History Funny / UltimateSpiderMan2012

--> '''Fury''': Good Godfrey, Coulson's gone native.

---> '''Fury''': Coulson, we need to talk priorities.

--> '''Harry:''' GAH! [[SkewedPriorities I think you just pulled out my only chest-hair.]]
--> '''MJ:''' Sorry!

--> '''Iron-Fist/Danny (smirking nonchalantly):''' (shrug) It's a monk thing.

--> '''MJ:''' ...The floppy end does the cleaning.
--> '''Harry:''' [[BlatantLies I knew that.]]

-->'''Thor:''' (''raises Mjolnir to call down some lightning'') I say thee nay, vile villain!

-->'''White Tiger:''' What? You kiss the frog!
-->'''Nova:''' Nuh uh! That's not how it works. [[GenreSavvy I've seen the movies.]]

--> "Fear the Frog of Thunder!"

** Peter accidentally shanking himself in ComicBook/{{Wolverine}}'s [[FreakyFridayFlip body]]. Twice.

** Logan failing - repeatedly - at web-slinging.

** Peter so freaked when explaining what happened to Logan he loses the deep voice and sounds much more like [[Anime/CowboyBebop Spike.]]

-->'''Peter''': I am serious, I will wax you!

-->'''Spider-Man:''' Guess what number I'm thinking of!
-->'''Doctor Strange:''' You aren't thinking of a number. You're thinking of flapjacks.

-->'''Doctor Strange:''' Honestly, Danny? This was the best you could do?
-->'''Iron Fist:''' A dull blade can make an excellent hammer.
-->'''Spider-Man:''' I heard excellent and dull. Am I offended or not?

--> '''What Dr. Connors Actually Said:''' I want you to know, Spidey, I have an open-door policy. If you need any help for yourself or your teammates, I'm here.
--> '''What Spidey Heard:''' [-blah blah-] [[QuoteMine I have an open door]] [-blah blah-]. [[QuoteMine If you need anything,]] [-blah blah-] [[QuoteMine help]] [-blah-] [[QuoteMine yourself]] [-blah-].

--> '''White Tiger''': Come on Andy... That's a good boy...
--> ''(Beat)''
--> '''White Tiger''': This is embarrassing.

--> '''White Tiger''': Have you lost your mind?!
--> '''Spider-Man''': You're only saying that because I'm wearing an ice cream bucket on my head.

--> '''[[TheComicallySerious Nick Fury:]]''' "[[BrickJoke It's a label maker.]] [[SarcasmMode You shouldn't have.]]"

--> ''' Coulson:''' Tuck your shirt in, then you can run for your life.\\
''' Coulson:''' Flash, get out of here. It's going to get messy.\\

[[AC: I Am Spider-Man]]

* Flash's horrible singing. It's so bad the Trapster prefers being hauled off to jail over enduring more of it.

[[AC: The Iron Octopus]]

-->'''Spider-Man''': "It's safe to say that this is a side of Harry's dad I've never seen before. Is this what he meant when he said I wouldn't understand?"
-->'''Harry''': [[ImagineSpot (Trying and failing to open a pickle jar)]] "Hey dad, could you give me a hand?"\\
'''Norman''': ''(Calmly sets aside his newspaper, pulled out a BFG, and [[MundaneMadeAwesome blasts the pickle jar's lid to kingdom come]] while laughing maniacally)''

'''Iron Man:''' Off the specs you stole from me. But I never keep everything on a computer. All the good stuff stays right up here. ''(points to head)''
-->'''Spider-Man:''' Except for the activation codes, apparently.\\

'''Spider-Man:''' Shutting up now.

[[AC: Not a Toy]]

[[AC: Revealed]]

--> '''Spider-man:''' Let us never speak of this again.

-->'''Nova:''' I just wish I took the pizza out first.
-->'''Spidey:''' Ugh. There goes my appetite forever.

--> '''Spider Man''': Whatever you get paid, you deserve more!

'''Electro:''' Heh, you guys wanna see that? It actually does work! ''[The other Sinister Six members glare at him]'' Eh, maybe later.

