https://notalwaysright.com/pray-her-new-job-doesnt-involve-a-computer/321461/ This lady]] starts off by ''holding her mouse off the ground'' while using it. Then, when she tries putting a floppy disk in the wrong way, she ''literally punches it in''.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/annyeong-and-sayonara/321397/ This caller]] doesn't connect her DVD player to her TV, thinking that because they're right next to each other, they "might be able to talk to each other."
--->'''Submitter:''' "No, ma'am. That's not how that works."\\
'''Caller:''' [[ComicallyMissingThePoint "Is it because the TV is Korean, and the DVD player is Japanese?"]]
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/sooo-not-ready-for-the-internet-part-11/320367/ This customer]] never learned that you could close tabs.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-only-thing-they-found-is-themselves-in-a-funny-call/323456/ This guy]] can't get his computer to find the printer.
--->'''Caller:''' "I dun tried everythin'! I even turned the monitor to face it and yelled, '''LOOKIE!'''"
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/cloudy-with-a-chance-of-stupidity/324445/ This customer]] wants the submitter to get their data off their phone... which is at the bottom of a lake.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/not-as-bright-as-a-button-3/316458/ This guy]] thinks it's "too complicated"... when the submitter tells him to ''push a single button''.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/annyeong-and-sayonara/321397/ This caller]] doesn't connect her DVD player to her TV, thinking that because they're right next to each other, they "might be able to talk to each other."
--->'''Submitter:''' "No, ma'am. That's not how that works."\\
'''Caller:''' [[ComicallyMissingThePoint "Is it because the TV is Korean, and the DVD player is Japanese?"]]
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/sooo-not-ready-for-the-internet-part-11/320367/ This customer]] never learned that you could close tabs.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-only-thing-they-found-is-themselves-in-a-funny-call/323456/ This guy]] can't get his computer to find the printer.
--->'''Caller:''' "I dun tried everythin'! I even turned the monitor to face it and yelled, '''LOOKIE!'''"
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/cloudy-with-a-chance-of-stupidity/324445/ This customer]] wants the submitter to get their data off their phone... which is at the bottom of a lake.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/not-as-bright-as-a-button-3/316458/ This guy]] thinks it's "too complicated"... when the submitter tells him to ''push a single button''.
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* ItWillNeverCatchOn: [[https://notalwaysright.com/not-so-smart-phone-part-50/319272/ "This smartphone thing is just a fad, you mark my words!"]]
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** [[https://notalwaysright.com/another-case-of-wifitis-part-3/323480/ This person]] fails to understand that you have to be in range of [=WiFi=] for it to work.
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* HandsGoDown: [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-man-problem-is-a-lack-of-knowledge/327877/ This new student]] is introducing himself as having originally lived in Nigeria. When the teacher asks the class if they have any questions for him, several hands go up. The new student offhandedly mentions that he's never seen a lion out of a Zoo before; cue all the hands going back down.
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** [[https://notalwaysright.com/im-drawing-a-sauvignon-blank/328870/ This customer]] is trying to buy wine, but all his knowledge about wine comes from a Platform/YouTube video that gave him incomplete information that he wildly misinterpreted. He demands French wine without elaboration, not knowing there are many kinds of French wine, purely because he "heard it was the best"; he doesn't know wine is made from grapes; he rejects the wine the submitter suggests because he thinks "corked" refers to a cork being used at all rather than a chemical produced by a ''bad'' cork contaminating the wine; and he doesn't even know that wine is alcoholic.
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** [[https://notalwaysright.com/im-drawing-a-sauvignon-blank/328870/ This customer]] is trying to buy wine, but all his knowledge about wine comes from a Platform/YouTube video that gave him incomplete information that he wildly misinterpreted. He demands French wine without elaboration, not knowing there are many kinds of French wine, purely because he "heard it was the best"; he doesn't know wine is made from grapes; he rejects the wine the submitter suggests because he thinks "corked" refers to a cork being used at all rather than a foul-tasting chemical produced by a ''bad'' cork contaminating the wine; and he doesn't even know that wine is alcoholic.
