History Main / RamblingOldmanMonologue

This is TruthInTelevision, but in fiction it's usually PlayedForLaughs, only rarely acknowledging that this is a likely symptom of becoming senile.

* Abraham Simpson from ''WesternAnimation/TheSimpsons'' is a master of these.

-->He let out a scream 'twas heard in Davy Jones' locker! And Mickey Dolenz's locker, too, and Peter Tork's locker! All Franchise/TheMonkees had lockers.
* In the ''WesternAnimation/EdEddNEddy'' episode "Take This Ed and Shove It", Eddy imagines himself and the people around him as seniors, and Old!Edd at one point goes on a ramble transitioning from jawbreakers locked in a desk to a cat he owns or owned.

--> ''"The year is 1946. In a war-torn world, a single flower blooms, and that flower is an angry Japanese monster named Godzilla. Fortunately, there was one man who could help...Colonel Tom Parker. The Colonel took this monster, cleaned him up, and put him on stage under the name "The Rolling Stones". The first concert was a sellout with many many, many people eaten, but those that survived RAVED about the undeniable harmonies and brutally honest lyrics of what they had just seen...and out of the wreckage of that concert crawled the woman who would later give birth to me...not once, but FOUR times, because in those days, if they didn't like the way you looked, they would send you back in to bake a little longer. After four times, they just decided to cut off my tail, but you can still see it...in the British Museum! Which, interestingly enough, is in France! Not the France you're thinking of, but a MUCH better one, filled with palm trees and leprechauns. But I digress. In fact, I used to be a professional digresser, but I don't want to get off the track, so I'll tell you about the time I was a professional digresser. The year was 2021 and I had just returned from a brief vacation where I had eaten more than my fill of tacos. Not the tacos you're thinking of. Did I ever tell you about the time that I started Gracie Films?"''
* Wilbur Cobb in his appearances on ''WesternAnimation/TheRenAndStimpyShow''. The episode "Prehistoric Stimpy" is based around Cobb telling the duo about fictional prehistoric creatures based on the two animals and ends with him yelling "[[NonSequitur and the kid on the top bunk]] '''[[LargeHam died!]]'''". It turns out he's a crazy old man who harasses people who go to the museum.

* ''Series/{{Seinfeld}}'''s portrayal of RealLife New York Yankees owner George Steinbrenner may well be the patron saint of this trope. A RunningGag was that he would monologue in this fashion until his interlocutor, typically George Costanza, [[BackingAwaySlowly backed all the way out of his office]]. (One episode additionally had Steinbrenner sending Costanza to negotiate with UsefulNotes/FidelCastro, only to reveal Castro as essentially a Cuban version of Steinbrenner.)

* ''Series/{{Seinfeld}}'''s portrayal of RealLife New York Yankees owner George Steinbrenner may well be the patron saint of this trope. A RunningGag was that he would monologue in this fashion until his interlocutor, typically George Costanza, backed out of his office. (One episode additionally had Steinbrenner sending George to negotiate with UsefulNotes/FidelCastro, only to reveal Castro as essentially a Cuban Steinbrenner.)

--> ''"The year is 1946. In a war torn world, a single flower blooms, and that flower is an angry Japanese monster named Godzilla. Fortunately, there was one man who could help... Colonel Tom Parker. The Colonel took this monster, cleaned him up, and put him on stage under the name "The Rolling Stones." The first concert was a sellout with many many many people eaten, but those that survived RAVED about the undeniable harmonies and brutally honest lyrics of what they had just seen... And out of the wreckage of that concert crawled the woman who would later give birth to me... Not once, but FOUR times, because in those days, if they didn't like the way you looked, they would send you back in to bake a little longer. After four times, they just decided to cut off my tail, but you can still see it... in the British Museum! Which, interestingly enough, is in France! Not the France you're thinking of, but a MUCH better one, filled with palm trees and Leprechauns. But I digress, in fact I used to be a professional digresser, but I don't want to get off the track, so I'll tell you about the time I was a professional digresser. The year was 2021 and I had just returned from a brief vacation where I had eaten more than my fill of tacos. Not the tacos you're thinking of. Did I ever tell you about the time that I started Gracie Films?"''
* Wilbur Cobb in his appearances on ''WesternAnimation/TheRenAndStimpyShow''. The episode "Prehistoric Stimpy" is vased around Cobb telling the duo about fictional prehistoric creatures based on the two animals and ends with him yelling "[[NonSequitur and the kid on the top bunk]] '''[[LargeHam died!]]'''". It turns out he's a crazy old man who harasses people who go to the museum.