--> '''Spider-Man:''' I see what you're doing. You sent [[ComicBook/LukeCage Power Man]] to punch a hole because you knew his invulnerability would protect him, right?
-->'''Blade''': [[HowDidYouKnowIDidnt He's invulnerable?]]

---> '''Spider-Man''': (''to the people staring at him'') Going to a comic convention.

-->'''Doctor Octopus:''' That's brilliant! [[ComicBook/SuperiorSpiderMan I'm going to write that down]].

[[AC: The Spider-Verse]]

--> '''Flash''': You just got cancelled! ...You get it, cause he's a t.v.!
--> '''Spider-Man''': Ugh...

--> '''Spider-Man''': This wasn't the game changer I was expecting.

--> '''Scarlet Spider''': My webs are organic.
--> '''Spider-Man''': Ewww! ...Let me see!
--> '''Scarlet Spider''': Easy, Spider-Nerd.

[[AC: Iron Vulture]]

--> '''Vulture''': [[BrutalHonesty That's just a pitiful, pitiful name.]]

---> '''Doc Ock''': I can send anyone to eliminate Norman. But Spider-Man and his kid arachnid... Oh, I want to destroy them personally.
---> '''Miles''': [[AwesomeMcCoolName "Kid Arachnid?"]] That's not... Not bad, actually. What do you think? Do I look like a "Kid Arachnid" to you? :D
---> '''Peter''': I guess so. Can we fight now?

--> '''Norman''': (''after Vulture crashes into one of his sculptures'') One good thing to come out of all this. I've always hated that sculpture.

-->'''Simmons''': "Welcome, academy students. Today we've got some upgrades that will certainly blow you away."
-->'''Fitz''': "Not literally, we hope!"
-->'''Simmons''': "Oh, ha, yes! You will be ''figuratively'' blown away."

[[AC: Anti-Venom]]

-->'''Spidey''': (''after hitting Shocker with a wood pillar'') Touch down!
-->'''Agent Venom''': That's a home run, Spidey!
-->'''Spidey''': I knew that.

[[AC: Force of Nature]]

-->'''Scarlet''': I hate getting wet!
-->'''Spidey''': You hate everything.

--> '''Scarlet''': May! I mean, Aunt May... I-I don't know what to call you.

[[AC: The New Sinister 6, part 1]]

[[AC: Agent Web]]

[[AC: Symbiote Saga]]

--> '''Agent Venom''': Hey kid I've never met, why are you dressed like ''Spider-Man''?

--> '''Stan''': I didn't work my way up to principal just to use a mop again, but my new janitor couldn't come in today, why? They said the city's under attack. I said yeah, just sounds like a Thursday to me.

---> '''Stan''': [[SkewedPriorities I'm gonna have to write you up for that.]]

--> '''Flash''': Midtown Marauders rule!

--> '''Spider-Knight''': Alas, friend Spider-Man. By what sorcery does the celling torch shine forth?
--> '''Miles''': It's called a "light bulb".
--> '''Spider-Knight''': A bulb... of light? What an ingenious incantation!

--> '''Miles''': [[LampshadeHanging Is he talking to a coconut?]]
--> '''Peter''': [[ComicallyMissingThePoint I've always wanted to be a pirate!]]

---> '''Spidey''': How about "great idea, Spidey"?
---> '''Mr. Fixit''': [[DeadpanSnarker Probably cause it ain't a great idea.]]
---> '''Spidey''': (''Noir laughs'') Really? I've never seen you laugh, but ''that'' makes you laugh?

[[AC: Strange Little Halloween]]

-->'''Spidey:''' So... do you just carry these ants with you for emergencies or something?
-->'''Scott:''': Yup! This guy is Albert. I found him in a five star restaurant. He is a ''fiend'' for white Albert truffles.
-->'''[[CulturedBadass Doctor Strange:]]''' Albert has exquisite taste.

[[AC: Spider Slayers Part 1]]

[[AC: Spider Slayers Part 2]]
* The previous episode ends with Spidey dramatically giving chase to Ock's submarine, piloted by the NotQuiteDead Scarlet Spider who's dragging Ock along to find out the truth about his past. The start immediately cuts to the inside of the submarine, with Spidey complaining about being squashed and Ock complaining that he never planned for hitchhikers.

