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May overlap with SnakeOilSalesman, PhonyDegree and IHaveNoIdeaWhatImDoing.
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May overlap with SnakeOilSalesman, PhonyDegree and IHaveNoIdeaWhatImDoing. Compare WorstAid - the straight use of harmful, medical treatments - which can unintentionally become this trope.
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-->'''Doug''': [examining a corpse]I'm betting he took a paracentesis needle to the aorta.
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-->'''Doug''': [examining ''(examining a corpse]I'm corpse)'' I'm betting he took a paracentesis needle to the aorta.
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[[AC:WebAnimation:]]
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[[AC:WebAnimation]]
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[[AC: {{Webcomics}}]]
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* ''SailorMoon R'' episode 78 is focused on this trope. Minako is the only Senshi that avoids the flu it seems, so she goes to the other girls to help them. The trope is most significant when she visits Rei. She feeds her rice porridge with ''[[LethalChef way too much salt]]'', then ''spilled it'' on her, blasted her with unintentionally loud music and finally blows the boom box trying to stop it. This earned her a ''loud'' GetOut. But at the end, karma bites back. Minako ''does'' get sick and now has to endure Usagi's turn at this trope.
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* In ''VideoGame/CardHunter'', there is a low level healing spell called "Misguided Heal" the spell does two damage to your adventurer before healing the character for four gaining a net heal of 2. Useful if combined with armor. With the mail armor in game you can get four health instead of two due to the two initial damage being preventable with armor
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* In ''VideoGame/CardHunter'', there is a low level healing spell called "Misguided Heal" the spell does two damage to your adventurer before healing the character for four gaining a net heal of 2. Useful if combined with armor. With the mail armor in game you can get four health instead of two due to the two initial damage being preventable with armorarmor. Since the damage is applied first (and the healing isn't applied if the target dies) you can also use it as [[NotTheIntendedUse an improvised 2-damage attack]].
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*In ''VideoGame/CardHunter'', there is a low level healing spell called "Misguided Heal" the spell does two damage to your adventurer before healing the character for four gaining a net heal of 2. Useful if combined with armor. With the mail armor in game you can get four health instead of two due to the two initial damage being preventable with armor
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* {{Warhammer40k}}:
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* {{Warhammer40k}}:''TabletopGame/{{Warhammer40000}}'':
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* ''VideoGames/SurgeonSimulator2013'' is built on this trope. In this game you perform surgery with intentionally awkward and clumsy controls, lots of inappropriate tools and very vague instructions about what you are actually supposed to do. The win conditions are also rather lax: A heart transplant counts as successful the moment the new heart is placed somewhere in the chest cavity even though the patients other vital organs are laying on the ground and the patient is seconds before bleeding out.
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** When Zoro's fighting the Humandrills, one of them gets slashed across the chest and tries to treat the wound by putting spittle over it. Even Zoro points out how useless this is.
* ''Manga/{{Gamaran}}'': While returning from his battle against the Tengen Ryuu Gama notices the gravity of the wound inflicted on his left arm and wonders if he can heal it with his saliva and proceeds to lick the wound. At this point Shimon Kudo steps him by telling him that he should visit a doctor instead.
* ''Manga/{{Gamaran}}'': While returning from his battle against the Tengen Ryuu Gama notices the gravity of the wound inflicted on his left arm and wonders if he can heal it with his saliva and proceeds to lick the wound. At this point Shimon Kudo steps him by telling him that he should visit a doctor instead.
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* The Guild of Barber-Surgeons in ''Literature/{{Discworld}}'' seem to mostly be this, at least until former BackAlleyDoctor Dr Lawn rises high enough in the profession to make some changes. In ''Discworld/FeetOfClay'', when Colon suggests calling a doctor in for Lord Vetinari, Vimes replies "Are you mad? We want him to live!" (which is why they call a veterinarian instead, more competent because the local mafia gets very angry when a racehorse dies)
to:
* The Guild of Barber-Surgeons in ''Literature/{{Discworld}}'' seem to mostly be this, at least until former BackAlleyDoctor Dr Lawn rises high enough in the profession to make some changes. In ''Discworld/FeetOfClay'', when Colon suggests calling a doctor in for Lord Vetinari, Vimes replies "Are you mad? We want him to live!" (which is why they call a veterinarian instead, more competent because the local mafia gets very angry when a racehorse dies)dies).
** Tolliver Groat of the Post Office sits somewhere between here and WorstAid, all of it self-administered. Having a combination of hypochondria, a total lack of actual medical knowledge by even the lax standards of the Disc, and a total distrust of actual medical professionals, he does stuff like smear goose grease and bread pudding on his vest in ever-increasing layers and fill his trousers with two of the three ingredients for ''gunpowder''. When he's eventually forced to see a real doctor, it's voiced that he's probably indestructible, given the sheer amount of medical malpractice/nonpractice he keeps applying to himself.