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** [[https://notalwaysright.com/im-drawing-a-sauvignon-blank/328870/ This customer]] is trying to buy wine, but all his knowledge about wine comes from a Platform/YouTube video that gave him incomplete information that he wildly misinterpreted. He demands French wine without elaboration, not knowing there are many kinds of French wine, purely because he "heard it was the best"; he doesn't know wine is made from grapes; he rejects the wine the submitter suggests because he thinks "corked" refers to a cork being used at all rather than the wine being contaminated by a ''bad'' cork; and he doesn't even know that wine is alcoholic.
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** [[https://notalwaysright.com/im-drawing-a-sauvignon-blank/328870/ This customer]] is trying to buy wine, but all his knowledge about wine comes from a Platform/YouTube video that gave him incomplete information that he wildly misinterpreted. He demands French wine without elaboration, not knowing there are many kinds of French wine, purely because he "heard it was the best"; he doesn't know wine is made from grapes; he rejects the wine the submitter suggests because he thinks "corked" refers to a cork being used at all rather than the wine being contaminated a chemical produced by a ''bad'' cork; cork contaminating the wine; and he doesn't even know that wine is alcoholic.
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** [[https://notalwaysright.com/im-drawing-a-sauvignon-blank/328870/ This customer]] is trying to buy wine, but all his knowledge about wine comes from a Platform/YouTube video that gave him incomplete information that he wildly misinterpreted. He demands French wine without elaboration, not knowing there are many kinds of French wine, purely because he "heard it was the best"; he doesn't know wine is made from grapes; he rejects the wine the submitter suggests because he thinks "corked" refers to using a cork stopper at all rather than the wine being contaminated by a ''bad'' cork; and he doesn't even know that wine is alcoholic.
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** [[https://notalwaysright.com/im-drawing-a-sauvignon-blank/328870/ This customer]] is trying to buy wine, but all his knowledge about wine comes from a Platform/YouTube video that gave him incomplete information that he wildly misinterpreted. He demands French wine without elaboration, not knowing there are many kinds of French wine, purely because he "heard it was the best"; he doesn't know wine is made from grapes; he rejects the wine the submitter suggests because he thinks "corked" refers to using a cork stopper being used at all rather than the wine being contaminated by a ''bad'' cork; and he doesn't even know that wine is alcoholic.
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* GrailInTheGarbage: [[https://notalwaysright.com/try-the-stupid-tax-1000/328871/ This customer]] goes to buy a high-end gaming laptop with money from a tin that his grandfather kept under his bed (which the customer inherited from him after he passed away). The cashier, in shock, points out that one of the bills is a ''$1000 note'', which was discontinued in 1969 and is a valuable collector's item now. The cashier tries to point out that it's worth far more than the stated value, but the customer angrily insists on using it to pay for his laptop. The cashier then proceeds to exchange it for a bunch of their own $100 bills, and then resells it to a collector for ''$4000''.
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** [[https://notalwaysright.com/im-drawing-a-sauvignon-blank/328870/ This customer]] is trying to buy wine, but all his knowledge about wine comes from a Platform/YouTube video that gave him incomplete information that he wildly misinterpreted. He doesn't know wine is made from grapes; he rejects the wine the submitter suggests because he thinks "corked" refers to using a cork stopper at all rather than the wine being contaminated by a ''bad'' cork; and he doesn't even know that wine is alcoholic.
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** [[https://notalwaysright.com/im-drawing-a-sauvignon-blank/328870/ This customer]] is trying to buy wine, but all his knowledge about wine comes from a Platform/YouTube video that gave him incomplete information that he wildly misinterpreted. He demands French wine without elaboration, not knowing there are many kinds of French wine, purely because he "heard it was the best"; he doesn't know wine is made from grapes; he rejects the wine the submitter suggests because he thinks "corked" refers to using a cork stopper at all rather than the wine being contaminated by a ''bad'' cork; and he doesn't even know that wine is alcoholic.