--> '''MJ''': Scarlet and the Spider-Slayers. Sounds like the kind of band my mom would have liked in the '80s.

[[AC: Spider Slayers Part 3]]

-->'''Ghost Spider''': Apologies. I will make some more room. *phases*
-->'''Miles''': *waves hand through Ghost Spider* Yeah... I'm not sure if this is better.

[[AC: The Moon Knight Before Christmas]]

[[AC: Graduation Day Part 1]]

-->'''Wizard:''' If Spider-Man doesn't reveal himself, we'll tear this school down brick by brick!
-->'''Random Student:''' YEAH!
-->'''Wizard:''' ''We're serious.''
-->'''Random Student:''' (nervously covers mouth)

--> '''Spider-Man:''' Definitely, "bro." (Opens one of the lockers) Step in.
--> '''Flash Thompson:''' ''[eagerly stepping into the locker]'' Now what?
--> '''Spider-Man:''' Wait for my signal. Jump out, and we'll surround them. Remember, ''wait for my signal.'' (Slams the door shut) [[BreakingTheFourthWall Immature, I know,]] but it felt SO good!

--> ''(Spider-Man pops in next to an exasperated Peter while wearing a sombrero and playing a guitar.)'' [[GratuitousSpanish ¡Hola!]] [[Series/{{Community}} ¿Donde esta la biblioteca?]]

--> '''White Tiger:''' Look who thinks he's still in charge. It's so cute.

---> '''Spider-Man (chucking aside a torn up robot arm):''' Next?
---> '''Fury:''' Web-Parachute test. (Smirks) See you tomorrow.
---> '''Spider-Man:''' ''"Parachute Test?"''
---> ''(Cue the floor opening up and sending Spidey plummeting to the ground below, screaming at the top of his lungs [[ScreamsLikeALittleGirl like a little girl]] all the way.)''

-->'''Peter:''' Hey, hero! I brought you something from school.
-->'''Harry:''' [[AllGuysWantCheerleaders Cheerleaders?]]

--> '''Stan (jokingly)''' Thwip! Thwip!

--> '''Spider-Man (ImagineSpot):''' I like this guy.

--> '''Peter:''' Coulson!?
--> '''Coulson:''' Acting Principal Coulson. *Spidey hands* Thwip thwip!

---> '''Peter:''' Okay, maybe yes.

'''Nova:''' Able to carry two buckets of water in a single-- NAME'S NOVA, CREEP.\\

-->'''Iron Fist''': The tornado can become a breeze, only as temperatures cool down.
-->''White Tiger stares blankly at Iron Fist''
-->'''Luke Cage''': He does that.

-->'''Doombot''': [[{{Retirony}} Three days to retirement]].
--> ''Cue explosion.''

-->'''White Tiger''': Stupidest. Boys. Ever.
-->''(explosion)''
-->'''Iron Fist''': As a boy, I second that.

-->'''Spider-Man''': I'll say it: We're doomed.
-->''(at which point the spider on his chest does a [[ScreamsLikeALittleGirl girly scream]] and leaps off of him)''
-->'''Spider-Man''': Yeah, I went there.

--->'''Spider-Man:''' How many Sinister Six members does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Answer: Six. Four to hold Electro down, and one to screw the lightbulb into his mouth! Wah wah waaah!
--->'''Electro:''' Heh, you guys wanna see that? It actually does work! ''[The other Sinister Six members glare at him]'' Eh, maybe later.

-->'''Goblin''': Not much left in the clever quips reserve.

--> '''Spidey''': A scared geeky kid was running down the street yelling, "Monster! School! School! Monster!"
--> '''Harry & Mary Jane''': (''without hesitation'') Peter.

--> '''Spider-Man''': Let that be a lesson to the three of you guys...

--->'''Wolverine''': You bit me?! And you call me ''disgusting''?!!

--> '''Spyder-Knight''': By Merlin! Either thou art training to be my squire or thou art the town fool.
--> '''Spider-Man''': You're the Spider-Man of this world. I'm you from another universe.
--> '''Spyder-Knight''': (''completely confused'') Town fool it is.