** Tolliver Groat of the Post Office sits somewhere between here and WorstAid, all of it self-administered. Having a combination of hypochondria, a total lack of actual medical knowledge by even the lax standards of the Disc, and a total distrust of actual medical professionals, he does stuff like smear goose grease and bread pudding on his vest in ever-increasing layers and fill his trousers with two of the three ingredients for ''gunpowder''. When he's eventually forced to see a real doctor, it's voiced that he's probably indestructible, given the sheer amount of medical malpractice/nonpractice he keeps applying to himself.
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* TheMedic in TeamFortress2 was a licensed doctor... before he does a malpractice in which his patient's bones went missing. Fortunately, he still is ridiculously effective at it regardless, most likely thanks to his healing beam medigun.
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* TheMedic in TeamFortress2 was a licensed doctor... before he does a malpractice [[NoodleIncident in which his patient's bones skeleton went missing.missing]]. Fortunately, he still is ridiculously effective at it regardless, most likely thanks to his healing beam medigun.
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--> "But there is nothink to worry about. Nothink at ohl."
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--> "But there "There is nothink to worry about. Nothink at ohl.ohl... but there is nothink I can do."
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* MeatgrinderSurgery: Crude surgery performed with whatever implements are at hand.
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* Harry Harrison's ''BillTheGalacticHero'' loses a couple of limbs in battle and the replacements aren't particularly satisfactory as they are scavenged pretty much at random from the voluminous piles of body parts left lying around.
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-->'''Doug''': Seen it? Upstairs they call that a 'Doug'!
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-->'''Doug''': Seen it? Upstairs [[PersonAsVerb they call that a 'Doug'!
'Doug']]!
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[[quoteright:300:[[SaturdayMorningBreakfastCereal http://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/jhflyjglk_3450.jpg]]]]
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* Warhammer40k:
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* Warhammer40k:{{Warhammer40k}}:
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** Played with in the case of Dr. Hibbert, who is the Simpsons' normally competent family doctor. However, in [[Recap/TheSimpsonsS12E18TrilogyOfError Trilogy of Error]], when Homer accidentally gets one of his thumbs cut off, Hibbert suggests that the other thumb should get cut off for "a sense of symmetry". Marge and Homer are then immeditately seen driving away from Hibbert's office.
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** Played with in the case of Dr. Hibbert, who is the Simpsons' normally competent family doctor. However, in [[Recap/TheSimpsonsS12E18TrilogyOfError Trilogy of Error]], when Homer accidentally gets one of his thumbs cut off, Hibbert suggests that the other thumb should get cut off for "a sense of symmetry". Marge and Homer are then immeditately immediately seen driving away from Hibbert's office.office. This one is less about Hibbert specifically and more of [[TakeThat a knock at HMOs]]; Homer, only having ''finger'' insurance, isn't covered for thumbs.
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* In ''VideoGame/RimWorld'', survivors have a Medic stat that determines how effective they are at treating one another's injuries. Poorly-treated wounds may produce permanent scars, impairing a character's abilities and making the affected body part more vulnerable to future damage.
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* One strip in ''ComicStrip/TheFarSide'' had a husband trying to practice home surgery on his wife using a Time-Life book and complaining that she's thrashing around too much.
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* ''ComicStrip/TheFarSide''
** One stripin ''ComicStrip/TheFarSide'' had a husband trying to practice home surgery on his wife using a Time-Life book and complaining that she's thrashing around too much.much.
** The retrospective book ''The Prehistory of The Far Side'' had a bunch of comic sketches that were never submitted to newspapers for whatever reason. One of these had a bunch of doctors performing surgery. The head surgeon stops and says "Wow, halfway through the procedure and suddenly I'm drawing a complete blank. In fact, I think I'm an ice cream man."
** One strip
** The retrospective book ''The Prehistory of The Far Side'' had a bunch of comic sketches that were never submitted to newspapers for whatever reason. One of these had a bunch of doctors performing surgery. The head surgeon stops and says "Wow, halfway through the procedure and suddenly I'm drawing a complete blank. In fact, I think I'm an ice cream man."
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BackAlleyDoctor: An unlicensed doctor, competent or not.
MadDoctor: A MadScientist who experiments with humans.
WorstAid: medicine which wouldn't work in real life.
HarmfulHealing: any medical procedure with horrific consequences.
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* MadDoctor: A MadScientist who experiments with
* WorstAid: medicine which wouldn't work in real
* HarmfulHealing: any medical procedure with horrific consequences.
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* ''TheSimpsons'' has Dr Nick Riviera ([[PhraseCatcher "Hi, Doctor Nick!"]]), an amoral quack who'll show up at any medical emergency, sometimes pursued by angry former patients.** Played with in the case of Dr. Hibbert, who is the Simpsons' normally competent family doctor. However, in [[Recap/TheSimpsonsS12E18TrilogyOfError Trilogy of Error]], when Homer accidentally gets one of his thumbs cut off, Hibbert suggests that the other thumb should get cut off for "a sense of symmetry". Marge and Homer are then immeditately seen driving away from Hibbert's office.
--->'''Marge:''' Hibbert's really losing it. We're going to Dr. Nick's.
