History Literature / StarIsland

* LaserGuidedKarma: Abbott's shark chumming resulted in an unlucky tourist getting part of his buttocks bitten off by a shark, which Bang photographed. [[spoiler: Bang takes a bullet to the butt at the end of the novel, and winds up on a stretcher with his pants down while a rival paparazzo takes a candid photo.]] The Buntermans, meanwhile, plan to use Ann's kidnapping as a publicity stunt to boost Cherry's career, but warn Cherry that to sell the story she has to stop partying, in order to sell her "recovery"; Cherry goes out anyway, which might not have been disastrous, [[spoiler:if Ann hadn't shown up at the same club and provoked her into a highly public meltdown.]]

'''Janet''': Look at all the great musicians who have used the stuff and didn't die: [[Music/EricClapton Clapton]], [[Music/KeithRichards]], [[Music/David Bowie]]... I mean, Maury, come on! Let's not automatically assume the situation is unmanageable.

** After her first talent contest win at age 6, her parents supplied "provocative wardrobe and dance lessons from a petite stripper recruited at a local gentleman's club".
** Her mother invented her "[[PornNames shamelessly porny]]" StageName "Cherry Pye" (her father suggested "Cherry Pop") shortly before her casting in a Nickelodeon made-for-TV movie at age 14.
** When she is recruited as a pop star at age 15, her promoter, Maury Lykes, deliberately crafts her stage persona based on what he calls "the BLS brand" (Barely Legal Slut); her debut single and album are both titled, "Touch Me Like You Mean It"; her subsequent albums include "Down And Dirty" and "Skantily Klad", with song titles such as "Runaway Tongue" and "Jealous Bone".

** Infuriated by Chemo's confiscation of all liquor and drugs, she makes a clumsy attempt to seduce him, which fails; later, she tells him to hold a mirror while she shaves her bikini zone, and is even more infuriated when "he look[s] no more aroused than if he were watching a poodle being groomed."

** Janet Bunterman feigns that her famous daughter’s frequent trips to the emergency room are dietary problems instead of drug and alcohol overdoses, yet acts genuinely outraged if anyone challenges her on this.
** Cherry Pye, during her rare "flashes of self-awareness", realizes that she has no actual singing talent, but is "happy to play the part" of a world-class diva.

* BerserkButton: Skink will bring violent revenge upon anyone who damages the environment, especially the Florida Everglades; he is also painfully aware that South Beach is "a minefield of incivilities and pretension" - i.e., one big Berserk Button for him, and his mission to rescue Ann is delayed several times by his need to "impart a lesson" to whatever rude and inconsiderate people happen to cross his path.

* BookEnds: The book begins and ends with EMT Jimmy Campo being called out ("In all respects, a routine South Beach 911 call - until now"). The first time, he is picking up Ann with Claude present (hoping to get a photo of Cherry). [[spoiler:The second time, he is picking up Claude with Ann present.]]

** Played with in the character of Cherry, who complains ''pro forma'' about what a hassle it is to be a star, but honestly has no idea what she would do if she wasn't one.
** Played straight in the character of Ann, who wants to succeed as a serious actress, but carefully avoids tawdry publicity (in the epilogue, three publishers offer her hundred-thousand dollar deals for tell-alls about her time as Cherry's double, but she turns them down).

* ComicallyMissingThePoint: Cherry's boyfriend, Tanner Dane Keefe, is absurdly proud of his role in Creator/QuentinTarantino's upcoming shocker parody as a [[ILovetheDead necrophiliac]] surfer "with the soul of a poet", and is infuriated when he fails to receive any offers to appear on the covers of major magazines, even surfer magazines, and blames his publicist's ineptitude, or Tarantino's "hog[ging] all the media." When his scenes are removed entirely from the final cut, Keefe responds by firing his manager and legally re-ordering the sequence of his names.

-->'''Ann''': That man back there... he's nuts, right?
-->'''Jim Tile''': No, ma'am... He's got a long memory and a bad temper, but he's completely sane.
-->'''Ann''': Oh my God, you didn't hear what he said to those guys from the bus...!
-->'''Jim Tile''': I didn't say he was harmless, did I?

%%zce* DeadpanSnarker: Ann [=DeLusia=]. Especially when talking to [[{{Paparazzi}} Bang Abbott]].

--->Thirty years ago I would have chewed your panties off by now; gently, of course, with candles in the background.

* DodgyToupee: Chemo wears an "execrable salmon red hairpiece", but no one dares to laugh, possibly because (judging by the rest of him) it's easy to assume that what lies underneath the piece is far more hideous.
* DracoInLeatherPants: An InUniverse example. Cherry may not be evil or malicious, but she is a five-star SpoiledBrat who made her first million at age 15, and at 22 resents and shirks her very few "responsibilities" ("There's, like, eighteen songs to learn and they're all different."); yet as with all celebrities, she has a loyal fandom more than ready to invent excuses for her self-destructive behavior, which she herself finds hilarious:
-->"As for the partying, it wasn't a desperate cry for help; it was fun. Cherry hooted every time a blogger theorized she was [[FreudianExcuse subconsciously rebelling against her parents]], or lashing out at Maury Lykes. She loved being a star, and moreover was equipped for no other role. The possibility of losing her fame never occurred to her; she wouldn't have known how to live a private life[.]"

** Driving back to the hotel from a photo shoot, she throws a tantrum when her temporary bodyguard refuses her offer to leave his current employer and work for her full-time, then a worse tantrum when she can't find the [=BlackBerry=] she stole from Bang Abbott (forgetting that she dropped it in a drunken stupor at her boyfriend's home): "This is the worst f**king day of my whole f**king life!"
** Told by her parents that the photo shoot for ''Vanity Fair'' was a ruse, she throws a can of Red Bull against the wall and screeches, "I hate you both! You are the worst humans ever!"

* EmbarrassingTattoo: On the advice of a crooked psychic, a drunken Cherry gets a tattoo of a centaur with the body of a zebra and the face of Axl Rose on the back of her neck; what makes the tattoo even more hideous is that the artist was interrupted midway and the zebra's body is left incomplete, except for the over-sized penis.