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** [[https://notalwaysright.com/im-drawing-a-sauvignon-blank/328870/ This customer]] is trying to buy wine, but all his knowledge about wine comes from a Platform/YouTube video that gave him incomplete information that he wildly misinterpreted. He doesn't know wine is made from grapes; he rejects the wine the submitter's suggestion because he thinks "corked" refers to using a cork stopper at all rather than the wine being contaminated by a ''bad'' cork; and he doesn't even know that wine is alcoholic.
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** [[https://notalwaysright.com/im-drawing-a-sauvignon-blank/328870/ This customer]] is trying to buy wine, but all his knowledge about wine comes from a Platform/YouTube video that gave him incomplete information that he wildly misinterpreted. He doesn't know wine is made from grapes; he rejects the wine the submitter's suggestion submitter suggests because he thinks "corked" refers to using a cork stopper at all rather than the wine being contaminated by a ''bad'' cork; and he doesn't even know that wine is alcoholic.
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** [[https://notalwaysright.com/im-drawing-a-sauvignon-blank/328870/ This customer]] is trying to buy wine, but all his knowledge about wine comes from a Platform/YouTube video that gave him incomplete information that he wildly misinterpreted. He doesn't know wine is made from grapes; he rejects the wine the submitter's suggestion because he thinks "corked" refers to using a cork at all rather than cork taint; and he doesn't even know that wine is alcoholic.
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** [[https://notalwaysright.com/im-drawing-a-sauvignon-blank/328870/ This customer]] is trying to buy wine, but all his knowledge about wine comes from a Platform/YouTube video that gave him incomplete information that he wildly misinterpreted. He doesn't know wine is made from grapes; he rejects the wine the submitter's suggestion because he thinks "corked" refers to using a cork stopper at all rather than cork taint; the wine being contaminated by a ''bad'' cork; and he doesn't even know that wine is alcoholic.
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** [[https://notalwaysright.com/im-drawing-a-sauvignon-blank/328870/ This customer]] is trying to buy wine, but all his knowledge about wine comes from a Platform/YouTube video that gave him incomplete information that he wildly misinterpreted. He doesn't know wine is made from grapes; he rejects the wine the submitter's suggestion because he thinks "corked" means sealed with a cork at all rather than contaminated because the cork was ruined by chlorine-based cleaning products; and he doesn't even know that wine is alcoholic.
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** [[https://notalwaysright.com/im-drawing-a-sauvignon-blank/328870/ This customer]] is trying to buy wine, but all his knowledge about wine comes from a Platform/YouTube video that gave him incomplete information that he wildly misinterpreted. He doesn't know wine is made from grapes; he rejects the wine the submitter's suggestion because he thinks "corked" means sealed with refers to using a cork at all rather than contaminated because the cork was ruined by chlorine-based cleaning products; taint; and he doesn't even know that wine is alcoholic.
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** [[https://notalwaysright.com/im-drawing-a-sauvignon-blank/328870/ This customer]] is trying to buy wine, but all his knowledge about wine comes from a Platform/YouTube video that gave him incomplete information that he wildly misinterpreted. He doesn't know wine is made from grapes; he rejects the wine the submitter's suggestion because he thinks "corked" means sealed with a cork at all rather than contaminated because the cork was ruined by chlorine-based cleaning products; and he doesn't even know that wine is alcoholic.
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** [[https://notalwaysright.com/wait-this-happens/324967/ This woman]] gets impatient at a restaurant's drive-thru and yells at the cashier over the speaker. She then pulls up to the window and sees that the cashier was doing ''everything'', from taking both drive-thru and counter orders to packing up the food, all by themselves (the cashier's co-worker had flaked out on them to chat with her friends instead of helping them). The woman is mortified and immediately apologizes for the way she acted before.
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** It takes a special kind of bonehead to [[https://notalwaysright.com/not-so-smart-phone-part-51/322674/ not b able to tell the back of an iPhone from the front]].
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** It takes a special kind of bonehead to [[https://notalwaysright.com/not-so-smart-phone-part-51/322674/ not b be able to tell the back of an iPhone from the front]].