->''"We can't bust heads like we used to. But we have our ways. One trick is to tell stories that don't go anywhere. Like the time I caught the ferry to Shelbyville. I needed a new heel for m'shoe. So I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on 'em. 'Gimme five bees for a quarter,' you'd say. Now where were we... oh yeah. The important thing was that I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time. I didn't have any white onions, because of the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones..."''

--> '''Mermaid Man''': Listen, kid, this reminds me of Episode 902. We were surrounded: the Kelp Thing was to our right, and there was broccoli on the side. But if there's one thing I remember, it's how to forget! The rain in Spain stays mainly on the... SPACE! The final countdown! Skip to the... skip to the... loo, my darling! Loo! ''[dramatically collapses in [=SpongeBob=]'s arms]'' Now get out there, and let's finish this movie, kid.

-->'''Peter Sagal:''' No. ''(laughter)'' Kids today and their fondness for Snoopy Snoopy Poop Dogg. ''(laughter)'' We also would have accepted The Enema Man. Let me explain. Simpson was complaining, in his crotchety way, about senior citizens who insisted on getting their social security checks, and he kind of got off track. He said, quote, "If they care at all about their children or grandchildren, and sometimes I doubt that--I think, you know, grandchildren now don't write a thank-you note for the Christmas presents, they're walking on their pants with the cap on backwards listening to The Enema Man and Snoopy Snoopy Poop Dogg, and they don't like them!"

* ''Series/StarTrekTheNextGeneration:'' Captain Picard recalls a seminar where the elderly Dr. Fesbender went off one such speech. It was really quite hypnotic. ''[[MemeticMutation (-notic notic]] [[VoiceClipSong notic notic)]]''

'''Jolee:''': ''I'm old! I'm entitled to be enigmatic when I want to be! Now where was I...''

%%%* ''VideoGame/KnightsOfTheOldRepublic:'' Jolee Bindo is accused of this a few times.

** Wendy Oldbag does these [[MotorMouth so fast]] that they're sometimes [[UnreadablyFastText unreadable]].

* Grandpa Reg in ''WesternAnimation/PhineasAndFerb'' is prone to these. His not-so-old son, Phineas and Ferb's dad Laurence, seems to have inherited the tendency (although he's less likely to completely forget what he was talking about).

* ''VideoGame/{{Bloodborne}}'', [[BadassGrandpa Gehrman]] took it UpToEleven and does this all the time when he's '''''sleeping'''''.

* In 2011, 80-year-old ex-Senator Alan Simpson--no relation--starting going off on these kids today during a TV appearance on Fox News. Here's how it was reported on ''Radio:WaitWaitDontTellMe'' in that week's Lightning Fill in the Blank segment:

There's definite TruthInTelevision here.

--> '''Mermaid Man''': Listen, kid, this reminds me of Episode 902. We were surrounded: the Kelp Thing was to our right, and there was broccoli on the side. But if there's one thing I remember, it's how to forget! The rain in Spain stays mainly on the... SPACE! The final countdown! Skip to the... skip to the... loo, my darling! Loo! ''[dramatically collapses in SpongeBob's arms]'' Now get out there, and let's finish this movie, kid.

* ''Videogame/Borderlands2'' has one in ''The Horrible Hunger of the Ravenous Wattle Gobbler'' DLC from Grandma Flexington, the grandmother of Mister Torgue. Listening to her extremely long-winded monologue is a sidequest and a test in patience since not only can you not move away, but she'll even ask you a question to see if you were listening. Failing any of them automatically causes you to fail the quest, forcing you to start the whole thing over. Your reward is, of course, [[InflationNegation one dollar]]. Afterwards, there's a "Raid Boss Difficulty" version of the mission, where she goes on an ''even longer'' monologue, though she'll send you on a fetch quest at some point, and the reward is significantly better (a purple weapon).

The tendency of an old person to go off on a long-winded rambling speech about no subject in particular at the drop of a hat. Somehow the old man never seems to actually get boring, though for some reason he has a hard time staying on topic, mixing in admonitions of today's youth with fond recollections of the past, anecdotes about fashion, detours into politics, and pretty much any other subject imaginable.

* The Last of How It Was is this, if the title didn't clue you in.