** Likewise, Chemo is disgusted by how everyone fawns over Cherry, "some dumb chick with a voice like a sack full of starving kittens", who has become "filthy rich", while thousands of people are "shattered and broke" after the housing bubble burst, "their only sin being trying to score a decent house for their families."

** Bang Abbott and the Buntermans both assume that Ann, an actress, would do anything for fame and money; after she has been kidnapped, the Lark twins advise Janet Bunterman that it would be more convenient for everyone if the kidnapper killed her, since they can all assume that if she were released, Ann would run straight to the TV networks to sell her story. Bang likewise advises her to "write your own ticket" with the Buntermans, threatening to reveal everything unless they pay her off; Ann, however, has no appetite for {{blackmail}}, and doesn't want to become famous in the same tawdry way that Cherry Pye did.
** D.T. Maltby, Skink's former lieutenant governor, decided long ago that any Florida politician who refused to accept bribes must be "crazy as a shithouse rat."

-->Cherry needed to generate some buzz, but not in the usual tawdry way. She had to get the fans back on her side; be a victim for a change, not a f**kup.

* GlamourFailure: Somewhere in the novel, the normally cynical Bang Abbott is afflicted with a "sappy enchantment" towards Cherry Pye, as if her celebrity really does make her something special and unique; but by the end of his photo shoot with her, he has spent a last "excruciating" hour trying to converse with her, and realizes that she really is as shallow and empty-headed as the media has made her appear. His photos of her may still prove to be lucrative as long as she is a star, but she is otherwise not worth his or anyone else's attention.

* {{Greed}}: At times, Ned and Janet Bunterman delude themselves into believing that by managing their daughter's career, they are helping to "[bring] happiness to millions of loyal young fans." But they never lose sight of the bottom line: the family has raked in millions of dollars from that career. Likewise, Ned and Janet try to tell themselves that they're not indifferent to Ann's safety after she is kidnapped, but both are "forced" to see the Larks' point that it would be easier for everybody if Bang Abbott just killed her and dumped her body, instead of risking that, alive or dead, her role as Cherry's BodyDouble could be exposed to the media.

** Cherry fantasizes about having a "big, bald, black dude" as her new bodyguard. When such a bodyguard temporarily replaces Chemo, Cherry says he is perfect, except "he's supposed to be bald" and orders her hairdresser to shave his head, but the bodyguard refuses.
** Janet and Bang Abbott (separately) reflexively refer to Ann as a "nobody", while focusing all their attention and concern on [[BrainlessBeauty Cherry Pye]].

-->While Ned Bunterman was fond of his daughter, he didn't cling to any parental illusions. She was a simpleton, shallow as a thimble. Having worked in a Hummer showroom, he considered himself an authority on the species.

* IdleRich: Cherry's parents, Ned and Janet Bunterman, flatter themselves that acting as their daughter's managers is something like a full-time job, but Janet always has time for thrice-weekly combined tennis lessons/sex sessions with her pro/gigolo, while Ned devotes a minimal amount of time to managing the family's bills, and the rest to "golf, vineyard tours, and three-way sex" with a bisexual couple in Pasadena.
* ImmoralJournalist: unlike most {{paparazzi}}, Bang Abbott worked for an actual newspaper before switching careers; the act that got him fired - deliberately luring a school of sharks to a public beach in the hopes of causing a photogenic stampede of tourists, and causing one of them to be seriously mauled - was '''much''' worse than any of his "low moves" as a paparazzo.

-->"You felt sorry," Janet Bunterman said, "for a paparazzo."
-->"Plus, he had the hottest orange Blackberry. Which now I can't even find!"
-->Janet Bunterman got up and went to the minibar, only to discover that Chemo, as ordered, had removed all the liquor products.

-->"The Pulitzer thingy," Cherry was saying, "is that like a People's Choice?"
-->Ned Bunterman scouted the room for a minibar. He wondered if it was possible that Cherry had tumbled from her crib as an infant and dented her frontal lobe.
* IRejectYourReality: As far as her mother is concerned, Cherry Lye is ''not'' a drug addict or alcoholic, she has attacks of "gastritis", and the rehab clinic in Malibu she is frequently checked into is a "dietary camp". Everyone else in Cherry's entourage has given up trying to convince her to accept even part of the reality.

** The narrative then "cuts" to [[SpoiledBrat Cherry Pye]], who is "nearly levitating with self-pity" in her hotel suite because her bodyguard won't let her out to hit the South Beach club scene or score drugs and alcohol.

** Surrounded by an entourage of publicists, stylists, bodyguards, her parents, and her record promoter, all of whom work overtime to keep her pampered and oblivious to her own screw-ups, she is still capable of the following pronouncement: "Maybe I need somebody to worry about me for a change! You ever think that, like, hello, that's what's wrong with this picture? Too many people aren't worrying about ''me''!"

** Hiaasen often specializes in creating a scene in which the hero/protagonist confronts the villain(s), trying to understand the motives for their actions, but always ends up unsatisfied with the outcome, when the villains turn out to be just as lazy, greedy, shallow and vacuous as their actions make them appear; Bang Abbott becomes obsessed with her after she has an [[MileHighClub airborne quickie]] with him, then steals his camera bag and cell phone and strands him at the airport. He becomes determined to get close to her again and figure out what "dark plan" she was enacting. After their second meeting, he realizes that her stupidity is no act and she did what she did on reckless impulse.

--->So far Ann had seen nothing to suggest that the former Cheryl Bunterman was complicated, misunderstood or even slightly exploited. Rather the woman appeared spoiled, vain, and empty-headed.

* MarriageofConvenience: Ned and Janet Bunterman had "mostly lost interest in each other" by the time Cheryl/Cherry was conceived, and their shared devotion to Cherry's career and income is the only thing sustaining their marriage; after Cherry's final "crash", they separate for good.

* MonsterFangirl: The "usually unflappable" Lark sisters are unaccountably fascinated with Chemo, despite (or perhaps because of) his hideous appearance and violent criminal history; though he has no interest in either of them, he is not surprised, since, being an ex-convict, he has come to understand that ''"some women got turned on when they were creeped out".''

** After Lev is gone, Cherry daydreams about hiring a hulking, bald African-American to replace him "like Britney's guy".

