History Literature / GoingPostal

(pause, wherein the board members have a HopeSpot)\\

* CutleryEscapeAid: Moist von Lipwig manages to conceal a spoon in his cell, which he uses to gradually chip away at the ancient mortar around one of the blocks in the wall. He finishes on the night before he's due to be hanged, only to find a freshly mortared block right behind it, with a shiny ''new'' spoon in the gap. Lord Vetinari regards false hope as a healthy prisoner activity.

** Vetinari believes that providing people with these is healthy. Sometimes he does it just to twist the knife, as when he asks Vimes to escort some people out... and into some cells.

* RunningGag: Hope, [[SarcasmMode the greatest of life's treasures.]]

* SimpleSolutionWontWork: Long ago, Bloody Stupid Johnson was hired to build a mail sorting machine for the post office. However, he decided to make things easier on himself by having Pi equal three. Somehow, this worked and the machine was completed, but this warped reality so the device began receiving mail that shouldn't exist, and it posed the threat of destroying the entire universe altogether. Ultimately, this lead to the dissolution of the postal service until Vetinari had Moist resurrect it many years later.

** There's also the man from the Grand Trunk who makes ''demands'' of Ridicully, while within Unseen University. He's lucky he left that room in the same shape he was in when he entered it.

-->'''Moist:''' What? I do not! Who told you that?\\\

*** Aside from the obvious meaning--he's "reaching" for your "gilt" (i.e. gold; Gilt mentions to a servant that he was a bit surprised he got away with that one. The pirate act is just flavor, but the name spells it out; see also the StealthPun below--there are two main competing theories. It's either a reference to [[Literature/TreasureIsland Long John Silver]], or a TakeThat against [[Literature/AtlasShrugged John Galt]]. There is, given that it's Pratchett, known for layering his wordplay, the very real possibility that it's both.

* OddCouple: Groat and Stanley.

* OfferingsToTheGods: Parodied with the Church of Offler, said to pay special attention to any prayers that come with sausages. It's a good deal for the priests too (depending on seniority - the most junior priest is noted to get about as much of the sausage as Offler Himself).

** [[spoiler: Ultimately played straight at the end. It is implied that after the main events of the book, Moist still felt guilty and ashamed from all his frauds and rejected Adora Belle. He then fled Ankh Morpork and proceeded to return to his life as a con man ending up penniless and suicidal... until an actual angel came and brought him back to the instant where he was about to reject Adora Belle. Moist promptly seizes the opportunity and performs his ultimate con on himself, giving himself hope that he'll never be caught as long as he continues to be a hero.]]

* PlayfulHacker: The [[IncrediblyLamePun Smoking GNU]], at first.

* PunWithPi: There is a bit of a confusion for some characters (and for the reader) as to how the curse of the Post Office was related to a pie. It turns out it was related to the pi (Bloody Stupid Johnson built a letter-sorting machine in which the pi equaled exactly three, and mayhem ensued).

* RetCon: In ''Literature/ReaperMan'', Mr. Ixolite is described as the "last living banshee". Guess nobody told the narrative about Mr. Gryle.

** When Pump displays ignorance about certain aspects of local culture, Moist asks if he's been at the bottom of a hole for a hundred years. Pump replies that actually, he's been at the bottom of a well for over two hundred years. Pump isn't his given name; it's his former job description.

** At the end of the initiation trial that the old postmen run for Moist, they sic several massive dogs upon him, whom he recognizes from their bark as Lipwigzer dogs -- which his grandfather raised. He handles the challenge with perfect confidence by using the commands that all purebred Lipwigzers are trained ... only to learn afterwards that [[spoiler:they were not Lipwigzers at all, but Ankh-Morpork junkyard dogs with no training whatsoever who only obeyed out of sheer bafflement]].

* AerithAndBob: The main characters in this book are Moist von Lipvig, Adora Belle Dearheart, Reacher Gilt, Tolliver Groat, Pump 19 (also known as Mr Pump) and... Stanley.