--->'''Peter''': (To Harry) Oh yeah? Well your dad's a monster!\\

-->'''Ava:''' Did we just sit through a real fight?!\\

-->'''Claw:''' This school is filled with would-be heroes.

---> ''(Spider-Man pops in next to an exasperated Peter while wearing a sombrero and playing a guitar.)'' [[GratuitousSpanish ¡Hola!]] [[Series/{{Community}} ¿Donde esta la biblioteca?]]

--> '''Spider-man:''' Let's all agree? We never speak of this again.

--->'''Spider-Man:''' How many Sinister Six members does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Six. Four to hold Electro down, and one to screw in the bulb!
--->'''Electro:''' Hey, that actually works. You guys wanna... never mind.

* Amadeus categorizing the Web Warriors team. Peter (Nerd), Flash (Jock), Mary Jane (Cool Girl), Ben (Tough Guy), Miles ([[TheLastOfTheseIsNotLikeTheOthers Kid from Another Dimension]]).

** Peter so freaked when explaining what happened to Logan he loses the GutturalGrowler and sounds much more like [[Anime/CowboyBebop Spike.]]

* Both Power Man and Iron Fist argue that Spider-Man and Trapster might actualy be the real Spider-Man and Trapster, only for them to dismiss it. Later when Peter unmask and as White Tiger laments

* Spidey's reaction to Max the InvisibleMan...right after he gets pantsed by him and he actually gets excited at the idea of meeting Max.

** This little gem.

* After it is revealed that Nick Fury was replaced by an LMD and gives an EvilLaugh, Nova asks everyone else if they are freak out by this too. Spider-Man and the rest of the team all raise their hands in agreeance, but [[FunnyBackgroundEvent look in the background]] and you will see [[NotSoAboveItAll one of the SHIELD agents does as well]].

* Peter struggling to adapt to Hulk's…hulking size, while Hulk as Peter takes LargeHam to new levels. Drake Bell using HulkSpeak starts off with him deciding too wear a nice pair of purple pants, then declaring to Aunt May...

Funny moments in ''WesternAnimation/UltimateSpiderMan2012''... AND THERE ARE A LOT.

Funny moments in ''WesternAnimation/UltimateSpiderMan2012''.

* When Spidey first meets Spider-Knight.
--> '''Spider-Knight''': By Merlin! Either thou art training to be my squire or thou art the town fool.

--> '''Spider-Knight''': (''completely confused'') Town fool it is.

* Power Man manages to bash his way through multiple [[BalefulPolymorph lizardized]] agents with no problem and can't be bitten due to his bulletproof skin. And then just as he's bragging about how this [[TemptingFate makes him the best suited]] to handle the outbreak, lizardized Triton simply [[CuttingTheKnot smacks him out of the Triskelion with his tail]], knocking him clear into the Hudson. Spidey's rather plain, "So...that happened." just sells it.

* The ComicBook/IncredibleHulk's OffhandBackhand, when Spider-Man jumps on his shoulders.

** Peter accidentally shanking himself in {{Wolverine}}'s [[FreakyFridayFlip body]]. Twice.

* AFter it is revealed that Nick Fury was replaced by an LMD and gives an EvilLaugh, Nova asks everyone else if they are freak out by this too. Spider-Man and the rest of the team all raise their hands in agreeance, but [[FunnyBackgroundEvent look in the background]] and you will see [[NotSoAboveItAll one of the SHIELD agents does as well]].

* Peter's reaction when he learns the bag that was supposed to have the cake he'd gotten for Aunt May was actually one of the bags full of cash Shriek had stolen from a bank earlier instead.

-->'''Howling Commandos:''' {''growling angrily'')\\

* Peter lampshades previous episode *Freaky*, in which Mesmero swapped his body with Wolverine, and of course, ends up in the same situation, but as this episode's title indicates, with the Hulk.

-->'''Wolverine''': You bit me?! And you call me ''disgusting''?!!

->'''Taskmaster:'''[[BondOneLiner Well Coach, looks like you finally broke that state field goal record.]]

** Peter then makes a note later in the episode to web Coulson's underwear to his forehead.