History Narm / Literature

* The first six ''Franchise/ANightmareOnElmStreet'' films had extremely rare hardcover {{novelization}}s. These books appear to have been written for [[MisaimedMarketing very young readers.]] Horror + MoralGuardians [[TheEighties '80s-style]] = Narm.

* The Contemporary English Version (of Literature/TheBible)'s translation of [[Literature/TheFourGospels Mark 5:9]] (traditionally translated as "My name is [[NamesToRunAwayFromReallyFast Legion]], for we are many") takes that verse and turns it from ominous and chilling to juvenile and silly. How does this edition render the demon's boast? "My name is [[FailOSuckyName Lots]], because there are lots of demons in me."

%%* "[[Series/TheOReillyFactor You wanted a house by the ocean. Well, the ocean can cut both ways!]]"

* Jacqueline Carey is a great writer. But, in the beginning of her book ''Banewreaker,'' right in the middle of her description of the mythic beginnings of the world, is this:
--> "Also there were dragons."

** "[[Literature/TheIcewindDaleTrilogy You deserve the wrath of Pook]]!" If you think that line is hilarious ''now'', wait till you realize it comes out of ''Artemis Entreri's'' mouth. That's right, the supposedly coldest and most repressed assassin of the series once went around screaming a name one letter away from [[WesternAnimation/GarfieldAndFriends Garfield's]] teddy bear. Uh, Salvatore, we love your fight scenes, but what is up with your dialogue?

* "Sucks to your ass-mar!" from ''Literature/LordOfTheFlies''. A bunch of boys naked on an island saying things like "sucks to your ass-mar". [[HoYay What do you mean, it's not homoerotic?]]

** The 'baby on a spike' scene is some horrific imagery, but gained Narm thanks to an Creator/EddieIzzard comedy routine on the subject.
---> "When I grow up, I want to stick babies on spikes!"
::That scene is made even sappy by Eragon's musings when he sees them: "What does our existence mean when it can end like this?" Less than a paragraph later, he kills an innocent crow because it dared to peck at a corpse.
** The first sentence of ''Eragon''--something like "wind howled through the night, carrying a scent that would change the world."

** In ''Eldest'', the scene where Arya meets some elves, and they form a ring and dance around her for a few minutes, singing. All fine and dandy, if, like Paolini, you are not English. If you are, you can't help but be reminded of [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Morris_dance Morris dancing.]] Which is hilarious.
** Oromis's [[HoYay hairless groin.]]
** The high priest of Helgrind resembles a certain [[Film/MontyPythonAndTheHolyGrail Black Knight]]. It's a miracle that he didn't shout, "It's just a flesh wound!" Then again, the description is also similar to how Darth Vader looked under all that armour.
** Durza was also described as having bright red hair and pale white skin. [[http://img2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20131123020055/spykids/images/thumb/2/2f/Ronald_mcdonald_jumping1.jpg/524px-Ronald_mcdonald_jumping1.jpg Remind you of a certain fast-food mascot?]]

** Galbatorix was never the most original and compelling villain ever written, but ''dear lord'', is his dialogue in ''Inheritance'' clichéd. One wonders how can anyone read such three-dimensional lines such as “I shall kill [these kids I pulled out of nowhere] if you dare attack me again... In fact, if you displease me excessively, I shall kill them anyway” without imagining him twirling his mustache. If you've read ''Fanfic/MyImmortal'', it's also liable to remind you of its version of [[Literature/HarryPotter Voldemort]] going, "Kill [{{Draco|InLeatherPants}}], or I shall kill him anyway!"

** The first book includes a minor character named [[WesternAnimation/DuckTalesTheMovieTreasureOfTheLostLamp Merlock]]. Keep in mind that the other Merlock's name was a parody name combination of "Merlin" and "warlock", and it becomes difficult to take its use in a serious fantasy story seriously.

** The "put a shirt on and fix those stairs or you'll never amount to anything" moment in ''Faith of the Fallen'' is about as Narmy as it gets.
** The exact phrase used to describe Richard's magic power is "[[AccidentalInnuendo Richard's thing rose up in him]]."

** In a case where Goodkind ''really'' should have done the research first, anyone who's at all familiar with anime or manga will not be able to stop laughing at every mention of an evil, sinister villain (a female villain no less) called "[[LoliconAndShotacon Shota]]".

* There is a book called ''[[https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/564172.Dancing_with_an_Alien Dancing With An Alien]]'' about an alien sent to Earth to find love. (The book was clearly counting on attracting the readers of ''Literature/TheTwilightSaga''). It includes the line, "[[MarsNeedsWomen I am here to find a female]]". The book as a whole is chock full of high octane narm.

* Dart-Thornton's ''The Iron Tree'' ventures into the realm of SesquipedalianLoquaciousness. [[spoiler: Dying from a sprig of mistletoe]] shouldn't take so many words.

* The dramatic scene in ''[[Literature/EarthsChildren Clan of the Cave Bear]]'' in which Ayla accidentally [[spoiler:uncovers the mog-urs of the various clans cannibalizing the brain of the man slain by a cave bear in a ceremony]] becomes quite amusing when it hits you that the man's name was {{Gorn}}.
** This gem from the final book of the series:
-->'''Jondalar''': He's making my baby!
* Creator/NeilGaiman's ''Literature/AmericanGods''. "The paradigms were shifting. He could feel it." Oh no, not the paradigms!

--> Arya: "For true?"\\
Eddard: "For true."

** Many of [[MillsAndBoonProse the sex scenes]] easily qualify as narm.

** The name "Jon Snow" makes a lot of British readers think of [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jon_Snow the Channel 4 newsreader and investigative journalist.]] It wears off quickly enough, but in early scenes one can't help but visualize this old, white-haired man at the wall.
** "Men call me Darkstar, and I am of the night."