-->"Look, Bob, what part of this don't you understand, eh? It's a matter of style, okay? A proper brawl doesn't just happen. You don't just pile in, not any more. Now, Oyster Dave here -- put your helmet back on, Dave -- will be the enemy in front and Basalt who, as we know, don't need a helmet, he'll be the enemy coming up behind you. Okay, it's well past knuckles time, let's say Gravy there has done his thing with the Bench Swipe, there's a bit of knifeplay, we've done the whole ChandelierSwing number, blah blah blah, then Second Chair -- that's you, Bob -- you step smartly between their Number Five man and a [[GrievousBottleyHarm Bottler]], swing the chair back over your head like this -- sorry, Pointy -- and then [[ChairmanOfTheBrawl swing it right back]] on to Number Five, bang, crash, and there's a cushy six points in your pocket. If they're playing a dwarf at Number Five then a chair won't even slow him down but don't fret, hang on to the bits that stay in your hand, pause one moment as he comes at you and then belt him across both ears. They hate that, as Stronginthearm here will tell you. Another three points. It's probably going to be freestyle after that but I want all of you, including Mucky Mick and Crispo, to try for a Double Andrew when it gets down to the fist-fighting again. Remember? You [[BackingIntoDanger back into each other]], turn round to give the other guy a thumping, cue moment of humorous recognition, then link left arms, swing round and [[BackToBackBadasses see to the other fellow's attacker]], foot or fist, it's your choice. Fifteen points right there if you get it to flow just right. Oh, and remember we'll have an Igor standing by, so if your arm gets taken off [[GrievousHarmWithABody do pick it up and hit the other bugger with it]] -- it gets a laugh and twenty points. On that subject, do remember what I said about getting everything tattooed with your name, all right? Igors do their best, but you'll be on your feet much quicker if you make life easier for him and, what's more, it's your feet you'll be on. Okay, positions everyone, let's run through it again..."

* BondOneLiner: Parodied; After killing a would-be assassin with the mail sorter, the narration observes that this would have been a perfect time to say something clever like "''That's'' what I call 'sorted'!". But since Moist isn't the heroic type, [[StressVomit he just gets noisily sick instead]].

** The notion of collectors paying for used hangman's rope had previously appeared in ''Literature/TheLastContinent'', as one of Fair Go Dibbler's money-making scams.[[note]] This was an actual thing that happened after public executions [[/note]]

* ChalkOutline: One of the previous postmasters spied into the sorting machine, and his outline was all over the sorting office.

** There is a small scene involving clacks tower 181 where a young girl named Alice is learning the trade, receiving and sending messages at an expert rate. One message comes in with no original sender listed and she is told about the concept of those who died on the towers sending final messages back home. [[spoiler: Moist exposes Gilt's corrupt business by forging one such message. Vetinari uses this piece of clacks lore to declare the message trustworthy and its accusations worth investigating.]]

** Under the above mentioned "glo m of ni t" lettering on the post office is graffiti that says not to ask about, among other things, Mrs. Cake, who appeared in ''Literature/ReaperMan''. (The post office sign and the rest were also pointed out by Vimes to Carrot in ''Literature/MenAtArms'')

* CriticalStaffingShortage: It is revealed that the Royal Post Office in Ankh-Morpork, formerly a city institution employing thousands, has atrophied with the years to a point where only two men remain - an elderly eccentric and a young boy who could be described as a little bit strange. The job of the new manager is to get it up and running again - with a staff of only two men, a cat, and ideally his parole officer.
* CrouchingMoronHiddenBadass: A strictly non-combat example. Mr. Groat is an extremely quirky old man with an ambiguously-sapient toupe, but he proves to be very valuable to Moist when it comes to reinvigorating the post office. Despite his eccentricities, he not only does well when Moist makes him interim postmaster, but proposes several ideas that wind up being very valuable to the fledgling Ank-Morporkian postal service.

** All golems fall into this, as they will obey their orders and continue working at a single job for thousands of years or until those orders are rescinded. Mr Pump is chosen as Moist's parole officer for this very reason. Pump walks all day and all night to a far-off town, just to catch Moist, then carries both Moist and his horse back to Ankh Morporkh, without stopping to rest. Vetinari states that Pump will do the same, no matter where Moist runs, even if Moist flees overseas, as the "abyssal plane" won't hinder a golem at all.