--->'''Maury Lykes''': Honey, don't take it personal. Middle-aged psychopaths, they don't keep up with the music scene.
** Cherry's former bodyguard, Lev, also made his opinion clear when Janet fired him: ''"Your daughter's a f**king train wreck. Also, she sings like a frog with emphysema."''

* NotHelpingYourCase: Cherry tries to seduce Kurt, her one-day replacement bodyguard, into replacing Chemo and working for her full-time, and throws a tantrum when he says he already has a well-paid job (complete with "fringe benefits") with a different female client. She demands to know who it is, and he says he can't tell her the name, but "she's in film." Cherry's response:

*** When Janet Bunterman picks Ann up from the hospital, she immediately launches into a tirade about Chemo replacing Cherry's recently-fired bodyguard; Ann interjects, "I was in a major car crash, but I'm feeling much better now, thanks for asking." Janet carries on as if she hasn't heard a word Ann is saying, noting that a cut on Ann's lip (from the car crash) is going to make her next impersonation of Cherry more difficult, only paying attention when Ann threatens to quit. Then she makes clear that she heard everything Ann was saying - "The part about the car accident, was that true? Please tell me you didn't get beat up on a date or something" - and automatically filed it under "not important."

---->'''Ann''': "I want a life of my own."
---->'''Janet''': "But you're an actress!"

* JerkassHasAPoint: Bang, defending his work as a paparazzo, says, "Babe, we're just feeding the beast. Soon as nobody cares about Hollywood anymore, we're all out of business. They all bitch about the paparazzi, but guess what? They'd totally freak if one night they came out of a club and we weren't there. Because then they'd know they were done, over... You don't get it. They need us more than we need them." When it comes to Cherry Pye, he is completely right; when Cherry wakes up from her latest AlcoholInducedIdiocy at her home in Los Angeles, her first impulse is to look out the window and complain that there are no photographers or video crews camped outside the gates - ''at two o'clock in the morning.''

* MoralMyopia: While Abbott is being loaded onto an ambulance with a bullet in his ass, one of the other paparazzi raises his camera. Abbott whines, ''"are you serious?"'' This from a man who earlier admitted to Ann that he bribed a florist's delivery boy to snap shots of a comatose Creator/FarahFawcett on her deathbed, and HandWaved it, ''"she never knew it happened. No harm, no foul."''

* MonsterFangirl: The "usually unflappable" Lark sisters are unaccountably fascinated with Chemo, despite (or perhaps because of) his hideous appearance and violent criminal history; though he has no interest in either of them, he is not surprised, since, being an ex-convict, he has come to understand that "some women got turned on when they were creeped out".

** Cherry's former bodyguard, Lev, also made his opinion clear when Janet fired him: "Your daughter's a f**king train wreck. Also, she sings like a frog with emphysema."

** How Cherry Pye's first number got big: "The ensuing uproar from [[MoralGuardians offended Christian groups]]" over a 15-year-old in a salacious music video drew even more attention to it and catapulted it to the top of the charts.
** Cherry's record producer, Maury Lykes, is aware that "occasional public misbehavior... airport tantrums, [=DUIs=], botched shopliftings, and other episodes of delamination" help to keep a star in the public eye, especially when his or her "manifest lack of talent" would otherwise become glaringly obvious.

** After Bang Abbott is shot through the buttocks outside a South Beach club, the other {{paparazzi}} are "more concerned with chasing the spooked celebrities than consoling their stricken colleague." One of them even snaps a picture of Bang on the ambulance stretcher.

** Maury first saw her at age 14 on Nickelodeon, which he assiduously watched on the lookout for fresh talent, and because of his "criminal fondness for underage girls."
** At age 22, she cheerfully owns that she will "mate for fun" with anything remotely male, even an unbathed, morbidly obese paparazzo.
** When Maury threatens that her career is on the verge of ending if she doesn't curb her [[AlcoholInducedIdiocy reckless behavior]], does she promise to be a good girl? No, she pulls him into a close embrace and whines, "don't ever leave me, Maury."

-->"What are you going to do to a guy like that? He's already pathetic."

* PushoverParents: Cherry's mother and father are terrified of doing ''anything'' that might be construed as criticizing, let alone disciplining their daughter, who has become an alcoholic, drug-addicted, sex-obsessed "train wreck", not because they care about her well-being, but because she is the family's sole source of income and anything that "upsets" her might jeopardize that.

* RecklessGunUsage: Paparazzo Bang Abbott buys a revolver from a pawnbroker in the mistaken belief that "carrying a firearm would make certain persons take him more seriously." Though he has never fired a gun before, he assumes that it is less complicated to operate than a camera, "and the operative fundamentals [a]re the same: point-and-shoot." [[spoiler:When Ann points the gun at him, he idiotically tries to grab it away from her, resulting in his right index finger being shot off.]]

** Bang Abbott is not quite so delusional as to think that Cherry's [[MileHighClub airborne seduction of him]] is an expression of love, but he becomes obsessed with trying to find out why "a major female recording artist" would hump a "homely wanker" like himself.
--->It was a measure of the photographer's deepening obsession that he was able to twist a frivolously empty act of intercourse into something calculated and diabolical. At times he was close to convincing himself that Cherry had hatched a dark plan, that she was using him in some cynical way.
** After their second face-to-face meeting, Abbott realizes that Cherry seduced him for the same reason she does anything else - i.e., on reckless, brainless impulse.

* ScrewTheMoneyIHaveRules: After Ann's kidnapping, the Buntermans fearfully offer her fifty thousand dollars to keep quiet; Ann rejects it in favor of plane fare home, reflecting later that she needs a "clean, irreparable break" from Cherry and the Buntermans, and accepting the money would have bound her to them instead of liberating her.

* SkewedPriorities: Given that the Buntermans are motivated purely by {{greed}}, it is ''almost'' understandable that they refuse to report Ann's kidnapping, and prefer to let her be killed by the kidnapper, rather than let her role as Cherry's BodyDouble be revealed to the media; what is less understandable is that they are just as adamant that this not be revealed to Cherry herself, because knowing that a "full-time lookalike" has been appearing in public as her might "upset" her.

** Ann reflects that she has little experience with "interesting and complicated" men such as Skink, since her looks "ten[d] to attract the cocky and self-absorbed".