--->'''Marge:''' Hibbert's really losing it. We're going to Dr. Nick's.
to:
* ''TheSimpsons'' has ''TheSimpsons'':
** Dr Nick Riviera ([[PhraseCatcher "Hi, DoctorNick!"]]), Nick!"]]) is an amoral quack who'll show up at any medical emergency, sometimes pursued by angry former patients.patients.
** Played with in the case of Dr. Hibbert, who is the Simpsons' normally competent family doctor. However, in [[Recap/TheSimpsonsS12E18TrilogyOfError Trilogy of Error]], when Homer accidentally gets one of his thumbs cut off, Hibbert suggests that the other thumb should get cut off for "a sense of symmetry". Marge and Homer are then immeditately seen driving away from Hibbert's office.
--->'''Marge:''' -->'''Marge:''' Hibbert's really losing it. We're going to Dr. Nick's.
** Dr Nick Riviera ([[PhraseCatcher "Hi, Doctor
** Played with in the case of Dr. Hibbert, who is the Simpsons' normally competent family doctor. However, in [[Recap/TheSimpsonsS12E18TrilogyOfError Trilogy of Error]], when Homer accidentally gets one of his thumbs cut off, Hibbert suggests that the other thumb should get cut off for "a sense of symmetry". Marge and Homer are then immeditately seen driving away from Hibbert's office.
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-> "But there is nothink to worry about. Nothink at ohl."
* When WesternAnimation/SpongeBobSquarePants gets the Suds, he at first calls Sandy to take him to the doctor, but then he gets scared by Patrick's horror stories about the doctor's office. He asks Patrick to cure him instead, but his "cures" - which include plugging up his pores, pulling out his tooth, and even medieval torture - only makes things worse.
* When WesternAnimation/SpongeBobSquarePants gets the Suds, he at first calls Sandy to take him to the doctor, but then he gets scared by Patrick's horror stories about the doctor's office. He asks Patrick to cure him instead, but his "cures" - which include plugging up his pores, pulling out his tooth, and even medieval torture - only makes things worse.
to:
* When
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* The now-defunct Norwegian comic strip ''Riskhospitalet'' (a pun on the real-life 'Rikshospitalet', the National Hospital of Norway) was about nothing but this: The cast were all a series of idiots and anyone sent there was in serious risk of a medical mishap of some sort.
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* TheMedic in TeamFortress2 was a licensed doctor... before he does a malpractice in which his patient's bones went missing.
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* TheMedic in TeamFortress2 was a licensed doctor... before he does a malpractice in which his patient's bones went missing. Fortunately, he still is ridiculously effective at it regardless, most likely thanks to his healing beam medigun.
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* A serious example in the ''[[Literature/HeraldsOfValdemar Collegium Chronicles]]''. At this point in Valdemar's history first aid training is discouraged by many Healers, and as a result Amily's broken leg isn't properly immobilized by her rescuers. By the time a Healer sees her, the bones have knit back together the wrong way, leaving her lame.
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* The Guild of Barber-Surgeons in ''Literature/{{Discworld}}'' seem to mostly be this, at least until former BackAlleyDoctor Dr Lawn rises high enough in the profession to make some changes. In ''Discworld/FeetOfClay'', when Colon suggests calling a doctor in for Lord Vetinari, Vimes replies "Are you mad? We want him to live!"
to:
* The Guild of Barber-Surgeons in ''Literature/{{Discworld}}'' seem to mostly be this, at least until former BackAlleyDoctor Dr Lawn rises high enough in the profession to make some changes. In ''Discworld/FeetOfClay'', when Colon suggests calling a doctor in for Lord Vetinari, Vimes replies "Are you mad? We want him to live!"
live!" (which is why they call a veterinarian instead, more competent because the local mafia gets very angry when a racehorse dies)
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* ''[[ComicBook/Asterix Asterix in Switzerland]]'': The Roman consul needs to get rid of a tax collector he poisoned, so he summons his personal doctors, which he claims are deadlier than a legion when united. When the doctors are first removed from their drunken orgy, then spend time arguing about who's the best suited for the operation, ''then'' suggest multiple contradictory treatments (one of which has "if the patient survives..." in the middle), you get his point. Thankfully the collector is "kept hostage" by the Gauls until Asterix comes back with the cure.
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* ''[[ComicBook/Asterix ''[[{{ComicBook/Asterix}} Asterix in Switzerland]]'': The Roman consul needs to get rid of a tax collector he poisoned, so he summons his personal doctors, which he claims are deadlier than a legion when united. When the doctors are first removed from their drunken orgy, then spend time arguing about who's the best suited for the operation, ''then'' suggest multiple contradictory treatments (one of which has "if the patient survives..." in the middle), you get his point. Thankfully the collector is "kept hostage" by the Gauls until Asterix comes back with the cure.