** For his plan to win the clacks race, Moist [[spoiler: has the GNU forge a message from those who died working under the harsh conditions of the Trunk, proclaiming how and why they died while implicating the Board and Reacher Gilt in their deaths]].

* DelayedReaction: An implied one. Princess, the thirteen year old working a clacks tower, notices that Grandpa, the oldest worker, is ''always'' there when she's working with one of the younger, male workers, and that one day she will put two and two together.

* AchievementsInIgnorance: At the end of the initiation trial that the old postmen run for Moist, they sic several massive dogs upon him, whom he recognizes from their bark as Lipwigzer dogs -- which his grandfather raised. He handles the challenge with perfect confidence by using the commands that all purebred Lipwigzers are trained ... only to learn afterwards that [[spoiler:they were not Lipwigzers at all, but Ankh-Morpork junkyard dogs with no training whatsoever who only obeyed out of sheer bafflement]].

* UnusualEuphemism: For death. The Order of the Post is explained as making sure a postman’s family is cared for when he’s “Returned to Sender.”

** The elderly greengrocer to whom Moist delivers a letter is a veteran of the Klatchian Foreign Legion, and has the same memory problems about this as the garisson from ''Literature/SoulMusic''.

\\** While "El Dorado" has come to mean a CityOfGold, it literally translates to "The Gold" and the idea of such a city comes from the very real El Hombre Dorado (The Golden Man), a tradition of the Muisca people of Colombia, where the new chief/king would cover himself in gold dust and go into the nearby Lake Guatavita.

* FirstEpisodeResurrection: The story begins with Moist Von Lipwig, in his identity as Albert Spangler, being executed by hanging. After his execution, Moist wakes up and is surprised to learn that Lord Vetinari colluded with the hangman to make him OnlyMostlyDead. So, while Albert Spangler is still legally deceased, Moist gets a a second chance on life.

* INeverSaidItWasPoison: Crispin Horsefry positively ''runs full-tilt'' into these on a regular basis. During the meeting between Vetinari and the Grand Trunk executives, he protests the slightest hint of any wrongdoing by insisting what they have done is perfectly legal, and even drops this colossal clanger:
--> '''Vetinari:''' And, indeed, some rumours about the death of young Mr. Dearheart last month.
--> '''Horsefry:''' There is no proof that we had anything to do with the boy's murder!
--> '''Vetinari:''' Ah, so you too have heard people saying he was murdered? These rumours just ''fly'' around, don't they...

* ArcWords: "You should've been there! You should've seen it!"

The 33rd ''{{Literature/Discworld}}'' book, ''Going Postal'' centers around the character Moist von Lipwig, a new main character for the Discworld. A self-admitted con man, the book opens with Lipwig (under the pseudonym Albert Spangler) awaiting execution, because he finally got caught. Albert Spangler is hanged, buried, and gets a nice little paragraph in the ''Tanty Bugle''.

Moist von Lipwig, however, wakes up in Lord Vetinari's office, receives a pleasant speech about the nature of angels, and is "offered" a job as the new Postmaster in charge of the now-defunct Ankh-Morpork Post Office. True to form, the first thing he does once he's loose is to run as far away as he can. The next morning, he wakes up when the golem Vetinari set as his parole officer crashes through the door, bodily picks him up along with the horse he acquired, and carries them both back to Ankh-Morpork.

* AgainstMyReligion: Moist has a fear of his natural face appearing in the paper and thus claims that any photography of him is this trope. When pressed, he adlibs that he doesn't actually believe being photographed will remove a piece of his soul, but he doesn't think you should treat religion like a "buffet".

** After just narrowly avoiding one of Stanley's Little Moments, Moist sees Mr. Pump standing behind Stanley, clearly prepared to bash his brains out in Moist's defense. Mr. Pump insists he was just doing some cleaning. Fortunately, Stanley is oblivious enough to believe this.

* BerserkButton: Stanley and his "Little Moments". They are best avoided.