** A long-time fan of classic hard rock from TheSixties and TheSeventies, Hiaasen has nothing but contempt for the modern crop of "female recording artists", not one of whom, in his estimation, could "yodel her way out of a broom closet."

** The public at large, for making "American newsstands such celebrity crapfests."

-->Before the opening number, Cherry had [[AlcoholInducedIdiocy whimsically decided to try crystal meth]]... she'd lasted for three songs, and at no time had the movement of her lips matched the voice track being piped through the speakers. When the crowd in the first few rows had begun to jeer, Cherry had spun around, dropped her leather mini-shorts, and bent over to moon the offenders. Naturally, she'd lost her balance and fallen on her head.

** Lampshaded by Maury's exchange with one of the Lark twins, when he floats Ned Bunterman's proposal of using [[BodyDouble Ann]]'s kidnapping as a publicity stunt on Cherry's behalf:

** Chemo, a former mortgage broker, is the [[OnlySaneMen closest thing]] in Cherry's entourage to someone familiar with the "real" world, and, characteristically, he can't stand Cherry or her parents.

** Cherry herself enthusiastically proposes that she adopt three children as a publicity stunt; since she is "unfit to care for a goldfish, much less a child", she takes it for granted that someone else will be responsible for any actual responsibilities.

* VomitIndiscretionShot: The reader's first introduction to Cherry Pye is from inside a limousine as she is being rushed to the hospital, puking into a silver-plated ice bucket. Any sympathy the reader might feel for her plight dies when she whines that none of the passengers will hold the bucket for her ("Jesus, what do I pay you assholes for?")

* WasItReallyWorthIt: Most of the novel is driven by Bang Abbott's obsessive need to get a picture of pop star Cherry Pye, believing that she's destined for an early grave and pictures of her just before her "final crash" will be priceless; eventually he kidnaps her BodyDouble, Ann, and demands an all-day photo shoot with Cherry; he gets his wish - and all it costs him is [[spoiler:getting his camera finger shot off, having his butt sliced by a Weed Whacker, and being blackmailed to give up the photos.]] The irony is that, after his photo shoot, Bang realizes that Cherry really is an "empty-headed tartlett", but the realization does not come in time for him to avoid [[spoiler:receiving a non-fatal gunshot wound that permanently ends his career as a paparazzo. He is reduced to operating a portrait studio in Los Angeles, photographing "toddlers, prom couples, and small pets."]] Since Cherry doesn't die, the photos of her are worthless.

** Hiaasen refers to the furor after the death of Music/MichaelJackson as "the most loathsome media frenzy since the O.J. Simpson trial".
** In an interview for ''The New York Times'' about the novel, he said, "I'll bet more people today can name all the Kardashians than can name the President of Afghanistan."
* WritersSuck: When Ann moved to Southern California from Iowa, she originally wanted to be a screenwriter, until she had a brief fling with one, whose "conversation was even more tedious than the sex." Bang Abbott, whose job depends on knowing what faces the public recognizes, scoffs, "name the five hottest screenwriters in L.A. and I wouldn't know those f**kers if they hanged themselves over the 405."

* {{Arson Murder and Jaywalking}}: When the Buntermans offer Ann $50,000 in hush money after her ordeal:
-->'''Ann''': For being kidnapped, drugged, and humiliated? Did I mention the guy took a three-minute pee while I was handcuffed to the damn toilet? Try to put a price tag on a moment like ''that''.

* OneHourWorkWeek: Ann's typical job is to be seen as Cherry entering a club, and then be seen as Cherry leaving the club a few hours later. She spends the rest of the evening in a back room eating takeout and watching TV. Five to ten minutes of actual work per appearance. The problem is she has to be perpetually on call for those five to ten minutes, and dealing with the perpetual train wreck of the Bunterman family life that makes those five to ten minutes necessary.

* EverythingsEvenWorseWithSharks: Bang Abbott once lured a pack of hungry lemon sharks to a beach of tourists, hoping to get a lucrative photograph of their frenzied, panicked escape from the water. He assumed wrongly that lemon sharks would focus on the bloody chum bag and ignore the tourists. Instead, one of the sharks attacks the swimmers, one of whom runs out of the water with the animal still attached. Abbott won a Pulitzer Prize for capturing the moment, but was forced out the newspaper business after it's brought to light he essentially staged the whole thing, even though the attack was real.

** After her first talent contest win at age 6, her parents supplied ''"provocative wardrobe and dance lessons from a petite stripper recruited at a local gentleman's club"'';
** Her mother invented her ''"[[PornNames shamelessly porny]]"'' StageName "Cherry Pye" (her father suggested "Cherry Pop") shortly before her casting in a Nickelodeon made-for-TV movie at age 14;
** When she is recruited as a pop star at age 15, her promoter, Maury Lykes, deliberately crafts her stage persona based on what he calls ''"the BLS brand"'' (Barely Legal Slut); her debut single and album are both titled, "Touch Me Like You Mean It"; her subsequent albums include "Down And Dirty" and "Skantily Klad", with song titles such as "Runaway Tongue" and "Jealous Bone";
** Accompanied by Bang Abbott on a private jet from Los Angeles to Miami, she decides on an impulse to have an [[MileHighClub onboard quickie]] with him (despite him being exactly twice her age, morbidly obese, unbathed and in a profession she claims to loathe); afterwards, neither of them can explain why she did it;
** Infuriated by Chemo's confiscation of all liquor and drugs, she makes a clumsy attempt to seduce him, which fails; later, she tells him to hold a mirror while she shaves her bikini zone, and is even more infuriated when ''"he look[s] no more aroused than if he were watching a poodle being groomed."''
** During a previous downswing in her career, she made a sex tape; when her mother warns that another publicity jolt is needed before her concert tour, Cherry's suggestion is to make another one;
* BeleagueredAssistant: Ann [=DeLusia=], the body double for the hopelessly drug-addicted pop star Cherry Pye, is called upon to pose on a hospital stretcher, pass for Cherry in public while the real woman is too wasted to appear, and is finally kidnapped at gunpoint by an obsessed paparazzo, all while the real Cherry remains completely unaware of her existence;

** Cherry Pye, during her rare ''"flashes of self-awareness"'', realizes that she has no actual singing talent, but is ''"happy to play the part"'' of a world-class diva.