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** [[https://notalwaysright.com/not-so-smart-phone-part-51/322674/ Apparently you can do this with an iPhone as well.]]
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** It takes a special kind of bonehead to [[https://notalwaysright.com/not-so-smart-phone-part-51/322674/ not b able to tell the back of an iPhone from the front]].
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* IAmSpartacus: Invoked by the manager of an electronics store in [[http://notalwaysright.com/best-not-to-exchange-with-haters/ this story]], once she learned why a particular customer wanted to exchange some goods recently bought at another of their stores.
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* IAmSpartacus: IAmSpartacus:
** Invoked by the manager of an electronics store in [[http://notalwaysright.com/best-not-to-exchange-with-haters/ this story]], once she learned why a particular customer wanted to exchange some goods recently bought at another of theirstores.stores.
** When [[https://notalwaysright.com/were-totally-in-line-with-this-petty-revenge/324374/ this customer]] waiting in line insults another customer for paying in cash, everyone in line ahead of him puts away their cards and pays in cash.
** Invoked by the manager of an electronics store in [[http://notalwaysright.com/best-not-to-exchange-with-haters/ this story]], once she learned why a particular customer wanted to exchange some goods recently bought at another of their
** When [[https://notalwaysright.com/were-totally-in-line-with-this-petty-revenge/324374/ this customer]] waiting in line insults another customer for paying in cash, everyone in line ahead of him puts away their cards and pays in cash.
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* HandsGoDown: [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-man-problem-is-a-lack-of-knowledge/327877/ This new student]], after a brief self-introduction in front of the class claiming to have come from Nigeria, is greeted with fellow students raising their hands when the teacher asks if there are questions for the new student, but all hands drop when the new student makes a statement before anyone actually asks.
-->''[About ten hands go up]''\\
'''New student''': No, I have never seen a lion outside of a zoo.\\
''[About ten hands go down]''
-->''[About ten hands go up]''\\
'''New student''': No, I have never seen a lion outside of a zoo.\\
''[About ten hands go down]''
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* HandsGoDown: [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-man-problem-is-a-lack-of-knowledge/327877/ This new student]], after a brief self-introduction in front of the class claiming to have come from Nigeria, is greeted with fellow students raising their hands when the teacher asks if there are questions for the new student, but all hands drop when the new student makes a statement before anyone actually asks.
-->''[About ten hands go up]''\\
'''New student''': No, I have never seen a lion outside of a zoo.\\
''[About ten hands go down]''
-->''[About ten hands go up]''\\
'''New student''': No, I have never seen a lion outside of a zoo.\\
''[About ten hands go down]''
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* HatesReading: [[https://notalwaysright.com/we-hope-the-nephew-doesnt-take-a-page-out-of-his-uncles-book/327175/ This customer]] hasn't read a book since high school because he's "too busy to read nerdy little books" and is only visiting a bookstore to get a book for his nephew in hopes it will endear him to his girlfriend. He's so behind the written word that he doesn't know about ''the Bible''.
-->'''Submitter:''' [[DeadpanSnarker "I suddenly believe that you haven't read a book since high school."]]\\
'''Customer:''' ''[[InsultBackfire *Smiling like this is a flex*]]'' "Yes, boiiiiii!"
-->'''Submitter:''' [[DeadpanSnarker "I suddenly believe that you haven't read a book since high school."]]\\
'''Customer:''' ''[[InsultBackfire *Smiling like this is a flex*]]'' "Yes, boiiiiii!"
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* IJustShotMarvinInTheFace: [[https://notalwaysright.com/gun-control-out-of-control-part-4/322569/ This customer]] brings his vintage gun in for an appraisal and refuses to listen to a legal requirement that he has to bring it in unloaded. He eventually gets agitated and waves his gun around, and winds up shooting himself... [[GroinAttack in the balls]]. Naturally [[NeverMyFault he blames the clerk for his injury]].
-->'''Manager:''' "Well... at least he won't be reproducing!"
-->'''Manager:''' "Well... at least he won't be reproducing!"
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Misuse of the page/link