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* {{Asterix}} in Switzerland: The Roman consul needs to get rid of a tax collector he poisoned, so he summons his personal doctors, which he claims are deadlier than a legion when united. When the doctors are first removed from their drunken orgy, then spend time arguing about who's the best suited for the operation, ''then'' suggest multiple contradictory treatments (one of which has "if the patient survives..." in the middle), you get his point. Thankfully the collector is "kept hostage" by the Gauls until Asterix comes back with the cure.
to:
* {{Asterix}} ''[[ComicBook/Asterix Asterix in Switzerland: Switzerland]]'': The Roman consul needs to get rid of a tax collector he poisoned, so he summons his personal doctors, which he claims are deadlier than a legion when united. When the doctors are first removed from their drunken orgy, then spend time arguing about who's the best suited for the operation, ''then'' suggest multiple contradictory treatments (one of which has "if the patient survives..." in the middle), you get his point. Thankfully the collector is "kept hostage" by the Gauls until Asterix comes back with the cure.
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removed two examples that don\'t fit the requirement of being \"comically inept\"
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* Subverted in an episode of ''Series/DrQuinnMedicineWoman'' where Dr. Quinn clashes with a travelling faith healer. When an actual medical emergency arises, Quinn expects the faith healer to want to do her thing without any input but the faith healer insists that Quinn practice her medicine while the faith healer prays for the victim. Together (depending on one's point of view) they manage to heal him.
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* ''Series/BabylonFive'': "The Quality of Mercy" has a BackAlleyDoctor running a clinic in the station's Downbelow using an alien device to heal her patients. Doctor Franklin assumes she's a quack, since she's using non-standard techniques that he knows nothing about. [[spoiler:When he examines a few of her patients, however, he's astonished to find that they're actually getting better. He finds that the device is an ancient means of capital punishment used to heal terminally ill patients by transferring life energy from the condemned criminal into the patient.]]
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* HarryPotter: Gilderoy Lockheart attempts to heal Harry's broken arm with a spell but accidentally removes all of the bones in his arm instead.
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* HarryPotter: ''Literature/HarryPotterAndTheChamberOfSecrets'': Gilderoy Lockheart attempts to heal Harry's broken arm with a spell but accidentally removes all of the bones in his arm instead.
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In ''Series/{{Scrubs}}'' Doug is the worst intern ever, in fact he is so bad he makes the perfect coroner because he knows all the ways that a Doctor can screw up and kill someone.
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* In ''Series/{{Scrubs}}'' Doug is the worst intern ever, in fact he is so bad he makes the perfect coroner because he knows all the ways that a Doctor can screw up and kill someone.
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[[quoteright:300:[[SaturdayMorningBreakfastCereal http://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/jhflyjglk_3450.jpg]]]]
The human body is a delicate thing, and when a person is injured or sick it's vital to give them proper care to aid healing. Or, you could just stick some leeches on their arm and hope for the best.
This trope occurs when someone attempts to perform medicine despite not having the faintest idea what they're doing, and only succeeds in making things worse. They often have rather... ''creative'' ideas about what constitutes medical aid. If you find yourself in the care of one of these people, run away quickly and don't look back.
Need not be an actual doctor: any obviously terrible attempt at healing counts.
Compare:
BackAlleyDoctor: An unlicensed doctor, competent or not.
MadDoctor: A MadScientist who experiments with humans.
WorstAid: medicine which wouldn't work in real life.
HarmfulHealing: any medical procedure with horrific consequences.
May overlap with SnakeOilSalesman, PhonyDegree and IHaveNoIdeaWhatImDoing.
----
!Examples
[[AC: {{Anime}} and {{Manga}}]]
* ''Franchise/OnePiece''
** Dr. Hirluk is a well intentioned quack who tries to heal people with frog livers.
** When Nami is sick, Luffy suggests giving her all of the medicine they have to heal her.
** Luffy also tries to help Zoro heal by pouring booze on his face, the idea being that Zoro likes booze and therefore can heal from it.
[[AC: {{Comics}}]]
* One strip in ''ComicStrip/TheFarSide'' had a husband trying to practice home surgery on his wife using a Time-Life book and complaining that she's thrashing around too much.
* {{Asterix}} in Switzerland: The Roman consul needs to get rid of a tax collector he poisoned, so he summons his personal doctors, which he claims are deadlier than a legion when united. When the doctors are first removed from their drunken orgy, then spend time arguing about who's the best suited for the operation, ''then'' suggest multiple contradictory treatments (one of which has "if the patient survives..." in the middle), you get his point. Thankfully the collector is "kept hostage" by the Gauls until Asterix comes back with the cure.
[[AC: {{Literature}}]]
* HarryPotter: Gilderoy Lockheart attempts to heal Harry's broken arm with a spell but accidentally removes all of the bones in his arm instead.
* In ''The Happy Return'' (the first ''Literature/HoratioHornblower'' book), the ship's only surgeon is an unqualified and panicky assistant. Given that this is ''already'' 1803, this is bad news for wounded sailors. Lady Barbara takes over care of the wounded herself and is much more competent, providing better care and helpful suggestions.