* NotGoodWithPeople: Adora Belle Dearheart, who likes golems rather more than she likes humans.

* LuckyTranslation: The French version of this book was titled "''Timbré''", which means "stamped", but is also a colloquial word for "crazy".

* ActualPacifist: Moist never, ever used violence in his criminal career. Though Mr. Pump deconstructs his assumption that this made him [[LoveableRogue not such a bad person]] by pointing out that his actions had devastating effects on people despite his not physically harming anyone.

* ContemptCrossfire: Gilt and Vetinari exchange a look after UpperClassTwit Horsefry (one of the clacks executives) demonstrates his crass ignorance of Thud (used to demonstrate that SmartPeoplePlayChess):

* CreatureOfHabit: Tiddles the cat is ''so'' set in his ways, moving the furniture into his daily path through the Post Office will leave him pathetically butting his head against the obstacle. Certainly a little thing like [[spoiler: the building being on fire]] won't change his routine.

* CriticalStaffingShortage: It is revealed that the Royal Post Office in Ankh-Morpork, formerly a city institution employing thousands, has atrophied with the years to a point where only two men remain - an elderly eccentric and a young boy who could be described as a little bit strange. The job of the new manager is to get it up and running again - with a staff of only two men and a cat.
* CrouchingMoronHiddenBadass: A strictly non-combat example. Mr. Groat is an extremely quirky old man with an ambiguously-sapient toupe, but he proves to be very valuable to Moist when it comes to reinvigorating the post office. Despite his eccentricities, he not only does well when Moist makes him interim postmaster, but proposes several ideas that wind up being very valuable to the fledgeling Ank-Morporkian postal service.
* CutleryEscapeAid: Moist von Lipwig manages to secret a spoon in his cell, which he uses to gradually chip away at the ancient mortar around one of the blocks in the wall. He finishes on the night before he's due to be hanged, only to find a freshly mortared block right behind it, with a shiny new spoon in the gap. Lord Vetinari regards false hope as a healthy prisoner activity.

* ItIsDehumanizing: Moist explains to Miss Maccalariat that this is the main reason they use honorifics like "Mister" with the golems.

* ParanoiaFuel: [[InUniverse]]- The knowledge that his golem parole officer can kill if ordered by a suitable authority (such as the Patrician) combined with the graphic demises of previous Postmasters leads Moist to suspect that such golems were responsible for [[YouHaveFailedMe ridding the Post Office of unsatisfactory Postmasters]]. Groat's insistence that at least one of them died in an "industrial accident" furthers this, [[ExactWords as golems are generally regarded as tools]]. [[spoiler: It's revealed later that the deaths were caused by a completely unrelated phenomenon.]]

* TranquilFury: Just before the Clacks-vs-Post Office race, Moist successfully baits Reacher Gilt to the point that he passes right through visible anger and into "the calm, limpid waters of utter, visceral fury".

* AerithAndBob: The main characters in this book are Moist von Lipvig, Adora Belle Dearheart, Reacher Gilt, Tolliver Groat and... Stanley.

Despite the complete incompetence of the existing Post staff,[[note]](Stanley Howler, a slightly deranged boy obsessed with pins, and Tolliver Groat, an old man who believes very strongly in his homemade medicines)[[/note]] Moist manages to begin rebuilding the Post Office via the application of a liberal helping of RefugeInAudacity. It helps that the Grand Trunk clacks system [[note]]a semaphore tower chain which allows messages to be transmitted great distances very quickly[[/note]] is under new management, a gang of voracious corporate backstabbers who are running it into the ground. Moist's rivalry with Reacher Gilt, the leader of the corporate moneygrubbers, and his budding romance with Adora Belle Dearheart [[note]]a cynical, chain-smoking young woman who has been known to drive her spike-heeled shoes through people's feet when provoked[[/note]] provide a bit of backdrop as Moist essentially invents a new system of currency,[[note]]by introducing stamps, which people start to use instead of coins[[/note]] single-handedly restores the Ankh-Morpork Post Office, rescues a cat (and two men) from a burning building, summons divine intervention, and exposes the crooked dealings of Gilt and his accomplices to the world.