* BerserkButton: Skink will bring violent revenge upon anyone who damages the environment, especially the Florida Everglades; he is also painfully aware that South Beach is ''"a minefield of incivilities and pretension"'' - i.e., one big Berserk Button for him, and his mission to rescue Ann is delayed several times by his need to ''"impart a lesson"'' to whatever rude and inconsiderate people happen to cross his path;

* BookEnds: The book begins and ends with EMT Jimmy Campo being called out (''"In all respects, a routine South Beach 911 call - until now"''). The first time, he is picking up Ann with Claude present (hoping to get a photo of Cherry). [[spoiler:The second time, he is picking up Claude with Ann present.]]

* {{Comically Missing the Point}}: Cherry's boyfriend, Tanner Dane Keefe, is absurdly proud of his role in Creator/QuentinTarantino's upcoming shocker parody as a [[ILovetheDead necrophiliac]] surfer ''"with the soul of a poet"'', and is infuriated when he fails to receive any offers to appear on the covers of major magazines, even surfer magazines, and blames his publicist's ineptitude, or Tarantino's ''"hog[ging] all the media."''
** When his scenes are removed entirely from the final cut, Keefe responds by firing his manager and legally re-ordering the sequence of his names;

* CrazySane: Skink

* CuteButCacophonic: Cheryl Bunterman's only natural stage assets are her beautiful looks, some limited dancing ability, and her shameless willingness to flaunt both; after ''"three months of expensive coaching... Maury Lykes resigned himself to the fact that she had the weakest singing voice he'd ever heard from anyone not confined to a hospice."'' Therefore, her "singing" is produced entirely through a combination of backup singers, computer enhancement, and lip-syncing.

* DecoyGetaway: When Cherry accidentally overdoses on ''"an unwise mix of vodka, Red Bull, hydrocodone, birdseed, and stool softener"'', [[BodyDouble Ann DeLusia]] is taken out on a stretcher through the front exit, where she is photographed by [[{{Paparazzi}} Bang Abbott]], while Cherry is snuck out the back.
* DirtyOldMan: Maury Lykes, Cherry’s record producer, is outright described as a closet pedophile by the narrative early on.
** Averted with Skink: while he fully acknowledges how attractive Ann is, he also acknowledges that he's old enough to be her grandfather;
--->''Thirty years ago I would have chewed your panties off by now; gently, of course, with candles in the background.''

* DodgyToupee: Chemo wears an ''"execrable salmon red hairpiece"'', but no one dares to laugh, possibly because (judging by the rest of him) it's easy to assume that what lies underneath the piece is far more hideous.
* {{Draco in Leather Pants}}: An InUniverse example. Cherry may not be evil or malicious, but she is a five-star SpoiledBrat who made her first million at age 15, and at 22 resents and shirks her very few "responsibilities" (''"There's, like, eighteen songs to learn and they're all different."''); yet as with all celebrities, she has a loyal fandom more than ready to invent excuses for her self-destructive behavior, which she herself finds hilarious:
-->''"As for the partying, it wasn't a desperate cry for help; it was fun. Cherry hooted every time a blogger theorized she was [[FreudianExcuse subconsciously rebelling against her parents]], or lashing out at Maury Lykes. She loved being a star, and moreover was equipped for no other role. The possibility of losing her fame never occurred to her; she wouldn't have known how to live a private life[.]"''
* DramaQueen: Cherry Pye, UpToEleven.
** Driving back to the hotel from a photo shoot, she throws a tantrum when her temporary bodyguard refuses her offer to leave his current employer and work for her full-time, then a worse tantrum when she can't find the [=BlackBerry=] she stole from Bang Abbott (forgetting that she dropped it in a drunken stupor at her boyfriend's home): ''"This is the worst f**king day of my whole f**king life!"''
** Told by her parents that the photo shoot for ''Vanity Fair'' was a ruse, she throws a can of Red Bull against the wall and screeches, ''"I hate you both! You are the worst humans ever!"''
* EmbarrassingTattoo: on the advice of a crooked psychic, a drunken Cherry gets a tattoo of a centaur with the body of a zebra and the face of Axl Rose on the back of her neck; what makes the tattoo even more hideous is that the artist was interrupted midway and the zebra's body is left incomplete, except for the over-sized penis.

** Likewise, Chemo is disgusted by how everyone fawns over Cherry, ''"some dumb chick with a voice like a sack full of starving kittens"'', who has become ''"filthy rich"'', while thousands of people are ''"shattered and broke"'' after the housing bubble burst, ''"their only sin being trying to score a decent house for their families."''

** Bang Abbott and the Buntermans both assume that Ann, an actress, would do anything for fame and money; after she has been kidnapped, the Lark twins advise Janet Bunterman that it would be more convenient for everyone if the kidnapper killed her, since they can all assume that if she were released, Ann would run straight to the TV networks to sell her story; Bang likewise advises her to ''"write your own ticket"'' with the Buntermans, threatening to reveal everything unless they pay her off; Ann, however, has no appetite for {{blackmail}}, and doesn't want to become famous in the same tawdry way that Cherry Pye did;
** D.T. Maltby, Skink's former lieutenant governor, decided long ago that any Florida politician who refused to accept bribes must be ''"crazy as a shithouse rat."''

-->''Cherry needed to generate some buzz, but not in the usual tawdry way. She had to get the fans back on her side; be a victim for a change, not a f**kup.''
* AFoolAndHisNewMoneyAreSoonParted: as soon as Cherry hit it big at age 15, her parents immediately quit their day jobs (her three older brothers never held one between them) and all five started living large and spent as if the money would last forever; seven years later, her father Ned is aghast to realize that the family has burned through nearly all of the millions of dollars Cherry made, and they will be ruined if her comeback album is anything other than a smash hit;

** Cherry's publicists, the Lark sisters, are entirely responsible for writing "as her" on her blog and Twitter profile, one of ''many'' tasks necessary to maintain her public image in which Cherry herself takes zero interest;

* GlamourFailure: somewhere in the novel, the normally cynical Bang Abbott is afflicted with a ''"sappy enchantment"'' towards Cherry Pye, as if her celebrity really does make her something special and unique; but by the end of his photo shoot with her, he has spent a last ''"excruciating"'' hour trying to converse with her, and realizes that she really is as shallow and empty-headed as the media has made her appear. His photos of her may still prove to be lucrative as long as she is a star, but she is otherwise not worth his or anyone else's attention.