* The Guild of Barber-Surgeons in ''Literature/{{Discworld}}'' seem to mostly be this, at least until former BackAlleyDoctor Dr Lawn rises high enough in the profession to make some changes. In ''Discworld/FeetOfClay'', when Colon suggests calling a doctor in for Lord Vetinari, Vimes replies "Are you mad? We want him to live!"
[[AC: LiveActionTelevision]]
* Subverted in an episode of ''Series/DrQuinnMedicineWoman'' where Dr. Quinn clashes with a travelling faith healer. When an actual medical emergency arises, Quinn expects the faith healer to want to do her thing without any input but the faith healer insists that Quinn practice her medicine while the faith healer prays for the victim. Together (depending on one's point of view) they manage to heal him.
*The "Historical Paramedics" sketches on ''Series/HorribleHistories'' feature 'paramedics' from different historical eras applying period remedies to modern day patients, and usually leaving the patients in a worse condition than when they started, to the horror of the patient and onlookers. Similar ideas are used in the "Historical Hospital" and "Historical Dentist" sketches.
* ''Series/SaturdayNightLive'' had several sketches about "[[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Theodoric_of_York,_Medieval_Barber Theodoric of York, Medieval Barber]]'' (played by Creator/SteveMartin). He would order his patients to undergo bloodletting or some other medieval quackery, usually resulting in their disability or death.
* ''Series/BabylonFive'': "The Quality of Mercy" has a BackAlleyDoctor running a clinic in the station's Downbelow using an alien device to heal her patients. Doctor Franklin assumes she's a quack, since she's using non-standard techniques that he knows nothing about. [[spoiler:When he examines a few of her patients, however, he's astonished to find that they're actually getting better. He finds that the device is an ancient means of capital punishment used to heal terminally ill patients by transferring life energy from the condemned criminal into the patient.]]
* In ''Series/TheBeverlyHillbillies'' Granny brings her mountain doctorin' with her to Beverly Hills. She dislikes the drugstore because it has no drugs in it, "they should call it a what-not shop." Her "rumatiz medicine" is just bootleg whiskey. She has an old mountain cure for the common cold which a drug conglomerate wants to buy until they find out it's just grain alcohol and the prescription is to drink it daily, get plenty of bed rest and additional fluids, and your cold will be "miraculously" cured in about a week.
* Dr. Leo Spaceman from ''Series/ThirtyRock''. Granted he generally is only used to write prescriptions anyway.
-->'''Jack Donaghy''': [wanting to wake a patient from a coma] Couldn't you just inject something directly into his heart?
-->'''Dr. Spaceman''': I'd love to, but we have no way of knowing where the heart is.
In ''Series/{{Scrubs}}'' Doug is the worst intern ever, in fact he is so bad he makes the perfect coroner because he knows all the ways that a Doctor can screw up and kill someone.
-->'''Doug''': [examining a corpse]I'm betting he took a paracentesis needle to the aorta.
-->'''Coroner''': Have you seen this before?!
-->'''Doug''': Seen it? Upstairs they call that a 'Doug'!
[[AC: TabletopGames]]
*Warhammer40k:
** The closest thing Orks have to doctors are mad-docs, who frequently experiment on their patients. These range from [[CursedWithAwesome having weapons grafted on]] to [[AndIMustScream having your brain swapped with a squig's]].
** In DarkHeresy, your own character can be this, if you attempt a Medicae check and roll poorly. You'll suffer an additional penalty for working on [[BizarreAlienBiology Xenos]], unless they are Orks. [[SubvertedTrope With Orks you get a bonus]], because they are so tough you can't possibly make the injury worse.... Orks, expecting a mad-doc, will only seek medical treatment when they have no other choice.
[[AC: Videogames]]
* TheMedic in TeamFortress2 was a licensed doctor... before he does a malpractice in which his patient's bones went missing.
* Implied in the MysteryCaseFiles video game ''Escape From Ravenhearst'', in which an animatronic figure representing a MadDoctor spouts off disturbing statements while acting out the part of surgeon in a creepy hospital diorama. One of his lines is "I should have gone to medical school...".
[[AC:WebAnimation:]]
* ''WebVideo/UltraFastPony'': In "Reading to Rainbow", Rainbow Dash is hospitalized for a broken wing. The doctor who treats her is so inept that the rest of the cast has to ask him if he's ''sure'' he's actually a doctor.
-->'''Doctor:''' ''[examining an x-ray print]'' I'm afraid it doesn't look good. I tried connecting the dots, but they're not numbered. And without numbers, it's just chaos. Total chaos. I'm sorry, Rainbow Dash, but we're going to have to amputate your flappy things.
[[AC: {{Webcomics}}]]
* Navaan in ''Webcomic/{{Oglaf}}'' claims to be a doctor, but her healing methods include such questionable practices as putting an acorn in the stump of an amputated limb and stuffing it with dirt, which she thinks will grow a new limb.
* ''Webcomic/SaturdayMorningBreakfastCereal'' provides the page image, along with a number of other "fake doctor" and "bad doctor" strips.