** A character's name is Dickon Manwoody. Thankfully, he doesn't become a main character, but it's still pretty hard to take scenes he's in seriously.

* Balon Greyjoy, Balon Swann... think they might be full of hot air or something?

* "Mir. It rhymes with 'fear'" from the short story "Above It All." There are some parts of that story that are truly creepy. That is not one of them.

* The end of ''Literature/MySistersKeeper'' by Jodi Picoult, when [[spoiler: Anna is killed in a car accident]]. It's so [[{{Glurge}} obviously designed]] to be a {{tearjerker}} that it becomes Narm. The DebateAndSwitch doesn't help.
** Jodi Picoult's novel ''A Spark of Light'' is littered with phrases that are supposed to be deep and meaningful but come off as hilariously pretentious and silly, including this ''gem'' of a line:
--> ''"This is what it means to be human." Bex thought. "We are all just canvases for our scars."''

* Stephen Hand's novelizations of ''Film/TheTexasChainsawMassacre2003'' and ''Film/FreddyVsJason'', and his original novel ''[[Franchise/FridayThe13th Friday the 13th: Carnival Of Maniacs]]'', while decent, occasionally descend into... weird PurpleProse.

* ''Literature/AConnecticutYankeeInKingArthursCourt'' has a "Great Illustrated Classics" version, which is basically a condensed kids' version. There's a scene towards the end of the book where [[spoiler:Merlin sneaks into the cave where Morgan's forces have made their last stand, disguised as a woman, to place an enchantment of Morgan. Despite being in a dress, when we see him he very clearly has a long, thick beard.]]

* Creator/DanBrown's prose is frankly dreadful, which ruins quite a few moments in ''Literature/TheDaVinciCode''. For instance, "She could feel the ancient blood coursing through her veins."

* ''Literature/FiftyShadesOfGrey'':''"You. Are. So. Sweet," he murmurs, each word a staccato.'' Since not a lot of people know what a "staccato" is, it just ends up sounding like a funny word.
%% ** Ana's very liberal use of "jeez", "holy crap/moses/cow", and "oh my". Kills every sex scene instantly.

** The first book includes a minor character named [[WesternAnimation/DuckTales Merlock]]. Keep in mind that the other Merlock's name was a parody name combination of "Merlin" and "warlock", and it becomes difficult to take its use in a serious fantasy story seriously.

* The [[WhamEpisode final chapter]] of the eleventh ''LightNovel/HaruhiSuzumiya'' novel is truly ''epic'' Narm. Fujiwara's conversation with [[spoiler: Mikuru]] during the former's VillainousBreakdown has both characters sound like they are in a SoapOpera. It's kind of hard to take the words, [[spoiler: "I don't want to lose you again, [[LongLostSibling Onee-san!]]"]] seriously when it's [[SmugSnake Fujiwara]] saying them. And it doesn't help that there is a ''very'' melodramatic illustration for this scene which looks like it was taken out of a {{Shoujo|Demographic}} manga.

* ''Literature/TheLegendOfRahAndTheMuggles'' is mathematically designed to not be taken seriously. This is a story aimed at preschoolers with Teletubbies-like mascot characters that are descended from eugenics targets in a post-apocalypse. No, this is not a parody. In fact the author takes every moment she can [[{{Anvilicious}} to shove down her deep messages]] on eminent domain laws, the United Nations, political corruption and communism, in a book where characters baby talk and the villain is a schoolyard bully. [[Anime/TheAnimatrix The Second Renaissance]] this ain't. Worse was the lawsuit she threw against ''Franchise/HarryPotter'', in which she tried to portray this as the more mature series...

* ''Literature/TheHungerGames'':
** The white, rose-scented lizard mutts that hiss "Katniss" made the sewer chase in ''Mockingjay'' a little hard to take seriously, due to such creations being so [[ThereIsNoKillLikeOverkill over-the-top]] and [[WhyDontYouJustShootHim highly]] [[ComplexityAddiction impractical.]]
** The word "mutt-ation" itself.
** The term "morphling." It doesn't even make sense to use it for both the drug and the addict.
** ''Mockingjay'' also includes this line, that is hard to take serious:
-->'''Katniss''': I avoid looking at anyone as I take tiny spoonfuls of fish soup. The saltiness reminds me of my tears.

* ''Narm/{{Twilight}}''

* There is a book called ''[[https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/564172.Dancing_with_an_Alien Dancing With An Alien]]'' about an alien sent to Earth to find love. (The book was clearly counting on attracting the readers of ''Literature/{{Twilight}}''). It includes the line, "[[MarsNeedsWomen I am here to find a female]]". The book as a whole is chock full of high octane narm.

* The ''Dragon Temple Saga'' by Janine Cross could have been critically acclaimed for delving into the effects of colonization against a less advanced culture and creating a fantasy version of Southeast Asia - a place rarely looked at in fantasy tales. Instead this series became infamous for oral sex by dragons and a parade of male slaves with constant hard-ons from dragon venom exposure ("their jutting venom cocks stood straight in the air").

** The villain's plot is called Project Gemini. There was a famous RealLife space program called Project Gemini back in the 1960s. So, this novel has lines like these:

* Creator/HPLovecraft -- great writer but, ye gods, it is hard to take some of those stories as seriously as you're supposed to. There's just too much blatant racism. The Narm is most evident whenever his characters GoMadFromTheRevelation: [[PurpleProse magnanimously verbose]] [[LargeHam melodramatic ranting]] with lots of the [[SesquipedalianLoquaciousness longest words he could find in the thesaurus]]. And what did fish ever do to Creator/HPLovecraft anyway?