* {{Greed}}: At times, Ned and Janet Bunterman delude themselves into believing that by managing their daughter's career, they are helping to ''"[bring] happiness to millions of loyal young fans."'' But they never lose sight of the bottom line: the family has raked in millions of dollars from that career. Likewise, Ned and Janet try to tell themselves that they're not indifferent to Ann's safety after she is kidnapped, but both are ''"forced"'' to see the Larks' point that it would be easier for everybody if Bang Abbott just killed her and dumped her body, instead of risking that, alive or dead, her role as Cherry's BodyDouble could be exposed to the media.

%%{{Harsher in Hindsight}}: Cherry's father, Ned, warns his wife that Cherry's AlcoholInducedIdiocy has already become more famous than her music, and is on the verge of wrecking her career permanently: ''"look what happened to Amy Winehouse, and that girl can carry a tune."'' Winehouse died of a drug overdose in July 2011, almost exactly a year after the novel was published.

** Ann, Cherry's BodyDouble, was hired principally because she looks like her; the fact that she's an actress was a lucky bonus;
*** When Janet Bunterman picks Ann up from the hospital, she immediately launches into a tirade about Chemo replacing Cherry's recently-fired bodyguard; Ann interjects, ''"I was in a major car crash, but I'm feeling much better now, thanks for asking."'' Janet carries on as if she hasn't heard a word Ann is saying, noting that a cut on Ann's lip (from the car crash) is going to make her next impersonation of Cherry more difficult, only paying attention when Ann threatens to quit. Then she makes clear that she heard everything Ann was saying - ''"The part about the car accident, was that true? Please tell me you didn't get beat up on a date or something"'' - and automatically filed it under "not important."

--->'''Ann''': "I want a life of my own."
--->'''Janet''': "But you're an actress!"
** Cherry fantasizes about having a ''"big, bald, black dude"'' as her new bodyguard. When such a bodyguard temporarily replaces Chemo, Cherry says he is perfect, except ''"he's supposed to be bald"'' and orders her hairdresser to shave his head, but the bodyguard refuses.
** Janet and Bang Abbott (separately) reflexively refer to Ann as a ''"nobody"'', while focusing all their attention and concern on [[BrainlessBeauty Cherry Pye]].

-->''While Ned Bunterman was fond of his daughter, he didn't cling to any parental illusions. She was a simpleton, shallow as a thimble. Having worked in a Hummer showroom, he considered himself an authority on the species.''
* IdleRich: Cherry's parents, Ned and Janet Bunterman, flatter themselves that acting as their daughter's managers is something like a full-time job, but Janet always has time for thrice-weekly combined tennis lessons/sex sessions with her pro/gigolo, while Ned devotes a minimal amount of time to managing the family's bills, and the rest to ''"golf, vineyard tours, and three-way sex"'' with a bisexual couple in Pasadena;
* ImmoralJournalist: unlike most {{paparazzi}}, Bang Abbott worked for an actual newspaper before switching careers; the act that got him fired - deliberately luring a school of sharks to a public beach in the hopes of causing a photogenic stampede of tourists, and causing one of them to be seriously mauled - was '''much''' worse than any of his ''"low moves"'' as a paparazzo;

* IRejectYourReality: As far as her mother is concerned, Cherry Lye is ''not'' a drug addict or alcoholic, she has attacks of "''gastritis''", and the rehab clinic in Malibu she is frequently checked into is a "''dietary camp''". Everyone else in Cherry's entourage has given up trying to convince her to accept even part of the reality.
* ItsAllAboutMe: Cherry Pye, to the Nth degree:
** Surrounded by an entourage of publicists, stylists, bodyguards, her parents, and her record promoter, all of whom work overtime to keep her pampered and oblivious to her own screw-ups, she is still capable of the following pronouncement: ''"Maybe I need somebody to worry about me for a change! You ever think that, like, hello, that's what's wrong with this picture? Too many people aren't worrying about ''me''!"''

* JerkassHasAPoint: Bang, defending his work as a paparazzo:
-->''"Babe, we're just feeding the beast. Soon as nobody cares about Hollywood anymore, we're all out of business. They all bitch about the paparazzi, but guess what? They'd totally freak if one night they came out of a club and we weren't there. Because then they'd know they were done, over... You don't get it. They need us more than we need them."''
** When it comes to Cherry Pye, he is completely right; when Cherry wakes up from her latest AlcoholInducedIdiocy at her home in Los Angeles, her first impulse is to look out the window and complain that there are no photographers or video crews camped outside the gates - ''at two o'clock in the morning.''

** Hiaasen often specializes in creating a scene in which the hero/protagonist confronts the villain(s), trying to understand the motives for their actions, but always ends up unsatisfied with the outcome, when the villains turn out to be just as lazy, greedy, shallow and vacuous as their actions make them appear; Bang Abbott becomes obsessed with her after she has an [[MileHighClub airborne quickie]] with him, then steals his camera bag and cell phone and strands him at the airport. He becomes determined to get close to her again and figure out what "dark plan" she was enacting. After their second meeting, he realizes that her stupidity is no act and she did what she did on reckless impulse;

--->''So far Ann had seen nothing to suggest that the former Cheryl Bunterman was complicated, misunderstood or even slightly exploited. Rather the woman appeared spoiled, vain, and empty-headed.''

* HeKnowsTooMuch: Ann is quick to figure out that the Buntermans didn't report her being kidnapped and are hesitant to ransom her, because exposing her role as Cherry's BodyDouble would be catastrophic for the latter's career; privately, the Buntermans and Cherry's publicists agree that it would be more convenient for everyone if the kidnapper killed Ann instead of releasing her;
* IronicJuxtaposition: Hiaasen often employs the written equivalent of a SmashCut to contrast two different characters or viewpoints:
** After Bang Abbott forces Ann (at gunpoint) to dress up as Cherry and poise with a used syringe, he then leaves her handcuffed to the toilet while he takes ''"a major whizz."''
** the narrative then "cuts" to [[SpoiledBrat Cherry Pye]], who is ''"nearly levitating with self-pity"'' in her hotel suite because her bodyguard won't let her out to hit the South Beach club scene or score drugs and alcohol.