* In ''Webcomic/TheOrderOfTheStick'' Elan is called to heal an injured crewmember of an airship. The process of healing looks like hilarious quackery. Subverted in that Elan is a D&D bard and thus has some actual healing powers, if of lower potency than those of a cleric.
* Isabella from ''Webcomic/{{Paranatural}}'' notices a cut on teammate Issac's face and tackles him to the ground so that she can "help" him. She succeeds in wrapping his entire head in bandages like a mummy.
[[AC: WesternAnimation]]
* Dr. Zoidberg of ''{{WesternAnimation/Futurama}}'' is supposedly an expert in alien medicine. Unfortunately, most of his patients are human, and he has repeatedly been shown to have virtually no working knowledge of human biology. Several years of "healing" the crew later and we get a line stating his doctorate is in ''art history''.
**One notable example comes from "The Tip of the Zoidberg", where he spectacularly fails to heal the crew's ailments before they go to an "actual doctor" that successfully cures them.
--> '''Zoidberg''': Now open your mouth and lets have a look at that brain. No, no the other mouth.
--> '''Fry:''' I only have one.
--> '''Zoidberg:''' Really?
* ''TheSimpsons'' has Dr Nick Riviera ([[PhraseCatcher "Hi, Doctor Nick!"]]), an amoral quack who'll show up at any medical emergency, sometimes pursued by angry former patients.** Played with in the case of Dr. Hibbert, who is the Simpsons' normally competent family doctor. However, in [[Recap/TheSimpsonsS12E18TrilogyOfError Trilogy of Error]], when Homer accidentally gets one of his thumbs cut off, Hibbert suggests that the other thumb should get cut off for "a sense of symmetry". Marge and Homer are then immeditately seen driving away from Hibbert's office.
--->'''Marge:''' Hibbert's really losing it. We're going to Dr. Nick's.
* Doctor Vindaloo, a recurring bit character on ''WesternAnimation/CourageTheCowardlyDog'', has a doctorate hanging on his wall that actually reads "Quack" on it. His appearances usually consist of making a bleak and outlandish diagnosis, before [[FalseReassurance reassuring the patient:]]
-> "But there is nothink to worry about. Nothink at ohl."
* When WesternAnimation/SpongeBobSquarePants gets the Suds, he at first calls Sandy to take him to the doctor, but then he gets scared by Patrick's horror stories about the doctor's office. He asks Patrick to cure him instead, but his "cures" - which include plugging up his pores, pulling out his tooth, and even medieval torture - only makes things worse.
* Dr. Krieger on ''WesternAnimation/{{Archer}}'' is a subversion of this. He apparently isn't a real doctor (it seems his first name is actually "Doctor"), has no real concept of human anatomy and mostly performs highly questionable "mad science" under non-sterile conditions, but somehow usually ends up healing his patients and even [[Series/TheSixMillionDollarMan making them better than they were before]].
* ''WesternAnimation/DanVs'': In "[[Recap/DanVsS1E5DanVsTheAnimalShelter Dan Vs. The Animal Shelter]]", two hospital orderlies mention offhand that only the patients with really good insurance get examined by a real doctor--everyone else just sees an actor dressed as a doctor. This becomes a ChekhovsGag when, at the end, Dan gets his face badly scratched by a cat and has to go to the hospital:
-->'''Doctor''': Okay, let's get those pants off.
-->'''Dan''': Um, I'm here about my face being all scratched.
-->'''Doctor''': ''[chuckles]'' Oh, don't worry. I'm not a doctor.
-->''[ScareChord. Episode ends.]''
* ''WesternAnimation/LiloAndStitchTheSeries'': In the episode "Poxy", Pleakley gets a bizarre illness. When he tells Lilo and Stitch about it, their response is to attempt to "operate" on Pleakley - in Stitch's case, by way of a chainsaw.
The human body is a delicate thing, and when a person is injured or sick it's vital to give them proper care to aid healing. Or, you could just stick some leeches on their arm and hope for the best.
This trope occurs when someone attempts to perform medicine despite not having the faintest idea what they're doing, and only succeeds in making things worse. They often have rather... ''creative'' ideas about what constitutes medical aid. If you find yourself in the care of one of these people, run away quickly and don't look back.
Need not be an actual doctor: any obviously terrible attempt at healing counts.
Compare:
BackAlleyDoctor: An unlicensed doctor, competent or not.
MadDoctor: A MadScientist who experiments with humans.
WorstAid: medicine which wouldn't work in real life.
HarmfulHealing: any medical procedure with horrific consequences.
May overlap with SnakeOilSalesman, PhonyDegree and IHaveNoIdeaWhatImDoing.
----
!Examples
[[AC: {{Anime}} and {{Manga}}]]
* ''Franchise/OnePiece''
** Dr. Hirluk is a well intentioned quack who tries to heal people with frog livers.
** When Nami is sick, Luffy suggests giving her all of the medicine they have to heal her.
** Luffy also tries to help Zoro heal by pouring booze on his face, the idea being that Zoro likes booze and therefore can heal from it.