** While preparing for his infamous shark photograph, Bang Abbott bought a bag of chum from the mate of a boat named the "Master Baiter IV";

* MarriageofConvenience: Ned and Janet Bunterman had ''"mostly lost interest in each other"'' by the time Cheryl/Cherry was conceived, and their shared devotion to Cherry's career and income is the only thing sustaining their marriage; after Cherry's final "crash", they separate for good.

* {{Nice to the Waiter}}: Cherry and her parents treat ''everyone'' outside their immediate circle as "hired help":
** While Cherry is vomiting into an ice bucket in the back of a limousine, she whines for someone to hold it up to her mouth; her mother (who's sitting right next to her), orders the bodyguard, Lev, to turn around in his seat and do so; when he refuses, she fires him - which backfires spectacularly on her when Maury insists on hiring the hideously scarred ex-convict Chemo to replace Lev;
** After Lev is gone, Cherry daydreams about hiring a hulking, bald African-American to replace him ''"like Britney's guy"'';
** When Cherry wakes up hung-over at her family's home in Los Angeles, her mother offers to wake up their cook - at two o'clock in the morning - to make her an early breakfast;
** Despite her vital role in keeping Cherry's AlcoholInducedIdiocy secret from the public, [[BodyDouble Ann]] is well aware that the Buntermans regard her as expendable, especially after she is mistaken for Cherry and kidnapped;

* NoHeroToHisValet: It's hard to say what Cherry Pye dislikes most about her new bodyguard, Chemo: his [[{{Gonk}} hideous appearance]], his [[ArentYouGoingToRavishMe baffling indifference to her sex appeal]], or his [[ScrewTheRulesImFamous equally baffling indifference to her celebrity]].
-->'''Maury Lykes''': Honey, don't take it personal. Middle-aged psychopaths, they don't keep up with the music scene.
** Cherry's former bodyguard, Lev, also made his opinion clear when Janet fired him: ''"Your daughter's a f**king train wreck. Also, she sings like a frog with emphysema."''

** How Cherry Pye's first number got big: "The ensuing uproar from [[MoralGuardians offended Christian groups]]" over a 15-year-old in a salacious music video drew even more attention to it and catapulted it to the top of the charts;
** Cherry's record producer, Maury Lykes, is aware that ''"occasional public misbehavior... airport tantrums, [=DUIs=], botched shopliftings, and other episodes of delamination"'' help to keep a star in the public eye, especially when his or her ''"manifest lack of talent"'' would otherwise become glaringly obvious.

--> [T]he other passengers weren't especially sympathetic to Sebago's situation. In fact, a man named Shea angrily demanded that Mr. Sebago be arrested on the spot for fraud and embezzlement, crimes beyond the authority (or interest) of a working road-patrol officer.
** After Bang Abbott is shot through the buttocks outside a South Beach club, the other {{paparazzi}} are ''"more concerned with chasing the spooked celebrities than consoling their stricken colleague."'' One of them even snaps a picture of Bang on the ambulance stretcher.
** The author also identifies his [[OnlySaneMan only sane characters]] (including Ann, Chemo, and Skink) by making it clear that they have no sympathy for Cherry Pye, no matter how much she whines about how she needs drugs and alcohol to ''"cope with the pressure"'' of being rich, famous, and more or less free from any kind of responsibility.

** Maury first saw her at age 14 on Nickelodeon, which he assiduously watched on the lookout for fresh talent, and because of his ''"criminal fondness for underage girls."''
** At age 22, she cheerfully owns that she will ''"mate for fun"'' with anything remotely male, even an unbathed, morbidly obese paparazzo;
** When Maury threatens that her career is on the verge of ending if she doesn't curb her [[AlcoholInducedIdiocy reckless behavior]], does she promise to be a good girl? No, she pulls him into a close embrace and whines, ''"don't ever leave me, Maury."''
* NotWorthKilling: After being rescued, Ann quickly vetoes Skink's plan to kill Bang Abbott or at least beat him to a pulp; ''"What are you going to do to a guy like that? He's already pathetic."''

* ThePigPen: Bang Abbott hardly ever showers, not because he HatesBaths, but he is simply too busy chasing celebrities; moreover, he finds his ''"humid cloud of reek"'' to be useful in clearing competing ''"shooters"'' out of his way in crowded club scenes;

* PushoverParents: Cherry's mother and father are terrified of doing ''anything'' that might be construed as criticizing, let alone disciplining their daughter, who has become an alcoholic, drug-addicted, sex-obsessed ''"train wreck"'', not because they care about her well-being, but because she is the family's sole source of income and anything that "upsets" her might jeopardize that.

* RecklessGunUsage: Paparazzo Bang Abbott buys a revolver from a pawnbroker in the mistaken belief that ''"carrying a firearm would make certain persons take him more seriously."'' Though he has never fired a gun before, he assumes that it is less complicated to operate than a camera, ''"and the operative fundamentals [a]re the same: point-and-shoot."'' [[spoiler:When Ann points the gun at him, he idiotically tries to grab it away from her, resulting in his right index finger being shot off.]]

* SexEqualsLove: PlayedWith. Bang Abbott is not quite so delusional as to think that Cherry's [[MileHighClub airborne seduction of him]] is an expression of love, but he becomes obsessed with trying to find out why ''"a major female recording artist"'' would hump a ''"homely wanker"'' like himself.
-->''It was a measure of the photographer's deepening obsession that he was able to twist a frivolously empty act of intercourse into something calculated and diabolical. At times he was close to convincing himself that Cherry had hatched a dark plan, that she was using him in some cynical way.