[[AC: {{Comics}}]]
* One strip in ''ComicStrip/TheFarSide'' had a husband trying to practice home surgery on his wife using a Time-Life book and complaining that she's thrashing around too much.
* {{Asterix}} in Switzerland: The Roman consul needs to get rid of a tax collector he poisoned, so he summons his personal doctors, which he claims are deadlier than a legion when united. When the doctors are first removed from their drunken orgy, then spend time arguing about who's the best suited for the operation, ''then'' suggest multiple contradictory treatments (one of which has "if the patient survives..." in the middle), you get his point. Thankfully the collector is "kept hostage" by the Gauls until Asterix comes back with the cure.
[[AC: {{Literature}}]]
* HarryPotter: Gilderoy Lockheart attempts to heal Harry's broken arm with a spell but accidentally removes all of the bones in his arm instead.
* In ''The Happy Return'' (the first ''Literature/HoratioHornblower'' book), the ship's only surgeon is an unqualified and panicky assistant. Given that this is ''already'' 1803, this is bad news for wounded sailors. Lady Barbara takes over care of the wounded herself and is much more competent, providing better care and helpful suggestions.
* The Guild of Barber-Surgeons in ''Literature/{{Discworld}}'' seem to mostly be this, at least until former BackAlleyDoctor Dr Lawn rises high enough in the profession to make some changes. In ''Discworld/FeetOfClay'', when Colon suggests calling a doctor in for Lord Vetinari, Vimes replies "Are you mad? We want him to live!"
[[AC: LiveActionTelevision]]
* Subverted in an episode of ''Series/DrQuinnMedicineWoman'' where Dr. Quinn clashes with a travelling faith healer. When an actual medical emergency arises, Quinn expects the faith healer to want to do her thing without any input but the faith healer insists that Quinn practice her medicine while the faith healer prays for the victim. Together (depending on one's point of view) they manage to heal him.
*The "Historical Paramedics" sketches on ''Series/HorribleHistories'' feature 'paramedics' from different historical eras applying period remedies to modern day patients, and usually leaving the patients in a worse condition than when they started, to the horror of the patient and onlookers. Similar ideas are used in the "Historical Hospital" and "Historical Dentist" sketches.
* ''Series/SaturdayNightLive'' had several sketches about "[[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Theodoric_of_York,_Medieval_Barber Theodoric of York, Medieval Barber]]'' (played by Creator/SteveMartin). He would order his patients to undergo bloodletting or some other medieval quackery, usually resulting in their disability or death.
* ''Series/BabylonFive'': "The Quality of Mercy" has a BackAlleyDoctor running a clinic in the station's Downbelow using an alien device to heal her patients. Doctor Franklin assumes she's a quack, since she's using non-standard techniques that he knows nothing about. [[spoiler:When he examines a few of her patients, however, he's astonished to find that they're actually getting better. He finds that the device is an ancient means of capital punishment used to heal terminally ill patients by transferring life energy from the condemned criminal into the patient.]]
* In ''Series/TheBeverlyHillbillies'' Granny brings her mountain doctorin' with her to Beverly Hills. She dislikes the drugstore because it has no drugs in it, "they should call it a what-not shop." Her "rumatiz medicine" is just bootleg whiskey. She has an old mountain cure for the common cold which a drug conglomerate wants to buy until they find out it's just grain alcohol and the prescription is to drink it daily, get plenty of bed rest and additional fluids, and your cold will be "miraculously" cured in about a week.
* Dr. Leo Spaceman from ''Series/ThirtyRock''. Granted he generally is only used to write prescriptions anyway.
-->'''Jack Donaghy''': [wanting to wake a patient from a coma] Couldn't you just inject something directly into his heart?
-->'''Dr. Spaceman''': I'd love to, but we have no way of knowing where the heart is.
In ''Series/{{Scrubs}}'' Doug is the worst intern ever, in fact he is so bad he makes the perfect coroner because he knows all the ways that a Doctor can screw up and kill someone.
-->'''Doug''': [examining a corpse]I'm betting he took a paracentesis needle to the aorta.
-->'''Coroner''': Have you seen this before?!
-->'''Doug''': Seen it? Upstairs they call that a 'Doug'!
[[AC: TabletopGames]]
*Warhammer40k:
** The closest thing Orks have to doctors are mad-docs, who frequently experiment on their patients. These range from [[CursedWithAwesome having weapons grafted on]] to [[AndIMustScream having your brain swapped with a squig's]].
** In DarkHeresy, your own character can be this, if you attempt a Medicae check and roll poorly. You'll suffer an additional penalty for working on [[BizarreAlienBiology Xenos]], unless they are Orks. [[SubvertedTrope With Orks you get a bonus]], because they are so tough you can't possibly make the injury worse.... Orks, expecting a mad-doc, will only seek medical treatment when they have no other choice.
[[AC: Videogames]]
* TheMedic in TeamFortress2 was a licensed doctor... before he does a malpractice in which his patient's bones went missing.
* Implied in the MysteryCaseFiles video game ''Escape From Ravenhearst'', in which an animatronic figure representing a MadDoctor spouts off disturbing statements while acting out the part of surgeon in a creepy hospital diorama. One of his lines is "I should have gone to medical school...".
[[AC:WebAnimation:]]
* ''WebVideo/UltraFastPony'': In "Reading to Rainbow", Rainbow Dash is hospitalized for a broken wing. The doctor who treats her is so inept that the rest of the cast has to ask him if he's ''sure'' he's actually a doctor.
-->'''Doctor:''' ''[examining an x-ray print]'' I'm afraid it doesn't look good. I tried connecting the dots, but they're not numbered. And without numbers, it's just chaos. Total chaos. I'm sorry, Rainbow Dash, but we're going to have to amputate your flappy things.
[[AC: {{Webcomics}}]]
* Navaan in ''Webcomic/{{Oglaf}}'' claims to be a doctor, but her healing methods include such questionable practices as putting an acorn in the stump of an amputated limb and stuffing it with dirt, which she thinks will grow a new limb.
* ''Webcomic/SaturdayMorningBreakfastCereal'' provides the page image, along with a number of other "fake doctor" and "bad doctor" strips.
* In ''Webcomic/TheOrderOfTheStick'' Elan is called to heal an injured crewmember of an airship. The process of healing looks like hilarious quackery. Subverted in that Elan is a D&D bard and thus has some actual healing powers, if of lower potency than those of a cleric.
* Isabella from ''Webcomic/{{Paranatural}}'' notices a cut on teammate Issac's face and tackles him to the ground so that she can "help" him. She succeeds in wrapping his entire head in bandages like a mummy.
[[AC: WesternAnimation]]
* Dr. Zoidberg of ''{{WesternAnimation/Futurama}}'' is supposedly an expert in alien medicine. Unfortunately, most of his patients are human, and he has repeatedly been shown to have virtually no working knowledge of human biology. Several years of "healing" the crew later and we get a line stating his doctorate is in ''art history''.
**One notable example comes from "The Tip of the Zoidberg", where he spectacularly fails to heal the crew's ailments before they go to an "actual doctor" that successfully cures them.
--> '''Zoidberg''': Now open your mouth and lets have a look at that brain. No, no the other mouth.
--> '''Fry:''' I only have one.
--> '''Zoidberg:''' Really?
* ''TheSimpsons'' has Dr Nick Riviera ([[PhraseCatcher "Hi, Doctor Nick!"]]), an amoral quack who'll show up at any medical emergency, sometimes pursued by angry former patients.** Played with in the case of Dr. Hibbert, who is the Simpsons' normally competent family doctor. However, in [[Recap/TheSimpsonsS12E18TrilogyOfError Trilogy of Error]], when Homer accidentally gets one of his thumbs cut off, Hibbert suggests that the other thumb should get cut off for "a sense of symmetry". Marge and Homer are then immeditately seen driving away from Hibbert's office.
--->'''Marge:''' Hibbert's really losing it. We're going to Dr. Nick's.
* Doctor Vindaloo, a recurring bit character on ''WesternAnimation/CourageTheCowardlyDog'', has a doctorate hanging on his wall that actually reads "Quack" on it. His appearances usually consist of making a bleak and outlandish diagnosis, before [[FalseReassurance reassuring the patient:]]
-> "But there is nothink to worry about. Nothink at ohl."
* When WesternAnimation/SpongeBobSquarePants gets the Suds, he at first calls Sandy to take him to the doctor, but then he gets scared by Patrick's horror stories about the doctor's office. He asks Patrick to cure him instead, but his "cures" - which include plugging up his pores, pulling out his tooth, and even medieval torture - only makes things worse.
* Dr. Krieger on ''WesternAnimation/{{Archer}}'' is a subversion of this. He apparently isn't a real doctor (it seems his first name is actually "Doctor"), has no real concept of human anatomy and mostly performs highly questionable "mad science" under non-sterile conditions, but somehow usually ends up healing his patients and even [[Series/TheSixMillionDollarMan making them better than they were before]].
* ''WesternAnimation/DanVs'': In "[[Recap/DanVsS1E5DanVsTheAnimalShelter Dan Vs. The Animal Shelter]]", two hospital orderlies mention offhand that only the patients with really good insurance get examined by a real doctor--everyone else just sees an actor dressed as a doctor. This becomes a ChekhovsGag when, at the end, Dan gets his face badly scratched by a cat and has to go to the hospital:
-->'''Doctor''': Okay, let's get those pants off.
-->'''Dan''': Um, I'm here about my face being all scratched.
-->'''Doctor''': ''[chuckles]'' Oh, don't worry. I'm not a doctor.
-->''[ScareChord. Episode ends.]''
* ''WesternAnimation/LiloAndStitchTheSeries'': In the episode "Poxy", Pleakley gets a bizarre illness. When he tells Lilo and Stitch about it, their response is to attempt to "operate" on Pleakley - in Stitch's case, by way of a chainsaw.