* ScrewTheMoneyIHaveRules: after Ann's kidnapping, the Buntermans fearfully offer her fifty thousand dollars to keep quiet; Ann rejects it in favor of plane fare home, reflecting later that she needs a "clean, irreparable break" from Cherry and the Buntermans, and accepting the money would have bound her to them instead of liberating her;
* ScrewThisIMOuttaHere: Lev, Cherry's original bodyguard, decides to quit his job after being ordered to hold a bucket for the puking diva.
* SkewedPriorities: Given that the Buntermans are motivated purely by {{greed}}, it is ''almost'' understandable that they refuse to report Ann's kidnapping, and prefer to let her be killed by the kidnapper, rather than let her role as Cherry's BodyDouble be revealed to the media; what is less understandable is that they are just as adamant that this not be revealed to Cherry herself, because knowing that a ''"full-time lookalike"'' has been appearing in public as her might ''"upset"'' her.
* SoBeautifulItsACurse: Ann reflects that she has little experience with ''"interesting and complicated"'' men such as Skink, since her looks ''"ten[d] to attract the cocky and self-absorbed"'';

** A long-time fan of classic hard rock from TheSixties and TheSeventies, Hiaasen has nothing but contempt for the modern crop of ''"female recording artists"'', not one of whom, in his estimation, could ''"yodel her way out of a broom closet."''
** The tabloid media, for feeding the public's appetite for meaningless news about meaningless people;
** The ''mainstream'' media, for jumping on the celebrity news bandwagon;
** The public at large, for making ''"American newsstands such celebrity crapfests."''

-->''Before the opening number, Cherry had [[AlcoholInducedIdiocy whimsically decided to try crystal meth]]... she'd lasted for three songs, and at no time had the movement of her lips matched the voice track being piped through the speakers. When the crowd in the first few rows had begun to jeer, Cherry had spun around, dropped her leather mini-shorts, and bent over to moon the offenders. Naturally, she'd lost her balance and fallen on her head.''
* ThisIsReality: Cherry Pye is, in her mother's words, an "entertainment franchise", which means that her and her entourage's "reality" is limited to those things that affect their bottom line (sales of the new album, whether the upcoming concert tour is sold out;

* TheTropeFormerlyKnownAsX: The narrator refers to Cherry Pye throughout the novel as ''"the former Cheryl Bunterman"'', simply because she hates her birth name and refuses to answer to it. She is not referred to as "Cheryl Gail Bunterman" in the present tense until the [[WhereAreTheyNowEpilogue epilogue]], [[spoiler:after her music career has crashed for the final time and she is forced back into drug rehab.]]
** Played with in the following exchange between Maury and Cherry:
--->'''Maury''': You blow this tour, say adios to the good stuff. Because Cherry Pye as a brand is over, understand? Done.\\

* TrophyChild: Cherry's parents are obsessively concerned with her well-being, but only insofar as she is the family's sole source of (profane) income; they seem oblivious to the fact that at 22 she's become an alcoholic, drug-addicted, sex-obsessed ''"train wreck"'', and the idea of putting the brakes on her career to help her recover would never cross either of their minds.
** Cherry herself enthusiastically proposes that she adopt three children as a publicity stunt; since she is ''"unfit to care for a goldfish, much less a child"'', she takes it for granted that someone else will be responsible for any actual responsibilities;
* VomitIndiscretionShot: The reader's first introduction to Cherry Pye is from inside a limousine as she is being rushed to the hospital, puking into a silver-plated ice bucket. Any sympathy the reader might feel for her plight dies when she whines that none of the passengers will hold the bucket for her (''"Jesus, what do I pay you assholes for?"'')
* WasItReallyWorthIt: Most of the novel is driven by Bang Abbott's obsessive need to get a picture of pop star Cherry Pye, believing that she's destined for an early grave and pictures of her just before her "final crash" will be priceless; eventually he kidnaps her BodyDouble, Ann, and demands an all-day photo shoot with Cherry; he gets his wish - and all it costs him is [[spoiler:getting his camera finger shot off, having his butt sliced by a Weed Whacker, and being blackmailed to give up the photos.]] The irony is that, after his photo shoot, Bang realizes that Cherry really is an ''"empty-headed tartlett"'', but the realization does not come in time for him to avoid [[spoiler:receiving a non-fatal gunshot wound that permanently ends his career as a paparazzo. He is reduced to operating a portrait studio in Los Angeles, photographing ''"toddlers, prom couples, and small pets."'']] Since Cherry doesn't die, the photos of her are worthless.

** Hiaasen refers to the furor after the death of Music/MichaelJackson as ''"the most loathsome media frenzy since the O.J. Simpson trial"''.
** In an interview for ''The New York Times'' about the novel, he said, ''"I'll bet more people today can name all the Kardashians than can name the President of Afghanistan."''
* WritersSuck: When Ann moved to Southern California from Iowa, she originally wanted to be a screenwriter, until she had a brief fling with one, whose ''"conversation was even more tedious than the sex."'' Bang Abbott, whose job depends on knowing what faces the public recognizes, scoffs, ''"name the five hottest screenwriters in L.A. and I wouldn't know those f**kers if they hanged themselves over the 405."''

* DeadpanSnarker: Ann [=DeLusia=]. Especially when talking to [[{{Paparazzi}} Bang]] [[ButtMonkey Abbott]].

* HoistWithHisOwnPetard: The Buntermans hire actress Ann [=DeLusia=] as a BodyDouble for their daughter, finding it easier than actually trying to correct Cherry's reckless behavior; this blows up in their faces when Ann is mistaken for Cherry, kidnapped, and is furious enough over the Buntermans' indifference to her safety to [[spoiler:confront Cherry in public, triggering a highly embarrassing meltdown that instantly ends her career.]]

* {{INeed A Freaking Drink}}: Cherry's parents habitually grope for alcohol after (and sometimes while) trying to communicate with their empty-headed offspring.

* NoSuchThingAsBadPublicity:

** Hiaasen refers to the furor after the death of Creator/MichaelJackson as ''"the most loathsome media frenzy since the O.J. Simpson trial"''.

* WorstNewsJudgmentEver: Hiaasen refers to the furor after the death of Michael Jackson as ''"the most loathsome media frenzy since the O.J. Simpson trial"''.

** Chemo's a violent thug, but he takes a liking to Ann and is bothered by the Buntermans' callous attitude towards her safety. Later in the novel, Chemo convinces Skink not to kill Abbott (since Chemo is blackmailing him for money), but says that if Abbott had raped Ann, Skink could go ahead and off him.